All That Ends

It is a very important story - and it has to go out. Mindful, beautifully crafted - so much research, caring and wisdom went into that.

Bud, you are a superb writer - and you are a conscious writer. You convey your vision with great skill, and your talent just shines through!

Best of luck in everything. A great writer you are.

Backed with he utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I sincerely hope this finds a publisher, so that it can reach as many people as possible. Beautifully written, thought provoking and profound.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Bud, what a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. I really liked the plot-- and the writing is good. You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, creating action that propels the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I thought I didn't like this kind of material. It turns out I do! Backed with pleasure.

This is an incredibly well -written story. With skill like this, I think you could write about the most arbitrary things & you would be able to draw readers in. I would buy this. Well Done.

Good storyline - unusual. Nice pitch.
You write well. Dialogue is good and writing flows.
I like the way you introduce Raymond at the very beginning.
First chapter is a little too long - but thats just my opinion.
Interesting read.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star.

I’m not a big science fiction fan, Bud but I have to say I really enjoyed your opening chapters. I’ve read twelve chapters now (up to the end of your autho chapter 2) and I’ll definitely come back to read on. The writing feels extremely polished. It’s obvious you’ve spent a great deal of time and effort honing your work and the end result is a reassuringly smooth, fully immersive read. Once or twice, some of the compound adjectives seemed to be missing their hyphens and some of the prose felt a bit ‘light’ on commas (eg. ‘the hot [comma] thin air,’ ‘the hard [comma] hot pavement,’ ‘A few minutes short of an hour later [comma] ‘As instructed [comma]’) but they’re all really easy fixes should you chose to do so.

The prose feels very well-judged for a novel of this type. It’s clean and unfussy but never dull or one dimensional. There’s a really good mix of simple and direct storytelling to move the narrative along and more elaborate, evocative descriptive passages to set a specific scene or allow the reader a more intense insight into a character’s emotional state/mindset etc. What I particularly like is the appealingly unselfconscious, almost hardboiled nature of some of the descriptions (eg. ‘the guts of the city,’ ‘the wide, frozen river and distant, snow-covered trees,’ ‘black spruce stand apart from each other like sentinels’) which lend the novel an extremely vivid, almost filmic reality. Occasionally, some of the metaphors/similes felt slightly overworked (for example, in the opening three paragraphs of chapter 1 the city is referred to as an anthill, an oven and a concrete canyon) which you may want to look at??

The dialogue feels real and purposeful and helps both to instil the scenes with good energy and flesh out the novel’s various characters. In terms of characterisation, although there are quite a few names/personalities to come to grips with in the opening chapters, I didn’t feel too swamped by the breadth of the cast list. The various characters feel three dimensional and distinct and evoke good emotional responses (eg empathy, intrigue, suspicion, admiration etc) from me as a reader. I particularly liked Old Raymond, who comes across as an extremely interesting, honest, likeable, appealingly flawed individual. (I was rather hoping he’d be the emotional anchor at the heart of the novel !!) I wasn’t keen on him being referred to as ‘Old Raymond’, though. It feels rather patronising and, even after we learn about his grandson, it still made me flinch slightly every time I read it. Couldn’t you distinguish between the two men by simply referring to one as Raymond and one as Ray (or even Raymond Junior)?? Just a thought. I like the way the various characters play off each other and there’s always the intriguing thought at the back of the mind that, at some point in the novel, all the various elements (plot/location/character etc) will come together and everything will make sense. Cleverly done.

The scientific detail feels extremely well judged. I don’t have a scientific background but, even so, the ‘science’ seemed to make sense and I was perfectly willing to buy into the ‘reality’ of the clearly sci-fi elements. Overall, the incidental detail is very persuasive. It would be so easy to overdo the futuristic, sci-fi elements but you cleverly resist this temptation. This is subtle, nuanced writing which coaxes the reader into buying into the sense of time and place rather than battering them into submission. Terrific stuff.

The plot sounds well thought out and complex and, with its blend of drama, suspense, intrigue, socio-political commentary, romance, sci-fi escapism etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers. In terms of character, location, timeframe, plot etc, this definitely has a feel of a rather sprawling, epic-like piece of fiction and, while this isn’t the type of novel I’d normally read, I’m sufficiently impressed by the way you interweave your opening chapters (coupled with the extremely readable narrative style) to come back for more.

I suppose, structurally, the only thing I didn’t particularly like was your author’s preface. In terms of what it says and how it sets up the novel, it works really well. I just didn’t like being reminded of the author’s hand behind the words just as I’m about to begin the novel. You do such a good job of creating an extremely believable, fully immersive fictional world, why risk undermining this ‘fiction’ by reminding the reader just as they’re about to begin reading that what they’re reading isn’t, in fact, real?? Could you maybe rework the preface so it reads like an actual UN report from say, 2100?? You could keep all the detail/historical references etc but you’d be able to preserve the integrity of your fictional world and not risk distnacing the reader?? Just a thought.

In short, an extremely accomplished, ambitious, thought provoking piece of work. Very highly starred and kept on my watchlist for further reading. Thanks and best of luck. P

good saga. not my usual genre, but this is worth a read...
j
what every woman should know

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Wow you really know your science!
A very well written and edited story.
I had goose bumps reading chapter eight (I believe) when they were trying to bring Old Raymond back to life. It was written so well, the scenes unfolding in my imagination, like a film.
I did come across a couple of bits, that you might want to check.
"Damn! I forgot to switch off my earbugs." He muttered. Comma and 'he'.
"We have to go to your Grandma's." 'your grandma's."
These are not recurring errors, you know what you're doing, so I won't explain.
I'm enjoying it and getting my head around the science. I'll keep it on my watch list, as it's complete, I'll finish it when I have more time.
Best of luck to you, Pollyanna. 'Marsupeople'.

I read four chapters. I like it very much. These are my favorite type sci-fi stories where it's in the future but can actually happen. 12 Monkeys is my favorite sci-fi movie. This is well written and builds up the suspence so that you want to keep reading. I was only going to read one chapter. but kept going. I'll try to come back later and read some more. Good luck with it. It is a publishable book..

The City - All That Ends I

Short pitch: OK as far as I could see.

Long pitch: I felt this was a bit too long. Your nice phrase ‘an insidious tsunami’ is fine of course but you go on with detail about the nature of the problem instead of just selling the ideas.

C1: I thought there was a slightly faltering start. The language of this chapter is less confident than that I found subsequently. Specifically I thought your sentences tended to be overlong in this chapter – a characteristic they do not have so much later on. I think this is a feature of several books I have read here. Maybe you could re-read chapters 2 and 3 and then return to edit C1. I think you’d see what I mean straight away.

C2 et seq: Once the story got going I was happier with the writing. The sentence style seemed to fit better and the balance of narration with dialogue matched the pace you had developed. You do a very good ob of conjuring the oppressive atmosphere of the places. I especially liked the ‘scared mouse’ sort of feeling that your C1 description evoked. The story developed well and has sufficient promise to draw the reader on.

I can see why the agent was impressed. The writing is succinct and creates a fantastic atmosphere right from the start. Strong thoughtful subject matter too. Like The Time Machine or 1984, this is one of those books that captures a time and a global problem in a way that other genres of expression simply cannot match. This is a truly excellent work and I have no hesitation in backing it.

Best of luck, Bud, I hope you do well.

Jack H

The story is brilliant. I may have said that before but I can't remember. This is a potential best-seller but you do need to go through and look at your language just to make sure every word is needed.

For example, in chapter one you talk about a "multiracial crowd". Because you're writing from Old Ray's point of view, the implication of using the word "multiracial" is that he particularly notices this rather than how pressing the crowd is upon his personal space. Better to use no adjective at all, or perhaps to use an adjective like "crushing".

Elsewhere, you talk about "oppressive August humidity" and then "thin air". These phrases would normally be opposites. I'd also probably remove the word "oppressive".

This sounds like nitpicking, which is not intended because what you have here is a brilliant story that will be a potential bestseller (and I have backed it as well) but there is room for improvement and, while rewriting can be a tedious job, it's still necessary.

All the same, well done.

Hi Bud,
I am impressed with your work here. It tells of your commitment. I have a nit to share. Truly, your writing style is good. First paragraphs are imperitive. The rhythm threw me off at the start and there, were you to agree, is an easy fix. The sun . . . The oppressive . . . Were you to change one (the latter?) to An oppressive, it might flow better. But, just a nit. Great work. Starred for now.
Cheers!
John B Campbell . . . Walk to Paradise Garden

This is an excellent read. Description, characters, dialogue all work for me. Very visual, I can see this as a screenplay or mini series. You could still afford to trim some of your adjectives and I am not a fan of the 'list' method of describing people, preferring it to come more by osmosis eg contrasting john with Ray: "John was as unlike his wiry son as to question his genetic descent" or something. :)

I started reading The City All That Ends 1 again. This time I've got to the end of chapter 6. This is an excellent science fiction novel. There are some interesting ideas which you explore and the writing is well done. There are some really nice descriptions of nature which contrast well with the credible science stuff. I did feel sorry for that cat though! Backed.
Tim
VITALITY

BUD-



Great imagery and symbolim.
I admit this book has a very strong sense about life and where it leads us. Every paragraph of this book is full of psychological substance that would encourage the reader to keep digging out the mystery of human existence. The opening scene beautifully creates a stable foundation of the book’s aim and the way the author describes the introduction really leaves a good impression of the story. It is really scary that the time you mentioned will come because for sure nobody is going to survive. Characters are stitiched well together with great dialogues. The plot is weaved with the substantial thematic emphasis. I believed that your book just deserves to get a good publisher very soon. I appreciate reading a high quality product of literature. BACKED.
Good luck to you and your writing career.

FLETCH

It's a remarkable vision of the future, eerily authentic with its iris scans and diagnostic booths, holographs and Martian colonisation. With Raymond, it's almost a case of physician heal thyself, only more like: engineer diagnose thyself. Meanwhile, worries about the water supply on Mars and the speed of communication. Will Raymond's invention-to-be be of help? For that matter, will it help with what he hopes for? Not yet, not if the worms are anything to go by...

A fascinating piece of Sci-Fi on both the macro and micro scale, scientific and human, social and spiritual - quite an achievement. Where technology fails, science is turning towards the more inexplicable. I've no real idea where this is going, but I like all three main characters who I've met, and I want to see them come out the other side of this with something worthwhile to show, even if, for Raymond, that isn't immortality. A story that poses the questions we should be asking ... backed.

Possible nits: The opening conversation between Julia and Robert seems slightly staged as they must both know most of this, perhaps relax it slightly, e.g. 'Communication ... With the water situation, we'll be needing to keep in close touch when the Mars colony's up and running, and we’ve not had much luck improving the delay from a few minutes to about forty depending on the orbit. We've been thinking of trying something a bit more left field...' ???

The setting of this story is SO alive! You really know how to make a story immediate through characters, setting, and story. I'm impressed by the strength of your writing. I'm not a big sci-fi reader, but this was an enjoyable read. The dialogue between Julia and Russel in the second chapter was fantastic as well. I felt myself really being pulled into the story by that point.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

You give us a future world that is vastly different from the present, but still recognizable, accessible and believable. The atom-scanner and the atom-conversion technology are interesting concepts. This promises to be a great read.

Backed

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Interesting concept, when most people agree the world's population is going to plateau and possibly fall by 2050. However, the story itself is great. Backed it.
Appreciate a return read and backing if you feel its worthwhile ; paperbat adventures.
Jerry [paperbat]

'The City-All That ends...'

What a fascinating premise...and you work it well through the 21 chapters posted. This is an original twist of man's eternal dream of populating other planets, when all goes wrong on ours.

The stuffiness of overpopulation is well rendered by Raymond's trek to the clinic. When is this happening? As a reader I want to know from the onset. It would be easy to set the date in the medical report. What is the abnormality Raymond is suffering? You show the official diagnosis but it is vague. A sophisticated scan (especially in the future) would be more precise.

It's an Interesting premise that a mission to Mars would need a psychic for immediate communication. Julia is nicely characterized. The atomic conversion Guinea into a kitten foreshadows human-conversion later in chap16. VR technology is interesting too. We can see the beginnings of possible romance between John and Julia.

So overall a rich read for Sci-fi enthusiasts.

Backed!

Miguel
Absentee Bidder

Bud, compelling storyline and great cast of characters. strong prose as well.
on my shelf.
i could send only kudos, but when i like something i try to offer some valid feedback. my only thought here is that you could delete the occasional adverb, which - i know - may not fit your style. if not, pls ignore. ;)
e.g.: "mind deeply struggling" - "mind struggling" ?
many thanks for an interesting and smooth read.
best wishes, andy

Bud, This is an extremely creative well written novel. Like most artist we are a lot of the time like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, but sometimes I think the powers that be need to rethink that maybe it's not the peg that's the wrong shape but the hole itself; and this novel proves that point.

We all have our perceptions of what the future holds and it's comforting to know that there are individual thinkers left in the world. I love this premise I love the characters and your dialogue and pace are perfect.

I am stunned that this has ot gotten more recognition because it surely deserves it...Brilliant Backed without a doubt Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

An engaging story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Crisp dialogue. Evocative narrative. Thought provoking. Spot on storytelling. A pleasure to read. Backed.

Nice. Backed, Dave

The storyline unfolds in an interesting manner. The protagonist's ability to describe his life in the city and drug store experience is well done. Backed. Chuck (Literary Agent Blues) (Uboat Officer)

Beautifully written. Well done and good luck.
Eunice ( The Temple Dancer and Poetic Voice of Soul).

A story like this can go on forever and your four books make the most of it - a very enjoyable read - thanks and I will back the City - perhaps you could have a look at my books - goodluck --!

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Hi. After six days on this site I am (unbelievably) still running to catch up with the people who have been kind enough to back me. Every time I log on I have thirty people to thank and review in return before I even get a chance to read some that I have picked myself from the book list. So, and I do not mean to be unhelpful, I am BACKING this on the read because I think it is every bit good enough to be in print (I think that is the criteria I should be using) but, although I have made written comments, I have no time to type up my thoughts. If you want them just message me and I promise to get to them ASAP. Otherwise, BACKED.

I thought I didn't like this kind of material. It turns out I do! Backed with pleasure.

Backed!
Splinker
"I"ve Been Deader"

B.D.S.T. II

This is an incredibly well -written story. With skill like this, I think you could write about the most arbitrary things & you would be able to draw readers in. I would buy this. Well Done.

Bud, what a great storyline. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. I really liked the plot-- and the writing is good. You have a flair for building tension that explodes off the page, creating action that propels the story forward.
Great storytelling
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Hi Bud,

just my kind of read. Well done.

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Hi Bud. I love your future world. I read the first three chapters & would like to read more. I like the issues of health & the main character's motive to make his machine. There wasn't anything that I noticed that needs work. It's great that after this book there is more to come. This is the kind of thing I would pick up in a bookshop. Tim (Vitality)

Took all day to read this then move onto the next. My kind of story, great characters, well rounded and 3-D with little mannerisms that make them breath. Description is good, grounding the reader, and the pace rattles along. Didn't stop to spot typos etc. just enjoyed the read.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

now exhausted and gone for a lie down. :)

Hi Bud,
I like the pitch and the cover is great. An interesting story with loads of imaginative work gone into it. It is well written and I enjoyed your characters - portrayed brilliantly. I never read sci fi but I will read more of this later.
I hope you get a chance to take a look at mine The Assassins Village - quite different from yours!
Good luck BACKED
Faith

interesting sci fi here with loads of imagination.. i love this pitch it's incredible.. backed :))

I sincerely hope this finds a publisher, so that it can reach as many people as possible. Beautifully written, thought provoking and profound.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

It is a very important story - and it has to go out. Mindful, beautifully crafted - so much research, caring and wisdom went into that.

Bud, you are a superb writer - and you are a conscious writer. You convey your vision with great skill, and your talent just shines through!

Best of luck in everything. A great writer you are.

Backed with he utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Thank you Denise for your kind support. I think your book, The Letter, will help to open the minds of those blindly stuck in this world of matter so they will begin to sense the spiritual worlds all around and about us. I wish you and your spirit guides every success.
Bud
The City - All That Ends I

Bud
Love the book cover, of course love the book too.
Denise
The Letter

Bud Carroll:

What concepts! You know Ted Turner, founder and ex-owner of CNN, firmly believes that the world is overpopulated. You have set up an imaginary piece of machinery that seems the perfect capsule for passage into another world -- the DiScan. It would be interesting to see what Old Ted would say if approached with this novel.

Add to that the dimension of Old Raymond's illness--how he has to create a machine to address hiss illness. Just imagine: You live in a world that is overpopulated; add to that a machine that could heal all health problems. Hummm. The drugsters wouldn't be too happy would they? Who would they have as patients? What kind of business would be lost to hospitals, doctors, nurses, etc. What an interesting thought. Backed.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Sorry another comment

SPIELBERG should be sent this book. it would make an incredible movie

Denise
The Letter

Hello Bud, I am reading your book again and really appreciating the read this time around even more. You book contains so much that I realized I was reading some and going off in my mind, which is a good thing, however I also was just wandering back. This is a book of sheer genius, and I am actually reading it slowly so I can feel the characters and their depth of color. Congrats on a brilliant well crafted book.
Oh and I might add.
you have an incredible amount of true science in this
you have a vision of possibilities
you have taken your left brain and truly married it with your right.


Denise
The Letter

Very descriptive and well written. I cannot wait to read the next chapters.
Best wishes.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

A very interesting read.
Backed
Good luck with the book

Gabriel

Hi Bud
This is an excellent concept and a really good read. You have a real way with words and have expertly crafted this into your book. My main comments relate to your pitch. I think you have a great book but your pitch does not do it justice. Tell us more about your story and imagine you are telling agents or publishers why they should be reading it. Just a thought but you may get more people to read it this way as it is a good read! Best wishes
DP Walker

Backed the book bud finished it again second read even better

You set your scene nicely for the classic future of hopelessness story. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

I only read chapter 1 but this is a book I have no hesitation in backing. It really does have a chilling yet sweaty futuristic feal to it, and is so well written. It also, and unusually, has a central character to whom the read can very soon bond. Backed with pleasure.
BADD

Excellent, the omagery and characters bounce off the page in a flurry of strong writing.Backed with pleasure.