The Abraham Man

Fantastic.
I urge readers to give this a go to the end, as the final curtain is simply wonderful.
Congratulations, John. This is a winner and another book I will buy.

Backed.

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

This is a great story and must be read! It's as simple as that.

The Abraham Man is a story that grabs your attention from the first sentence and doesn’t let go. Compelling, intriguing are good superlatives but don’t give justice to this very creative piece of literature. The quality of the writing jumps off the page. I’d be honored to place this wonderful novel on my shelf – it’s easier to read more of it that way.

I read through the first chapter. I have to say that I agree with other reviewers who say that this is strong in dialogue. Always keep that in mind and don't lose sight of it. I found myself wanting some more action though in the very beginning. Not necessarily anything big, but to know how the characters were interacting. I am giving you five stars for a great story idea dn use of dialogue. I'll be back to read more and give this one another whirl. One last thing, are all of those quotes necessary at the beginning? Just a thought...

Best,

Ashley

As he says: If you tear out your heart and offer it up to the world, it will be dissected by fools. So, here's what one fool thinks...

Read as much as you like. Read a chapter or two. Read five. Twelve. It's all good stuff.

But if you read it all, you'll be stunned by it. This is a great book. (I did spot a few typos; let me know if you'd like them sent to you in a message.)

You have some great writing skills. Your real strength though are in your dialogue. Some people or I should say many people can’t pull it off. Since the majority of the chapter is dialogue the flow of it goes very, very fast.

There was a lot of backstory and small talk in the beginning but once Harler starting talking about he needed a woman. His character became more likeable and mor readable if that makes sense. I think that was the pivot of the chapter. after that, i was deep into your story.

I love when he said: “lock the door and come to bed with me” what a line. perfect!

And as the story continues, again after Harler’s thoughts of needing a woman, it just gets better and better with the character becoming more real. I started relating with the two. I started talking back at the screen. which is a good thing. it means that I am truly involved with your characters. I’m not thinking of anything about my personal life. I am focused solely on this story. definitely 6 stars. usually I give every one 5 or 6 stars to be nice but you deserve 6.

one thing I would consider though (it’s a big one) is to start the book when Harler thinking about needing a woman. You don’t have to and you probably should keep it as is but I just wanted to bring it to your attention. Also, I don’t think the quotes are necessary.

But I LOVED the second half of this chapter. LOVED IT. I thought it couldn’t go any faster but it sure did.

Dear John,

Read Chapters 1 - and below are my this chapter's niches:

Of all your citations, I have loved, “It’s not dark yet. But it’s getting there” by Bob Dylan. More or less everyone at least one point one can testify that he/she has been faced with realities in Bob Dylan’s words.


“Wednesday August the 20th was New Years Day … But I have nothing further to say, so I say nothing. ” – so I ask, according which orthodox calendar?


“Has her hair in a tight bun. Her eyes can bestow more censure than a bench of magistrates.” - poignant expression!


“… I need to feel a soft breast grow warm in my hand.” – and all men said, Amen.

Till now Bravo.

Dear John,

Your pitch's "It tells the secret that the music industry has hidden for 40 years," What ? This is an excellent luring expression in the pitch to read your story because musicians have climbed to all height as going down to the depths of in order to succeed in their music industry - drugs, witchcraft, casanovasim, name it. Bravo for inviting readers on this expedition of finding the music industry hidden secret.

Hello John-
-The Abraham Man-

This is a book, I recommended to go to the top some 134 days ago; and i am gland
to see that it has arrived at a well deserved ranking of 40.
Back in now to give it a boost with my Six star rating, This book John is one very good read and
wish you luck on the editors desk; which i have no doubt it will reach

tom bye' from hugs to kisses'

Hi John,

I just popped over as i'm revisiting some books I read before out of curiosity to see how I take to them the 2nd time round.

I was nitpicky last time as you seemed to be looking for that sort of thing. Looking at your book as a reader, though, there's a lot to enjoy. :)

Your short, sharp writing style is v clear and immediate. It also produces great pace. And Jeff's such a wonderful character, so much larger than life. I can see readers desperately needing to read on far too late into the night to follow his (mis)adventures. ;)

I don't know if I've grown up a bit since I made the last comment or learned more about writing, but I enjoyed this very much on a 2nd reading. I'm giving your book 6 stars right now, and will slot it onto my shelf when you're shooting for the desk.

Good luck getting published,

Pete

A very appropriate title of which the story so far fits the lunacy of the MC. When I read, "A black ball of aloneness hides near my heart" it struck a nerve in me - made me sit up and take note and then I began to realise the dichotomy that he is fighting between the thoughts of insanity and his struggle to find thoughts that give a perceived normality - like this is the 60's the drugs, the drinks, the parties. Purple hearts, black bombers, dope - now I start to think of drugs and being a former smack-head I wonder whether they had methodone in the days of Keith Moon? Worth looking up because I have a feeling its a relatively new treatment that would not have been availiable then. Nevertheless, well written certainly captures my head "When evening spreads peaceful gloom across the yard ..." Sven (Soldier Blue)

John - The Abraham Man is a winner - backed with stars by Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

I've read to the end of chapter 3 and while I notice bits here and there that could be tightened, I'm still quite engrossed in the story. I like the style of writing and the voice. Others have commented on dialogue and a few nits here and there that I agree with, so I won't repeat. Definitely have a look at the dialogue, it is rather formal in some places and it's noticable only because it doesn't go with the...feel (?) of the story.

It's obvious that a lot of care an attention has gone into this story and the edits I think it needs are minor. Well done, I'm going to be back to read more. Backed..

There's some good writing here. I'll be reading more.

Hi John,

since you were kind enough to back me I had to come over here and look at your work. It's the least I can do. I tend to comment as I read to try and keep track, and I do look out for areas where I can offer suggestions, so please don't be offended by any crit. It'll be well meaning. + you can ignore me if you think I'm a moron. :)

1 I found all the snippets before your story a bit disjointed and irritating. Personally, I wouldn't use any, but if you feel you have to can you just pick one that meshes with your work best?

2 I think there are too many short sentences. I found this made the writing feel a bit fragmented and stilted. I'm sure you're using the short sentences for effect, but it feels overdone to me.

3 I think the dialogue feels overly formal in places. I'd suggest using more contractions to make it feel more real.

4 I found the way you vary between present and past tenses with different scenes disorientating. I'm sure you have a good reason for doing this, but I found each transition jarring.

OK I'll do no more nitpicking. I think you're clearly an accomplished writer who does a good job unfurling a story gradually and making us want to read on and find out what happened. Your writing has a short, sharp style that's interesting and works well.

I don't feel I can back your book purely because some of the things I mentioned above just didn't work for me. However, I'm sure other people will enjoy this and I wish you the best of luck getting published. :)

Pete

I saw another person stating that this was a great read. I only intended on glancing at it, but instead ended up reading the whole chapter. And I do intend on reading on, because Harler is definitely an interesting character, his flirting with the nurse and thoughts entertaining. I also like how you describe your characters, the doctors adam apple bobbing, the nurse's legs. They were distinctive, and memorable. You also managed to get across Harler's clothing, and appearance nicely through action (eg. the black hair between his teeth). Straight up you give us his situation, a druggy rockstar, his band members hardly being supportive. I also liked how you described the LSD experience, where Harler didn't tell the doctor about the swarms of bees chasing him. This so far is very good. I'll leave you another comment when I read chapter 2. Ciao for now - Marita.

Great book.

Hi John,

You captured the persona of a rock star in creating Jeff Harler. The scene with him propositioning the nurse at the hospital seems so representative of their personalities. At least the nurse had the decency and the morals to say 'no.'

The rock 'n' roll banter that comes from Jeff is catchy and entertaining. It's very realistic. It's a novelty to be inside the mind of a rock star. Backed.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. A sympathetic main character. Good descriptions. Not much tension in the chapter. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) "It was him that carried Gina out." 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.
2) 'I look up as I hear a soft footfall.' Consider reversing the sequence so you have action/reaction in the correct order. Also, 'I hear' is implied if you write 'A soft footfall approached.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a fine day.

Al

Hi John, Great writing. A must read. Well done, sir.
Best wishes, Barry

this is an intriguing piece...you write with great effect, with brilliant narrative and atmosphere....l shall back...
read SEASONS....

Hi,
I am really very impressed on reading t\your work. Very impressive.

All the best.
S.Vinay kumar
"10 roses for love."

hello John ' the Abraham Man'
this was a book that i had short listed to reach the top many months ago. and glad to see that it is getting closer.
i have just read some more chunks of it and as before found engrossing, and a captivating read.
the dialogue is first class and brings to book along at a fast pace
in fact it is powerful writing, one of the better books on the site
i have no hesitation in giving it the six stars it deserves.
good luck
tom bye
from hugs to kisses'

Oh wow! Wow!!! I've just been on here a couple of days, but ran across your novel running searches for what I like to read. I was a reporter in the music industry for years, you've nailed this! Love crime novel anyway, and this is worth publishing. Its going on my bookshelf and I'll recommend, okay! I'm only about half through, but its very, very good!

OMG, this is True ROCK & ROLL, to start; the way it was, poetic in places, excruciating in others, then twists and turns that move to murder and horror. A lot more than R&R, the truth about fame and fortune. A book for every parent with music-minded kids, into what really happens with some big stars, in the painful, truthful end. Has to be written by one who has been there done that; as a musician I recognize them. Sometime even poetic in its language; anger, passion, can;t be put down. Read this!

chuckgnx -- Marshall Warren: "Sunrise, Sunset" -- Power, Politics, Mother Earth, Sex & Money. 49 chap.

I'm backing this again as I enjoyed it the first time round and the ranking is now is just confusing!. Good luck. Katherine Strata

The Abraham Man was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. I read, rated, and BACKED your work. Looks like a winner to me! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side and find a place for it on your shelf. Thanks.
Sue50

I remember reading this. and am happy to put it on my shelf again, its a great read.

all the best

alison

Have commented on this before, nothing's changed, love this story

A fantastically creative story from what I have read. Very imaginative and the dialogue is uniquely engaging. I am rating it highly in the stars.

FEL

Backed

Well this one made me sit up. Its truly a very good book. It has everything from scary stuff to inovative dialouge it really hits the spot on so many levels. If this dosent end up in print there's no justice.

Backed and starred with pleasure
Sue

Knowing Liam Riley

Hey John, great writing, the style is not really catching my attention, but the story is catchy! It is definitely unique though, I enjoyed the perspective of the rock star! One thing I noticed is that you might want to check on some of your sentences and make sure the tense matches the rest of the paragraphs. Overall great story!

Wow, you really have something here. From the very beginning I was sucked in and forced to read on. You are a very talented writer. I wish I had the time to read beyond the first six chapters but I can always read it when its published as it undoubtedly will. If not there is no justice in the world.

This is a story that stays with you long after you have finished reading it.
Amelia Gail
A Date in The Diary

' The Abraham Man '

You have a great imagination and an outstanding talent for putting it into words. This is superbly well written and without doubt one of the best completed novels in this genre on the site.
From the begining the unique images and atmosphere you create draws the reader in.

Jane

'Breath in the Dark'

At last, a quick review of the opening to The Abraham Man. Excellent psychiatric-conversation opening. I liked the description of the nanny ("a stare that had more censure than a bench of magistrates" - lovely phrase), and there was somehting absolutely chilling about the rock star's acid nightmare of the forest, and the beckoning figures. Excellent evocation of a rock band (remember those?) trying to create a masterpiece, and this man hurting on the outside of it due to his substance abuse. The seduction attempt with the nurse was nicely done, too. A fine opening

Pat

Hi John ' The Abraham man'

I backed this great book of yours some time back. It is a well woven story and powerful writing that grabs attention right from the first chapter' It really deserves it's high ranking at 44, and i have no doubt that it will reach the editors desk very soon and with luck will be published.
6 stars
Tom Bye ' From Hugs to kISSES'

On my WL-Impressed by what I have seen so far. Best wishes, Claire

A surprising theme. It tells us how to bring back distressed minds to the land of life. A man who lost everything except his mind, but he later had an opportunity to anchor in the hopes of hope. Thus he could retrurned to normal life. Your characterization is apart from usual format of a novel

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

This books nails a skill that I see so rarely in books, in creating a true horror story, but one that is written with the elegance of literary fiction. This mix makes me place this story with others of my favorites on the site. There's so much lying-in-wait terror here, my heart was thumping. Love the short, pointed sentences, one after another that seem to play out the scene in slow motion. Great work - I want to read the whole book.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

I love this John. Nothing more to say. No errors in punctuation noticed. Just superb reading and reading on to the end, thanks for uploading the whole thing :)

Great dialogue...very easy to read. Love the abraham man definition at beginning. (Haha...my Dad's busked all over England and is a bit of an alcho so I could relate to this!)
Great work.
Alison Butler

Fascinating beginning, well paced, and you have created very intriguing main character, evident immediately.
Karen

John
This is seriously good, your writing has an immediacy and is very engaging. It's fresh and the small paragraphs add to its appeal and momentum. Top marks!
Most happy to have on my shelf
All the best
Kate

John, this is a bit of a weird book, excellently written, really it is (can't be said for may on this site). I don't know what it is that makes this book work and others leave me just tired from ploughing through them. I cannot really say I 'like ' the book but you're a WRITER, there's not a shadow of doubt about it and I'm sure many will embrace it. I star it fully because I admire your style and I think this is one of the few books here of this site that actually has the quality and the weight to be called a work of interest. Starred and will put on my shelf when I've fulfilled my promises to others. Hannah

Ah today I'm actually writing a 'Dear John' letter (laughing)...Dear John, I loved your book. Sorry that I've taken so long to read it (it was on my WL for a long time and your message reminded me)...and after reading it, I wondered why it has taken me that long to get to it. Your words were not only succinct, nothing wasted, nothing there for the sake of more words...and yet at the same time, these words created a wonderful imaginary such that I could visualise the action happening before my eyes. And I'm glad that you've added love in the scheme of things. Wonderful...get it published please and I'll may be the first in the queue for the autograph! Hanyxxx

Totally taken in by the first chapter. Promise to read more later (WList soooo long!). But happily backed for now. Also, completely pleased by NOT having to read a bio that is 19 volumes in length and describes a deprived childhood (that sometimes, to be honest, you think they probably bl**dy deserved)!! Good luck, Ceeds

Excellent writing and a compelling story means I'll have to find time to read the whole thing. Going on what I've read in the first five chapters, it'll be no hardship at all. 6*s from me. I'll back it as soon as I have a space. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

Awesome read from the very beginning. This is something I would definatly finish. The style is smooth and the character's are easily made into something believable, wonderful, intriguing. You definatly want to continue finding out about this rock stars life. I'll definatly continue to read. *Neicy*

Sampled several chapters. Quite a captivating read. Glad to back it.

DW

I love a good crazy-guy ghost story. Well done. The dialogue could be loosened up a bit, but the descriptions are wonderful and the lead character is fascinating.

I'd like to give this a good set of stars, but Authonomy currently doesn't allow me to. Hopefully, I will be allowed to rate this and other good books in due course.

Finished the Abraham Man - it stays on the shelf - well done and a good ending - first book I read to the end, so it stays until you are edited!