Plane Boy

This is an amazing piece of literature! How is this not published? Kaia is an intriguing character. I especially love reading about places I have never travelled to. A compelling read so far. Shelved for a few days.

Liz
The Cheech Room

The beginning is good, dialogue very well done. I think this could be a very good book but it has two problems, as I see it: too much description and not enough, if any, conflict. I confess I didn't read to the end so I don't know if the needed conflict appears later in the book. Even so, it needs to be introduced quickly, then resolved slowly and methodically. Despite my carping, you have a very fluid and natural writing style.
Eric Wilder - Prairie Sunset

Jax,

I've just read your short prologue lead-in and chapter one proper, and enjoyed what I read. Sometimes I loath the prologue. Usually it's no more than a rehashed synopsis to get things straight in the writer's head as opposed to offering anything of substance to the reader of the story. Your is different. It works, and is a great hook. Things progress nicely in chapter one. You've got a great ear for dialogue (a feature of your writing.) I'm not your target audience, but you have a highly readable style, and I'm happy to give you my backing.

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

i found some of the writing a little awkward at times. For example the line that begin: Mine is like a giant factory...
is a long unwieldy sentence that is quite hard to read. You use 'emergency' twice, 'start' three times and 'and' five times. It captures the way a person might talk quite accurately, but reading lines that can become quite hard work. It ends up feeling quite repetitive and made me feel like saying 'get on with it'. Bear in mind that in real life we do all sorts of things when we talk so repetition and hesitation and stuff like that gets lost in the mix, but when you read your focus is solely on the text so these things tend to stand out a little more.

'...is posted on the wall...' you slipped into present tense in the midsdle of the flashback here which was a little jarring.

The general 'let's go to europe' idea felt a bit rushed, although that may be how you want it to feel.

The dialogue exchanges in the first chapter could use some work, imo. The language feels a little stilted and doesn't really flow between them. The answer/question framework does its job well enough, lets the reader know the backstory, but in a pretty direct fashion that felt a bit obvious to me.

In the paragrapoh that begins: A reality check... you use the word 'matter' three times in quick succession. This sort of small thing can spoil the flow of the writing. Reading the story out loud to yourself (it will be excrutiatingly tedious) will really help sort this kind of thing out.

There's a lot of football stuff in the first chapter. And also very specific celebrity news which might date your story quite quickly. i thought the meeting with Dominic was a little drawn out and went on a bit too long.

Generally it reads okay, the story is well set up. As a Spurs supporter I shouldn't really, but backed.

Wonderful! From the start we are taken into the tension and drawn along by the light, conversational tones and realistic characterisation. You've done an excellent job with the characterisation and exposition, feeding it to us gently rather than dumping it all at the start.

This is a strong start, and I've backed it with pleasure.
Abi xxx

I’ve added your book to my watchlist. Best of luck with it!

Backed!

Amy
Love Match

C'mon people, this should not be going down the charts.
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

PLANE BOY:

Jax,

I really enjoyed this story. Well written and well constructed, with likeable characters I felt I knew after the first chapter. I love your first person narration, and you do this really well. Your dialogue is crisp and punchy, and moves the story on while characterising at the same time. I also like the introspection, which you introduce in a well balanced way. A great blend of action, dialogue and exposition too.

I only saw one thing which you might look at. When Sophie is telling Kaia about Josh. I would cut out "stealing and taking drugs", which Kaia adds to what Sophie has already told her about Josh, and is repetition two people wouldn't say to each other.

Your prose is laced with just the right amount of wit and humour, and the other really important ingredient that shines from your writing, is the emotion you evoke in the reader.

Well done. And backed with pleasure.

Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

Engaging and entertaining. Good work.

Jax, your prologue and chapter one are rather enjoyable. This is smooth, entertaining work. Nothing to nitpick in those two sections.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I kile what little I have read so far, but I want to read more and I will.

Backed with pleasure


Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

Dear Jax, I love that your book is centered in Prague because my best friend is from Czech Republic. Your blurb & prologue is good because it prepared me to read your book. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Plane Boy

I like this a lot. I think mainly because you make the characters come to life. You narrative and dialogue (at times very funny) drive this along very, very well. I’m not sure about the structure around the plot, but that doesn’t stop this being a great read.
Enjoyed this immensely

Hi Jax, I liked the way you described being slow to wake up at the outset. And enjoyed this flight to new opportunity and the expression of it, getting used to English football, the independence that both girls have attained. Although conversation sometimes lagged the story a bit between Sophie and Kaia, the conversation with Dominic was clever and magical. You’ve really portrayed this kind of love at first sight in its unique situation. And there’s an ephemeral feeling to it. This seems to be reality romance and that contains real suspense! Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I really like this story. Your characters are well defined and the writing is excellent. The dialogue moves the story along and the description enabled me to see everything as if I was there. Shelved.

Carol

This is a very enjoyable story. Your short first chapter, where Sophie suggests moving to Prague and Kaia agrees just like that, is both funny and gripping. There's a lot in this story. Sophie's relationship, or rather her former relationship, with Josh, is a very sad affair. The discussion in the pub about football, and which team to support, is, on the contrary, very funny. Kaia's conversation on the plane with Domenic is immensely funny and witty, and reveals Domenic as a very amusing and attractive character, as the two bounce repartee off each other. I loved the line at the end of your second chapter, 'Something was stolen from me on that plane... It was something else entirely and there was no place I could go to reclaim it,' which moves us away from the joking, and touches us deeply instead. Your style is brisk and entertaining, and flows along smoothly but at a great pace. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is a really interesting and thoroughly enjoyable read. With superb settings, I've always wanted to visit Prague, I don't need to go now as you've described it so well!! LOL

You have well crafted characters that are well suited to the genre and your intended market.

Happily shelved

Melxx

interesting work you have here. it flows well and the character ddevelopment works well. i would try to weave in a little more plot development into the expostion to speed things along, if i were you, but the the details in the narrartive bring it to life. based on the pitch and the first couple of chapters i will back you. i think this will do well. please read some of my book, The Age of Rhineston, when you have time and let me know what you. cheers and goodluck

This is wonderful! This may be one of the first books I've ever read set in Prague (a place I want to go) and you really make it come alive! So needless to say your descriptive voice is really vivid. I like the writing too, it's easy to read and engaging. Kaia is a strong MC too, I'm enjoying following her and Sophie! And Kaia is a great name! Good luck with this, it's a nice story.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Wonderfully written and suited to YA given the 17yrs age of the girls. You write really well and your writing skills will ultimately sell this to a publisher one day.
Backed( days ago)
The Lord o th Dawn

This has an interesting beginning, although I think I would push this as chick lit or even YA fiction. You definitely bring us into the world of these young women, their concerns, their emotions, their thoughts. I have to take minor issue with your crediting the "Leaving on a Jet Plane" lyrics to Chantal Kreviazuk (whom I had not heard of but then looked up on You Tube and loved her version, which I will be adding to my ipod, thank you very much). This song was written by John Denver in the 70s, which by no fault of your own, is probably before your time :-). Anyway, your characters seem like real people, which is a great thing, and you definitely have enough here to inspire further reading. Good luck!

Well written and kept my attention and I didn't expect it to =\ since the pitch made it sound like romance. It's not really, although it does have quite a bit in there.
So you should take that for what it's worth and best wishes.

Shelved.
Dan,
Demons and Other Inconveniences

I love HELL. The name. First chapter is a setup for an adventure. I´d shorten it a bit, and get to the adventure.
Because i´m waiting for the adventure, you see. You have me wanting to get there.
Good luck,
Susan

Hi there, I've enjoyed a taste of Kaia and Dominic's real life adventures.
Beautifuly written I must say.
Shelved..with best wishes.........mikegilli The Free

Thank you for your comments. I will check out your book now.

Hi there, I've enjoyed a taste of Kaia and Dominic's real life adventures.
Beautifuly written I must say.
Shelved..with best wishes.........mikegilli The Free

I know you call this a travelog but it's so much more than that. Sophie is an engaging character. Your writing style makes it a fun read. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

So far I absolutely love your writing style and the ease at which you unravel the story for us! Beautiful, intelligent and compelling!
BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

Only just finished reading Chapter 14 and cant possibly wait for the rest, fantastic so far...keep up the good work Jax!

This is a funny and moving book, with a distinctive voice. I particularly enjoyed the description of working in Hell! Kaia is full of life and a great charcter to share a journey with.

This is such a clever and interesting debut novel, how frustrating that I can't go into a real bookshop and buy it - yet! Jax crafts memorable characters and great stories. I'm looking forward to reading more of her work.

A sublime work

There are several interesting themes going on here, and the promise of a good story, but - for me at least - they are currently swamped by an excess of dialogue, information and characters. It's nothing that a good edit won't sort, but I do think you need to be ruthless.

Also - it may just be me, but I didn't quite get the odd changes of tense. Maybe it would be safer to choose one and stick to it. For me, the piece flows better in the past, but I'm sure that's just my personal preference. Good luck anyway.

Angela

Jax, sounds like a great book. I look forward to reading "the rest of the story". Good luck with the writing.

Really enjoying the dialogue and another take on travel, teaching and all the adventures that go with it!

Love the descriptions of beautiful Praha! Parts made me laugh out loud and other parts so nostalgic. I feel like I've stepped back in time! Can't wait to read on.. its going to be a long night. Go sweet Jax!

Jax Hein is a natural story teller, but this is not just a story. "Plane Boy" is not just intriguely named, but an insightful tale, on an international setting, about the difficulties in finding true love, keeping it, getting over losing it, getting over being fooled by false love, and recognizing true love again, and summoning the courage to try it again. It's a modern story. You will see yourself in there somewhere.