Urban Nordica I: Chainbreaker

This is brilliant. I love the Oh my bit on the end of the pitch. The cover is excellent, all dark and mysterious and even looks like velvet, clever! I have to say the prologue is excellent and I found myself laughing all the way through especially the if someone can tell me where my feet are, hilarious, hope I was supposed to find it funny thinking about it, if not, sincere apologies. Excellent, backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

This is a fascinating pitch, full of fantasy and excitement with a hint of the humour which is so prevalent in your story. You have created an original alternative world, and your characters zing with life, springing off the page. The seven foot tall creature (Loki?) speaks in a modern vocabulary and with a turn of phrase which is authentic in the extreme. Joseph is an interesting, vivid person, someone who is amusing and exciting to get to know. The Chinese Miriah, whom he fetches from across the world to help him, is a feisty, attractive, witty girl, easy to like. She is clearly going to make a great partner for Loki as we move on with the plot. Your writing is smooth, easy to read, witty and appealing. A book to enjoy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Brilliant characters, a fun and suspenseful read - I've read it through twice now and eagerly await the next installment!

Different strokes for different folks...I loved what I read...both prologues included. The humour grabbed me at first and had me chuckling away as I read...very dark to be sure but most definitely funny. "Always the wrong people"

I like the pacing...its fast and the characterizations are excellent as is the dialogue. Actually I have no nits to pick at all.
My kinda book.
Backed with great pleasure.
Suzannah Burke.

Greetings Jesse and A.S.!

Why is it that seven-foot demons have all the bad luck? Kudos go out to you two on Urban Nordica: Chainbreaker! The manuscript is professionally formatted, and vivid imagery is utilized to its fullest extent. I suspect that fantasy fans will asbsorb this like a sponge! Urban Nortica hints at flavors such as Tolkien and Lewis, but with a much grittier edge! Good work on a well-groomed fantasy!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR)

This is brilliant. I love the Oh my bit on the end of the pitch. The cover is excellent, all dark and mysterious and even looks like velvet, clever! I have to say the prologue is excellent and I found myself laughing all the way through especially the if someone can tell me where my feet are, hilarious, hope I was supposed to find it funny thinking about it, if not, sincere apologies. Excellent, backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

I'm really enjoying this and having trouble not reading more. The world is a really interesting combination of all sorts of things. I'm never sure what will come next. The Loki sections are a lot of fun to read. I like the idea of "a modern kind of ancient god."

The 3rd person parts I find occasionally confusing because sometimes it's not clear to me who's speaking. For example, towards the end of the first chapter: "'I know you!' It came as if on cue." Who says this? I wasn't sure at first and then after reading a couple more lines, I decided maybe Joseph and Miriah both said it at the same time, but you should make it clear. Also, if Loki is supposed to sound American, he would not say 'bollocks'. I couldn't tell if he actually is supposed to, but it's what the people in the bar tell Joseph, so it's what I was imagining up until bollocks.

I was confused for a while by the two prologue thing. I assume you're using them both? I like them both, though I like the first one better. Maybe for Authonomy only, you might do well to just call them Chapter 1 and 2. They aren't a lot shorter or very different in style from what comes after, so I don't think there would be any confusion if you did. And a lot of people here seem to be allergic to prologues. They waste lots of comment space on telling you that agents don't like them and you should get rid of yours. If I could find any way to get rid of mine, I would, just so people would quit telling me that.

Hi -- great characters and a real fun read. Backed with pleasure.
Best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

I LOVED the pitches which is why I read the first chapter. Man, this is long, maybe too long. Cut it up, break it up. Think it can better to keep the pace up. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

This is a fascinating pitch, full of fantasy and excitement with a hint of the humour which is so prevalent in your story. You have created an original alternative world, and your characters zing with life, springing off the page. The seven foot tall creature (Loki?) speaks in a modern vocabulary and with a turn of phrase which is authentic in the extreme. Joseph is an interesting, vivid person, someone who is amusing and exciting to get to know. The Chinese Miriah, whom he fetches from across the world to help him, is a feisty, attractive, witty girl, easy to like. She is clearly going to make a great partner for Loki as we move on with the plot. Your writing is smooth, easy to read, witty and appealing. A book to enjoy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

nice pitch. that Oh my is a nice touch ;)

I have to say this is surprisingly "IN YOUR FACE BITCH". I wasn't expecting that, and since I like that I liked this. Mild language...? Fuck that, this tells it like it is and slams you in the face with it. And the best way to describe the ride in this book is in the first paragraphs. Like slamming into a ceiling. From the fucking downside!

a reduced number of adjectives to make it a smoother read in some locations is oribably everything I would do in terms of prose, and even thats rare... "Poor abused little soul" little? ok, but thats entierly your choce ;)

I liked Test two hahah

very fast paced, I would call this Action move paced hehe, constant motion of the plot and good situations to keep you interested.

A fun romp - could use the hand of a good copy editor, but it kept me up way past my bedtime, and I look forward to reading the next book in the series.

Brilliant characters, a fun and suspenseful read - I've read it through twice now and eagerly await the next installment!

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

Really great read, not sure about having 2 prologues, I used to have one to my book but received that much stick about it, I took it out. Watch out for the hackers!! It's your book, so do what you want.

Great work, might be overwritten in some places but we're all in the process of editing, stick with it.

Melxx
Would love to hear your thoughts on Impeding Justice, in the charts at no.33. Thanks xx

Backed with pleasure! Joss M. (A Bore No More)

Different strokes for different folks...I loved what I read...both prologues included. The humour grabbed me at first and had me chuckling away as I read...very dark to be sure but most definitely funny. "Always the wrong people"

I like the pacing...its fast and the characterizations are excellent as is the dialogue. Actually I have no nits to pick at all.
My kinda book.
Backed with great pleasure.
Suzannah Burke.

I've been on this site a long time, and pretty jaded from all the reading. So it's one of those days when I'm feeling like a publisher's reader, rather than an Authonomy hack trying to find a backer.


My job today, is to do the triage on several dozen manuscripts, find one I think is worth recommending, read it and write a report on it. I can't get through more than one of them and I'm looking for reasons to toss the lot. So I give them one paragraph to get me interested.

A novel should not need a prologue, let alone two.

But, I'm an Authonomy hack, looking for a backer, so i'll go on to your first paragraph. It tells me far more than I need or care to know, so...I would say:

…music from the club pulsed steadily…

They had to pass through it to get there.

cut the passive constructions that follow.

Sorry. There's just too much to do. Perhaps by now you get the point. Needs work.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

I have enojyed the three chapters that I have read. Backed with pleasure

George FripleY - Wurzel of Clutton

Hi. I really liked your pitch. I have read the prologue and dipped into some random chapters. There are very few nits to note - a few split infinitives scattered around but that was hardly a major issue. I am enjoying Loki's interaction with the rest of the characters. Miriah has the Buffy style slayer vibe, and is a strong presence. Best of luck.