Secrets of Retail

This is smartly written and I loved it from the hook. Very well done - this is one of the most professional reads on the site. All best with it and backed. Cynthia Drew, Tabernacle

You so know what you are talking about and this retail ridden boy knows exactly what you are talking about. This is the reason i need a publishing deal. Super backed.

I firmly believe if everyone worked retail at least once during the holiday season the world would be a kinder place.

The pitch drew me in. I've done retail and got out, and I was intrigued by your gritty, banal and accurate portrayal of the retail world. The bitter humour in Wade's inner thoughts are fantastic, along with that brutal honesty the disillusioned so often employ. Strong dialogue and opportunities for the reader to emotionally invest in Wade and his life take this from good to superb.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Dear J.W., I love your first paragraph best "I deserve a Nobel Prize in each catagory" - your book is so good - I love your humor. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

I like your style through Chapter 1; a combination of candour and wry wit sometimes amounting to satire as the narrator, in very conversational tone, begins to reveal the customer-moron syndrome.
'Serving time' in retail, the experience a 'headache', and the 'pointless positions' the narrator had to go through to climb rank in the management hierarchy, all combine to form the satire on retail.
The dialogue between Elizabeth and Wade maintains an emotional tension through its skirmishing and the tone is natural and thoroughly spontaneous.
Good characterisation, intelligent writing, entertaining and at times thought provoking.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This is fantastic. Just fantastic. Witty, well structured, naughty and eminently accessible. A very easy read that reminded me of the hilarious honesty of the British version of The Office, albeit in a different context. Wade is a great and fully rounded character and I amm delighted to support this. Cracking dialogue, too.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Speaking strictly as a dumbass, schmucko 'customer' who has listened patiently through the various litanies of pure geekish emanating from any 'professional sales consultant of the month' at my favorite electronics store, I believe this is as pre-emptively funny as it is a serious picture of life from the other side of the counter. I absolutely loved it.

I do hope that you are offering free delivery and set up until the end of the month just like....uh, sorry, they went of business. Hope it wasn't because I returned something... RT

I worked for sometime in retal before and can relate to this. Backed.

Gabriel (It Goes On Forever.)

Your character depiction of wade is fantastic. I like the pitch...a man who is a prick, but wasn't always that way.
His life seems immensely dull, yet in an all to believable way. This is an acute observation of a tale and from this you manage to draw out much dry humour. I'm happy to back it.

David
Bailey of the Saints

Hi J. M., The total depiction feels right-on. Wade’s history and the rendering of his cynicism make for crisis intervention. The dialogue and asides are especially good, the setting well-achieved. Even though it's one we know, the plot feels unpredictable when the manager has to be called. It’s entertaining to see the other side of the computer department! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Good pacing is a requisite in comedy and this one has it. Sounds like you have some insight that you tapped into. Both the pitches worked for me and I am a bear about those. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Hi JW -- this is a very funny and well paced piece of work. We can't help but like the MC and feel sorry for him, having to put up with such awful customers.It is very well-written and I didn't spot any nits.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Talented writing as the reader can identify, relate and laugh at the situations. Compelling as it is amusing, relaxing as it is a light read. Enjoyable as it is a good book.

Backed with pleasure.

Lisa

Hi J W. 'AND YOUR GETTING A LITTLE FAT' that should do the trick, might give it a go. classic. backed.
Martin. RICK BUNION. if you fancy a peek.

This is smartly written and I loved it from the hook. Very well done - this is one of the most professional reads on the site. All best with it and backed. Cynthia Drew, Tabernacle

I think we all identify with Wade to some extent which is why he's irresistible, I suppose. We wait eagerly for each episode to see how he comes out of it. Hilarious and backed. Lynn

Wade was a wanker, but in some ways I almost felt sorry for him. He drifted into retail and got stuck. Your portrayal of bad customers was a delight. Thank you for writing Secrets of Retail.

There's a tremendous feeling of honesty here, and having worked in retail myself (and now struggling to get out of it) I really feel I can relate to a lot of things your character/narrator says. Your first paragraph really grabbed me as the sort of thing a lot of people in retail think, and long to say, but don't, and your tone carries forward into the rest of what I read and, no doubt, through to the end of the book. Something I would love to have in the staff room for lunch breaks to reassure myself that I'm not the only one that gets annoyed with such moronic members of the public!
Backed

Bobby
Dented Sensation

JW,

I'm returning your read of Appetites, thank you for your support. Apologies for the delay in doing so.

This has strong voice and a good conversational style. It meanders a little, but that I think that fits with the style.

There are places I think it's a fraction over wordy (sometimes the repition works, like in the opening para, but other say in the second para 'ridiculous, extravagant, politically correct, purely useless' I felt there were one or two too many words). There are some repeated words too that you might tidy up in an edit, but the voice holds the attention.

Happy to give this one a spin on the shelf.

This is excellent, I have never worked as any kind of sales person as I would be rubbish at it, I'm not a people person and don't know enough about anything but this is brilliant. It was so easy to read, funny, witty and had an excellent pace. A joy to read and I even I could identify with him. Backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Were you standing at my shoulder when I was on till point? This is very funny, hideously accurate and backed.

Were you standing at my shoulder when I was on till point? This is very funny, hideously accurate and backed.

Were you standing at my shoulder when I was on till point? This is very funny, hideously accurate and backed.

This is an amusing story as Wade recounts all the problems of selling and trying to keep customers happy. Has some really funny lines. Moves at a good pace. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Yep!! Been there done that, got the bloody t-shirt. Got the scars to prove it!! LOL

Some cracking lines in this too.
I was said to a customer I hadn't seen for a while, "Hi, when's the baby due?" She blushed and told me she'd put on weight recently. I could have done with the ground opening up and swallowing but nah, never did!!

Great work.

Melxx

I keep thinking of Chuck, when reading about electronics stores. A few typos and things. A good read.

As time when on – should be ‘went’.

You start a conversation and wasn't clear who started the conversation. You need a speech tag.

Once you’re friend

Manager’s were always in – no apostrophe.

Excellent read. Once of those books that I would like to read more of.

You got it spot on. I have for my sins worked in retail and you have given an excellent insight into life with the general public. There is noting more frustrating than trying to keep them all happy. Your book gets off to a good start. Best of luck with it.
Sue Mackender
Ps hope you like Knowing Liam Riley
Knowing Liam Riley

A nicely cynical insight into the thankless task of serving the Great God General Public.

Very good, liked the opening.
And yes you’re right in your pitch.
Liked the almost chatty flow for this, it worked well for me – Hope it does well.

As someone who has worked in retail I felt that your first chapter was excellent. Backed, and good luck.
Krystiana
Surviving the Earthquake

Very well written, great story! Sometimes working with the public is not the greatest thing around! Great job with this!

Missy

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

Secrets of Retail

Great cover

Amusing and interesting pitches

I am enjoying this, the pace is great and has swept me to that wonderful line “The incidents name was Elizabeth”

I love the row “trust me we were never supposed to be together forever” brilliant

How cruel “you’re getting a little fat” yup that’d do it for sure.

This appeals to the voyeur in me, I love to read about people in their ordinary lives, the scene in the tea room with Rory was just up my street.

Very interesting theory about customer service spiralling and I think it is very probably true.

Oh dear, I think that all of this is so very true, I had already had an idea that we were just one great big nuisance to the store staff and that most of what they said was because they hate us – now I know it’s true. Thanks for that!

This is well written, amusing, light hearted but with a hint of misery. All in all great stuff – Backed – Diane

The funniest thing I've read in ages. The awful thing is, I recognise a lot of myself in Wade. Ulp.

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris (A Bore No More)

You have a real gift for narration! Well written and hilarious! My kind of book -i'd buy it! BACKED with a smile!

Liz
The Cheech Room

As someone that worked in a grocery store during high school (aka bottle boy, cashier and bagger) and as a cashier/stocker at a pharmacy in college I have to give you this--you're spot on with your comments. I found myself chuckling or smiling throughout the entire first chapter and will definitely read more.

I think this will go far on here. The hook is good and you have a prominent voice in your writing.

Best of luck,

-Ron

I'm hoping this isn't your autobiography. If it is, at least you recognize what you are and have fun with it. Shelved.

You are right in the pitch, Wade really is a prick.

I found this very funny and very true to life. I have spent some time in my youth serving customers and this brought back a lot of memories. I didn't spot anything technically wrong with this and there's not much I can advise, except that you might want to consider where it would fit in a book shop and who your target audience is.

Shelved with pleasure

John

Now this is my kind of comedy (rant); I laughed out loud by the end of the second paragraph. 'The incident's name was Elizabeth', see, you have a quirky mind to go with your evil sense of humour. I bet you had as much fun writing this as I'm having reading it. I'm backing you now before more people cotton on to the high-octane entertainment, then going back to reading and laughing.

Possible nits: There are a couple of lines that some people may pull you up on, but I'm sure you know that.