DEFAULT

Sorry! I looked at the word count of DEFAULT! Margaret Woodward

Hi Target,

Thanks for your support. I have now read your blurb and the beginning of Telegraph - with great satisfaction. Not normally my subject, but I shall read more and put it on my watch list.

-Did you know that there is a legend about the Jack of Diamonds. It is thought to be cursed and in a few old packs the central diamond on the card is outlined in black. It was also a silent signal between Jacobites (internationally, by no means always Scottish) - which may be why it came to be cursed by others...

I note, though, that although you submitted your book in March you are only up to 21,000. I do hope that your hands are not the problem and that there is lots more in the drawer. So often it is the handling of the ending which might bring the extra star to the work.

Good luck, Margaret Woodward: The Devil's Bairn

I have handed this over to my husband he loves these sort of books. Money and corruption!!!
Thank you for backing my book. I have placed yours on my shelf as it is being read.

Tarrant,

What a great pitch. It made me want to read the story, that is for sure! And I am glad I did. Although it is not a storyline I typically gravitate towards, the financial side of it, I really did enjoy the story, even if it is a touchy subject for everyone right now. Money, that is.

I think your writing style is straight forward and the story moves along nicely. I have backed it with confidence that it will go all the way.

Shelly
A Duke from the Past, A Scandalous Tutor

Thank you for accepting my invite to swap reads! I hope you enjoy Twin Fates and I look forward to your comments! Meanwhile, I enjoyed Default. I decided to go with this one and not Telegraph because your pitch seemed just a little better. I hope you don't mind. If you wish me to note on the other one instead, just say so. Otherwise, I just want you to know that I liked what I read here. Dialogue seems like your strong point (a rarity in today's world). You story moves along at a great pace, not to fast, and definitely not so slow that my eyes want to fall closed. Overall, you have a solid story here and I hope it takes you far. Good luck.
Backed
~Richard
Twin Fates

BACKED

This is building into an exciting read but you still need a bit of an edit. I am no expert on commas in my own book but I can spot where they are missing in others. :) See if you can get a full review from stampMan's group members or ask Danni DX to spot a few more just to get this into the tip-top condition your writing deserves.

Your cover speaks volumes, and the pitch is great. Your writing is very professional in its presentation, and the plot is very strong and well thought out. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Numbers never lie. So much true in that sentence. Enjoyed your pitch and the opening chapters.
Best wishes, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Second sentence.-- I think you need a comma between “hours” and “every”

Your first and second chapters are rather nice. I enjoyed the narrative, and the story telling voice. You write rather economically, and have a lot of dry details that at times impede the flow--but otherwise you have a strong voice that carries the reader along and keeps us turning the page. Nicely done. I would definitely be willing to back this. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think. And goodluck with your manuscript.


cheers
blueboy

(The Age of Rhinestone )

Good title, eye-catching and appropriate cover. Extremely good pitch - most professional. You have an excellent plotline going here. Is this project in its infancy? Because editing is key. For example the opening paragraph is over-written! However, with such a complex plot its probably best to get the whole thing down before attempting changes. Every good luck with DEFAULT.

Hi CW, Morgan's thoughts at the outset caught me and the style fit her perusal of the accounts. It takes one into a complicated subject with ease and when many people would like to understand the financial issues today. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Telegraphy, added both your books to our watchlist. CC Brwon

exciting story and all too possible in today's world. I backed your book.

money, mystery and espionage.. always a great combo for a good read.. backed your book :)

HI C.W. They say follow the money and your plot really thickens witha $50 million loss in the 4Q. I Like the book and I BACK it! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Hi C.W. - Great premise and intriguing story. Some constructive hints - the first paragraph is far too long and there aren't enough breaks, commas, etc. It needs a good edit by someone other than you - we all need others to edit for us because the story is so close to us we don't see the errors. Also - is Morgan British? If so, some terminology is not correct. Good luck - I think it will be a great story. Jayne

Well written, enticing and nicely paced. I have to say though what REALLY stuck with me is the romance of the opening sequence. Your description of her 'relationship' with numbers is thoughtful and empathic. I watch the show Numb3rs and your opening lifted my understanding of the love affair between numbers (formulas) and the accountant, mathematician, scientist etc... if all you had written one that one part I would have still raved.

A sincere thank you for your clear, defined and yet gentle voice.

Love it! Good Luck!
BACKED

Amy R (Dead Air / trust Me)

You are fantastic, C.W. :) Thank you for commenting/backing my 2 books. You make me totally estatic. :) Again, I came to your "comment" page to help your book advance & will again put you on my "watchlist." God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear C W, I'm happy to comment/back your 2nd book, which I'm sorry I missed. In your blurb, it should be:
An accountant (not a accountant) - any world that starts with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u), has to have "an" in front of it instead of "a". I'd cut into 2 or many more, the very 1st paragraph of chapter 1, if I were you, so readers won't be tempted to read the 1st & last sentence & miss the middle meat - I have a short attention span, so tend to miss the middle of long ones. You have nice crisp paragraphs & dialogue which keeps my full attention. Good story. :) Good luck in finishing it. :) I've just "commented" & will now "back" it. :) Hope you'll "comment/back" my unedited version, "Tell Me True Love Stories." :) Love, Susie :)

I want to begin by telling you that I admire your courage. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to unzip your soul and turn around and grab your ankles and ask the world to judge you. And that’s what an author does when he writes. And everyone knows that. That’s why fiction was born. Because the friction between pride and fact chafes a man’s marrow. So congratulations of the courage of composition. And I swear to the good Christ I mean that.

You know - writing is really difficult work. I know. I’ve done it. Hell, I’m doing it. And then one day you take your hands off the keyboard and you sit back in your chair and you exhale. Because let’s be serious - the exposition is exhaustive. And everyone knows the cost of energy. But the difference between great writing and merely telling the tale is that you have to take your hands off the armrests and wipe the sweat off your brow and start again.

The real work of changing writing from remarking on a story and making it remarkable is twofold: parallelism and dialogue. Parallelism is when the nouns and verbs are in agreement. Parallelism is when the verb tenses are in agreement. Parallelism is when the adjectives and adverbs are placed in their proper arrangement. Parallelism is when the writer uses the same prefix or suffix to draw a correlation or show equity in importance. Parallelism is when there is noun and pronoun agreement. Do you know why Maya Angelou is so celebrated? Because you’re not going to find a modern writer who is as gifted with parallelism as Angelou is gifted.

Dialogue is the single most important element of a story. So a writer must try all his words in the mouths of the participants. So as an author you have to put the words in your narrator’s and characters’ mouth and see if they fit. Do they slip and slide and slather out like spit on a blouse? Are your characters mouthy enough to enunciate your thoughts? Do they have the bite to make your pronouncements?

So, hear your prose aloud. Print your novel. Sit in a comfy chair. Have someone read your words to you. Do not follow along with your eyes. Your eyes have traveled the prose path so many times that your mind assumes clarity. So follow with your ears. You will hear every misstep of a badly chosen word. You’ll hear where the eye needs to rest and the mind needs to breathe. Stop. Have your reader circle the text and move on. This is particularly effective with dialogue. You’ll hear every word that does not fit into a human mouth.

Good luck,
Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

You have created a gripping plot and you give confidence you have the knowledge to sustain the intricate workings of it throughout your novel. Your command of dialogue is excellent as is your use of POV. All of this is so good to see.

But, there is a 'but'. And, it is repitition. In your first paragraph you repeat yourself so often and tell the reader over and over about the numbers and how they are talking etc... sorting this out will crack the pace along as is befitting with a thriller. Backed with pleasure, Mary

Wow - very Tom Clancy only better! BACKed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a very timely story because it's a form of terrorism a country wouldn't even see coming. You've made Morgan a sympathetic character as she tries to figure all of this out. You obviously know a lot about financial issues in order to describe how this would go down. Makes it a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is similar to mine. But please rewrite the short pitch to match your writing abilities. That long pitch can be broken up into shorter paragraphs. Being Authonomy's #1 commentator, trust me, spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Hi CW,
Great story- shelved

I wasn't so convinced by the POV changes. I think you need to make the characters very distinctive if you are are going to head hop like this. So the reader knows exactly who they are. Perhaps labelling who's head you're in at the top of each chapter?

And that first paragraph in chapter 1 is far too long


Best of luck with this

John

Red 2, ignore what I said in my comment of a day ago. Have read it again and see I wasn't concentrating properly - probably a bit book -drunk.
If you can believe it, I think I'm enjoying this one more than Telegraph.
Real suspense. RED 1

Hi, lovely to hear from you. I have read the first of this and to me you are spot on. You take us straight into the core of the story. You don't think you are dealing with unintelligent beings who need a lot of explaining and setting the scene. In this you draw us in and hit us in the face with the crux of the plot and the reader knows all will be revealed as we go along. The great thing is we can take the journey with you and feel the tension of - what is happening - who is involved - what wil be the outcome etc...etc... Real page turning stuff. Great, well done, backed My very best wishes, Mary

I've read the first three chapters and I thought they worked well. The subject matter is topical and you build the scenes with effective dialogue and an obvious confidence in the plot you are creating.
My only thoughts are it might be better to break up the first long paragraph.The eye is met with a big wodge of words and I think the importance of the missing figures would have more impact if you seperated some of it. The second thing and it's probably me being stupid, you move to first person in chpt.2 and I have'nt worked out who it is.
None of this detracts from the fact that you write well and have a good thriller in the making. Backed. Margaret.

Red 2, is there some way of telling us at the beginning how important these accounts are? Maybe set the scene a bit more and concentrate less on the actual accounts. As usual when we get to your dialogue the scene takes off. Reading further now. Speak soon. Red 1

My first reaction is; that first paragraph is too long and too wordy. Cut some of the exposition, let us catch up with the details later. Go for dramatic effect and tension here, as you want people in a bookstore to be drawn in.
Try removing everything between 'something missing'(. period here) and 'It was odd --' Again, cut all the stuff about her superiors etc from 'her glasses -- ' to 'Numbers never lie' Readers can fill in a lot of stuff for themselves, and you do deal with her superiors in the next paragraphs (though again, this needs some editing).
Hope this helps.
phil