A Dive Down The Abyss

Delightfully delicious. Your exquisite way with words, paints the naked canvas with a myriad of colour for us to enjoy. I was spell bound immediately and wanted to read more, but alas, time did not permit. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Morning Rajesh.
I found your book [well the first 3 chapters] really fascinating and illumative. As the reader, I found it easy to relate to [everyday feelings / impulses], which I think is key to any book like this.
Will you complete it?
BACKED for encouragement.
Would really appreciate if you take a look at my childrens book called Adventures of the Paperbats.
Thanks. Jerry [paperbat]

This is enticingly written, with a passion for language and structure that is obvious,in every syllable.

I love the soft cadence of your style and the way the characters are allowed to envelope rather than develop; beautiful stuff. It reminds me very much of the collection of connected short stories by V S Naipaul, "Miguel Street". Excellent.

BACKED

Rajesh: do apologize for this spam comment but I did BACK your book. Though my book is currently on the Ed's Desk, I can still use your comments on my book before the end of this month. Thanks - cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Rajesh

loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

DIVE DOWN THE ABYSS
I like stories that take me away from my everyday world and whisk me away to a new and different one – and this story does that well. It’s an interesting and informative coming of age story. When I was growing up, I had an uncle who was different from most (a hippie long after everyone else had given that up) so I related to Murthy uncle and his tendency to spout sayings no one else understands. Made this a good read for me. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Rajesh, I love that you shared from the heart & put me right there with you in your sad story - in my memoir, I wrote similarly about my mom. :) Your pitch drew me in to read your book & your story made me keep reading. :) I have backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

Interesting story though the pitch is a little confusing. I read on, nevertheless. As someone said, it needs an edit (what doesn't, mine, too) and its a very long first chapter. I enjoyed the style and the beginning was quite thoughtful. I shall carry on reading to see how it goes and comment again later.
Polly.
STONES.

Your book has great promise. It needs editing, and your pitch needs re writing. I will get back to it latter and comment on it.

This is an interesting story. I like books that transport me away from my everyday world into a new and different one and this book certainly does that. I like the idea of a school that is a "part prison." A big plus here is your writing style: it's smooth and flowing and really carries a reader's attention forward. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

The Greenhorn Footfalls

I very much like the voice this is written in it is perfect and carries the book so well.
I think this is a clever well-structured book. I very much like the threaded philosophy to start with and the shift in chapter 2. Well-balanced and engaging story. – Good luck

Rajesh, your narrative style is almost flawless. Nothing really to nitpick in the two opening chapters. Probably just to subdivide into smaller paragraphs.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Ok I like this. Good character build and great voice.

I'd break your pitch into paragraphs though as it was a bit heavy on the eye to read.

Uncle Murthy is interesting!

Backed.

Lorri (Euphoria)

You can build up your story on Uncle Murthy, he is a strange character. You have got a great start here. as i said just emphasise a bit more on the main character to make your book even more interesting, i dont if you could add up some dialogues between you and uncle Murthy and you or someone else in the start of the story, just for a change. Your writing is clear and fast paced, i like that. just the story needs a bit more attention. i back it with pleasure.

shah - the interpreter

I only read the intro chapter. I do like the story but i thought some of the longer paragraphs could be cut down if only to keep the pacing up. Both of those pitches could be looked at as well. Consider throwing them into the forum and having people help you out? I know I have in the past. But this is good writing. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

You have the foundations to a great story here and with a little bit of careful editing it could be stunning.

Great work.

Happily Shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Barry,

Thanks for the help. I agree the work needs much ironing out. Tense jumping is something I need to be careful about. Looking forward to further comments. Will soon read your book.

Regards,

Rajesh

Hi Rajesh -- I thought you LP could do with some work --

Sameer’s daily routine was predictably set. Be it the differences with sister Swati and Appa at home or getting supported by Amma. At the ‘partly enjoyable prison’ called school too there was the usual crowd of Bouncer, Gangubai, Caney and D’Souza. Then, of course, the motley crew of the absent-minded Pawan, the ever-growling Babua, among others. During this enjoyably predictable time, when hormones were also acting smart, something was brewing. One of Murthy uncle’s many awkward sentences would kick-start Sameer’s journey towards self-realisation. A strange dissatisfaction would gnaw him, kickstarting a singular obsession. He was filled with innumerable questions with no answers in sight. Sameer’s differences with Appa became stark and his new-found non-conformism disturbed Amma. The obsession of knowing the unknown would turn Sameer blind towards his vicinity, even failing to notice a crumbling Amma. Amma’s death would act as an eye-opener for Sameer. He’d realise how he was responsible for the same thing he had blamed his father for. But, life’s seemingly-strange game was far from over. The journey would finally culminate into an ironic crescendo, which Sameer would much later realise is coming to life of another of Murthy uncle’s saying: “The devil is inside us.”
was predictably set (perfect past), followed by be (present)

Predictably set, partly enjoyable, enjoyably predictable, seemingly-strange

kick-start, kickstarting -- repetition

blind toward his vicinity -- awkward

Then, of course

would turn, would act, he'd (he would), journey would, much later realise is -- tense confusions

realise is coming to life -- realise is the coming to life

Just my opinion, which I hope is useful to you -- I've backed you and will read and comment more later, on the book itself, if you like.
Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Thanks Tim,

Sure. Will take a look ay your book.

Yes, I accept it needs some copyediting.

Regards,

Iyer

backed with pleasure

alison

Could do with a spot of editing, but it seems quite ambitious in what it sets out to do.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

`An interesting account. of the spiritual coming of age in another culture. I read it twice and realise it was sad when Amma died, yet I still don't think I understand it completely. I take it this is just a short account not a full novel or is there more to upload. Backed because I am intrigued by it, I might read it again tomorrow. Think I might be missing something from the comments below, but also who is the intended audience?

Lisa

A Fine Line

This needs a good bit of editing but I love the tone and the MC.

Best of luck with this.

Leah Petersen - Mourn the Sun

Great writing and good hooks at the end of the chapters. Plus, learning how to swear in a new language is always handy :)

Backed.
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

Love the philosophical feel to this. You show Murthy uncle well. This has a great voice and you have a fresh approach. This is perfect for it's intended target audience. I am not much of a reader of literary fiction, but this was, for me, better than some other literary fiction novels I've read on this site. It felt natural, like it was literary, not like it was trying to be literary. For me that is what makes a good novel--when it IS.
Backed.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix