His Pride, Her Prejudice

Aimee,

This was fun! You wear the Austen influence like a badge of honor and it shows, but plenty of people have already gone on about that. You've got a very exact style, your prose very pointed, with just enough wit and sarcasm to work without betraying this comedy of manners. Looking forward to seeing further chapters pop up here!

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

I adore it. Our Miss Austen would be proud if she could read your delightful book.

Having lived for twenty five years a stone's throw from Chawton, I almost felt duty bound to support a fan of Jane Austen. But duty quickly turned to pleasure when I started reading His Pride, Her Prejudice, which really is an excellent piece of work. I read somewhere that someone was recently asked to pen a new James Bond novel. You will be the perfect candidate when they look for someone to write more Jane Austen. Well done.

Philip John (Dead Reckoning/The Ambassador's Last Post)

HIS PRIDE, HER PREJUDICE

Miss Aimee Fry - If I may be so bold in stating my opinion, having due regard to your tender sensibilities, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a reader in possession of this commendable book by your goodself, will not be in want of a prolonged possession of gracious, most seemly and pleasant literary interludes. Therefore, dear reader, why not seize pleasure at once? I beseech you. How often is happiness destroyed by excess of caution! Indulge your imagination in every possible flight. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person, and here I defer to Miss Fry, may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. Peraventure, a lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. For truly this esteemed authoress, in matters of romance indeed love, amply demonstrates that If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere. Therefore, it is evidently plain that If a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavour to conceal it, he must find it out. I bid you good day Miss Fry while considering your volume in the highest esteem and abide in certainty of your being engaged in the inevitable business of publication.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

His Pride My Prejudice.
Even though it is not the sort of genre I usually read, the penmanship moves with ease. The characters and their entries reveal thoughtful craftsmanship, and Austen movies, including Chadha’s Bride and Prejudice (or is it Bride and Bollywood?) not to mention T. N. Murari’s “The Imperial Agent” carrying on with Kim where Kipling left off allows us to make the most of the masters, including para breaks, reduced pontification and the absence of chunks of unbroken narrative.

Wish you’d been born earlier, then you would have been part of my coursework instead of Jane Austen, though Dreider, I thought, was even worse!

You’ve guessed by now, that I do have an axe to grind!

But you’re a fine, stand alone writer.
Backed
Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Your story reflects like a tale of sacrifice for the fulfillment of romance. You have already been heard so many romantic stories, but very rare to hear such a romantic turn outs. Congratulations for such a creativity.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Aimee,
I enjoyed this...probably could have done with a little more description but a good regency romp none the less. the characters seem sound and the dialogue is fitting-I felt as though I were reading into the past.
I have backed you and will sprinkle some stardust.
Well done.
Millie C

This historical period is a favourite with so many, it should do well. Your characters are charming, and the title very clever. Jane would be proud, and quietly chuffed, that you adore her style of writing so much. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Hi Aimee, what a plot, twists and turns...just like life. Not neat or predictable or in a box. Very well written, I studied the classics in college and this reminds me of a Pride and Prejudice. backed! thanks, PS could you take a look at You TUrn? Lynne

Chapter 6

This is not the sort of book I would normally read or buy, but I am sure my wife would love it. It is well written and has an authentic historical feel to it .of times when people were more polite. I will back it with pleasure.

Tony
Life Bringer

Very mature style of writing. Unfortunatly I haven't had the pleasure to read a Jane Austen book (gasp, I know lol), but from this story I could see why so many enjoy it. The scene where he was contemplating the dream was a tad choppy to me, but only slightly. I enjoyed reading this and can tell this is going to be a romance worth keeping track of. *Neicy*

Hi, I’d be more than happy to back your book if you’ll take the time to check out my work.
Thanks

Gefordson
Nothing You can do.

HIS PRIDE, HER PREJUDICE

Miss Aimee Fry - If I may be so bold in stating my opinion, having due regard to your tender sensibilities, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a reader in possession of this commendable book by your goodself, will not be in want of a prolonged possession of gracious, most seemly and pleasant literary interludes. Therefore, dear reader, why not seize pleasure at once? I beseech you. How often is happiness destroyed by excess of caution! Indulge your imagination in every possible flight. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person, and here I defer to Miss Fry, may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. Peraventure, a lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. For truly this esteemed authoress, in matters of romance indeed love, amply demonstrates that If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere. Therefore, it is evidently plain that If a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavour to conceal it, he must find it out. I bid you good day Miss Fry while considering your volume in the highest esteem and abide in certainty of your being engaged in the inevitable business of publication. BACKED.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Excellent stuff. Beautifully written and with a real talent for prose.
Backed, with pleasure!
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

Hi Aimee

This was a very enjoyable read. I love the period and your voice is very convincing in it, both in the narrative and in the dialogue. Refreshing to see it from the man's pov. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

What a lovely start to your book. You take the reader straight into this regency home. I love historical novels and this one gets away to a great star. Backed, Gordon -The Harpist of Madrid - an historical novel!

Aimee,

I have enjoyed reading some of His Pride, Her Prejudice. As others have commented, your appreciation of Jane Austin is very clear from your style of writing, and the text, though generally formal, reads well.

One thing that struck me at the start was that there is no real sense of time (what period are the protagonists living in?) until the reference to a post-chaise in Aunt Florence's letter, well into chapter 2. I'm not sure that this matters. There are suggestions of a bygone era within the dialogue, and the expected presence of servants to draw baths, etc., serve the same purpose.

I do have a few technical quibbles.

Chapter 1

'Giving into his body's pleas, . . . '

Not sure on this one either, but I'd use two words 'in to' rather than the one 'into'. The verb is give in, not give.

This is a little 'picky' but in the paragraph starting 'Frederick stands away from her . . . ' there seem to be too many uses of the word 'him'. Understandable, but you could cut some, and one 'as'. Perhaps,

Frederick stands away from her, simply content to observe for what seems an age. When he turns to leave, she finally sees him, flashing a sweet smile as she stands to greet him. Her dress flows around her in the breeze and now she's up close. Her hand rests on his arm and he gently places his around her waist, pulling her ever closer.

I once had one of my novels (not yet posted here) professionally edited and was told, amongst other things, to always cut unnecessary words. The rule was, if it doesn't advance the story, leave it out. It's not easy to do, but it does help to improve the flow of the text.

There's an example of this when you write,

Don't worry, she reassures him, sincerity glistening in her eyes, it isn't a problem we cannot solve between us. All that matters is that we're together. We will marry one day, won't we?

The phrase 'we cannot solve between us' doesn't seem to flow that well. The word 'we' already implies 'the two of us' and so the 'between us' can be cut. Added to that, you have used abbreviations here - don't, isn't, we're, won't, rather than do not, is not, we are, and will not - yet you use cannot rather than can't. It's a little inconsistent. I appreciate that Jane Austin is your inspiration and in her writing she would no doubt have used cannot, but she would also, I think, have used do not, etc., and not mixed them, though I confess that it's many a year since I read one. I'd suggest

Don't worry, she reassures him, sincerity glistening in her eyes, it isn't a problem we can't resolve. All that matters is that we're together. We will marry one day, won't we?

There's another example a little further on.

If only the dream could end there each time, . . .

We already know that this is a recurrent dream. You can cut the 'each time'.

There are other examples of this. When you next edit the text, look for words or phrases that really need not be there, don't tell us anything new, or don't advance the story.

Nevertheless, with careful, and occasionally ruthless editing, I believe this can do well. For this reason it goes on my shelf.

Best wishes,

Neil

Aimee,

This was fun! You wear the Austen influence like a badge of honor and it shows, but plenty of people have already gone on about that. You've got a very exact style, your prose very pointed, with just enough wit and sarcasm to work without betraying this comedy of manners. Looking forward to seeing further chapters pop up here!

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

I'd forgotten what a delight a good Regency romance can be - thanks for reminding me! On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Well, your style emulates the time period of Austin.

Am I to assume the same time period that Austin wrote of, or is the setting more modern?

This story is good but I think it might be better if I knew more, right up front, about the setting -- when and where this takes place.

Some descriptive writing that places the dialogue in a little more of a context would help me to understand what's going on. For example, "I won't be going for a ride ..." leaves me wondering what kind of ride. On an elephant, in a car, on a horse?

Also, the character Mr. Harvey is introduced briefly in the first two paragraphs, then the story continues on with some (rather thin?) conversation. Another option would be to thicken up the conversation by adding context, more explicit character description.

Well, that's my two bits worth. Do what you think is best, of course. You have a nice storyline going here and otherwise I think you write well. Best wishes for you.

I will add this to my Wachlist and try to get back to look at it again on a later date.


F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Now this is literature. Nothing more needs to be said. Great character dvelopment, narrative, and dialogue.

Mike

Aimee, thank you for your support with Fidelity. I certainly with you the best with your wonderful story. When it's purchasable, it'll make a great companion text in my English classes.

So well written, I detest the genre, and indeed the society and culture the novel portrays. Long dead and best forgotten IMO. I enjoy Wodehouse style spoofs, and have read two on this site. This is the first writing I have seen that actually played it straight. It's very well edited for punctuation, but the later chapters need tighter sentence structure, too much of this, the and that. Probably more imitatively accurate though. I chewed through Austen decades ago, not my cup of tea. pun intended.

I adore it. Our Miss Austen would be proud if she could read your delightful book.

Having lived for twenty five years a stone's throw from Chawton, I almost felt duty bound to support a fan of Jane Austen. But duty quickly turned to pleasure when I started reading His Pride, Her Prejudice, which really is an excellent piece of work. I read somewhere that someone was recently asked to pen a new James Bond novel. You will be the perfect candidate when they look for someone to write more Jane Austen. Well done.

Philip John (Dead Reckoning/The Ambassador's Last Post)

Don't care for chick lit, but this is well written and enjoyable. Good luck. Backed.

A wonderful story - and such fun to read!

Backed with pleasure,
Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Enjoyed again further in, and backed
Lara
Good for Him

Hi Aimee,

This was so enjoyable. It is definitely the sort of work that would translate well into a film and works equally well in writing (obviously :o})

Many blessings

Jo G

Hi Aimee,
Firstly, thank you for backing DECEMBER. I have backed yours.
Secondly, your synopsis captured me, and isn't letting me go. The journey your story is taking my spirit is a gentle ride, and I'm looking forward to reading more. I love romance - yes, I am male - and, actually, a lot of my script rewriting gigs are to re-write parts/dialogue for women's roles. Looking forward, too, to you own notes on the DECEMBER script. I may turn it into a novel, don't know.

Sincerely,
Jim

There is a huge market for historical fiction and I think yours would probably work better without the direct references to the work of Jane Austin, which may work in a modern parody, such as Brigitte Jone's Diary, but seems rather awkward in a book set in the same period.
Laith

There is a huge market for historical fiction and I think yours would probably work better without the direct references to the work of Jane Austin, which may work in a modern parody, such as Brigitte Jone's Diary, but seems rather awkward in a book set in the same period.
Laith

Nice fluid writing style. Good luck with this.
Jan
Fringe of Darkness

Swap-Read? PhilMc, Deep State

Oooh, this is lovely!
I just love this sort of book, and yours is wonderful.
I can't wait to read more.
Backed with pleasure.
Kat
The Real Poop

Hi Aimee
It was the laudanum that set the scene - so cleverly used to inform the reader of the century. I also like the way your scenes are almost cinematic; while reading, I felt as though I was sitting at the movies - a compliment to your smooth writing style. Backed with pleasure.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Hi Aimee,
I really enjoyed this book. I am also a great fan of Austin and appreciated the tie in :-)
Backed!!!
Sofia (The Lost Inheritance)

Very sophisticated tone. I have to say, whenever there’s a dream in the first chapter / prologue I feel there’s a lack of originality, and even if the dream is exciting, I always feel like the story hasn’t quite started for some reason. That’s just a personal opinion, although I actually think you used the technique well – I just wish it was used less by those who want excitement without meaning or context.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this novel. I think it has real potential.

The pitch is excellent, and although not the sort of genre I would normally paddle in, I found the writing flowed and was easy reading (rather than overly cluttered with description and explanation every other paragraph or two.)

There is also a taste for period writing, and if the 'Pride & Prejudice & Zombies' fashion continues then maybe others will consider reading the good stuff rather than the recycled 'Emma vs Alien Predator' - and I think your writing stands way above that.

Have you considered seeing if you could searialise it in a magazine?

Backed with pleasure

Dear Aimee,
This is my belated part of our trade. So sorry for the wait.
The pitch is better than most – you get across not just the characters and main plot, but also the style and flavour and historical period. Your sense of the period is apparent from the start, with its indolence and elegance, though troubles lurk. You’ve got the Jane Austen romanticism, the yearning, the anguish, the smouldering. The class formalities, the air of privilege. The love and marriage stakes, complex as a maze. Fans of this period of literature will love this story.
Best of luck from
Eileen Kardos (The Noodle Trail - now uploaded and ready for perusal)

Dear Aimee,
This is the belated part of our trade. So sorry for the wait.
The pitch is better than most – you get across not just the characters and main plot, but also the style and flavour and historical period. Your sense of the period is apparent from the start, with its indolence and elegance, though troubles lurk. You’ve got the Jane Austen romanticism, the yearning, the anguish, the smouldering. The class formalities, the air of privilege. The love and marriage stakes, complex as a maze. Fans of this period of literature will love this story.
Best of luck from
Eileen Kardos (The Noodle Trail)

HIS PRIDE, HER PREJUDICE

Miss Aimee Fry - If I may be so bold in stating my opinion, having due regard to your tender sensibilities, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a reader in possession of this commendable book by your goodself, will not be in want of a prolonged possession of gracious, most seemly and pleasant literary interludes. Therefore, dear reader, why not seize pleasure at once? I beseech you. How often is happiness destroyed by excess of caution! Indulge your imagination in every possible flight. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person, and here I defer to Miss Fry, may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. Peraventure, a lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. For truly this esteemed authoress, in matters of romance indeed love, amply demonstrates that If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere. Therefore, it is evidently plain that If a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavour to conceal it, he must find it out. I bid you good day Miss Fry while considering your volume in the highest esteem and abide in certainty of your being engaged in the inevitable business of publication.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

I don't normally respond to messages asking me to read books, however when I read the pitch for this I fell in love! I have always been a Pride and Prejudice fan too, and I was interested to see how you would develop this one. Admittedly, I have only read the first chapter, but I have enjoyed that chapter very much! It's quick paced and packed with interesting dialogue. I would only suggest a few changes in your opening. I am not entirely sure that 'Urgh' is the correct descriptive sound. It suggests to me very mild disgust (like hearing you have to take an exam in class) , and I wonder whether waking up from a dream would have this effect. Also, personally when I wake up in the morning I find it very hard to 'stride' anywhere. I know there are those people who can jump up in the morning without a care in the world, but this is a man who has had a disturbed night's sleep, I'm just not sure that he would be striding.

Other than those tiny little details, I was fascinated! Very impressive, this deserves to be seen by Harper Collins.

Backed with pleasure!

Gwyneth
Author of 'Evie'

...privy to all the (servants’) little details.

This relies a little heavily on dialogue to move the story forward, but since it’s so well written I actually don’t really mind.

A tantalising pitch and a great first chapter. This is escapism of the highest order. I also love Jane Austen, so I'm sure I would enjoy this book.I'll try and read more. In the mean time, backed with pleasure.
Karien - A Bird in a Pram

Excellent writing; a well-crafted look into a world we think we know through Ms Austen... I liked the evocation of the woman in the dream, and the idea that laudanum will take your main character's mental suffering away! It's a very neat idea to tie into the affection which Austen's work still draws from the reading public, and making it a component of your own original and polished work. Great piece

Pat Black
Snarl

Here I am for the read swap!
You have an interesting idea here - not many people attempt a novel in this era - but there's a few things getting in your way.
I would strongly recommend making this a bit more cinematic. Imagine it as a movie, describe what you see, and then get more inside the main character's head, to see through his eyes. I would also strongly recommend removing any dialogue that he has with himself, or with Lorena, who isn't there. Only people with mental instability talk to no one in particular in complete sentences. Don't have him say anything. It'll make it fifteen times more suspenseful and interesting. Let us guess how he feels. Make us wonder what happened in his past. Here's an example of what your intro would look like without it:

"Fredrick cursed as he awoke with an aching gasp. His face screwed up in weariness as the morning light hit his eyes.
The door creaked open and the head of his valet poked into view.
"Is anything amiss, Mr. Harvey?"
"No, Porter, I'm fine," he answered bluntly.
"Another dream, sir?" Porter asked as he stepped inside, his boots tapping on the floorboards and making Fredrick flinch.
"Every night this week."
Et Cetera. It lets us wonder about him.

Keep up the good work. You're almost there!

M.C. Holman
Dragon-Children: The Secrets of Tarenhavdel

her book, my comment

Dear Aimee,

Thanks so much for reading more of my book! I will split it up into shorter chapters at some point.. it's on my to-do list at least...

Yours is still on my watchlist!
Thanks again,
Chelsea

Dear Aimee,

You've captured the period very well. Most often I would see characters and the settings of a historical story reflecting the style of today and not at all believable, but you've proven otherwise. A pleasure to read, Jane Austen would be proud. Backed.

Aimee the Pride and Prejudice thing got me as I love the classics. The use of the word disastrously is interesting! I does have what it takes to be a classic novel. I believe that one can critique this for its grammar,HOWEVER I dont pick up a book for the grammar. Yes grammar is so important, but without the beauty, poetry, character, set, smell, heart and good story telling it might as well be a how to mathmatical manual. Your is not a manual and it is a love story. GOOD luck with this it is on my WL please read my work it is non-fiction but different. thanks and do comment

Hi Aimee,

I've read a little bit so far (as i'm running out the door, haha) but really really like it so far. It's easy to read and I loved the dream that Frederick had of Lorena....I want them to find each other! I'll read more tomorrow and am backing with pleasure.

Mallory
Bolters: The Quest for the Natural One

I have to admit that this is not my usual taste in reading. However, it has the makings of a classic romance novel; the characters are believable and the story engaging. You have my backing.

Gregory James

I found this to be an easy read, and very absorbing, although to be fair I write action adventure so I surprised myself. There was a good balance between speech and description which kept the reader focused. Happy to back this book
Keith

Unit T Special Forces
Silver Moon

Aimee,

I love this book, beautifully written and an amazing love story!

Backed 100%

Rob