Children of the Fog

I can't fault your opening: descriptive, insightful and intensely gripping. You give away just the right amount of information without overloading the prologue with exposition. It's a thrilling start to what promises to be a brilliant novel.
I look forward to reading more.
Backed
Fe
'This Salted Earth'

Like your intro-very catchy pitch. The name also is catchy-reminds me of Children of the Corn. Backed and look forward to reading. If you have a chance, a return read would be great.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

That’s certainly a hell of a prologue. I found it hard to read, having a five-year-old child myself, but you built up the suspense excellently with the chiming of the clock, and then the appearance of the ghostly figures.

I liked the bit in the first paragraph of the first chapter about a father looking for his son in the supermarket – it’s a nice, innocent echo of the theme of child abduction. I don’t think I can read too much of this – it’s a bit too effective! But safe to say, it’s very well done!

CHILDREN OF THE FOG-Cheryl Kaye Tardif
hullo Cheryl. The first chapter is great as it lends a degree of creepiness to the whole story. Good end hook too, of course the reader wants to read further, Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

I found the first chapter interesting, in that we are introduced to Sadie and her son, as well as the main issues in her life. As Ali Headeach wrote, we know from the prologue that Sam is dead, but there is still the question of who or what The Fog actually is. You also want to read on to find out exactly what happened to Sam, and all the while hoping that maybe he is still alive. Certainly backed.

Michael Clifford


Sometime in Andalusia

Great beginning. I thought seven chapters to wait for the kidnap was a bit long, though your scene setting, and the conflict between the parents was necessary to play out. Of course I want to know what happens to the boy. The only thing is, that the prologue takes the mystery away. We already know he's dead, so what's the story about? Will she find the strength to after the killer and get her revenge? I'm intrigued. More please, backed with pleasure.

Ali
The Fireghost

Excellent beginning. I was definately drawn into the story and am looking forward to reading more. Engaging style and tone and a hooking cliffhanger ending for Chapter One. Loved it! My only suggestion so far is to maybe take a closer look at your blurb. Your story is stellar, but I almost didn't read it. I felt I knew too much about the plot--a great thing in a query letter, but maybe not on a book jacket. Then again, in reading the first chapter, I discovered that what I thought would be the ending (based on the blurb) was actually the beginning, which I found extremely engaging--a chicken and egg thing--or maybe it's just me. Thanks for sharing!

Hi - I was draw in by your title. I read the blurb and the Chapters and enjoyed the pacey style and the manner of narration. I spent time in Canada and that was an added bonus. The way I( judge is to decide whether I'd scan and buy in a bookstore. I would definitley buy yours so it's shelved. Not a swop but I'd appreciate anyhing you ha ve to say about: 'The Legacy of Alice Waters'. Onwards and Upwards. Marilyn

Hi - I was draw in by your title. I read the blurb and the Chapters and enjoyed the pacey style and the manner of narration. I spent time in Canada and that was an added bonus. The way I( judge is to decide whether I'd scan and buy in a bookstore. I would definitley buy yours so it's shelved. Not a swop but I'd appreciate anyhing you ha ve to say about: 'The Legacy of Alice Waters'. Onwards and Upwards. Marilyn

This is an exceptionally good read its just my sort of book. Your first scene is brilliantly scripted ready to take us back to what happened before. The man in the parked car is very sinister and as more children vanish the nanny should take more care. I would love to see this made into a film
Amelia x

A Date in the Diary – I hope you enjoy it

You give us great opening chapter Sadie’s despair at Sam’s murder. The booze is fuelling her emotions, the gun her way out. I never know what to think about a story when we know the end first but this was so engaging it made me read on. I read four chapters and have just had a glimpse of the sinister man in the car. I have to stop there for the moment. Your writing flows and you build your story gradually but not that slowly that we loose interest. If the rest of the book continues in that vein it will be a great success.

Backed with pleasure
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

Fabilous opening chapter, tension filled with the prospect of a suicide. You've cleverly crafted background into your narrative, and of course the children outside the window beg to be explained. Are they spirits, or is there an element of madness at work? I'll be reading on!

Backed with pleasure!
'
Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Regretfully, only had tome for couple chapters but this is a well told story. You employ just the right “show” and “tell” in your narration. Your prologue is an attention grabber but the ending leave the reader to wonder…some may stop reading. Chapter one is a great blend of wordsmithing and your attention to details holds the reader’s attention. The dialogue flows and moves the story forward. For my money, I would use some internal dialogue instead of you telling the reader…would help even further define your MC. In a few places where too much of narrator’s voice and it slows the pace down.
Overall a good job and I’m backing it.
Good luck.
Dan
PS. Could you pls look at mine?

This is actually pretty good, which is unusual for a book on Authonomy.
Unusual in the fact that I've found a writer on here who can write.

Other than you getting rid of your 'hads' and as many 'was's' as possible, this is perfect, and I'm happy to place this on my shelf.

Mark.

An awesome read that embraces the reader in it' carefully polished charters and rich diolouge. C W

The pitch offers such an appalling choice that it hooked my attention at once. The story is well written, no wasted words and full of tension. I've only read to chapter two but it's certainly one I will be carrying on with. There's a bit audience for this type of fiction, and you do it well. Will happily back at next shelf change.
Polly
STONES.

Dear Cheryl,
Children of The Fog is an absolutely amazing piece of work. I highly commend you. Your synopsis alone just drew me in, hook line and sinker. Sometimes I'm lost for words and often I don't feel adequately adapt at critiquing or commenting on people's writing skills, often grammar and punctuation I do not always notice if the story is so well, whilst I might notice it, it often over rides the initial rush of reading a really great piece.
Please accept my sincerest respect for your work.
Having only skimmed through the first chapter, and due to time constraints I am unable to do justice to the rest of your amazing story, however having said this, if I were to have read this synopsis in a bookstore, I'd have no second thoughts about buying the book
All the best of luck with it and I wish you much success.
Sincerely
Helen
The Last Dream

I've read all the chapters. You certainly can write tension. Everything is believable. You just have to continue writing now to gain a proper middle, a proper ending. Really good start leading well to crisis at 7. Backed

Rosalind
Good for Him

oh my god! How have I not heard about this book before now? Incredible writing - I was completely drawn in - all the goosebumps on my body are entirely freaked out. Awesome, awesome, awesome. This book should be picked up immediately, so that I can buy it off a book store shelf.
backed
Genevieve

Hi Cheryl,

This is a good thriller and, while the subject matter won't appeal to everyone, it will, I'm sure find a place on many bookshelves when it is published, note 'when' not 'if..

I'm not a lover of prologues at the best of times, mainly because many readers skip them, but this one does appear to give too much away too soon.

Similary, in chapter one, you have a section starting 'little did she know'. Apart from the author intrusion this again gives too much away. Remember there is a difference between foreshadowing and telegraphing.

You sometimes use italics to show thoughts. Nothing wrong with this, it's conventional, but you don't need both the italics and a tag line, which you sometimes have.

There is an instance where you refer to a female as 'blond'. This should be blonde (blond = male, blonde = female)

The title of your fictional book 'Sweet Destiny' is already a real well known real film title. I know there is no copyright in titles but this is so well known that it could cause you problems.

I quite like the overall story concept. Even though it's not entirely original, there is enough in the story to make it seem fresh.

Ron

Cheryl.

I will back this, absolutely. If you read my Jamie 7 you will know why. I think we have similar writing techniques. I hope you will read and back Jamie 7.

Keep Smiling
Joseph D Palermo
Jamie 7

Professionally crafted story, well told.
Backed.
a zoomer
Going Out In Style

It is difficult to comment with constructive criticism because there is nothing that needs improvement, in my opinion. The build-up to the gun event and then the next chapter's jump in narrative really pulled me into the plot. Thanks for sharing. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Tension-filled prologue, excellent hook at the end. This leads us into chapter one where we start the story, and you have us gripped! Great stuff!

Hooked from the pitch, great work, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I really love this and its brilliantly written though i must admit I am not a fan of the current trend for so much clear cut dialogue. For me the best parts are where you narrate more.

no, she said 10-5-10
Dear Cheryl, I love that you asked a question right off the bat & started me to thinking - you prepared me to read your book with your excellent hook before your story. It is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version, "Tell Me True Love Stories" which at the end tells my illness now/6th abusive marriage I'm in now. Thanks, Susie :)

Phewww, that was quite an opening, all emeotions rolled into one dangerous bundle .
the making of a good suspensful read.
all the best James.

Good suspenseful read... I want more. Backed.

Extremely well written, without going into 'reviewer' mode. A pleasure to back... Best of luck with this one, Cheryl!

Well written, fast moving, convincing characters, love the dialogue... My pleasure to back this one!

BACKED.

Your short pitch is dramatic but doesn't really feel like much of a choice, you've loaded it in such a way that there can only be one answer which takes some of the impact out of it i think. You might want to consider using a more genuine dilemma, or don't use Choose!

The prologue seems to give away much of what happens in the story. Obviously things may not turn out the way they appear, maybe the kid isn't really dead, maybe she doesn't kill herself, but assuming most readers will take it at face value, they'll miss out on a lot of the suspense you'll be using. they'll still get surprise if things do turn out to be not what they seem, but surprise lasts for a second and suspense can last for a whole book. Obviously I don't know what you have planned so feel free to ignore my baseless conjecturing if it's way off base.

There's certainly enough going on with the other kids and the Fog in general to keep things interesting. The first chapter reads very well and the characters are engaging. You don't waste time with over elaborate backstory and get things moving quickly, dropping in mentio nof The Fog nicely. The dialogue is very good.


Overall it felt like a well handled piece, kept my interest. Backed.

Brilliant start, and then from what I read afterwards, everything is polished and incredibly well written.
It's pretty obvious you are a pro.
The only minor gripe I could think of was the repition of 'frazzled' in chapter one (one for parents, one for hair).
Other than that, gold.

Mitch

Crisp mature story telling. Not a wasted word.
A zoomer

I'm glad I found this one! What an opening! The details are typical Tardif writing, and the premise is gripping and promising. Well worth reading.

Cheryl
I can understand why you already have so much published work; your style of writing flows so well and rapidly captures the reader's attention. 'Children of the Fog' is shelved.
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

Fantastic, gripping stuff. You spin out the suspense masterfully, keeping us hooked and helpless in the grasp of this thriller.

I backed it some weeks ago and have finally got arouned to commenting. Please let me know if it did not show up in your feed.

Abi xxx

Oh wow, only read the prologue, so far. But it's so descriptive. A really good read- When I like something I read it all so keep it coming!

Short clear no nonsense sentences that I love to see plenty of, and simple believeable description. This is gripping, and it looks so simple, so why can't everyone do it? Because this has been distilled. It is really professional writing. There is no question about not backing this book.
BADD

Hi Cheryl, I'm afraid I only had the chance to take a look at chapter one, but I was impressed by the standard of writing and would have read on had I more time. I backed you on that.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I've just read the first chapter and it has me well and truly hooked, so thought I'd add a comment before I continue on.

This is perhaps the most captivating and well-written piece I have read on this site to date. Wonderful.

The pitch is perfect. Just perfect. And now I've read your work I can see why you are the professional. It is slick and utterley accessible. Back with pleasure. Carl. The Time hunters

Cheryl, Children of the Fog is a great book. You have talent and it comes across in your writing. It has tension, sentiment, intrigue and personel friction. A great formula.
Only read 4 chapters but will come back to it again.
regards
David (Flawlesws Murder)
Would really appreciate your professional view of my book.

Thank you to everyone who has backed and supported Children of the Fog. I truly appreciate your support.

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll get news about my novels, as news happens. :-)
http://www.twitter.com/cherylktardif

If you like more romance, check out my romantic suspense, Lancelot's Lady.

What a fantastic beginning. The prologue was taut, superb writing. This one stays on my backing list.

I loved the preface. Starting at the end of the story essentially before going back to the beginning it works so well. You really build up the reader’s empathy for Sadie. Then you launch us back into the beginning of her story. You pull us into the story giving us what we need to know what’s at stake. You also do a good job at foreshadowing what is to come.

I’ve enjoyed reading this.

Well done.

~ ILA ~

Deliciously evil. I like it, this....thing you did in the prologue compels me to read on....damn you :|

Blown away by the opening. powerful, emotional heart stopping. Fantastic.