Learning to Fly

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

Your pitch is enticing, and as other commentators have noted, a father-son story is a welcomed novelty. You have a great story idea and awesome characters. I got lost in the writing, though. There are too many words and that stifles the action and distracts from the characters. "The noise of the rain intensified as the truck slowed. Travis concentrated on the rumble of the Ford's engine. An irritating knock was ruining its familiar rhythm." 27 words vs your 37 and I think I got everything in there??
Eileen Schuh
Canadian Author FIREWALLS

An important read - this deals with a difficult relationships in a truthful and realistic manner. Backed. Kind regards, Mokha Moli

FINALLY - a son and father stpry; thank you - this family dynamic is always overlooked by the movies. And those pitches sealed the deal - SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

I cant think of anything to say about this book. The pitch was excellent and the two chapters I read were engaging. I felt for Travis just wanting to be a nornal lad, go to school and make friends, hes at the age where he wants to be defiant towards his farther but knows better not to. I would happily read the whole book. I hope that his father redeems himself and has some thought for Tyler . You set a secene brilliantly. I could almost smell the place. Your dialouge is engaging and I’m impressed at the standard of your work.



Sue Mackender

Knowing Liam Riley.

I like this story. Your writing style is simple yet powerful. And says a lot about what family realy means. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

You are a wonderful writer.

I am wondering how this contemptible father will be redeemed; I am hoping that he is, rather, so that the son he holds hostage to his own pain will be free to receive the education and stability every child deserves. There is nothing more important in this world. It is the exquisite skills of your craft which make me care about their dynamic. Mercifully, as an Authonomy reader, I can settle in and enjoy without interruption of poor usage, over-wrought imagination or tangled plot lines. Scenes captured with such clarity, I am a passenger in the jump seat of the truck's cab and feel the vinyl on the diner seat where I sit eavesdropping.

You might very well break through with this book. Seriously. It will remain on my WL so I can follow you.

Good luck,

Gerry

Backing this for the excellent story telling.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

I really liked this. Travis is a character you sympathize with but you also root for him too. The way his dad was with him at the end of chapter one really makes me feel for him. It moves well, I'm very interested to see how things go and will probably keep this around on the WL to read a little every now and then. Great job!

Missy

You have a lovely storyline & great descriptive detail... I wish you the very best of luck with it. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. (I also like to comments as I go - it's easier that way for me to point out specific items, rather than just do a vague summary.)

I'm glad you were sucked into my fictional little world; I have spent much time there myself! LOL. I hope you will come back and visit again in the future.

I hope you meant "ennui" in a positive way, as it is the perfect word to sum up the mood I was trying to create.

~Kristine~

I like to comment as I read, just my thoughts as if I was in a book shop. I don’t crit grammar or anything like that much. I have been doing it this way for a while and it seems to work OK and it’s fun.

Learning to Fly

I spotted this on my news feed and liked the title. I didn’t realise it was newly posted. Your pitches work well and drew me in. Very evocative first couple of paragraphs, I can “see” Travis waking up against his will and I almost believe I can smell the cab of the truck – eurgh, just proves that your writing is working though eh.

Good well constructed prose and great pace. I am enjoying this already. There is a palpable air of ennui overshadowing this first chapter.

Good natural and believable dialogue. Helps us to understand the feeling of this poor young man and gives a glimpse into the psyche of his father. We know quite a lot of their background now without an information dump. I think that this is very good writing and I hope that you do well on the site. I would love to read more but the gremlins of the internet decree that at the moment I have to work quickly and so I will just back this and wish you the very best of luck as you make your way up the ranks - Diane

Thanks for your kind comments. I will review the chapter with your suggestions in mind. I clearly hadn't noticed those things and will need to review! Sometimes you read and edit a piece so much that you end up seeing what you meant to say, rather than seeing what is actually written.

~Kristine~

Learning to Fly:

Very good story, with well portrayed characters, and my heart went out to Travis having Stan for a father.

Writing is good and when you do a final edit and tighten it a little this will be an even better read.

Just a couple of things to consider. I noticed a good few paragraphs begin with Stan, and it might be a good idea to rearrange things a little to have the name within the sentences? Easily done if you choose to do so. Also, do a search for the ‘look’ words. I think a bit overused and sometimes two or three in the same paragraph. Again, easily remedied with the use of different words.

First chapter makes the reader want to turn to chapter two.

All the best.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

I really appreciate your kind review. And thanks for commenting on the dialogue. Poor dialogue is a huge pet peeve of mine (second only to bad grammar), so it's nice to know when I'm doing something right!

~Kristine~

This is good well polished writing. You use good sensory predicates to ground the story. Your dialogue develops the characters very well. Linked to a strong storyline, this should do well – Good luck

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

I'm glad I didn't disappoint you upon further reading! Thanks for your continued support. :)

~Kristine~

Hi Kristine, Came back for a proper look and from the first three chapters I feel I made the right decision to back this. The characterisation and descriptions are good and the whole thing is very atmospheric - filmic really. Helped by your tight dialogue. Couldn't spot any major problems. It should do well. Good luck! AnneX

Thanks so much for your kind comments. I'm glad you found Travis sympathetic, as he is clearly very flawed. I hope I have found the correct balance between his vices and his aspirations. Given his upbringing, I feel if he didn't have a rough edge on him, he wouldn't be the least bit realistic.

To be honest, Lisa was never meant to be a major character in the story. Originally, she was little more than a name mentioned in passing. Yet when I first wrote her, she had so much presence and personality that I literally couldn't ignore her. And she will appear throughout. I simply adore her - flaws and all. I hope readers will also find her to be sympathetic and realistic. She was a ton of fun to write!

~Kristine~

By the end of chapter two all I wanted was someone to take Travis away from his bullying father and give him some normality for a while. You've created a deeply sympathtic character in this young man. Without making him a plaster saint, he smokes and drinks and swears, you have made a human being who commands real compassion and understanding.
I enjoyed the whole of this and I hope in Lisa and Randy Travis has found a real friends.

Thanks so much for your kind comments. I'm glad you found Travis sympathetic, as he is clearly very flawed. I hope I have found the correct balance between his vices and his aspirations. Given his upbringing, I feel if he didn't have a rough edge on him, he wouldn't be the least bit realistic.

To be honest, Lisa was never meant to be a major character in the story. Originally, she was little more than a name mentioned in passing. Yet when I first wrote her, she had so much presence and personality that I literally couldn't ignore her. And she will appear throughout. I simply adore her - flaws and all. I hope readers will also find her to be sympathetic and realistic. She was a ton of fun to write!

By the end of chapter two all I wanted was someone to take Travis away from his bullying father and give him some normality for a while. You've created a deeply sympathtic character in this young man. Without making him a plaster saint, he smokes and drinks and swears, you have made a human being who commands real compassion and understanding.
I enjoyed the whole of this and I hope in Lisa and Randy Travis has found a real friends.

Thanks for such a wonderful comment! I'm glad I'm not the only one on this site who is turned off by the glut of vampire/werewolf/demon books! The concept just doesn't seem very original anymore. I much rather read (and write!) a good character-driven story that I can actually relate to.

~Kristine~

This is a beautiful, real, down to earth story that teens and adults will be able to relate to - your writing is sharp and polished and the dialogue is snappy! You will do very well on this site! My kind of book- no demons or vampires - just real life stuff! Can't wait to read the rest! Winner and BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

By the end of chapter two all I wanted was someone to take Travis away from his bullying father and give him some normality for a while. You've created a deeply sympathtic character in this young man. Without making him a plaster saint, he smokes and drinks and swears, you have made a human being who commands real compassion and understanding.
I enjoyed the whole of this and I hope in Lisa and Randy Travis has found a real friends.

Hi Kristine, Came back for a proper look and from the first three chapters I feel I made the right decision to back this. The characterisation and descriptions are good and the whole thing is very atmospheric - filmic really. Helped by your tight dialogue. Couldn't spot any major problems. It should do well. Good luck! AnneX

This is good well polished writing. You use good sensory predicates to ground the story. Your dialogue develops the characters very well. Linked to a strong storyline, this should do well – Good luck

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

This is a beautiful, real, down to earth story that teens and adults will be able to relate to - your writing is sharp and polished and the dialogue is snappy! You will do very well on this site! My kind of book- no demons or vampires - just real life stuff! Can't wait to read the rest! Winner and BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a beautiful, real, down to earth story that teens and adults will be able to relate to - your writing is sharp and polished and the dialogue is snappy! You will do very well on this site! My kind of book- no demons or vampires - just real life stuff! Can't wait to read the rest! Winner and BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Learning to Fly:

Very good story, with well portrayed characters, and my heart went out to Travis having Stan for a father.

Writing is good and when you do a final edit and tighten it a little this will be an even better read.

Just a couple of things to consider. I noticed a good few paragraphs begin with Stan, and it might be a good idea to rearrange things a little to have the name within the sentences? Easily done if you choose to do so. Also, do a search for the ‘look’ words. I think a bit overused and sometimes two or three in the same paragraph. Again, easily remedied with the use of different words.

First chapter makes the reader want to turn to chapter two.

All the best.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

I like to comment as I read, just my thoughts as if I was in a book shop. I don’t crit grammar or anything like that much. I have been doing it this way for a while and it seems to work OK and it’s fun.

Learning to Fly

I spotted this on my news feed and liked the title. I didn’t realise it was newly posted. Your pitches work well and drew me in. Very evocative first couple of paragraphs, I can “see” Travis waking up against his will and I almost believe I can smell the cab of the truck – eurgh, just proves that your writing is working though eh.

Good well constructed prose and great pace. I am enjoying this already. There is a palpable air of ennui overshadowing this first chapter.

Good natural and believable dialogue. Helps us to understand the feeling of this poor young man and gives a glimpse into the psyche of his father. We know quite a lot of their background now without an information dump. I think that this is very good writing and I hope that you do well on the site. I would love to read more but the gremlins of the internet decree that at the moment I have to work quickly and so I will just back this and wish you the very best of luck as you make your way up the ranks - Diane

Kristine,

Learning to Fly - they're on the road to nowhere while Trevor is elswhere in his dreamed past. Lovely writing ... Travis slouched in a corner of the booth against the window, calmly mutilating a paper napkin ... and fine observations of characters and their clashing needs. The story paces steadily towards inevitable change for both Travis and his dad. A story of belonging? Involving women, of course. Enjoyable read. Backed.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is a really good read. My only suggestion would be to watch out for the over use of names. I realize that you are simply making a distinction between which of your characters is doing or saying what, but...there are places where it could be cut back a bit.

Lockjaw

A wonderful read. Your pitch is great and really intrigued me to read on.

I wish you all the very best with your lovely book. Backed with pleasure!

Warm regards,
Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land

What a wonderfully comfortable read. The characters' personalities are conveyed really well. Very happy to back.

D K Thomas
The Ellroy Deflection

Kristine, your writing is lovely - beautiful dialogue, especially in discovering relationship entanglements you have created a deep and emotional read here, just my kind of book and the sort of book that the readers want. Excellent work, backed with pleasure.
Carla
The Last Gift

Phew...this is a marvelous read. The relationship is peeling away like the layers of an onion with just as much sting to it. The dialogue is great all to believable and Travis's need to have something stable and permanent in his life is as great as Stan's fear of being alone and getting older. This is moving and thoroughly enjoyable writing. Well crafted and plotted beautifully. The pace doesn't let up.

Backed with pleasure.
Suzannah Burke

Thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm glad I've caught your interest; I hope you will continue to enjoy!

LEARNING TO FLY: Excellent! The relationship between the father and son is well rounded. Hate the dad, love the son. And then, the Stan decides Travis can go to school, so maybe there are some redeemable qualities. The Montana and Minnesota references caught my eye, and then I got sucked into the story. It's well-written, polished, and the dialogue is excellent and gritty. I read through chpt. 3 and will be back to finish when I can. Welcome to Authonomy!

HJ
The Pearl Edda