Crossing The Line: Tales of a Home James Driver

Excellent prologue, sets the story up and stokes the imagination of the reader for what is to come. The first chapter is wild, fun and evocative. I imagine short stories playing out throughout. James, from Home James, is obviously open to being 'led'. The sexual tension between James' innocent and Mary J's stautesque is very well done. In my opinion a book for all those men looking for a fantasy that titillates in a world where they might not have the chance. Brilliant and backed!!

Kind regards

Graham

Christopher:
After reading your pitch and "about me," I expected that "Crossing The Line: Tales of a Home James Driver" would be an interesting read. I wasn't disappointed!

Decades ago, when I was a young new mother and we could afford only one vehicle, I had a collapsible bike that my husband put into the trunk so that , after we had dropped our toddler son off at daycare, I could then unfold it to cycle on to my teaching job. I could relate very well to you turning up in "mod" regalia on a little italian scooter that was designed to fold into it's own duffle bag!

I chuckled at your observation about substitute teaching. " It's more like sheep herding than teaching."

Your unpretentious and easy writing style lends itself very effectively to the mixture of your everyday family life and the surreal 'adventure" of arriving on a scooter to drive home Tinseltown's overprivileged when they get too hammered to drive themselves. I love the comparison you make in Chapter 15: " I often think of Batman jettisoning out of his cave late at night in his Batmobile as I scoot away from my garage at 2am. We're not really that different, Batman and me. We both are making the streets safe."

I admit that there is a delicious schadenfreude in gleefully enjoying the drunken travails of those customers who are obnoxious, entitled, self-centered, arrogant and obsessed with their own celebrity. I enjoyed you throwing the keys at the bully who thumped you when you refused to ignore his girlfriend's wish to be taken home. I applauded when, faced with a bedded siren in a house where "the bathroom is the size of my entire two-bedroom apartment," you " close my eyes and take a deep intake of the Nag Champa filled air and, for a very brief but profound moment, the fog lifts and I can clearly see the essence of what's happening here.'

In many ways ..."Tales of a Home James Driver" reminded me of "the Nanny Diaries," with its sincere message for the competitive self-absorbed ultra-rich of New York. There is a very honest appraisal of the less than attractive behavior of some the beautiful people who have "arrived' and those who are trying to make it in the showbiz hub of the universe. You succeed in infusing a gritty sense of the trade-offs in values, kindness and private life that, too often, accompany the fame and the glitz.

There is a lot of hilarious material that made me laugh and laugh. For example: in Chapter 6 the episode of Candice and Derek is brilliant. The vision of the ultra-sloshed Derek., " a blob of human matter taking up space, barely able to breathe," crammed into the front passenger seat with" his bony wife on his lap.'" is very funny. Candice is described as " definately attractive in an emaciated, and anemic sort of way." It reminded me of some of the brilliant writing in "Frasier," when the writers are describing the never seen and self-absorbed Maris. " Oh will you look at that! I've broken a nail" Candice bizarrely announces." And, when what is being led up to inevitably happens, and Derek vomits inside the car and over the driver and his wife's clothes and hair:
"No it's OK. Derek's just fine. We're really not too far, Candice says with a half- chewed penne dangling from her bangs. I don't remember hearing anyone having eaten pasta, I'm thinking."
"So, aside from the vomit, was everything okay? Candice asks me, still with a dangling penne."
Priceless!

I don't know whether or not this is a 'coffee-table book" but I'm certain there is an audience for it. I admit that I'm not keen on the current bookcover and it would cause me to leave your excellent book unlooked at on the shelf in the bookstore. This work exposes the excess/reckless/entitled underbelly of celebrity; but it isn't spiteful in intent. I took from it your empathy for the unsung heroes that service the rich and celebrated and your insight into how being visibly successful can easily wreck the lives of those unable to handle its inherent pressures. I'd like to be shown more juxtaposition with your lovely family, teaching, and other real-life experience, and see more about how it impacts your ambition to be a famous actor and living in "a humble mansion" in Tinseltown! This is well written, entertaining and informative Certainly, I would expect any publisher to first check out any material that could cause unwelcome legal complications. I could easily see a great and very successful screenplay coming out of this!
Good Luck,
Best wishes,
Maddie

Gosh, this was such a sweet read. Such accessible prose, an utter lack of pretentiousness and such a wonderful story actually make this one of my favourite books on the site. I read five chapters in my tea break and laughed out loud many times, much to the displeasure of my staffroom. Loved it.
Backed with joy.
Carl
The Time hunters

Got snared by reading the pitch ... I'm glad I did, I was grinning from page 1 ... strike that ... I was guffawing by page 2, 'if Frank thinks I'm going home on that thing'. It keeps right on going, 'that's my instrument too. What are the odds of that?' (The Band, 'begins to ware [wear] on me'.) Your clever way with words adds to the hilarity, 'rolling marbles looking for a way out of his head'. I don't believe it about the hot seat ... I almost choked. The humour is seasoned with the tribulations of family life ... the mixture of irregular jobs and hours with marriage and young kids isn't an easy one. That adds to the interest, giving us something to be concerned about between laughs. I'm putting this on my shelf, and later, I'll keep it on my WL to read when I need cheering up. You need to get this to the attention of Harper True as it must be a seller.

Hi Christopher, This is hilarious and the inside view is delectable reading. I like how you started out, first with a typical Hollywood person and then with a Hollywood party. The dialogue with the first ride had me laughing out loud. The “in” the service provides for its drivers makes this book go anywhere if the guy keeps working. Your writing is clear, pace is good, characters come out well. A pleasure to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

really excellent , brilliantly done - very well edited and also very interesting and exciting . Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to take a look at my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is all about Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon

I am reading through each chapter and this is a real treat. Very unexpected and original concept that could be a winner in today's celebrity obsessed culture.
The writer is a natural story teller with an easy style and is unafraid to own up to things himself! E .G. Mr Duchamps!
Highly entertaining way to pass the time. Starred, regards, Mark

I just finished reading chapter three and plan on reading the rest, but I had to stop and write to you.

Have you tried querying this to agents? If not, there's one that springs to mind. Her name is Betsy Lerner. She loves L.A., loves quirky non-fiction, she's in the process of getting a screenplay developed. She's been in the business for a very long time - an editor before she was an agent. Maybe you already know of her. betsylerner.wordpress.com

I don't know her personally, but I've followed her blog for years. If you haven't already, I would query her TODAY:)

Nice intro! On my watchlist, and I'll be back with in depth comments soon.

Winston

H Christopher,

An interesting and pleasant red. In the two chapters I've had time to read I found no errors.

Ron

Being a happily married guy, I found this book fascinating. Will read another chapter tonight! Backing it with pleasure and hopefully comment tomorrow.
Appreciate if you would briefly look at my childrens' book; Paperbat Adventures, esp if there ate any kids around to say if it is worth backing!
Jerry [paperbat]

OMG! If this isn't a true confession, it ought to be. I spent some years with Variety - in Show Biz - and did the same kind of thing, meeting all these strange, strange wanna be's and truly stars, managers, agents, producers.
I'm only into chap 3, but ... I've been there (except I never needed a ride home). Great read! Backed.

Chuck / Marshall Warren -- Sunrise, Sunset

Brilliant. Edgy. A fun ride. This is a keenly written set of true stories. Very believable characters and vivid scenes. Convincing dialogue. Backed.

It's a real pleasure to back this. People are always intrigued by others' extreme behaviour. I noticed in the other comments that Ch 6 was particularly funny and it did produce a good LOL! If it gets published (& I'd be surprised if it didn't) I'll buy it! Great entertainment and well written.

Adelina
A Distant Family

Very immediate, playful. You possess excellent skill with point of view. Your characters behave the way real people do. From the beginning, the beauties have faults, and they're quite ordinary (real versus fantasy) when the main character takes their full measure. The conflict of family man working in an environment of spoiled, coiffed, waxed, and expensively dressed divas sets up well. What a joy.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

I checked out your first chapter, and this is an awesome opener that's sure to grab a reader's attention. Also, good choice of words and great dialogue. My only nitpick is that a bit more time could be spent on the setting right at the beginning, but other than that, good job!

This is a very unique account of a very unique kind. I think people are always interested to hear about stories from people who have spent a lot of time around people whose mental clarity is obscured - it's very real. I think this looks great. I think the format that you have proposed fits perfectly with the episodic nature of the book. My only fear is that people will reject the idea of having a book about drunk people on their coffee tables, but I don't think it's a real issue - I think people should be very interested to look at this.

Best Wishes,
Ian Kraft
(The Freel of Streel)

A good, topical idea. The form of your opening could be stronger and suggest if you move the historical material in the opening paragraph and insert it after "blotto" you're straight into the story and have established the background for the service which has come about because of the very tough drink driving laws. An example of the consequences of being caught (suspension of licence, fines and even jail terms) may also help. I'll back it to encourage.

All the best,
T. L. Bartush
Bleak House Bleak Shed

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

this could be on any bookshelf in any store, and I bet it would sell. It's what everyone wants ie It's easy to read, well written, really shows the story, and as it's about the rich and famous, it will really sell. There's another series out there, not nearly as well written as yours, called "Babylon hotel, Babylon airport..." and so on. They aren't really that nice a series but have made best sellers, and they tell all like yours does.

Hello – Just so that you know, I tend to comment as I read, as if I was thinking aloud, and I don’t crit grammar etc. because there are plenty of people who are much better qualified that I on this site. If I have read your book and commented it is because I enjoyed it and truly believe it has value and so I don’t often make negative comments. The exception is if you have specifically asked me to read and then I believe that you deserve an honest opinion.

Home James

Hello – I came across this on someone else’s shelf and I have to say the voyeur in me was immediately captured. I am very pleasantly surprised to find that the writing is very skilful.

This is a great book and should do exactly what it says in the pitch. I can see it being left lying around and picked up for a giggle over and over. I am very happy to back this for a while. – Diane

I'm not a fan of non-fiction, true life books but I found this interesting and well written. I backed it previously because the pitch grabbed me. I wish you well.
Rosemary (Ziggy Chalan)

This is a fascinating book, which should prove to be a best seller. Without the pics it is a little difficult to judge its impact, but one or two comments from my first impressions might be helpful.
The title does not seem to reflect the book and in fact may be a little misleading.To some people Crossing the Line meant sailing over the equator on an ocean going liner. Why not just "Home James", or even "Home James and Don't Frighten the Horses" ?
The introduction is a little dull. We all know about drink driving, especially in the UK, where it has been of major concern for years. Why not take advantage of the opportunity to set yourself up with your uniform and the type of bike you drive, and perhaps a little about your background as an actor so that we have a clear picture of you before the book starts ?
Is Home James an actual company ? If so, are you OK for copyright, libel, etc ? If not it might be worthwhile to establish that the whole thing is fiction.
Happy to back it.
Meanwhile, you might like to look at Adam's Apple, which is about a very different kind of service.
Leslie Rocker

This was a great read. Very funny. I wish you the best of luck.
backed with pleasure!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

Christopher,
May I start by saying that this is not at all my usual genre? That said, it flows well and reads easy.
I liked the prologue very much, setting the scene nicely- you know exactly what you are going to get.
Chapter 3 and the band had me laughing out loud, 'what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve!'
Poor Chris, he really does burn the candle at both ends. I hope to come back to read the rest, meanwhile BACKED
Millie :0)

Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Wow! Very interesting. Wondering if out there really is such business? But if there's none you may be onto something. I like your wirting style it flows quite easy and it's entertaining. You do build up the tension up and then let it down easy. Possible nit, your dialogue is still in places, no movement. I didn't have trouble figuring out who's speaking, just that there aren't any action tags there.

sounds like the kind of job i would have had twenty years ago. Well told, funny stories. Good luck with them.
Please check out 'the compulsive adventurer' Thanks mike

Hi Christopher, Great book cover and synopsis. I am backing this one and plan on returning with further comments.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Great idea for a book - I'm sure you'll get this published and if you don't get sued by Hollywood elite for all the secrets you'll undoubtedly let fly, you will be a millionaire! Good luck!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Christopher Heltai
Crossing the Line


Substitute teacher by day and driver to the stars at night. This is an easy read which offers a first-hand experience of what is like to have to deal with pampered movie stars, wannabes, and hangers-on. After reading Heltai’s work I know there is no way I could ever do this job without telling some of the “cliental” where to go … make sure you take a look at Heltai’s website for the photos that will accompany this work, which adds some great visuals. Backed.

Shane Kennedy
“The Summer Girl”

backed your book :)

Chris, I know that I looked at this some time ago but it seems that I never commented. S here goes.

How you manage to keep your sanity and your life on track against the backdrop of this indulgent and vacuous crowd is a mystery that later chapters may unfold. Perhaps the answer lies somewhere within the age old expression that 'having usually ends up being less satisfying than wanting' and from what you have written I think that you know that.

'Crossing the Line' , which by the way is a very good title for this work, delivers as promised as we each assume the position of that 'fly on the wall' while you chauffeur this motley assortment on their merry ways. Apart from the vomit, I enjoyed every minute of the ride.

Best Regards, RT

The Home James clients are portrayed as empty, wasted Hollywood losers (regardless of looks,fame and fortune) and the drivers wannabe actors or musicians...seeking contacts to access the very side of the line they spill on...whether it be for a gig, a role, gold dust or maybe even a “house”. It's hard to keep one's sanity and family life amid so much glitter and runny mascara. Temptation. Temptation. Temptation. Hard line to walk on.

I enjoyed the “bipolar” format that keeps a balance of what would otherwise be paparazzi fodder. The photos I most liked were the blurry/grainy ones...they convey the fuzziness of alcohol and drug excess very well. Not sure this would be marketable as a coffee table book...reads more like a memoir of sociological interest.

But personally, with all that ingrained research of the milieu, I would turn it around as a work of fiction...and then go the full monty.

Bonne chance, mon ami!
Miguel
Absentee Bidder

Christopher,

Easy style and no doubt a ready market. I'm tempted to say, only in America . . .

backed

Thank You for your insightful perspective. I've always een the book in the manner as you read it: rather a "toilet" reading book. Nothing too profound. One that is skimmable yet hopefully intriguing enough to continue. Your notes are excellent and will consider tweaking based on your recommendations.
Best,
Christopher

I'll prefix my comments by saying that I came back to this book several times, but I didn't sit down and read it in a determined way, so my comments are impressions rather than a proper analysis:
Interesting, and I liked chapter 1, but later chapters seemed to drift a bit. I found myself skim reading and feeling like there was too much padding around the more interesting events e.g. some of the dialogue seemed not to be about much. I'm not sure this is a coffee table book as you suggest. It reads more like a novel, but I think you might need to edit it down a bit to make it punchier and more focused.

I'll prefix my comments by saying that I came back to this book several times, but I didn't sit down and read it in a determined way, so my comments are impressions rather than a proper analysis:
Interesting, and I liked chapter 1, but later chapters seemed to drift a bit. I found myself skim reading and feeling like there was too much padding around the more interesting events e.g. some of the dialogue seemed not to be about much. I'm not sure this is a coffee table book as you suggest. It reads more like a novel, but I think you might need to edit it down a bit to make it punchier and more focused.

Such a novel concept, Christopher. I can't wait to see it al put together in print.

Great premise and a distinctive voice make this an excellent read. Backed with pleasure.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Hi Chris

This book rocks - my God, I'm amazed it hasn't found a publisher already, it's so commercial. It's a great idea and the execution delivers on the promise. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Christopher:

I read deeper into Crossing The Line than I expected to, which rarely happens on Authonomy. I'm really impressed! This is rife with possibilities for stranger-than-fiction tales, and I like how you used your personal life to offer some continuity to the story. I read several chapters, and there were times when I felt they were a little anticlimactic. I know it's non-fiction, so you can't add to anything, but a little more flourish at the end of the story may conclude the stories a little more thoroughly. Just a thought for an enjoyable piece. Backed!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Cover is truly ghastly (sorry!) but the text is huge fun. Could imagine dipping in and out of this so, in that way, it's an ideal coffee table book. Haven't had a chance to look at the pictures which would obviously be integral to its success (and am wondering, if names have been changed, how you get around that). but actually, the text stands up alone anyhow. Nice one. Backed.

A fun romp, a good roll.

A J Mahler
Smoking Kills, The Betty Chronicles

Ah! Stories of L.A. I used to drive limo there. Nothing this hot and sticky, though. You tell a heck of a tale. Good for you. I'm backing your story. Nice spinning.
Jon Batson

A steamy look at High Society and those in it who have way too much. Well written, oozes sexual tension. A winner! Backed.

Craig Pauls
The Sun and the Saber

hi christopher CROSSING THE LINE TALES'
The pitch is first class, you know what you are getting, no ambiguity here. its interesting because many of us do not know of a 'home james' service' is ,
Im in fits of laughing already as i read the first chapter.' Fuck yeh if you think i'm home on a bike like that' .
the lingo is laugh after laugh, dialogue smart and snappy,
i can see this book doing well and would make a good film.
backed TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Backed for such an ingenious concept. And the writing is exhilarating. Chapter one and you're there, with the wind in your hair and the shameless celebrity wannabees and the designers brands and thick syrupy (a word?) ficklesness, is hanging in the air. Chapter two, and a bit of substance seeps into the stratosphere. Really enjoying this.

Christopher,

This is a potential bestseller. Excellent premise, great humor - and - your very skillful writing!

Many complements.

And backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Meh ... I'm not interested in Hollywood's drama farming. Redline: "Drunk driving service to the stars, Home James, provides fertile ground for true (and pathetic) Hollywood fanfare."

Hi Christopher,
I'm not very good at giving critique, or even consider myself professional enough to do so, however I found your pitch amazingly good enough to secure a reader's attention.
Backed on the strength of your pitch, and looking forward to reading. Will return of cours with further comments.
Helen
The Last Dream

What a story! I really liked this!

This will potentially make for a very interesting read, James. Stylistically, your "voice" captures the mood and emotional/physical depth of the experience on numerous levels, and tells a story that reveals these people, yourself included, by what happens rather than by needless exposition. I especially enjoyed the first line ("... a raw Saturday night."), the scene at the pump (and its risque undertones), and the playful wink at the end of chapter one.

Nicely done.

Kevin ("The Fall of Jasper McCaine")

I never heard of the home james thing. It was both informative and interesting. (is it true? lol. sounded true! maybe i'm gullible.) You have an excellent voice and this is a fun read! Backed with pleasure.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

I like this one, it wasn't what I expected from the pitch - no fault of the pitch, just my interpretation of it. I think most people will be able to equate to your story. There is a little bit of all of us in there. I wish you well with it, it deserves to rise and rise quickly.

Love it! Backed it.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry