All Over Me

I like your short and long pitch and they encouraged me to start reading. Now, a number of chapters into this work, I think you really have something fantastic. Your opening is completely gripping and the ordinary, yet vivid, image of the boy and his grandpa is extremely powerful. This book has my full backing, both for the flawless writing and the great cause it represents. I have also given it every star it deserves and I will be back to finish reading.

I hope many people get to read this book. Congratulations!

Laura Bailey
Beneath the Blossom Tree

I like this (forgotten bit of work) the style conjures up Channel 4 imagery that I for one believe to be worth more praise than it has. It's certainly a work I would be proud to pen my name to and therefore whether it matters to you or not it will be pride of place on my book shelf.

This is a powerful story: a book about the problem of reporting date rape. I think you'll find a wide audience for this among highschool and college girls who can see themselves in the same circumstances as Caty - and wonder what they would do. Your writing style is engaging; clear and fresh and makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Nerissa, I like your two opening chapters. Good job. Nothing to nitpick.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Chapter 1 needs to have more depth to it. It comes off currently as the rambling of a young man who has a few thoughts he wants to be intelligent but that aren't, and that don't make us relate or feel for him--even if the purpose is to give him a naive and uninteresting feel--and then surprise us with the fact that he's a criminial.

Chapter 2 has some things happening, but no real action. Is it interesting that she is in the hospital? Maybe. But you need to show how it's interesting. You need to make the reader feel for her--which at this stage they don't. There seems to be another "surprise" in that we think she's waking up for school, but she's not--she's really in the hospital. Show why she's in the hospital. Show where Vince is--or at least make the reader get more involved with wanting to know where he is and what he has to do with all this.

In Chapter 3 is when the story starts to happen. Now you're giving background on how we got to where we are, and now is when it gets interesting. Maybe start the story here.

When you're writing dialogue, try not to use adverbs, and try to be minimal with the attributes. Look at chapter 4, at the dialogue between Caty and the psychiatrist. Look how much better it sounds when they're just talking, no adverbs, no attributes. Keep doing that.

Good luck and good writing.

Cully

I thought the writing was good, and I liked the short punchy chapters but the characetrs didn't really come alive for me.

Darren Floyd
Match Day

I read the first chapter. Grandpa was right in that quote. This is some good writing. Normally not my genre but good writing is good writing. Short pitch is good. Normally I would complain about the long pitch but for some reason this does work for me. Perhaps it's the compelling storyline? Whatever it is, I need to SHELVE this.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

An excellent and intriguing opener. This is an important book.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

well writen and descriptive. You have something here, talent.

I invite you to comment or read the rebel

God Bless,
Chipper Newman

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

There's nothing simplistic about this. Your exploration of character is subtle and deep. You write about human beings as opposed to characters representing right and wrong. Backed. Lynn

Hi Nerissa, The grandfather’s counsel at the outset had a strong contrast with Vince’s youthful attitude. These POV’s, Vince’s and Caty’s make a compelling collision in the first chapters. The reading is pressing, Vince’s past with the girls and Caty’s seeming suicide attempt. I especially liked the dialogue and the tentative storytelling – all about an event that is difficult to reveal for those involved because of intentions. Nicely crafted! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

This was great by the end of chapter one. I almost stopped reading early on, though, becuase of the opening conversation. Very slow and not much of a hook.

But the rest was very nice.

RH

What a thought provoking tale you weave.

All the makings of an astonishing read.

Great work

Be foolish not to shelve such talent.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Wonderful read. Charcter and diologe are expressive and create a stong vioce through out the novel. C W Shelved.

Although this subject has been done before you have given it a whole new breath of fresh air. This is beautifully crafted and it is evident with your descriptive prose that you have put a lot of time into this! BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Although this subject has been done before you have given it a whole new breath of fresh air. This is beautifully crafted and it is evident with your descriptive prose that you have put a lot of time into this! BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Your pitch tells us of a painful experience and of the difficult moral decisions involved, and you begin by taking us into the heads of the two protagonists and letting us see how they feel almost three years after the assault. You bring both Caty and Vince to life extremely well. By showing Vince the ten year old boy first, you ensure our sympathy for him, and our regret at how he developed and what he did. By showing his continued feelings of guilt you reinforce this. But by showing Caty in hospital after a failed suicide attempt, you make her experience something very real and destructive in its effects, so that we are in no danger of forgetting that it's she who is the victim. This is not easy to do, to evoke sympathy for both people, and you have succeeded impressively. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is one of those stories that should just be told. It helps to read other POV's on these types of things. Many women don't charge the perpetrator for rape, especially if they know who the perpetrator is.

I know that being a victim, it can be really hard to charge someone because you worry that they made a horrible mistake, but should you be the one to ruin the rest of their lives for this mistake? It's something that crosses our minds. Should we doom them and their future for one possible mistake? The reality of it is, they already affected the victims life. Maybe the victim can overcome it, but, it's possible, that it can ruin their lives as well. You may always regret the fact that you did nothing to fight for yourself if you don't charge them for it.
Anyway, I've only read 2 chapters, but I plan on coming back to finish what you have on here.

I'm not sure what exactly Caty did, yet, but I want to find out. This is well written and a must read story. Backed!

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Hi Nerissa,

I’ve already shelved the book but have returned to leave a comment.

What an intriguing premise. This sounds like my type of book. It grabbed my attention right from the start.

When I was about ten(,) my granddad told me that acting on impulse (was) man’s greatest weakness, rationale their greatest strength.

Since the second paragraph reiterates what the first sentence says, perhaps it’s best to merge the two. Perhaps:

When I was about ten, my granddad told me something I’ll never forget.

‘When men act on impulse, the damage they do can be irrevocable. Lives can be ruined; perceptions altered forever, trust shattered, memories tainted(,) and relationships destroyed. If I teach you anything, remember this…’ – He turned to face me, his finger raised – ‘rational thinking is the greatest gift God gave to us.’

We were sitting in his lounge, just the two of us.

‘When I say men, I mean all people…’

It’s just an idea. I like the end of chapter one. It made me want to read on. The narrative voice felt authentic and the story flowed with ease. I think you have a promising story here. It needs a little polishing but it was an enjoyable read.

Shinzy :)

This happens more often than we know, and you've written a book on such a subject very well. Your characterizations, POV, and dialogue are stellar and smooth. Backed with pleasure.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Simply put, this is beautifully written. I love the back and forth of POV here and the characters are spot on. You do very well at giving them their voice. This is really a wondeful read.

Lockjaw

Hi Nerissa - there is some very fine writing here. I like the twin viewpoints. The tension develops quickly in the first three chapters. As you give so little physical substance to your characters, I've imagined my own -- easy enough. Good luck. This has great potential. Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

The physical descriptions of characters, as they are introduced, might be strengthened. An excellent work. Backed on Bookshelf. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

I have wondered this but deliberately avoided too much description as I want to show that this can be anyone, anywhere, don't know whether that works though. Thanks for the feedback.

The prose is excellent because it is so "life-like." The first few chapters are short but help move the plot in an interesting manner. The pitch mentions the importance of a decision and the inspiration from a true story--a wonderful hook, in my opinion. The physical descriptions of characters, as they are introduced, might be strengthened. An excellent work. Backed on Bookshelf. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Thank you so much everyone! I really had no idea what people would make of this, I've only had feedback on bits and pieces I've shared in my university classes. I'm glad you're so gripped by it.

This book is so well crafted...learning about the motivation for the behaviour of both Vince and Caty, the coercion used at the police station, the misrepresentation, the gossip, the lies.

The desperate act of a young woman pushed too far. The way you portray each of the MC's is wonderful...switching the sympathy from one to the other and all the time hooking the reader in with short sharp chapters ... a page turner.

Two lives damaged. I read up to ch 11, and needed to stop. I want to read much more so I have backed this excellent work..placed it happily on my shelf hours ago. I will not hesitate to recommend this finely crafted work to anyone that enjoys a fast paced and edgy reading experience.

Suzannah Burke

This book is awesome. You know the trainwreck is coming, even what it is. But you unwrap the package so slowly...

Well done and thanks for posting!

Backed,
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

I love the pitch! This sounds like a tight rope waqlk between both sides of the same story. Well done, and Good Luck!

Good story that builds the coming ordeal.

From what I've read so far, I think this is brilliantly laid out. Short but concise early chapters reflecting both Vince and Caty's emotions and questions. Definitely going to read more.
All the best with 'All Over Me' (an excellent title too).
Fire Horse

Looks good so far

All the best on Authonomy

George Fripley - Wurzel of Clutton