Raised by Committee

many thanks for the feedback AJB and I'm sure you are not alone in your preference for third person novels. However, having said that, I have been told by many readers how much they enjoy the first person voice for this particular story as it adds a level of intensity. I should point out that the first page or so is an actual court document as copied verbatim from the file I obtained ... Excerpt of the report to the Children's Committee ... and I have had other comments on that, but I thought it important to maintain the authenticity of the document so did not edit for grammar or tone. I look forward to checking out your book sometime. Cheers! CEH

Hi Carollyne: I guess you know your subject because this hits home and is horribly real. I only wish I knew why I have such an aversion to 1st person narratives. My loss - but to me it reads more like a Court deposition than a fully coloured, shaded and flavoured story, with all the texture and nuances that a third party narrative might bring to it - and I would have enjoyed the reading so much the more. My fault. Sorry. It certainly does not mean that I didn't admire ('enjoy' is hardly an appropriate word) it greatly = but certainly I would have enjoyed the novel, if not the content, far more if told in the third person.
AJB

Hi Carollyne: I guess you know your subject because this hits home and is horribly real. I only wish I knew why I have such an aversion to 1st person narratives. My loss - but to me it reads more like a Court deposition than a fully coloured, shaded and flavoured story, with all the texture and nuances that a third party narrative might bring to it - and I would have enjoyed the reading so much the more. My fault. Sorry. It certainly does not mean that I didn't admire ('enjoy' is hardly an appropriate word) it greatly = but certainly I would have enjoyed the novel, if not the content, far more if told in the third person.
AJB

Hi Carollyne: I guess you know your subject because this hits home and is horribly real. I only wish I knew why I have such an aversion to 1st person narratives. My loss - but to me it reads more like a Court deposition than a fully coloured, shaded and flavoured story, with all the texture and nuances that a third party narrative might bring to it - and I would have enjoyed the reading so much the more. My fault. Sorry. It certainly does not mean that I didn't admire ('enjoy' is hardly an appropriate word) it greatly = but certainly I would have enjoyed the novel, if not the content, far more if told in the third person.
AJB

Backed and on watch list

Jennifer
(Tales of Mollie Orange)

Backed and on watch list

Jennifer
(Tales of Mollie Orange)

Carollyne,
Raised by Committee is a harrowing a poignant story. I look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with pleasure.

Carollyne - a truly heartbreaking tale of the ultimate betrayal. The saying ' the only man a girl can rely on is her Daddy' is sadly not always true.

A sensitive handling of a traumatic subject.

Backed

Clare
A Policeman's Lot

A suggestion is to include a prologue containing the "Excerpt of Report..." The storyline is interesting especially in light of today's conditions in society. Another very minor suggestion is to concentrate on brief paragraphs. The mindset of today relishes short paragraph construction; I think it stems from telephone texting skills. The work is a treasure that many should read. Backed with pleasure. Chuck

RAISED BY COMMITTEE by Carollyne Haynes

Carollyne - Never having known parents to call my own, I envied those children I knew as a child who had a mother and father to love and care for them. To realise through well written works such as yours, that children endured the horrible abuse you describe, is an aspect of human behaviour that that I cannot find it in my heart to forgive. Many children grow into maturity permanently harmed, as I found in my professional work with alcohol and drug dependent people. The root of their problems was often traced directly back to their violated innocence and to unspeakable acts perpertrated on them by parents. I focussed my anger through a form of helping Attrition. Your life is like theirs - a fragmented mosaic: once perfectly formed then shattered. However expert the repairs, the original beauty can never be restored. Books like yours are a painful necessity because they inspire the broken to try to become whole again. Your book is as admirable as you are to be admired. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Raised by Committee
Carollyne Haynes


Very moving, emotional read illustrating the plight and suffering of vulnerable children. This is well written although some parts are overwhelming because of the sensitive details. One feels for Gail and empathises with her totally. Backed with pleasure and I wish you success in getting it published.
Zan

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Dear Carollyne --

Your handling of this topic is unparalleled in my experience. So often in fiction, authors give us the build up and incident of incest without showing us the day-to-day survival of it, and the aftermath of telling. Gail's life can never be the same, and as she comes to the realization of this fact, you show her pain and confusion with psychological accuracy and poignant realism. I cannot wait to find out who Gail will become.

Backed with pleasure. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

This opened my eyes in more way than one. Gail's life is a fascinating story full of hardship and triumph, and I am ashamed it has taken me so long to put my congratulations down on page. I think I backed this some time ago, but I gave it another spin on my shelf this morning.

Great work.
Abi xxx

I cryed for Gail, I laughed with Gail, I was proud of Gail then I cryed some more. Well done Carollyne!
My teen years are not far behind me and the emotions you expressed in your book were bang on.
By far one of the most well written books I have ever read.


...and they all lived happly ever after. xoxoLeah

You have a great voice here. Obviously this is a very sensitive and harrowing topic but you do not make it melodramatic. And you don't make it sterile either. You do a good job of presenting the range of emotion and fact here, the complicated path that Gail is on. We are immediately empathetic to her, not only because of what she has been through, but because she is a sensitive and seemingly smart girl. You choose good details ( the smell of leather), although I think I could do with a little more of this, to really make the time and place resonate. I like that you start with a bland medical report, a framing for your in-depth story of the actual person. I think that maybe sometimes Gail is just a tad too introspective and maybe the action suffers a bit in pace in Chapter 3 because of this...but overall, I was completely involved in this story from the onset....hoping you'll post more soon!
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Totally credible, abundantly detailed. Well done. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

I was pulled in by the premise but once I started reading i was intrigued, good story, backed with pleasure.

This is a good story. A lot of young adults will relate to Gail as she struggles against all the rules imposed on her. That means you'll find a wide audience for this. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

RAISED BY COMMITTEE:

Carollyne,

This is an incredibly well written account of one of the most terrible experiences a young girl has to endure. According to statistics, more common than one would wish to know. You write in an easy flowing style, with skill and no resource to melodrama or seeking sympathy. Your excellent blend of action, dialogue and exposition give this the feel of a manuscript almost ready for publication. I like the interweaving of backstory, which you do seamlessly, without holding up the narrative.

If you are doing another edit, I would consider changing alright to all right, which is the form most accepted by British editors, and peaking out from behind their curtains to peeking. And You're father to Your father.

I'm hugely impressed by this book, and have no hesitation in backing it.

I hope this will soon reach the ED, and I would recommend it to anyone looking for an outstanding read.

Backed.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Raised by Committee:

Carollyne,

There are important insights here into the way Gail's experience has set the course of her life - for better or worse. This is a very moving story indeed, and it is awful to think that Gail's experience may yet be further magnified in other cases, where a child is so vulnerable.
The prose and the short paragraphs are crystal clear, as is the crisp dialogue all of whic mirror the urgency and the gravity of what you have to relate.
It's important that a message like this, based on your own experience, is read widely for I suspect that experinces like your own can too easily be swept under the carpet - perhaps for the sake of committees!

Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Dear Carollyne, What courage you have to write your story. :) (I thought mine was/is tragic). I love that you made an easy read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm BACKING/COMMENTING on your book to help advance it. :) PLEASE take a moment to BACK/COMMENT on my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Ms Haynes, your work reads like a good piece of fiction. Great job on the opening chapter. Smooth and well-written.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Wonderful voice and very good characterization.

This story is tonic - medicine to the souls of those who can't tell their own. Backed in tears for that little girl, and others like her.


Catherine (The Golden Thread - pls. in return do take a look and comment when you get a chance)

I do have trouble reading true stories of this type.
I can't fathom some of the things that people put the kids through.
You write well, and I wish you luck
MickR - The Nightcrawler

Backed.
All the best,
Jacquelyn Jaye
Ballroom Madness

hullo Carolline.I learned to play Fur Elise too so I can understand taking the sheet music along. Very good story. Please take a look at my book. Thanks


Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Carollyne, this is an astonishingly strong story, told in a manner that brings home to the reader just how vulnerable the life of a child can be. I found your writing moving and very effective - and very well framed in the era with so many familiar echoes of the sixties. I've read all you've posted and would very much like to know more, particularly the outcome.
As this is a biography the content speaks for itself, but I'd suggest splitting up your pitch into paragraphs, ideally with a line of white space between each, to increase the effectiveness. This is a story I'm so pleased to have had the opportunity to have read and I'm delighted to back it.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

Hi -- what a story. Backed 100%. Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Hi

This is a sad, sad story that needs to be told. So many people suffer at the hands of others. I read this with tears in my eyes. I don't know if this is complete but if it isn't, please keep going with it. It will give some many people hope that they too will survive. Brilliant writing.
Shelved.
Cheers Olga

Carolynne,

I found something that we have in common. When I wrote about my Grampy Geshan my writing went immediately from past tense to present tense - even though the man had been dead since 1969. When you or your character are being examined by the doctor, the writing automatically switches. It comes clinical because at that point, the person is horrified and disassociates.

My grandfather was a Mason. He was a fire chief in the coal mines. He was a hero and a really great guy to everybody in town. To me, he was a pair of hands in the darkest nightmares I had from age 3.

Backed - for the courage alone.
SueAnn
The Truth About Whales

Your book makes a lot of people think along the question of "Can it really take a village to raise a child?" You have a very fascinating and thought-provoking topic here, and brilliantly written. Highly recommended, and on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Many thanks for your feedback ... and yes, it really does take a village to raise a child. Cheers!

Your book makes a lot of people think along the question of "Can it really take a village to raise a child?" You have a very fascinating and thought-provoking topic here, and brilliantly written. Highly recommended, and on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

Raised by Committee

Great cover and excellent pitches and the premise was very interesting indeed.

Right from the first line about the Black Mariah ones heart goes out to these children, I know that things are far from perfect with the child care agencies today but how much worse they were then.

This is very well written and I am afraid that is all I can find to say – it is heart wrenching and painful and dreadful. I am backing this and hope to watch it get to where it belongs on the book shelves of the high street shops. Very good luck with it – Diane

Tough story, well written. My only suggestion is to go back and look at the "had" isue. i.e. using the word "had" when the sentence says the same thing when it's removed. Removing the word often improves the flow.

Lockjaw

Carollyne: Nicely done - an era I knew nothing about. Good job living inside the situation...all best with this and shelved. Cynthia Drew, Tabernacle

This is a brave, moving book. You tell your story with great honesty, helping us to understand something, at least, of the horror of the two years of your childhood when you went through such dreadful things; and then the years which followed when you were 'under the care of the court.' This book is valuable because it is sure to help others in similar positions to recover from their hurt. Your writing is good, with clear narrative and authentic dialogue. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

A powerful and thought provoking story made all the worse as you list it as biographical. I think you are extremely brave to put your story out for others to share. You have dealt with a subject that requires great sensitivity and yet you manage to do it in a matter of fact way. I don’t know who I despise most your mother or your father but I have only admiration for you.

Knowing Liam Riley
Sue Mackender

Tremendously compelling read! It's one of those that you have to remind yourself you are reading non-fiction. You write very well and I couldn't find anything wrong with this. It was an awesome read.

Missy

Excellent writing and the theme reminds me of The Hypocrisy of Disco by Clane Hayward, Backed,

Fantastic portrayal... well done. I wish you the very best of luck. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Always very hard to critique a true life story. No one knows it better than you. But this is a really compelling story. LOVE that short pitch. The long pitch really needs some work though. Good writing though. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 ranked commentator

A significant book, valuable insight and a message to society that accounts like this are numerous ,and people need to take note and help prevent this sort of event happening.

Backed,

Lisa
A Fine Line

Okay I LIKE this book. Yeah so rare you’d be stunned.

You have nearly everything going for you. Well, except one thing. Sometimes your sentences are awkward. You either misplace the adjective or the adverb. Or you get too verbose. And it’s often. Too often. But it’s oh so easily editable.

Concrete example: “The sense of relief that had washed over me when I saw she was back was short lived.” Read that sentence aloud. It’s awkward.

And that’s my advice. Hear it aloud. You’re missing hearing your words aloud and editing them. So, here’s what you need to do. Print your novel. Sit in a comfy chair. Have someone read your words to you. Do not follow along with your eyes. Your eyes have traveled the prose path so many times that your mind assumes clarity. So follow with your ears. You will hear every misstep and badly chosen word. Have your reader circle the text and move on. This is expert advice when dealing with dialogue. You’ll hear every word that doesn’t fit into a human mouth.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

A powerful read with carefully crafted to keep the pages turning. Backed C W

Carollyne,
I like your biography very much. You have a natural rhythm to your writing and a compelling story. There are not may nonfiction books on authonomy. I have a memoir, Roughneck. Mine begins slower than yours. I'm wondering if I should rearrange the chapters.
I backed your book. You are very courageous to work though all of this through writing which I think is a healthy, positive endeavor for we who have had tramatic childhoods.
Donna Orchard (Roughneck)

This reminds me of the sorts of stories of dysfunctional and abusive families I used to hear about in ACOA meetings. Terribly sad and shock how common it really is. Very well written.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

I know how difficult this must have been to write. You show Gail's emotion, that she doesn't want to expose her daddy, whom she really loves, and her mother who never bothered to stop it. I think you have written a brilliant story. I hope it goes to the top, and I am happily backing it.

Anna
Born on Friday 13th

I am in awe of your writing style! You have the talent for grabbing hold of the readers heart and hanging there for dear life! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn Morris (A Bore No More)