Book Jacket

 

rank 72
word count 85571
date submitted 10.03.2010
date updated 11.03.2011
genres: Historical Fiction, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

THE TIME WARRIORS

OWEN QUINN

Imagine you had a secret past. Imagine nightmares were real. Imagine terrors and wonders went hand in hand. Welcome to Earth. But you're not human.

 

They came to our world; the last survivors of a shattered civilisation.

They could be your best friend, your neighbour, your boss, the bully at school but they protect us.

Varran, a man to whom the universe whispered his destiny in his planet's dying breaths, locking him in a single moment where he never aged, is burdened with the knowledge that something is coming; an evil that will consume everything in creation and that the last stand would be on Earth.

Varran's solitary guilt ridden life is shattered by three people, Michael, Tyran and Jacke .
Brought together by chance, they face evil in all its forms; protecting Earth with little more than their wits and the weaponry of the Juggernaught, the craft that became the cradle for the last survivors of Xereba.

Their adventures will take them across time and space battling Bigfoot, the ghost of Jack the Ripper, inner demons, aliens hungry for flesh and Celts but something from the last days of Xereba is plotting revenge on Varran and Earth will pay the price.

This is books 2 and 3 of a series which explains why Jacke, Michael and Tyran don't get a proper intro

 
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THE FIRST FOOTSTEP

                                         1.  FIRST FOOTSTEP

 

Space was ablaze with hellish brilliance as the death throes of a billion voices choked in flame.

 

Orange, blue, red and green danced like a kaleidoscope opera as the planet’s atmosphere began to evaporate. Time held its breath as the land shivered, cracked and  began to dissolve under great waves of vivid green lightning as the air sizzled with energy. The planet was breaking up, black infernos blasting glacial chunks into space in halos of fire, whole continents shimmering into ash beneath the onslaught.

 

The stars trembled in horror as the entire eco-structure was swallowed in oceans of lava and fire which began shaving all life from the crumbling surface of Xereba in unrelenting spasms.

 

The land screamed and shattered, every person and animal caught in tidal firewalls that reduced the burning seas to superheated steam.

 

Within minutes an eternity of evolution died in the molten rubble that surged forward from beneath the surface in great unfeeling geysers devouring everything they touched. Already, bubbling wreaths of red hot molten asteroids were forming, tumbling end over end in brimstone flame through space, a tapestry of tombstones marking the end for Xereba.

 

Amid the cacophony of destruction a lone space station hung limply in space, as if too shocked to move. Shards of planetary debris bounced harmlessly across its shields in little spots of colour like oil on water, the mere tip of the iceberg.

 

 

This was the Juggernaught, the Xereban military’s greatest achievement.

 

It was the first of a fleet that would never be built, created to stave off any potential invaders. Xereba had faced an invasion once before but the quick thinking of one military leader had averted the disaster, saving the people from being reduced to a life of slavery from a reptilian race called the Swarchek. Like a bulldog the Juggernaught defiantly faced the devastation head on, its hull laden with sensors and weapons, most of which were implanted in its shape, hidden from the naked eye; its manta shape reinforced with a self sustaining skin that gave it an organic look.

 

Inside the vast curved craft was a stunned silence to match deepest space. The moment the energy waves had begun rippling across the planet, every alarm had triggered, sending the quick thinking technicians and soldiers, on seeing their home’s death throes, into battle stations.

 

They had been trained well by General Solos and had acted swiftly. The energies killing their world disrupted the teleport system and so, praying to the winds of hopeful fate, they focused the beams on the surface and randomly scooped up whoever they could, from wherever they could. They could not control it, their hope urging the beams to scoop at least some of their loved ones aboard.

 

Tears burned their eyes as person after person materialized on board, shaken, nervous and lost. Others screamed like their very souls had been ripped from them, desperate hands reaching for loved ones that were no longer there. Out of eight billion citizens only 1,243 were saved. The Juggernaught, once the first best defense of all Xereba, was now the last cradle of hope for the Xereban people.

 

Survivors were materializing all over the station but Solos, in his devious military brilliance, had cleverly made the vehicle two fold. He had stood in its command centre, six months before, beaming proudly as his image was projected across the planet.

The Juggernaught not only acts as a multipurpose station to house over four thousand troops but it is capable of space flight. After all, what use is a space station that can’t move when attacked or indeed needed to manoeuver in order to fight back?” Some said paranoia made Solos think of every possible outcome regardless of the expense. They were right.

 

The survivors were numbed into silence; unsure of what had happened, scarcely able to believe what they were seeing on the holographic screen that rotated in mid air above their heads as the dozens of computers seemed to fall strangely silent. Some ducked as huge boulders of debris flew past, flames jeering at them like demons. They all had been going about their daily lives before being scooped here.

 

Too traumatized to think, they could only stare about them at strangers’ faces, desperate for a family member or a friendly face. But all they could see was their own desolate grief reflected in each others features.

 

One woman, Neera, had been teaching a class of thirty children, all bright and eager for the future. She had felt the ground tremble, the air gasp in a pinprick of complete silence before the fires came; unable to move, she watched as tornados of flame consumed her class as she was carried off by the teleport beams, useless hands reaching desperately at ash. She sat weeping, cradling her head in her hands as the looks on the childrens' faces played before her; those innocent wide eyed babies who never even understood what was happening.

 

The shaken crew could only mumble empty words of comfort to the distressed. No one knew what had happened. It was as if the universe had opened its dark side and smashed their planet from under them for fun. Even the Xereban philosophy of everything happens for a reason seemed a sad excuse now under this mind wrenching loss.

 

Colossal jade bolts of lightning raked the planet; ripping into its heart and pulling it apart piece by piece in unfeeling rage. Aftershocks rocked the Juggernaught as Xereba’s agony intensified, vomiting its innards up as the waves shredded it mercilessly. The teleport was failing, its beams scattered by the planetary explosions as the deck began to buck unsteadily.

 

That’s it! We’re out of time!” bellowed a thick set man. The inertial dampers were straining to keep them upright as the explosions carried bigger chunks of rubble towards them. Bracing his stocky frame, he leaped forward and ignited the Juggernaught’s mammoth engines. They roared defiantly at the dying world as it swung left, shuddering as it moved, riding out the plumes of fire like a frenzied phoenix. The survivors clung desperately to anything to keep them safe against the shaking, terrified screams lost in the shrieking air as the engines fought to gain momentum.

 

Dargan gripped the flight controls as he willed the engines to full power, trying not to look at the disaster before him as a hundred faces of friends now lost screamed in his mind. Choking back tears, he narrowed his eyes and tightened his mouth as he made a silent vow never to forget them.

 

I know these engines like the back of my hand! “he shouted over the crescendo, trying to look confident as sweat soaked his body.

 

Where they were heading he didn’t know nor care; as long as they put distance between themselves and the inferno that was once their home. He’d been the chief engineer on the Juggernaught since its very conception so he knew what these engines could take.

 

There were days they almost talked to him in a language only he and they understood. He had no family, been married to his work, a loner most of his life but his heart was hurting at the thought of all those who never stood a chance; of all the lost tomorrows and promises never kept.

 

Today was a day where everyone was steeped in anguish.

 

He glanced about him at the fearful sweaty faces looking to him for salvation. He could see they fully expected that any moment the Juggernaught would split apart and merciless fire would consume them all. But he refused to let that happen; something or someone had to survive to tell the tale and find justice for everyone. All eyes looked to the screen as Xereba broke apart as its core exploded, blasting countless tons of rock into space in an ocean of blood red infernos.

 

The Juggernaught’s manta ray glowed red and orange as hungry flame licked at it like wolves as it carried away the survivors whose futures were as black as the space that bore them. Lost in their souls as well as life, they could only see solitude and death; destined to waste away in this metal tomb.

 

Except for one man.

 

He lay immobile on the floor, being attended to by a nurse called Vela, a broad woman who jumped right in to help the wounded to avoid watching her home burn. Somehow that kept her focused, being able to do something rather than stand by helplessly. She had been on duty in the Tancara medical centre before an explosion tore it in two. Gently, she wiped the sweat from her blond fringe and sat back on her hunkers, putting her blackened jacket under the man’s head. She tried to block out the buffeting as she stared at him, slightly unnerved.

 

His skin was like ancient parchment and his veins bulged out of his face. His hair, white with fear, mounted a strong face with sapphire eyes that stared widely but not moving. She could see broken veins on his nose and cheeks almost like the after effects of decompression. Trauma, she knew but from what? And what was he staring at? Vela shivered as she felt him look through her to focus on somewhere else .he seemed very young to have such  white hair. What has he lost compared to us to be in this state? she wondered smoothing his hair.

Whatever it was, she hoped she would never see it.

 

He was alone.

 

No sound echoed here. No movement. Even his own heart was silent to him. Tar blackness stuck his feet to the ground; yet there was no ground.

 

Like the first actor on in a play, Varran gradually became aware of faint shimmering lights in front of a black curtain. The curtain rose and reality shot through him in a myriad of colour that swayed and twirled and formed planets, suns, solar systems even entire galaxies.

 

The universe exploded all around him, running like oil in the rain, solar winds shrieking in his mind like over excited children. He held his hands over his ears until the wind settled into a sound almost like a choir, a choir whose voices were so beautiful and moving it made the universe’s heart beat faster.

 

Reality spread out before him in vivid shades, solidifying where he was standing on the heavens, far above time and space.

 

The universe in all its gregarious glory was a tapestry, with everything connected together in thought and mind. It was imbued with waterfall colors and nova wonder mixed with towers of elegance. Varran could barely contain his delight.

 

He laughed, stars trickling through his tingling fingers, light playing every fibre of his being.

 

Never had he felt such tranquility, such clarity of mind. He could feel other races talking to him, beings he’d never imagined. He could see reality interacting with time and thought; dimensions existing alongside others in some fragile ballet.

 

Suns bellowed merrily as they nurtured worlds teeming with all kinds of life that moons and stars mothered in rest, sharing their dreams, pulling the blankets over them while they slumbered. Varran could see one being’s dreams become another’s reality, minds touching across the wastes of space.

 

From such things music and verse were born, lifted from a universal harmony that myriads sang but none could ever fully comprehend.

 

The universe was a choir of ideas, vibrant with life that sang a song that ran for eternity. It touched Varran in a way he had never thought possible, reaching to his very core, opening his mind to limitless possibilities. His work became clear, the temporal equations and quirks in quantum mechanics rushing to him like long lost friends and the universe opened to him like some great honeycomb where each galaxy, each planet, each creature connected and functioned as a whole entity. He chuckled at how simple life was.

 

He gasped, buckling over, the stars falling from his hands.

 

A deep chill ripped at him, resonating through the universe, causing beings to look to the skies for answers. It gripped his soul, twisting it, forcing Varran to his knees. The stars shimmered where he fell, his eyes glancing heavenward. A shiver on the horizon caught his attention. It was like watching heat bounce off a desert road. It rippled and swarmed toward Varran with frightening speed. A deathly stillness consumed him as time froze.

 

The shimmer expanded and moved, rolling onward faster and faster. He saw Xereba crumble as entire worlds shook to dust in the dark cloud’s wake, lost in a red swell.

 

Dark, brooding, determined, it clawed light from the stars, sucked life from a thousand worlds and still it came ever closer. It ripped souls like paper, devoured the slightest whisper of butterfly wings, the laughter of children everywhere.

 

Like the firewalls that took Xereba, so this thing was relentless. Not caring what it destroyed; no room for compassion. It seethed up and around Varran like a demon wind, his heart turning to ice, his blood to flames. He saw its void face as it surged around and through him, tearing his flesh from his bones, hope from his heart. Life fell like melting fat on a fire.

 

Varran had heard of pure evil but here it was now facing him hatefully, consuming everything, bending it to its will. It wanted to devour all life, dominate and control, allowing for no survivors. It wouldn’t stop until it had crushed love, hope and compassion. Reality itself turned to ash, fluttering down to be cruelly stomped on. This was the future, Varran realized, this was what was coming. Xereba had only been the first to fall. It saw him, knew him and charged right at him.

 

With a cry he shot upright, sweat sticking his body to the sheets. Vela jumped back with a scream. Varran saw her grey blue eyes, wide and alarmed. He felt strange, hot yet cold. Glancing round at the unfamiliar room, he stared at Vela, recognizing the jade nurse’s uniform. His mind threw a hundred thoughts around at once. He knew it wasn’t a hospital but he also knew exactly where he was, having been involved in the initial construction of the Juggernaught. It brought back only bitter memories.

 

With a gasp of anguish, he realized what had happened as the memory of his vision came flooding back like a bad nightmare.  Tears welled in his eyes as he wished desperately it really had been all a nightmare but every fibre of his being knew what had happened before anyone had even told him. He could see the fear in Vela’s round face as she fretted over what to do.

 

She gently placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as she sat on the edge of the bed.

It’s alright,” she said softly. “We brought you to one of the soldier’s quarters. There’s nobody here that hasn’t lost somebody.” Her tone calmed him somewhat even though his heart was pounding in his chest. Varran wiped his eyes and looked at her. He saw his reflection in the mirror on the wall behind the nurse, his jaw dropping at the sight of his skin and shock of white hair. The horror in his face gave Vela a chill down her spine. She felt her scalp crawl. His eyes were those of a man who had stared into his worst nightmare and survived.

 

You don’t understand,” he croaked, his left hand shaking slightly as he touched his hair disbelievingly. “I know what happened.”

 

Vela stared at him, suddenly frightened. Her voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. Her low level empathic abilities echoed like a distance church bell in her mind, a bell tolling for the dead.

 

What do you mean?” Her question hid a hundred others that sprang into her mind but was afraid to articulate. Varran glared at the nurse, tears forming again in sapphire eyes. He suddenly seemed so frail.

 

It was me.”

 

The Xerebans gathered in one of the thirteen hangar bays in an expectant murmur. Not all of them, of course, so Dargan and a couple of technicians had rigged the intercom system to broadcast across the Juggernaught. Rumours that the man responsible for their families’ deaths had quickly spread and the air was thick with muted anger and hatred. The crowd squeezed into every inch of available space to hear the announcement.

 

Amid the fighter craft they gathered, barely registering the slick hammerhead ships all around them; docked in their individual bays by long metallic clamps.

 

The Daggers, as they were nicknamed by the military had similar technology to the Juggernaught and were the fastest ships in the Xereban arsenal. Developed by an engineer by the name of Treplos, again under General Solos’ supervision, they were over 3 meters long, their charcoal shells colored by red piping tapering to either end of the front weapon ports. Their hulls were laced with sensors and micro circuitry that instantly analyzed everything around them and transmitted data directly back to the Juggernaught’s main computers without the pilot having to do it.

 

Whoever was behind the controls of these ships had only one purpose; attack and destroy. Delicate to look at, one would imagine they might break in half but they were sturdy ships layered with reinforced armor plating and multi reactive shields.

 

They had been intended as the second line of defense of Xereba after the Juggernaught itself which would act as a mothership but now lay like relics in a museum, for there was no home to defend.

 

The noise of the crowd hovered in the air like a wasp’s nest as people took to sitting or standing wherever there was a space. Vela had appealed for calm having approached Major Santos with the information about the man with the white hair and piercing sapphire eyes.

 

It had been thanks to the Major’s fast thinking that the survivors were here at all as he was the one that began the teleport process when another engineer came apart with fear. A tall fair haired man with shaped sideburns, he had listened to Varran’s story. His dark eyes regarded the man coolly and when Varran had finished his story the Major simply stood up and stalked out of the room.

 

His grave tones resounded over the intercom system telling as many people as possible to assemble in hangar bay 4 for a meeting; those that couldn’t fit in, were to stay near the public address system. Everyone needed to hear this man’s story.

 

The Major smoothed out his navy jumpsuit with sweating hands, turned to Varran and said,” Wash up. You’re going to tell them what you just told me.”

 

Varran glanced nervously at Vela but she looked at the floor. An awkward silence hung between them. Varran briefly took in the cold beige walls of the Major’s office with its images of various Xereban military ships and its proud flag depicting the blue and red multi crested symbol of the Xereban race draped proudly on the back wall. It was a picture of Xereba held amid two hands against a white background, one race, and one future together. Varran rose from his black swivel seat and leaned against a tall grey metal cabinet in the corner. He buried his face in his arms and sighed deeply.

   

He met their demanding gazes head held high but nervously brushed hair back across his head. It felt like old straw against his flesh. Fleetingly, Varran realized he didn’t like having white hair. It made him look too scary and these people were scared enough. A few hours ago it had been dark brown and a memory of having to go for a haircut flashed in his mind. He saw his barber’s face but shook it from his mind.

 

He stood nervously at the podium before the makeshift microphone, his eyes darting over the crowd watching him. He dragged his gaze over them all, catching Vela’s face in the crowd. He never even attempted a reassuring smile. Vela had said nothing, revealed nothing and that initial reaction made Varran even more nervous.

 

Their faces were glazed with sadness, anger and regret, the events of the last day hard to accept. The vision swam before him as he took a breath that hurt his chest. He felt weak, his hands trembling slightly. His experience had left him as brittle as an autumn leaf.

 

No-one spoke as all eyes turned on him

 

Aware Major Santos was standing to the back of him, his gun ready for anything, Varran broke the silence.

 

My name is Varran and I am…was a scientist for the government. My field was temporal mechanics, quantum physics, chiefly among other fields.” He paused, seeing this meant nothing to a lot of them.

 

Time travel.”  He caught the ripple of surprise.

 

Xereba aged to death, literally as a result of my work.” A horrified mutter brewed up like warm winds before a storm but Santos stepped forward, his tall form in neat commanding uniform causing them to fall silent.

 

He had always been a stickler for order and he would be damned if they were going to fall apart now. His hand drifted to his sidearm warningly. He spotted what he feared may be trouble makers near the back. He pursed his lips and drew himself to his full height, eyeing them stonily.

 

We will have order until you hear him out!” roared the Major.

 

Nodding gratefully at him, but getting no response back, Varran looked back at the

settling crowd. He paused, letting the events fall into his mind in a recountable order.

 

He told of how he had made a breakthrough in particle acceleration and discovered how to focus and redirect tachyon and gravitational fields to bend time and send; initially, objects into the past.

 

His first attempt had seen a clock revert by mere seconds but it was enough to push the boundaries further. That had been two years ago. But unfortunately, the success had been brought to the attention of General Solos, someone the Major had been familiar with and who had shared no great love of each other.

 

But Santos got the job done and Solos had placed him in charge of the construction of the Juggernaught despite their personal issues. Solos’ argument to the Xereban world government was that what better way to protect themselves from invasion than to have the ability to go back in time and erase your enemies before they became a threat.

 

The Swarchek incident had heightened tensions among the ruling bodies that had no desire to see a repeat of that thwarted invasion. It had made them believe they had become complacent as a whole to outside influence and measures were put in place almost instantly.

 

Varran argued, having been under the notion that his work was to be used solely for archaeology and historical observation, that he believed their taking control of his time machinery would replace one enemy with another.

 

His analogy was that you could cure one disease but nature brings about another, possibly more dangerous than its predecessor. Solos had been the most powerful military figure in Xereban history, his status boosted by having thwarted the invasion by the Swarchek, who would have stripped the entire planet of all its resources until they were exhausted and that included the populace. If it hadn’t been for General Solos’ timely actions the Xerebans would have been virtually eradicated by now.

 

The irony was not lost on anyone but whatever differences they had, Varran had to hand it to Solos. His argument swayed the government (for Xereba there was only one culture, made up of many different colours, who abided by one ruling body) and Varran and his work were quarantined and placed under military supervision in a secure location.

 

General Solos’ accomplishments helped bury his more disturbing character traits and actions. Varran hated him but more especially the government for being too weak to stand against Solon and prevent his work from being twisted into a new weapon.

 

So with the help of a few friends, Varran was forced to head underground and continue his work. He hoped that by completing his experiments without any interference, he could prove the true value of his findings by sending himself forward through time to garner the proof that military confiscation of his work would, ultimately, lead to a terrible fate for all Xereba.

 

Left alone and in the right hands Varran’s time travel experiments would only lead to untold benefits for all of Xereba. But it was not to be.

 

Somehow Solos had found Varran’s secret lab and in one fatal act of fate, had raided it at the precise moment Varran was about to embark on his final experiment, the voyage of one man through time itself.

 

As he spoke, Varran could see the honeycomb chamber with its multitude of cables linking him to the tachyon field generator and the comforting hum as the machinery powered up. He could see the fretful gaze of his lover Faleena, a fellow scientist. He reassured her with a confident smile as he placed his palm on the reflective panels.

 

His heart raced, the adrenalin pumping, as the hum pitched to a whine and the first pull of the time fields took him. There was a flurry of explosions as all around Varran, millions of tiny lights surrounded him, working at his molecules and began sucking him into time. But the explosions were the gunfire of charging soldiers that fired at anyone in the room.

 

Varran saw his colleagues fall and Faleena scream as black garbed men stormed the room. Stray gunfire struck the tachyon chamber, damaging it and shattered the safety parameters. The machinery flared out of control as the full force of the time field surged through the equipment and outwards in an eruption of jade fire. Varran was frozen in that moment and could not move to save his lover or any of the others as somehow he was projected to the dark future that had turned his hair white and damned him and the other survivors to this tragic existence. The great waves of jade energy spread out exponentially, bursting forth and consuming the entire planet.

 

 The ravaging power had aged Xereba to death. The sight of the soldiers reduced to old age and beyond, crumbling to dust before his very eyes in seconds made Varran pause. He bowed his head as the terrible images played before him. He started as Santos placed a comforting hand on his in an unexpected show of support. Varran managed a faint smile of gratitude before continuing.

 

Varran recalled his vision. That was his only word for it. Maybe calling it that made a terrifying future like that less concrete, that there may be a chance to change it. He wasn’t sure himself but like all Xerebans he believed that everything happened for a reason, no matter how tragic, and that the path would not become clear until events had played themselves out either within months or maybe even until your twilight years. Only then could you connect the dots and see why certain things happened and how they shaped one’s life and circumstances, no matter how harrowing things had been at the time.

 

The reason for what had happened today would not be made clear for some time but they all knew there must be a reason; they had to have faith it would unfold someday.

I lost my soul mate today and I don’t know how to go on but I will,” Varran declared. “I will do it for her and for all those we have lost. I refuse to die aboard this station.” He held the troubled gazes before him and glanced briefly at the major. His face betrayed nothing but his eyes told everything.

 

So, what do we do?” he boomed. “I’m not sure, but there was one thing I saw and in my heart I know it will play a pivotal role in all this.” He told them of the other part of his vision. As the universe fell, he saw one planet that stood like a beacon in chaos. The third planet in a system of nine.

 

Blue green swathed in white. It stood majestically against the darkness, defiance boiling from it and Varran knew this was where they had to find. He never professed to be perfect but Varran knew himself to be a good man. And he would stand up to the challenge. He would find that world and fight so no one else suffered Xereba’s fate.

 

Problem was, he had no idea what he had to stop or how to stop it but he would watch, vigilant for any sign of cruelty or destruction; any cesspit that threatened to rise up and unleash its horrors upon the galaxy. He would wait and do his utmost to stop that future from happening. They all must. And he kmew that that world he’d seen, the one that he felt sure was a lifeline for them that held the key to their salvation.

 

Surely fate would help them find it soon. In that, he had to believe.

 

In the meantime the survivors adapted to their new home and worked together to ensure their survival. Helped partly by Santos’ display of trust, they in turn trusted Varran as he embellished their beliefs.

 

Old arguments and finger pointing were irrelevant now. They used some of the military equipment, stripped it down so Varran could rebuild his equipment and increase their options. It had been a bitter surprise for Varran that Solos had used his initial work and had incorporated it into the Juggernaught's systems.

 

They cannibalized some of the Daggers for parts while some created horticultural bays in the hangar bays so they could grow food by synthesizing their waste products and stellar matter.

 

They came across a planet and were able to transfer some of its flora to the Juggernaught for oxygen and food reserves. They could have stayed but it wasn’t what Varran had seen. They had faith the world he had seen was real. If you watched him closely sometimes, you could almost swear he was communing with the universe.

 

But as Varran, the Major, Vela and many others quickly adapted to their new lives, the pain of losing family was too much for some to bear and within the first eight months, three people had committed suicide. They left letters apologizing for their actions but they could not bear this life, no matter what fate held for them.

 

Without their families, fate had already dictated their path as far as they were concerned. And to follow one man’s vision of something that may not happen to a place that may not exist was impossible for them to stomach.

 

They had simply walked out of an airlock, letting space take them.

 

Varran wept. Vela was there for him but he buried himself in the reconstruction of his tachyon chamber in the Juggernaught’s main command centre, burying his feelings for her. The pain was just too much for him.

 

Secretly, he wanted Vela to hold him and tell him he was right but the pain of losing Faleena still festered in his heart. If anything happened to Vela, Varran couldn’t afford to be emotionally attached, not right now, when what was left of their people depended solely on him.

 

As the months dragged by and no sign of the blue planet, Varran was beginning to doubt himself and in his late night debates with the Major he could see his fellows were wondering too. He’d been so sure they would have found it by now. Why else would he have seen it? Why else would the universe have shown it to him?

 

Driven by instinct or maybe from some fallout from his jump in time, Varran was sure they were on the right path but now after six fraught years, in which he had not only rebuilt his work but expanded on it, he was verging on despondency.

 

The suicides had diminished him because the rest of the survivors looked to him for guidance, a role that didn’t sit comfortably with him, especially as he was aware there was still an underlying resentment and hate for him from some quarters that, given any other circumstances bar these, would have been voiced and acted upon long ago. He had only science and the belief in what was to be to comfort him; it was all he had, all he could give.

 

Varran sat alone in the command centre, a large circular room with sleek banks of consoles and computers all sucking in data from the hull’s external sensor grids arced to a central point on the ceiling above which housed the equipment for the hexagonal hologram table that took centre place in the chamber.

 

Varran’s pale face was lit by yellows and reds as a solid image of the star systems outside played in the air before him rotating in a three dimensional curve. Together Varran and the Major had sent hundreds of modified micro probes out into space disguised as micro meteorites in an effort to locate a star system that matched the one they sought.

As the months dragged on, many were wondering if fate had lead them on a lost cause or had grief made them follow a madman. Varran recalled the people they had lost since the tragedy and his eyes filled with tears. Hope was a ghost in the night and he was beginning to think they should settle on the first uninhabited world they came across and take things from there.

 

Computer, begin realignment to search for suitable planet to sustain Xereban life.” His voice was raspy with fatigue. He had refused to acknowledge defeat all this time but it was not fair to put his people through anymore.

 

No one was allowed to have children because of the limited supplies, even though new relationships were forming all the time as people found reconnection in others. They were dying in this tin can and they knew it. Some children had been saved but they were too few and they were growing up without open fields and fresh air.

 

If there was any chance of survival, Varran would have to finally admit defeat and let everyone be free from the leash of his vision. If there was a path here, he couldn’t see it but he was ready to step off it.

 

He stood up with a rueful sigh about to cross to the communications panel to inform the major of his decision when the Juggernaught gave a gut wrenching lurch.

 

Varran was thrown across the floor before grabbing hold of a chair leg. The craft tilted on its axis as the bellow of engines straining sounded everywhere. The Juggernaught flailed wildly as if hit by a massive shockwave; indeed it would have to be something powerful to make the Juggernaught shake like this. The roar filled Varran’s head as he held on for dear life. He knew they had been in a void between solar systems with no apparent outside influences and he felt helpless once again.

 

A blazing light filled the room. Shrieking tore the air. The holoscreen dissolved into a billion particles as the Juggernaught was moving too fast for the computers to process any information.

 

Varran’s heart pounded as he feared this was their end. If that happened, Xereba truly would be dead. He thought of Vela’s unrequited love and deep regret filled him. They had survived against the odds only to die like this. It couldn’t be possible; fate wouldn’t be so cruel, would it?

 

Suddenly all was still. The Juggernaught straightened out.

 

The only sound was the background chatter of shaken computers as they fought to make sense of the sudden disruption. It was as if the manta like station was giving a sigh of relief.

 

His sweaty palms slowly released the leg of the chair as Varran gingerly got to his feet and stared at the holoscreen. It was a mishmash of colours and shapes. Stumbling across to it, he checked for damage and ordered the computer to report on what had just happened.

 

The Major rushed in the room at that moment, shirtless as he had been shaving and joined Varran at the central dais. Several others followed as the intercom became a chatter of urgent cries.

 

Don’t ask because I don’t know yet!” snapped Varran.

 

This doesn’t look right,” breathed the Major as the hologram began forming into a solid image again. His long fingers moved delicately across the multicoloured touch sensitive controls. Gradually the image solidified.

 

Varran blinked, chewing his lower lip. His breathing became shallow as he checked the data in front of him and rechecked it. The Major looked at him sideways, his face a mask of disbelief. Varran met his gaze tearfully as they both looked at the image before them.

 

It was a system of nine planets; the third a blue, green world swathed in white. The hologram reflected in his tears.

 

It’s a miracle,” breathed Santos, shaving foam dripping off his chin. “It’s real!”

 

To the far left of the hologram was a hexagonal open chamber, raised slightly off the floor with a series of crimson panels in the alcoves overlooking circular panels in the floor.

 

This was an upgraded version of Varran’s time chamber but now worked as a teleport capable of sending an occupant anywhere on a planet or anytime in history.

 

The Juggernaught had accrued a massive amount of material from the star systems they had traversed as well as a myriad of strange phenomenon and stellar activity but this was the place they wanted.

 

News had spread rapidly and within a week, the excited Xerebans had mounted several surveys of the planet they had discovered was called Earth.

 

Problem was, the Earth was inhabited by humans who looked very like Xerebans; this only served to reinforce Varran’ belief in their path. They would have no trouble blending in.

 

The mix of humans was diverse and Varran had never seen so many different cultures and ways of life in one species. Some were at different stages of evolution; many seemed on the verge of an industrial revolution while others led simple lives with little or no technology.

 

It was the year 1894 in Earth calendars.

 

The Major saw barbarians while Varran saw potential. Humans were on a tightrope; one step would plunge them back into a dark age, the other, enlightenment to the possibilities of the wonders of the universe. They had religions, differently practiced depending on what part of the world you were in but all contained a similar theme of one creator which Varran found delightful.

 

It was primitive yet potent.

 

Think of them as an unopened flower,” Varran argued with the Major.

 

But a flower with thorns?” countered the soldier. “Their ways are different to ours, their way of life primitive compared to us. How can we possibly reveal ourselves?”

Varran smiled inanely, an idea forming in his mind.

 

What if we don’t?” The Major stared at him, smiling in spite of himself. Crossing his arms, he regarded Varran like some mad scientist. He couldn’t help but be swayed by Varran’s infectious enthusiasm.

 

Over these last six years he had come to know  Varran very well, had seen the mind behind the face and he trusted him completely. Santos grinned broadly.

 

Let’s ask the others.”

 

They held a meeting and decided that their only safe course was to assimilate into human culture (it was after all at a point where public records were hardly detailed). Many cities had outlying villages while others had miles of wilderness. The Xerebans would live on as many different countries as possible.

 

Language would not be a problem as Xerebans had the ability to translate and speak any language they encountered with hours of hearing it spoken.

 

Certain Xerebans matched the diverse human coloring and they would get by, by easily bartering their skills both intellectual and physical. No Xerebans could not interfere with human development or rise to positions of power in the governments which were as splintered as the cultures. They could not mate with humans as they had to keep their origins secret for fear of causing massive damage to humankind. Mankind would have to discover the universe for themselves and that there were other creatures out there both good and bad. When they had reached that level of maturity, only then could the Xerebans tell their story.

 

Varran would stay behind as the keeper of the Juggernaught, continuing with his work and preparing for what may come, which he was now sure was coming. He had let Vela go with a million unspoken words hanging between them. He had no option. He had much to do.

 

First he would travel Earth, learning about the peoples there and embracing all they had to offer. His love of life burst forth and he travelled alone for over twenty two years.

 

The Juggernaught lay hidden in the asteroid fields that littered Earth’s system while  the others integrated into their new lives.

 

He found much to love and much to fear but as he saw more, Varran knew this was the way things were meant to be. It was only when he learned that Vela had been killed in a river boat accident did Varran return to the Juggernaught, his heart in tatters once again. He lived alone, continuing his work and becoming more and more isolated.

 

Of course, the others contacted him regularly and he visited as many as he could but life gradually got in the way and the contact lessened. He comforted himself at their blending in was a bigger task than they anticipated.

 

Meanwhile the first of the Xereban children were born on Earth and were to grow up knowing of their heritage at 18, the age of understanding. This process had been refined with the help of a geneticist on board who injected every survivor with a gene that would trigger in every future child born and on their eighteenth birthdays ancestral memories would trigger and show them of their past, of Xereba’s destruction and the journey their ancestors took. They would know of Varran and his sacrifice..

 

He had been present for the first child’s birth on Earth. A girl called Tegan (Xereban for shining star).

 

And in that moment Varran felt hope grow within him. As the years passed, he discovered he wasn’t aging. His white mane was a constant reminder of tragedy and he hated it. Hope was all he cared about as he walked the Australian outback, the sun on his face or stood on the Giant’s Causeway gazing out to sea or simply leaning on a fence watching a herd of cows grazing, their low mooing strangely calming. Earth certainly had some bizarre creatures living on it.

 

Though he longed for company, Varran closed himself off, a sacrifice he was happy to make. He had dyed his hair brown. With his non aging he couldn’t form lasting relationships or take a lover as he didn’t know if he was just aging at a miniscule rate or if his experiment had left him permanently like this: frozen in one moment in time. So to remind himself of the past he allowed his white hair to return, a constant scar of the past.

 

Humans had a saying, time flies and Varran certainly agreed with that. It had been over a hundred years since the great grey riveted doors had slid shut behind the last of the Xereban survivors. He had watched mankind grow and develop new technologies, new weapons and struggle with prejudice.

 

To understand them and to fine tune his time travel equipment, he would send himself back into the past, a few years at a time before the Juggernaught arrived and see how this world and its cultures were formed.

 

But despite the wars and famine, he saw people stand up to evil and fight for what was right.

 

 He knew Xerebans were fighting too and at least his faith was being justified. With the invention of satellites and giant telescopes, Varran used the Juggernaught’s shield refraction system to generate a temporal field that kept the Juggernaught one second out of normal time to stay unobserved. It rendered the station invisible to Earth radars and deep space probes yet pride had welled in him as he watched man landing on the moon from the safety of a Dagger cockpit.

 

But for all his developments, man was not ready for the Xereban revelation. They were certainly aware of the possibility of life in the universe as shown by the Mars findings but stories of alien abduction and UFOs were largely dismissed. Varran had never seen any evidence of alien craft skimming Earth and stealing people but even he knew they may have better technology than the Juggernaught.

 

Though he had sent quite a few prying ships on their way over the years as well as clean some alien messes on various continents.

 

It may be the pinnacle of Xereban might but it was someone else’s vintage car.

 

But fate conspired to end his isolation when an alien entity lodged itself in Earth’s past which was affecting the future; a being that had threatened to reveal the Xerebans and dominate Earth for its own purposes.

 

Three young people, each with their own skills and talents, were thrown together with Varran to defeat this threat. Varran was surprised at their fortitude for such young ones and gradually he accepted their help. He was proud of them for deciding to act with him in fighting any threat to their and Earth’s safety. They were fighting for their loved ones and strangers alike and that inspired him.

 

Each knew their heritage and the legacy it entailed but each had their own reasons for staying. Years of self imposed solitude melted away as Varran welcomed their company. He felt alive again with a sense of hope and for the first time in a long time, felt they had a real chance of stopping what was to come.

 

Jacqueline Baker, Jacke for short, was a child psychologist in training who came from Belfast and Varran never failed to be impressed by her fire and determination, while Michael McManus never failed to fall in love with her eyes.

 

He was the second of the three, hailing originally from South London. He was an orphan whose only relative was a feisty grandmother called Maisy. Mess with her boy and you didn’t get a second chance. Varran couldn’t believe the trivia about movies and television shows that Michael could rhyme off. Tyran wanted him to go on Who

Wants to be a Millionaire but Varran forbade it. He was glad to see them bonding but the constant banter battle between Michael and Tyran baffled him.

 

 

If he didn’t know better, he would have thought they disliked each other while Jacke was the calm in the storm.

 

Tyran Scott was the youngest of them at 18 but she talked non-stop and had a sharp tongue and sharper wit. Michael constantly teased her and each of them tried to get the last word. Tyran was 18 going on 50 in some ways but her knack for mechanical things was astounding. Jacke was teaching her kickboxing, just in case some alien with ideas above its station needed its arse broken or its nuts busted. Varran wasn’t sure what nuts she was referring to, though he knew they were abundant in Brazil and he was quite taken aback when it was explained to him.

 

Seems I don’t know as much about human anatomy as I thought,” he said bemused. He had been isolated so long, he had forgotten the subtleties of life and what was called human nature. He watched them, knowing they were Xereban but so human in nature and ideas, there was no difference between the two.

 

Still, after all these years, he still had much to learn and these three youngsters would help him look onto a world a million miles from him and show Varran what it was to be young again. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

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Shelby Z. wrote 12 days ago

Your images are very vivid.
The story has a lot of promise to it.
You are good at making things flow.
The cover is creative as is the title.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

LeonGower wrote 18 days ago

While reading your work I can see you have a deep love for science fiction, I respect that. Your mind works at a high speed and clearly the imagination is constantly pumping out brilliant story lines faster than i can decide on coffee. Oh how i wish to have the level of inner fire. you're going to be great at this, once you've ironed out a few of the very common technical errors that are stopping you from being a far from common writer.

Now for a few of the learning curves and don't worry we all do it. Re-read your work and look for repeats, if you use the same word more than once in a sentence then try to find another way of writing it. Heck, other than "and or the but" I try not to use the same word more than once in a paragraph. (present paragraph excluded)

I think these words should exist: Hehad and Asthe because people seem to use them next to each other way too often. Try to find other ways of saying "He had" or "As the" often you can leave them out entirely and the sentence will still make sense.

As an example look at what i've just written, "Way too often. Try to find other ways of saying "He had" or "As the" often you can leave them out. << it would actually read better if i left out the second "often". The reader would mentally place the word there.

I've seen ; used a few times. It joins similar sentences and removes like terms, in maths it's the () that helps collect like terms. it's not a comma.
It was a rainy day; bleak. << this can be written as It was a rainy day. It was a bleak day. the ; reduces two sentences into one... that said once people know how it's used they then tend to overuse it. I would think no more than 1 in a chapter is enough.

The first chapter reads almost as a short story in it's own right.

It took a little longer than I expected for the characters to be introduced but it worked and i wouldn't change that, nicely done.
Perhaps a good way to intro a main character a little earlier would be in quote.
"Space was ablaze with hellish brilliance as the death throes of a billion voices choked in flame." By ............ << (insert destined to be famous character name here.) Lots of stories open with a famous quote so why not open with a famous quote from your own hero?

Think I'll make a coffee.

Dean Lombardo wrote 29 days ago

Dear Owen,
This is very good--highly starred. Online reading is rough on the reader and you do an excellent job of overcoming this by keeping your paragraph sizes small. I particularly liked the observations of the schoolteacher as she watched helplessly as her classroom and students were incinerated -- a tragic scene handled very well. I see you have garnered a lot of support on the site--my only suggestion is to shorten your authonomy chapters (or at least the first one) so you can maximize your success, as I believe it will be less likely to intimidate some readers.
Dean Lombardo

NerdGirl61023 wrote 54 days ago

Great start to your story. Wow! The writing is awesome. On my next shuffle I will shelve you for awhile. Starred for now.

David Southam wrote 70 days ago

Your story starts brilliantly; it's full of impact, well-paced and avoids the needless and dull filling that most stories on this site fall down on.

I would be happy to back your book, but it seems my father-in-law has already done so on my computer, so I cannot! I wish you all the best with it though.


I’d like to offer some pointers for your pitch. Take them or leave them!:

“They came to earth; the last survivors of a shattered civilisation.”
Great line, but a semicolon should only be used to connect two independent clauses that would function as full sentences on their own. I would replace it with a comma or a colon.

“They could be your best friend, your neighbour, your boss, the bully at school but they protect us.”
Include a comma before your co-ordinating conjunction: ‘but’.

“...is burdened with the knowledge that something is coming; an evil that will consume everything in creation and that the last stand would be on Earth.”
Again, swap your semicolon with a colon.
I would include a comma after ‘creation’.

“Varran’s solitary guilt ridden life is shattered by three people, Michael, Tyran and Jacke.”
‘Guilt ridden’ is a compound adjective, so I would link its constituent words with a hyphen. Separate multiple adjectives like ‘solitary guilt-ridden’ with commas.
I would use a colon or dash to start a list rather than a comma.

“Brought together by chance, they face evil in all its forms; protecting Earth with little more than their wits and the weaponry of the Juggernaught, the craft that became the cradle for the last survivors of Xereba.”
This is great, but again, this is not a correct use of the semicolon.

“Their adventures will take them across time and space battling Bigfoot, the ghost of Jack the Ripper, inner demons, aliens hungry for flesh and Celts but something from the last days of Xereba is plotting revenge on Varran and Earth will pay the price.”
This is a very nice finish to your pitch, and hooked me to read on. I would include commas after ‘space’, ‘Celts’ and ‘Varran’. I would consider starting a new sentence after ‘Varren’: ‘Meanwhile, something from…’

Chapter 1:
I love your opening line. Just one niggle with it: voices don’t have death throes, people do. I would rephrase this, possibly dropping ‘the death throes of’. The meaning is clear without this.

I hope this is helpful.

David Southam
Author of The Keeper of the Sightless Eye

brerandall wrote 75 days ago

Owen!
Wow. Okay I just finished the first chapter. Very fast paced, great premise. Extremely enjoyable read.
I really have nothing but good things to say about it! Loved it and excited to read more. Five stars. (:

Bre
Memoria

MDS_SEK wrote 79 days ago

I like your work very much. The thing to watch out for are the typos and grammatical errors.

SciFi_guy wrote 79 days ago

Good book. Please give us more.

mdws77 wrote 84 days ago

Just finished the first chapter and that was a long chapter. So far, I like this book very much and will enjoy reading more. I like what you have done with the story. The only thing I saw some sentences that needed some grammatical work. One in particular was, "And he kmew that that world he’d seen, the one that he felt sure was a lifeline for them that held the key to their salvation." Maybe you should change that to something like, "And he knew the world he had seen, the one that he felt sure was a lifeline for them, was the one that held the key to their salvation."

marfleet wrote 95 days ago

Sci-Fi crit
http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/87439/sci-fi-critique-group-2-0-sf42/
I like the twists that time travel related books can offer and have used it in my book A Fatal Misuse of Time (although not in the usual way of going back to change something etc.). I enjoyed your opening description of the death of the world, which I thought very powerful. I may be an idea to cut the chapter in two, perhaps at “Except for one man.”
The speed slumps a bit after they are settled on the spacecraft and heading off to find Earth and again when they are on Earth and it may be worth revisiting to try and tighten up things. The story itself is well set out and the reader can see where it is heading but I came out of the first chapter without a huge kick start for the next so perhaps adding something dramatic here would help.
The grammar and sentence structure was a bit muddled at time causeing me to pause and re read and in the first chapter this would cause an editor concern. I have listed a few things here and hope I haven’t doubled up with other peoples comments too much. I am not an editor or proof reader so please view them just as personal observations.
I have you on my watch list and please feel free to request another read if you do any major editing.


Chap 1
- Rumours that the man… || Rumours about the man…
- …and who had shared no great love of each other. || ..and they had shared no great love for each other.
- ..where they had to find || …where they had to go || …what they had to find
- Problem was, …|| The problem was, … (and again a few paragraphs later although in the sentence referring to Earth people looking like them it wasn’t actually a problem)
- ...in Earth calendars. || …by Earth calendars.
- …on as many different countries as possible. || in as many different
- With hours of hearing… | within hours of hearing…
- No Xerebans could not || double negative – need rewording
- He comforted himself at their blending in was a bigger task than they anticipated. || Unclear of the meaning
- “would trigger” || duplicated in this sentence about a gene triggering memories. If they didn’t know of their linage until 18 what would stop them mating (or getting raped) before then and ending up with kids.
- Verran had never seen any evidence of alien craft…… || But next paragraph he says he cleans up some alien mess.
- ...their and Earth’s safety. ||… their Earth’s safety
-

All the best with it.
If you wopuld like a laugh and a bit of philosophy, please take a look at my book ;-)
Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of Time.

liberscriptus wrote 97 days ago

First of all, I love that you tagged it as “sci-fi with a heart.” Too much sci-fi gets lost in the plot or the “message” and loses track of the people at the center of the story.

Read the first few chapters and wow, you really know how to write! The opening gripped me immediately, and it was both beautiful and chilling, with the descriptions and the personifications. However, I was a little confused as to what was going on when you switch to Varran’s present, and then later to another flashback, so perhaps using breaks would help clarify that.

Overall, I think this is a very enjoyable read, and you’ve got some really fascinating ideas here. I look forward to coming back for more!

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

CGHarris wrote 97 days ago

I read thought the first two chapters and all I can think to say is "Amazing"! You had me hooked from the very first line. Each paragraph threw me into the next, making me want more. I just can't say enough about how much I enjoyed it. I only have one suggestion. I noticed several places where you used a weak descriptor like desperately, defiantly, hopefully. I don't think you need them. In my opinion you could just go through and delete them all. You work is so strong that they stand out and pull away from your obvious tallent. Thanks so much for the read. This one gets six stars for sure.

Petra Phillipe wrote 122 days ago

I would prefer shorter chapters, but I quite enjoyed it.

Scott Toney wrote 232 days ago

***THE TIME WARRIORS*** by Owen Quinn

The Time Warriors is a truly fantastic novel that teleports the reader away to worlds of fantastical creatures and civilizations reminiscent of the early years of Star Trek. It is vividly written, opening our minds to the book's realm with Owen's strong detail. He has built something here which I have yet to find an equal to on this site. His main characters have both depth and humor. In Varren I find a great mentor and in Jacke I find a character that I can constantly root for.

I have many favorite adventures that these characters go on but my favorite was probably when they were separated and their adversary's got into their minds and tried to overtake them.

This book is unique, individual and a read well worth pursuing. The reader will not be disappointed and will be craving for more when they are on the last page. I bought this book and read it in paperback. Soon I will purchase its sequel.

Owen,

Thank you for writing such an enjoyable book. There is something fantastic about what you have done here. It's also a pleasure to know the author who penned this work.

- Scott J. Toney, The Ark of Humanity and Eden Legacy

Mach100 wrote 254 days ago

Hello Owen,
Ch.2
“…to a bull like head…” = ‘bull-like’
“…hell fire…” = ‘hellfire’
chapter ends in mid-sentence – very annoying when trying to assess the work
Ch. 3 also ends in mid-sentence – please try to rectify so that I can do a proper evaluation.
Best wishes, Charles Dyer (Mach100)

andrew DOYLE wrote 262 days ago

doing fine Owen....keep at it

ADDoyle

Clive Bone wrote 265 days ago

A good read, I hope it does well. I thought that the chapters were too long but that's easily sorted out. Clive

Mach100 wrote 266 days ago

Hello Owen,
Ch.1
You mention ‘crescendo’ of sound while the planet was exploding. Sound does not travel through the vacuum of space. Was this noise from the wailing of people on the Juggernaught or what? There might have been shock waves that rocked the space station but I’m not sure if they are physically manifested in a vacuum either. The only definite hazard would have been the debris.
“…under the notion…” should be “…under the impression…”
Solon should be Solos
“…Santos placed a comforting hand on his {word missing = shoulder?} …”
“…with hours of hearing it spoken.” Should be “within”
There are dozens of similar omissions and mistakes – you need to do a thorough edit.
Why didn’t Valla at least try to save his ‘love’ Vela by going back in time to prevent her getting on the river boat?
I like the basic premise of the story but somehow it doesn’t read too well. I don’t like the excessive use of one-line paragraphs that make it seem more like a telegram than a story. On the other hand, some sentences are too long.
The use of rivets on the spacecraft is out of place for a society that purports to be more advanced than present-day Earth and in any case a riveted vessel is unlikely to be airtight. The characters lack character – they need to show emotions (or a lack of them according to the species) and reactions to various situations besides the holocaust. For instance, Valla’s declaration of his guilt would have riled the crowd a lot more than you tell. The settings could do with more descriptions but the destruction of the planet, while well-described, needs to be broken with peoples reactions because it goes on for too long.
This chapter is much too long.
There’s too much telling and not enough showing – this makes it sound more like a technical report than a story.
The whole integration into Earth is too watered down. I feel that there is a complete story just in them arriving on Earth and seeing how they fit into the primitive society.
The story has great potential but it needs a lot of work for it to make the grade. I continued reading because you had me hooked and I wanted to see what happened but the above comments weakened the impact for me. I will read some more chapters and comment on them too when I get a chance.
I look forward to hearing your comments on ‘Accident’ and thank you once again for backing it.
Best wishes, Charles Dyer (Mach100)

Monster Munch mmm wrote 267 days ago

Wow you have some size chapters, I loe the ideas and the plot for this book, but i found a little hard going in places, while others are pure brilliance. You def have some talent and there is nothing here that an edit couldnt fix. Worth while project and v glad I read it

Luciana House wrote 293 days ago

Firstly, your short pitch is brilliant.
Whilst reading the first line, I tensed with excitment. What a great hook!
In fact, the first few lines at the beginning (until the juggernaut is introduced) are beautifully written. I could visualised everything you worte.
However, I kind of felt it paused a bit after that. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, but it seemed a little over descriptive. I wanted the story to get moving. Some of your lines are really long, and need breaking up.
That said, it's still a great piece of writing, and an intriging idea. All it needs is an edit, and hey, as long as the story has promise (which it does), the editing part will be easy.
You have some AMAZING lines in there that don't need touching, for example...
Others screamed like their very souls had been ripped from them, desperate hands reaching for loved ones that were no longer there.
You are a talented writer, so I have no doubt that with a bit of editing, this book will be published :)

Luciana House
'Burning Angel'

ShadowOfOsiris wrote 308 days ago

Hi Owen

I've read most of the first chapter. First off, I think the chapter is far too long - that is the reason I stopped reading; otherwise I would have continued.

The writing is mostly very good, with only a few things here and there such as a need for commas, hyphens and an odd usage of 'that' - for example you have soldiers THAT shoot people, rather than WHO shoot.

But the little things are nothing that - probably - a single edit couldn't fix. The story sounds good - the only thing being that the premise had me thinking it must be a comedy, with Bigfoot and the ghost of Jack the Ripper in one sentence. But I suppose it depends how that's written. What I've read is very well written, so I'm sure there's nothing to worry about there.

The only thing with the writing itself is that occasionally it seems to go just a little bit over the top with the descriptions - in just one sentence, which I can't find now, you have 3 iterations of 'like a', and it becomes a little much. There's a also a little bit of telling rather than showing.

But as I said, overall, it's very good, and I will back it :)

monicque wrote 357 days ago

I'm taking a quick look before I go to sleep tonight Owen!!!!
Your blurb looks great.
OMG! Only 1243 from 8 billion. how sad. Great opening to the story.
Excellent work. Your ability for description is excellent, however, in places, I felt it was a little over-done or wordy, and detracted from the general story.
I only got half-way through the first chapter.!! Sorry, I'm a bit tired. I think maybe you should shorten your chapters? That way, you need to make a hook every now and then that makes the reader want to turn the page. The dialog sections were really good, and I think the storyline and plot are engaging. Great work, I will rate you!

junetee wrote 362 days ago

Great title. Gripping first chapter. You have a winner on your hands.

PJ Qats wrote 365 days ago

Hi Owen,
I'm glad to have you as a backer to my book ODIN'S TOE so I thought I'd give your book a look and try to offer my comments. I'm glad to see it's doing so well and the comments I've read cover some of my initial reaction. I've only read the first chapter but I will read more and comment more in the future.
In particular, I'm impressed with your descriptive talents but feel they get in the way of starting the story you mean to be telling. I like some of the other reviewers' idea of starting at Earth and flashing back to the most eloquent highlights of the preceding text.
You do seem to settle in to overusing words such as: "like", "as", and "it".
There are some spots that need hyphens: "manta(-)like station", "touch(-)sensitive controls", with his non(-)aging.
You appear to be guiding us through an epic story that you are quite confident with but I would like to experience it more through first-person narrative and dialogue. Perhaps that happens in later chapters?
This all seems like nit-picking for a story with such inspired writing. You have a great character in Varran whose quandary is of mythic proportions. The fantasy world of Xereba is well portrayed in spite of the fact that the story starts upon its destruction. Your cover art is fantastic.
I understand that this is a sequel story but it has to stand on its own so I will continue to read and comment on this.
I am hoping that your backing of my book indicates that you have read or intend to read some of it. That is what I've come to Authonomy for so please know that any critique will be well received.
Cheers,
PJ Qats

EddieTol wrote 375 days ago

A great opening. You put us right into a pivotal moment in these characters lives. I love the scene with the dying planet. I could literally see the chunks of the planet flying by and the oceans consumed by lava. Well done.

After that this seemed to drag a little. Part of this was the daunting size of this chapter. I don’t know the word count but it pushes the limits a bit. You might be better served to break this up into smaller and more manageable chunks. It was also due to amount of information you are telling us. Some of this could be trimmed. Look at the ships details and the history of its construction and decide what is really relevant to the story. If it isn’t then consider trimming it.

One thing I noticed is you tend to overdo the ‘likes’. They are a good device, but like any literary device, used too much and they start to draw attention to themselves. An example of this”

‘The universe exploded all around him, running like oil in the rain, solar winds shrieking in his mind like over excited children. He held his hands over his ears until the winds settled into a sound almost like a choir, a choir whose voices were so beautiful and moving it made the universes heart beat faster.’

Three ‘likes’ in such a short paragraph tends to draw the readers’ attention to them and away from the story.

Also, I believe your strength is also your weakness. You are good at descriptions. Your vivid and colorful descriptors really bring your narrative to life and put the reader in the scene. Sentences like, ‘Shards of planetary debris bounced harmlessly across its shields in little spots of color like oil on water, the mere tip of the iceberg.’, are beautifully done and paint detailed scenes. But, as with too many ‘likes’, too much detail can bog your story down and distract your reader. You need to find the right balance here, which is not easy to do.

This is a good start to an epic tale that has me interested. Don’t take my criticism as dislike as I am merely trying to help you make a good chapter better.

Good luck,

KFox -

Sherston wrote 376 days ago

Good stuff.
Could do with some trimming to keep the pace up in the opening chapter mostly, to really draw the reader in but aside from that, great descriptions and a grand story to boot.
Also, I would lose the 'space station hanging in space' bit. As you've already established that it's in space.
All the best with it!

Lady Midnight wrote 387 days ago


Hi Owen. I’ve read the opening of The Time Warriors and really enjoyed it. I’ve outlined some thoughts below, which I hope are of use. I think this book holds a lot of promise and am happy to back it. Good luck.
Pitch.
The introduction to the story is pretty well done, giving just enough detail to entice the reader in.
Chapter 1.
The opening paragraphs, describing the planet’s destruction, are spectacular. You use colour, sound and movement to illustrate its death throes: Orange, blue, red and green danced like a kaleidoscope opera... The stars trembled in horror... The land screamed and shattered... Within minutes an eternity of evolution... All evocative, drawing the reader in, making them part of the story.
The moment the energy waves (had) begun rippling across the planet, every alarm (had) triggered... Although there’s nothing wrong with this sentence, I think a greater sense of immediacy could be achieved, by eliminating the bracketed word, e.g.: The moment the energy waves began rippling across the planet, every alarm triggered itself...
They (had) been well trained by General Solos and (had) acted swiftly. The same with this sentence: Well trained by General Solos, they acted quickly.
She sat weeping, cradling her head in her hands, as the looks on the (childrens’) faces played before her... The pathos contained in this sentence is beautifully done. The bracketed word should be: “children’s”.
...in (unfeeling) rage. Rage is an emotion, so unfeeling is perhaps the wrong way to describe it. Suggest maybe: in pitiless rage – something like that.
Repetition & typo: The Juggernaught’s manta ray glowed red and orange (as) hungry flame(s) licked at it like wolves (as) it carried away the survivors whose futures were (as) black (as) the space that bore them. Lost in their souls (as) well (as) life, they could only see solitude and death... You use the bracketed word quite a lot and it can mar the flow of the narrative. Suggest thinning it out a little along the lines of: The Juggernaught’s manta ray glowed red and orange, hungry flames licking at it like wolves, as it carried away the survivors whose futures were now the same deep black as the space that bore them. Lost in their souls, along with life, they could only see solitude and death... You’ve also missed the “s” off the word “flames.”

Nathan Maki wrote 391 days ago

Hi Owen,

Just a few thoughts on chapter 1. There's a lot of telling here, and not enough showing. In one chapter you've tried to cover a long span of years, but the result is far too much scripting in details and not nearly enough character development. For instance, you continually allude to Varran's love for Vela, yet you never once show us a meaningful exchange of dialogue between the two of them or any scene that shows their affection growing for one another. All of a sudden Vela is a love interest without us knowing anything about her beyond the barest description, and then just as suddenly she's dead and we don't feel Varran's pain because 1) you don't show it to us as readers, and 2) we don't know why he loved her in the first place. As a reader, if I don't get to know the characters and care about them pretty early on in a book I'm not going to continue reading it.

I think you've got an excellent premise here with a lot of potential. The opening hook description of the planet's destruction is well done, but then there's a dearth of description later on. The latter part of chapter 1 reads like a synopsis you would have written for yourself as an author to get overall plot flow more than a polished work of fiction. You've got the skeleton of the story here, but you need to take the time to flesh it out. I feel your driving motivation is chapter 1 is to get them to Earth and tell where they came from and give all the background, but at the same time it's a long chapter and still feels rushed and packed with too much info and not enough actual action from the characters.

What I'd suggest is that if you want to get them to Earth and that's where the real story begins, then just do a prologue of the planet's destruction with a few important details of their journey to earth, and then in chapter 1 jump into the Earth plot with flashbacks (perhaps through the young people's eyes as they turn 18) to their home planet's destruction and the journey to earth. Make it a slow unfolding in various chapters and scenes throughout the Earth plot as they young people discover and deal with where they really came from.

Alternately, if you want to lay all the groundwork right up front just come to grips with the fact that it's going to take more than one chapter to tell that story right. Take your time, show don't tell, develop the characters, and make us care about the people on the Juggernaught. This one chapter could easily be 3-4 chapters to do it right.

Another small quibble: General Solos, General (Hans) Solo??

Dialogue, what little there is, needs a little bit of work. For instance, the engineer yelling "I know these engines like the back of my hand!" doesn't seem like exactly the thing he'd say right at that moment. Doesn't ring true for some reason.

Varran smiling "inanely" doesn't sound right. Inane means lacking sense or substance, so smiling inanely would mean he's smiling like someone who's mentally handicapped or something. Obviously not what you're meaning here.

They learn to speak a language "with(in) hours".

You describe one school teacher being teleported away from her class, but don't really describe anyone else's experience...is she important to the story particularly? Because if not you'd probably want another one or two descriptions to capture various experiences. Not everyone presumably was angry or disturbed to be teleported to safety surely?

Another sentence that struck me as oddly worded was "Survivors were materializing all over the ship, but General Solos in his devious military genius had made the ship two-fold." The two halfs of this sentence just don't have enough to do with each other to be combined into one sentence.

Also, you mention the crew of the Juggernaught was trained by General Solos, so I expected he was in command and would be there as a main character, but he's not, and no explanation is given about that.

Just a few comments to help you on your way. Writing is re-writing as I'm finding out, and I'd rather one genuine comment with a decent editorial opinion than a dozen pats on the back.

Cheers!

Nathan

Kevin O'Donnell wrote 408 days ago

Intriguing premise and I got the hook in chapter one. Odd to have an exploding universe and the hero lying in the surviving space craft is the cause of it all. Perhaps too much description here and there. Some vivid imagery but one can drown in description. Move the story on, move the story on.
Kevin

Sharahzade wrote 421 days ago

THE TIME WARRIORS
Owen Quinn

I read through the first two chapters. I plan to read it all for it is in the genre that I enjoy the most. I feel the real story begins in chapter two. All of chapter one, while it imparts a load of information, does not have the action and dialogue of chapter two. One reminds me of a well written synopsis. you do indeed "Tell" us what happens. In Two you "Show" us with plenty of things happening.

I am so intrigued by the situation of human-like characters coming to Earth and how they view their chosen place to settle after the disaster of their own origins. One can believe that this may have actually happened here on Earth and it is not too far from the realm of reality. The encounter with the other aliens just compounds the events and indicates even more possibilities. I can hardly wait to read on and see how you orchestrate this composition.

I thank you for backing A King in Time. Time travel is an exciting concept and one that may take place. It's just a matter of time. Not a pun. A truth.

You have a great story here and I will gladly back you. I wish you a great deal of success in finding a publisher.

Best of luck.

Mary Enck

Patientman wrote 421 days ago

Maybe it's just me but I really liked the poetic style of your writing. The idea of stars 'trembling' appeals. There are many nice lines within this and it felt pleasurable to read. The first chapter is very long though.

I write at the more comedic end of sci-fi, but I can appreciate this for the tale it is. It achieves, what I'm guessing, you intended and would sit in the fantasy section of a bookshop without concern. I would consider splitting up the first chapter, but aside from that I can only offer you good luck.

Medium_Al wrote 436 days ago

There is a good concept here. However, to be honest, I feel it needs some work. There is way to much "tell" here and not nearly enough "show". There's a planet exploding, a huge space station that can only hope to rescue mere crumbs of their existence, a huge confession, etc. These are moments that should be shown through one of the characters eyes. There's some good prose here too. You just need to chisel away some of the over descriptive stuff so that prose shines through. I'll throw out a thought here. Writing is subjective, so take it for what it is. Perhaps Chapter 1 should just be the point of view of the Captain. End the chapter after they escape, but include a lot more dialogue. Chapter 2, go with interviewing the survivors where you introduce Varran. With tightening and a better flow/breakdown of the elements you could have something.

2004carlt wrote 437 days ago

Owen, thanks again for backing Dark Dreams. You really have a sense for drama in your writing but I would have to agree with a previous comment that you have to watch out for certain things that may trip the reader. The 'land screamed' and the 'stars trembled in horror' may sound good but do they really work? For me, they didn't as it felt as if I was reading about something being concieved throughout the writer's own opinion, rather than an honest account of events unfolding. My advice is to use your time on Authonomy to improve the book as it's not ready for a review from HC. Not unless you've read their SF imprint Angry Robot and see similar work being published by them? Good luck.

Cat091971 wrote 438 days ago

This is not the type of book I'm into but it's well paced and draws the reader in. Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted
Lies & Love

RonParker wrote 443 days ago

Hi Owen,

It's quite some while since I first looked at this story and you's certainly cleared up most of the punctuation issues you had then - though there are still some.

But the first chapter is still far too long.

In the real book, a chapter can be as long or as short as you like, but for this forum, you need to split it into more bite-sized chunks if you want readers to look at it in any depth.

I'm glad to see though, that despite this, your book is doing well in the ratings.

Ron

Frank James wrote 445 days ago

Hi Owen,

As you well know I backed you under the old system of voting and here I am voting for you again. I liked your book and you have my best wishes for the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Roman N Marek wrote 447 days ago

Terrific start, vividly painted. There are some nice ideas here, the destruction of the planet, the escape to hide amongst us, the wacko Numarans. It all feels a little on the long side, though, and could do with some pruning and fashioning into a more coherent story. I wanted more of Varran and his struggle with evil, as mentioned in the pitch, than a series of episodes involving his chummy sidekicks. And perhaps the Xerebans and their technology are a little too Start Trekky. I was really puzzled by the start of the second chapter where we are told a lot of stuff we already know from the first. Maybe this is the ‘true’ start of Book 2, with the first chapter being a recap of what happened in Book 1? I did enjoy the joke at the end of the second chapter, though.
One thing that caught my attention was: “The third planet in a system of nine”? and then “It was a system of nine planets”, which I guess tells us about the Xereban take on Pluto’s status. The Darts are described as “Three metres long”, which sounds a very human unit of measurement.
Some typos: “myriad of” twice in Ch.1; “lead them” should be “led them”.

Eddy Gemmell wrote 450 days ago

You clearly like space operas and have some good ideas but I think this piece needs some polishing. Some of the phrases and description are either just wrong/don't fit or are overwritten. e.g. -

In the opening line you say space is ablaze ...not a planet, and yet reading on I found that that was what you meant. Having to go back to re-read a sentence or two in order to properly understand it is annoying to the reader. You need to be clearer.

'Time held its breath as the land shivered ...' is overwritten for me.

'The stars trembled in horror ...' is again trying too hard. Personifying objects is, in my opinion, never a good idea. The problem with this description is that the stars mentioned are surely light years away and so couldn't possibly actually be moving in a way that could be personified as trembling so I just don't see how that can work even as a similie or metaphor.

'Within minutes and eternity of evolution died ...' - how can that be right? Eternity is forever. Nothing in the universe, so far as planets are concerned, have been evolving forever. So again, for this reason, it reads as overstated and adds to the flavour of the piece being overwritten.

Also, you describe Solos as a military genius but the plum has put the space station in harms way as great big rocks hurtle past it. Any one could smash it to pieces - that struck me a a little dumb of him especially as they only managed to save 1,243 people. Did they need to be that close to use the transporters? I don't find it convincing that shields could stop a rock the size of, say, France.

Then there are some I really liked - 'vomited its innards up as the waves shredded it mercillessly ...'

I can see that you have had great fun with it but it's all too Star Wars/Star Trek with shields, inertial dampers (a concept that Star Trek writers dreamed up), etc. It strikes me as a fanfic style homage with not enough thought or planning behind it and it's spotted with too many cliches and well trodden ideas. It's all description without much of a story and comes across gratuitous for that reason.

You can clearly write but I would hazzard a guess that you have watched more than you have read. Even space operas are far more sophisticated these days - see Peter J Hamilton for an example. His ideas are breathtaking.

Look for something new, different and fresh. Outside of franchised books (like Star Wars and Star Trek) I don't see much scope for this type of novel.

curiousturtle wrote 450 days ago

Owen,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that you do right is start with a landscape shot. There is a reason why 30% of a scy fy movie budget is blown on the first 3 minutes and that reason is the landscape shot. For, if you are to convince the reader to accept all the fantastic premises that scy fy carries with tit, you have to paint that world for him, so as to say....

.....come.....here is where you will be living for the reminder of the plot

...and that you do.

..so Kudos for you

The language is action oriented and the plot moves through like Ferrari.

Some of my favorites:

"as hungry flame licked at it"

"her skin was like ancient parchment....
This is your best paragraph so far...wonderfully descriptive, with poetical undertones

"like oil in the rain"

"like watching heat bouncing off...."

"Tyron Scott was the youngest...."
another personal best but for different reasons, here you get into the nitty gritty of description; specific, on the ground, the kind that open's a picture on the reader's mind


Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

I am usually a fan of spacing but here I think is working against your style
Why?
Because if what your are trying to do is create an action oriented frenzy then
why give a reader pause after pause?
doesn't that defeat your purpose?

I also would have like to see more poetic language in your descriptions
now, obviously, you can do it (see favorites) the question is why not more?

for, the reader want's not only to "see" the world you paint
he wants also, to fall in love with it.

and that is the realm of poetic language

Finally, I would cut the chapters into more manageable bites for, to give the reader breathing room

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Cherokeeknight wrote 454 days ago

A nice read. You do over use some words. Try to avoid this if at all possible. There are usually other words with the same meaning to take care of this problem. The story moves along very well otherwise. A few words are kind of iffy to me, but that is the writer choice. Make sure you say what you want to convey without contradiction. One of the better reads I've ran across lately so I'll add it to my shelf for awhile.

mish1001 wrote 463 days ago

Excellent read, keeps you guessing . You deserve to have this published keep it up.

mish1001 wrote 463 days ago

Excellent read, keeps you guessing . You deserve to have this published keep it up.

JonathanCyborg wrote 473 days ago

Interesting, intriguing and compelling concepts!

Jonathan Fisher

LD Hilley II wrote 475 days ago

Very interesting premise. I look forward to reading more!

tomewriter wrote 479 days ago

Hello,Started reading your story and found a few discrepancies. Things like 'unfeeling geysers', can geysers feel?
a space station 'hung limply in space'. Is it drooping, or doesn't have any strength or power?
Spots of color like oil on water, is okay, but how did the ice burg get in there? And do you mean iridescent spots of color?
Sending soldiers Into battle stations? Kind of hard to send them 'into' battle stations, but you could send them 'to' battle stations.
Praying to the winds of 'hopeful fate' is an oxymoron.
'They could not control it.' Why couldn't they control it? They're on a highly technical space ship stationed in space and far enough out not to be effected by the destruction, and the ship hasn't been damaged. Wouldn't it be possible to beam a body aboard without difficulty? Maybe haven't I read far enough to get to the reason yet. Okay, moving on.
Tears burned in their eyes. Who are you talking about? The soldiers that man the ship, or the Xereban's being beamed aboard?
'In hopes of beaming some of their loved ones aboard'. The chances of beaming a 'loved one' aboard is exactly what you stated, 1243 chances in 8 billion. Not possible, but they did have a chance to save some of their 'fellow Xerebans or race'.

Well, I have to stop there. I would love to read this but it needs a 'ton' of editing and it makes me tired trying to muddle through. I suggest you start from the beginning and go through each paragraph. Delete or rewrite anything that doesn't make sense, (remember it will make sense to you, but not an outside reader). Omit every adverb you can. Knock out: the, every, just, that, as, then, almost, thing, and so on. Watch your sentence structure and in general tighten, tighten, tighten.

Now, having written all this, I really do like the story. You started medium res, which gives it interest and planted back-story in the readers mind. Though I did not read much, I think you are on your way to producing a great piece of work.
Janell (tomewriter)

Scott Toney wrote 479 days ago

Owen,

I just read Old Bob's post. Please disregard his advice about introducing more dialogue in the beginning. It's great the way it is. Have a great day!

- Scott

Jacoba wrote 482 days ago

This was recommended by wordmagic, and I can definitely see your skills as a writer. As I'm not a sci fi buff, so only read through the first chapter. I see you are doing well with this and have a solid fan base. I don't feel I can offer any constructive comments as I don't read this genre. When you begin to climb the ladder towards the top and need some help getting to the editors desk, let me know and I'll put you on my bookshelf for a stint to help get you there. Cheers Jacoba

Old Bob wrote 484 days ago

Hi Owen. I've been through the first chapter of "TIME WORRIERS" this morning. I don't read a lot of SciFi but this seems very imaginative and fast paced. I don't usually comment on technical issues because I'm not really a trained writer. I think, however, ,this could be a much more powerful story if you introduced more dialogue between the characters. You've already introduced a lot of characters and their interaction seems good. Toi me, the use of dialogue would bring me more into the story and, if I associate with a character, I tend to want to read more. Just a thought. Your voice is very good and your writing is well done.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

lonejock wrote 484 days ago

Thank you very much for backing Joe's Story I will have a peek at yours today once again thanks

Iain

bookjacket wrote 493 days ago

You have a very well thought out story-world and you match it with a unique concept. Keep fighting up the ranks! Starred and on my watchlist.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]