Arcanom: The Forgetful Future

Husband liked it...
You are backed.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Very exciting first chapter. There is just the right amount of mystery surrounding her hand, the figure in rags, as well as the voice of the woman. You've given just enough for the reader to make their assumptions. I'm not sure, but you may need to really drive home where and when this takes place. I'm sorry if I missed it, but I was slightly confused about why the soldiers were there and which war this was. Of course, this didn't detract very much from a very good story. Nice one, Sangay.

Any fixes I found:

-crowed -- crowd
-Unlike other visions(,) this felt familiar
-No(,) stupid. You are
-"No -- please," the woman said. "This is not what you think. Stay put."
-So, [delete comma] she wasn't surprised.../
-At least, [delete comma] she was smart enough to try the doors first.
-She needed to run. [the 'but where' seems odd as it is] Try this: She needed to run, to get out of there as fast as she could, but had no idea where to go. [it may not be what you're looking for, but it does need a little more, I think.]
die -- dye [for the hair colour line.
"Yeah, probably not(;) you're too skinny.../"
No, it was neither -- just a wake up call.

Best of luck with this.

Gerry
Dropcloth Angels

What a lovely yarn and you have the knack of telling it. How you can work as a pair, I don't know but it clearly works! Backed. By the way, crowed = crowd. Minor! Gordon The Harpist of Madrid

Your descriptive cover and captivating pitch draw the reader in for more. I think this book is going to appeal to every young adult reader who likes fantasy. Great job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

I love the opening Slavic fairytale -- it truly sets the tone for the mysterious, magical and ethereal ride that you take us on.

I´m quite enjoying this, though do have one suggestion that could help to strengthen chapter 2 immensely, in my humble opinion: Cut the first sentence and jump right into "Without hesitation, Allix...". Starting the chapter -- which is really the start of the book -- off with "Yes it was gross, but..." is rather weak. Your second sentence is a firecracker, and will urge anybody to read on.

Again, just my opinion.

I look forward to reading more, and will provide additional praise and/or constructive feedback when I feel it's useful.

For now, I am happy to back your book.

Até logo!

Greg
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Hello Rak.
Thanks for backing King Solomon's '13'.
I like your book I read a little, I will have my son read also.
We will try to give you some more comments.
I will definately back.
Thanks,
Sammy Sutton King Solomon's '13'

This is perfect for your targeted age group. I'm a huge fan of the fantasy genre, and this book is so imaginative! A couple of awkward moments ("Like young, timid and vulnerable," for example) could easily be fixed, as others have said, and I realize English isn't your native language. You've done a great job. Backed, absolutely!

Incredible pitch! Just incredible! I haven't had time to read the chapters yet, but the pitch hooked me so much, I just had to comment on it right now. Your hook alone is so "in your face"....I love it!!!!!!!!!

Believe me when I say, I CAN NOT wait to get home today.....
Thank you for backing DAVID THORNE: The Golithian Orbs, as it led me straight here.

Ecstatically backed!

C. L. Freire

You are totally fantastic, Rak! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

This has a lot going for it. I love the idea of a mage with a glowing hand and the witch hunters, what a splendid idea! I think, however that the first two parts that come from the point of view of her as a child could be stronger. I love your narration when you get to "present" and if that very first paragraph was supposed to be fairytale, tell us so. Anyway, still love your storytelling and your character's internal monologues. Backed earlier.

E.

Rak e Sangay, tudo bem.

Seu livro é muito interessante e não perdi nada na tradução. A narrativa cria imagens na mente.

Boa ação, e construção de suspense. Cenas imaginativas e caracteres, com uma facílidade de seguir a linha da história.

Boa sorte com seu livro

Declan Conner.
Salvador da Bahia.

This book has continued to draw me back to read more, regardless of how busy I have been. It is an enjoyable novel to read and has been beautifully written. Your plot is strong, your characters well defined and believable, and your descriptions vivid but not overstated. Backed proudly.
Joyanna
The Prince and The Sorcerer

The work which you have posted so far is well written and well paced. The storyline, your use of imagery, your use of short paragraphs and your descriptive writing style all combine to make your finely crafted fantasy extremely appealing to the YA audience. Backed for your book's potential.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

First off, I've seen hundreds of book covers since I joined Authonomy and yours is, hands down, my favorite. It's so evocative before you even know the plot and of course ties into Allix's power. Really it's just a beautiful photo. Now onto the writing, which didn't disappoint. I know that the job of a translator is a tricky one, trying to retain meaning yet mood and many other things at once. This has a wonderful pace, keeps the reader enthralled with just enough action and details and you are patient with characterization, allowing us to get to know Allix and her abilities in the course of the story. Really well done; I enjoyed this.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Dear Rak, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

Dear Rak, I love that your book is translated into English. :) It's wonderful to see the culture & fantasy of your country. Thanks for sharing your story with us - I can only talk & read English. :) Good luck on translating much more. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Solid pitch and cover. the concept is very well realised and anyonr thinking this is a new harry potter is wrong. This is hard edged more like lord of the rings steeped in supernatural and magic. The writing flies off the page and you can't help but be carried along. backed with pleasure.

Nice story which, with quite a lot more work on smoothing the language, could do well. Chapter one reads well, ch2 needs a lot of work. Keep plugging at it.
phil

Loved it and so will your target audience, good luck withit. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles bookone

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was very pleasantly surprised! I cannot stand prologues; however, the opening paragraph of this story is basically a prologue, and I thought it was wonderful. Maybe because it was more dream sequence than introduction. The last sentence of it was fantastic. (Delete the comma after But, the boy)
Really great, engaging writing.
backed
Genevieve

A smooth read. Backed.

Hi Sangay (and Rak M), I found your book. I didn't realize at first that it was uploaded on a different account. This is really quite an amazing, compelling tale, and the somewhat exotic English really is quite attractive. I'm happy to back this for you.
Please do consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

The forgetful future - Arcanom
Rak M Nay & Sangay Glass

Nice pitches and an exciting, engaging plot which your target audience should love. Great imagination. Your opening chapter - title "The Mistic's Dream" - I've always known mystic to be spelt mystic, with a "y" and not with double "i" - I checked my dictionary and didn't see your spelling version so just wanted to mention this in case you wanted to consider getting another opinion on the spelling.
Anyway, your opening is magnificent and I enjoyed it. Allix is easy to warm to and likeable. "The answer to my problem is right here in the palm of my hand." "Why not have a little fun?" I can already see that for your target audience, this will be a fun read indeed. She seems quite mature for her age, I must admit. "Nobody could know how desperate she and her mother have become. Like young, timid and vulnerable... desperation invited trouble. She needed to stay strong, or at least try to fake it." I like your characterisation skills. I think she is a strong, level-headed character, and a good example to the YA who will be reading this, when in print (hopefully it wil be picked up!). I was happy to give it a spin on my shelf. Best of luck with it.
Zan

The pursuit of Allissandra is all the more tense because of her burning flesh. She has nowhere to run or hide, an there are also dogs getting closer. The short paragrags heighten both pace and tension while you weave in some vivid description of scene which, combined with your intriguing storyline will surely carry your YA reader, gripped to the end of Chapter 1.
The veiled figure that beckons to Allissandra to 'save' her from her pursuers sounds as nightmarish as the hunters themselves and the loss of Allisandra's mother a powerful twist.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

I think this is wonderfully done. With the first line I was like "Once upon a time..."?? Say what?? then I read on and by the end of the first paragraph, I was loving it. Great job!

Case (Revelation)

I think this is great. You build two different worlds for Allix, both full of pain and fear. Her talent is unusual and I'm curious to learn how she uses it to survive.
backed.

Things jump off the page and with that the rythmn stops. The reader felt that 'Over time." is overwriting. Sentences do not normally start with, But,
The word tearing relates to the act of tearing to shreds. It is not crying or the involuntary action of tear glands to flush the eyes.
'Run but where?' in italics jarring to say the least.

You friendly fortune teller. (I can't get past chap 1)

This is an imaginative story. Good characters. Good settings. Makes it a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

What a wonderful way to start a book - jumping from innocent dream to witch hunters. I must say that, even though I didn't read more than a few chapters, this book was very good. I thought the grammar was good, the premise was wonderful and it held me entralled. I would have kept reading, but I don't have the time. I just wanted to leave a quick note to tell you that I think you are a talented writer and to wish you the best in getting this published!

THE FORGETFUL FUTURE:

Rak M Ray,

You have a wonderful title. Your story is well constructed and you have good strong characters.

I think you are doing a wonderful job, and I congratulate you on taking on a mammoth task. It is hard work writing a book in your mother tongue, but it must be ten times harder to write it in a foreign language. You really need to have a native English speaker to translate this for you. Someone who is qualified to translate from the Portuguese.

I wish you all the luck in the world with achieving your goal. Such a fine novel deserves the best.

Backed, with admiration and all my good wishes.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

The Forgetful Future

This is very imaginative and improving so much. There feels to be a lot of hard work gone into building and creating this – Good luck

Congratulations on the new look within your book , Rak. You really show great promise with your enthusiastic approach to getting things done. It would not do any good to back your book again, so I will just wish you very good luck.
Norman.

I read 10 chapters and had the following thoughts:

I really like the story line! The mystery of the MC and her powers. Her very real fear in the face of horrible rumors. There is a real sense of the struggle to survive post war destruction. Very imaginative and clear.

In the first few chapters, before the straight translation, there were a few issues.

You're missing words here and there. IE: "She couldn't even 'be' sure" and "It disgusted her to look at 'it'"...
The tense changes really threw me. For a few paras the tense is past tense, and then suddenly we switch to future tense with 'will' sentences.
The first dialogue sequence between Allix and Kazam (?) seems a bit abrupt and expository. Not sure why, but it seems unreal and apart from the narrative.
I was unsure, until about chapter 3, whether magic was a part of the world or not. I kept thinking that she was completely unique and strange, and then, in chapter 3, I finally get a sense of the facts behind magic. Maybe that could come earlier?
There are some words that the word processor missed: compliment, not complement and steel, not steal...

In the straight translation bits, I wasn't too lost. As a native hindi/punjabi speaker, I have a similar syntax and structure to the romance languages. I would say the story picks up there, considerably. I was confused about Allix's and Bella's relationship. It seemed as if every chapter started with a different interpretation of their mutual antagonism. It didn't seem coherent, I guess...

I look forward to reading more and I know that once the rest is translated, making it more accessible, it will do very well.

-Raman

Three little nits about the pitch.

"...begins to manifest uncontrollable powers..." - Never been fond of the word 'manifest.' Something so 'writer-like' about it, like reaching for a cool word to 'show.' No big deal but the sentence seems kinda 'ho-hum' in describing amazing things that are happening to her.

"...stop events that will lead..." - seems like she is a little new to her abilities to simply 'stop events' of such magnitude. Kinda like bad things happen and she is perfectly capable of stopping them, so she does, and that's the story. Maybe just me.

I may be wrong about this, but I don't think it's a good idea to compare your book to other specific books, or even mention them, in the pitch. Not sure why... seems like I heard it somewhere. Maybe someone else will comment on that.

Only read a little of the book itself. The writing looks competent, easy to read, flows well, etc. I'm satisfied with that, so I'll leave further comments to others and just confine mine to the pitch.

"She couldn’t even (be) sure there was still flesh beneath the blazing embers." - I think you need that 'be' in there.

All in all it looks pretty good. Worth backing.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Very well suited for YA written with intrigue and excitement to keep the reader engrossed.
backed with pleasure

Rak,

The opening points toward an imaginative and engrossing story. And I applaud your ability to even begin to translate it into English! I will back it just for that. I hope you find a talented collaborator to help you edit it -- ideally, someone who can read Portuguese so they know how the original goes. You may have to pay someone, but it would be worth it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

You have an incredible imagination and young adults are going to devour this - I can picture this well crafted and polished novel in Barnes and Noble so easily! Great cover! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Greetings, Rak!

The Forgetful Future- Arcanom is quite an engaging and thought provoking read! What if there really was a parallel universe out there... how would everything play out in that realm? Hmm...

Your novel has a unique concept to it, and kudos for translating it from Portuguese to English! Some of the sentences are still a bit fragmented, but are readily understandable! It would be neat to read your novel after a proper editing was applied to it. Job well done, Rak! Backed.

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-Turn Killur)

You do a really well job bringing us into the world that you've created. Interesting and exciting things are happening that help the reader to be engulfed into the story. Backed with pleasure.

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Very different, in a good way. BACKED

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
Scorned

Hi Rak I love the ideas in this, the girl and her imagination, this new world very like ours but a little different, the dream about her mother, the light in her hand, this is full of imagery and a really strong storyline. However, I did find it hard to read in parts, I think english is not your first language and you have done an excellent job so far with the translation but you need to get somebody else to look at it so that the language is more natural and the right words are used. It's a really good story and I hope you find a translator as I think this could be a winner. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Despite translation problems, you really have captured the essence of an imaginative story here. I can see from the pitch, an ambitious and complex plot will unfold to transport the reader into a magical fantasy world.
That you have managed to create an intriguing start that interests, in just the few chapters posted is testimony to the strength of your story-telling.
When the language problem is overcome, I feel sure this unusal tale will shine. I'm backing it for its potential. Margaret.

Here I am for the read swap!
I can tell that this is a translation, and I applaud you for recognizing that you need someone to translate it a little bit more eloquently. That's what I think this needs. You have a good idea, I'm pretty sure. You just need someone to make it clearer for you. Good luck!

I look forward to hearing from you about my book!

M.C. Holman
Dragon-Children: The Secrets of Tarenhavdel

I jumped in at Ch 5. Yes, I am out of my element here but you do have all the ingredients for the stuff your genre requires. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

good story and chartchers. Very orginal.

Kind Regards on your writing career.

God Bless,
Chipper Newman

Should I say it? This is a....magical book! Fascinating story line, great writing, overall creative. Lots of potential in the making, and on my shelf for that reason.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

I think you have a great story here...I think it will work very well. There is texture and soul in this...

Backed


George Fripley

Hi Rak, The storytelling mode with war heightens its unreality and gives many concrete pictures that have to do with realities - while focusing on Alix. I liked the parallel world concept in the prologue. And your handling of fantasy gives philosophy and enhances the stranger's possibilities. You have an entrancing tone. It’s unfortunate that you’re having to translate this as there are difficulties in reading the English. Yet the story definitely comes through. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Rak,
An interesting premise, but I think it was premature to upload it the way it is.
You are on the right track trying to find an english co-writer to help you get this into a more submission ready condition.
Good luck,
MickR - The Nightcrawler.

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.