The Marley Malarky: The adventures of Clement and Saxby

Kieran - Being a big fan of Dickens, I found this one irresistible! Great pitch, great premise, and nice, clean style. My shelf is crowded right now, but I'm definitely keeping an eye on this one. Best of luck ! Steve (Epiphany).

P.S. OK, couldn't resist - got you on my bookshelf. Knock 'em dead.

Dear Kieran, I love your adaption. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

I was looking forward to reading this after a I saw your pitch. I love A Christmas Carol and this is a brilliant idea, looking into what happened. I love the opening and the fact that you used the first line from the classic itself. Reading about Marley is quiet awe-inspiring seeing as he is quite a literary legend created by Dickens. The writing is impeccable and takes us flawlessly back several centuries. Can't compliment this enough, brilliant and backed immediately.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

I appreciate the variety in your writing; you skillfully setup of the first chapter. The snappy dialogue and carefully selected words
Bravo, I was pleasantly surprised
The imagery is vivid and the book as a whole is very well constructed
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

It can be quite annoying when old themes are used over and over again but you have done this in the best way, with original reworking of old themes...
SU DAN [SEASONS]

What a marvelous twist on an old theme, and entirely genuine in its entire length, here. This is a story which could be made into one of those TV shows. We lack a decent programme on the tele these days, I would love to see this made into one, which I would definitely watch. Sorry to be late commenting, I have had some long reading sessions lately, this one was one of the enjoyable ones.
Norman.

Kieran,

The Marley Malarky - Clement and cool Saxby, archetype of a crazy professor ... finding Clementine in iron ... ha, ha, what an experiment. Bred at St Pigglesworth they make a striking pair.
The reference to Sherlock and Holmes indicates whatever famous ones will flit through the story will be
elegantly interwoven, adding pleasure.

A hugely enjoyable read. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is so original and the writing is solid. Both the pitches are so emblematic of how you can write and sell us on this story. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris (A Bore No More)

This is my favourite book on Authonomy. Why isn't there more? Do we have to buy it? Alright, but quick, please. Somebody publish it NOW. Brilliant. backed. lynn

Hi Kieran, The Marley Malarky is very funny at times, amusing for the rest. And the story flows along too. What's there not to like? Easy to read, fast pace, great theme, Shelved, Scott.

Fantastic idea for a story and the writing doesn't disappoint. Confident and fluid it's engaging and rewarding.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

This is a good read. I enjoyed the way you've not only plunked this down into victorian London but connected it to other stories we know happened there. Very clever plotting. Good characters. Interesting to read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I love this concept... Your writing is superb, be sure to read The Ten Scrolls! backed with pleasure

Really like the concept here, and the writing appears to match it. Nice work! Shelved.

Bill

You dare tread on Dickens, and you did it very well. You capture the flavor of the time effectively. The dialogue bespeaks the times. Scrooge and Marley were definitely antagonists befor Scrooge's epiphany. Marley, we never knew anything more than we knew about Scrooge, both were diabolically greedy. You have added to their story, and I heartily back you. I hope to read the rest of the story when it is published.

Yes indeed, A Christmas Carol meets Sherlock Holmes- and it works! Good job, Kieran, with the dialogue and storyline! It places the reader in the Victorian era, and gives one a feel for the atmosphere. Clement and Saxby are the distinguished gentlemen- going even so far as to toast their foe of old, Marley (Second only to Moriarity!)

The Marley Malarky has a good flavor to it. That's why it's backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR)

Kieran -

This is ambitious, well-researched, complex with literary allusions, and dare I say visionary. Wow. I admit that the only prequel to English literature classics that was notable or, perhaps more accurately, that I am aware of, is Jean Rhys. Your work is similar to Rhys in the gutsy nod which simultaneously honors and gently subverts the preceding artistic tradition. Your evocative, descriptive work echoes those other Victorian greats, but re-imagines it completely.

Good luck on Authonomy!

gerry

Hi Kieran -- very original and well-written, with great attention to detail. Backed with pleasure, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

This is so different, in a very good way. Everything about this says quality. The voice of the character is sublime. I so wanted to read more – Good luck (don’t think you need it though)

Kieran, I love the idea here, very inventive and seeking an answer to a question I confess I’d never even raised previously. I’ve read a fair few novels of the steam punk sub-genre recently and this is an entertaining and original example. I’ve read a couple of thousand or so pitches during my time on this site and can confirm yours are as good as any I’ve seen. My only faint concern would be the references to ‘to understand these’ closely followed by, ‘who have read these.’ The repetition of ‘these’ is hardly a fault, but it dilutes the excellence found elsewhere in the pitch. I would not have mentioned this under normal circumstances, perfection brings its own level of expectation!
The book itself is packed with intrigue and derring-do, written with great sensitivity and attention to detail and, above all, intelligence. Your knowledge and command of your subject, in particular the task of setting, both of time and place, reflects a deal of research and an understanding of the period about which you write. Excellent. I’ve read all you’ve posted to date. I’d like to read the whole book. I’d buy the book if the rest lives up to the high standards of this excerpt. Backed with admiration.
Jared.
Mummy’s Boy.

Hi Kieran, I just backed this - Steampunk seems to be destined for great things, and who knows, maybe your book is too?
Good luck with it, anyway.
Lane

PS Did steampunk start out as a movie or comic thing?

This is a unique and well crafted work...unique in everyway where on earth did you come up with such a marvelous and clever idea? I adore the premise and you write well...I don't offer editing crits, i have enough of my own to be going on with.

What I can say is the the writing lives up to the clever plot, the characterizations are well fleshed out, which is difficult as you are dealing with peoples already formed memories of how they visualized such well known characters, I think you managed to pull this off very well..
I am backing this with pleasure .

Kieran...one small heads up if I may...don't use this page to respond to your comments...use the messaging system, it is the accepted response format on site as 99% of reviewers never return to this page and will miss either your thanks or perhaps requests for clarification.

I think you have undertaken a difficult task and have exceeded my expectations in the way you have mastered it.
Well done.
Suzannah Burke
Dudes Down Under

I really like the premise of the this and the execution. Enjoying it hugely so far..The pace is good, the chrarcterization good, and the desciptions good. Backed.]
George Fripley

Wurzel of Clutton

Hello Kieran:

This is brilliant. What a ambitious undertaking to weave all this together. Indeed, a tribute to your skill in your chosen craft. I enjoyed what you have posted here. Editing be dashed. I am not one to worry that about. You are the writer and can do that yourself or hire someone to do it. The story is the thing and you are on your way with something unique, entertaining and exciting. As I read I could almost see the scenes in my mind. I love it.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

This is a really great idea. A Christmas Carol is a favorite of mine. I like that you use the same first line.

One thing you have to watch generally is showing versus telling. That's the first thing agents seem to complain about. Personally, I think agents overdue the criticism of this, but it is what it is. You have to try to get away from giving facts in narration and try to get to them in dialogue or through actions.

Here are a few specific suggestions for possible edits:

"often drawn to remarking on it whenever possible" should probably leave off either "often" or "whenever possible"
"sat in their sitting room" might be better "sat in their parlour" (or "library" etc.)
"They had their armchairs pulled" to "They pulled their armchairs"
"which was encroaching" to "which encroached"
"windows glass" to "window glass"
"Saxby's arm slowly raised" to "Saxby slowly raised"
"both men has received" to "both men had received"
"reflexes as a gentleman..." this sentence is a case of showing, not telling. If they are gentlemen with a good private school education, you can work that into their mannerisms, speech, what people say about them, etc.
"two brave gentleman" to "two brave gentlemen"
"Clement sighed..." most of this paragraph could be given in dialogue rather than narration.
"Then a small noise" to "A small noise"
"was looking down" to "looked down"
"his depression returning" you should generally resist the urge to add descriptions like this. The dialogue should indicate the state of mind.

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

I've just read the pitch. Yup, I'm very curious, so I'll give it a read in the next couple of days.

Gerry

Hi Liz,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I was a little surprised at the speed of the response, but it's great to have that response, especially as you have picked up on a mistake in the actual pitch. The book is finished, I'm just aware of copy write dangers so I'm avoiding putting the whole 335 pages of it here. Have you had any problems like that?

By the way, I'm really enjoying your work, The Cheech Room. I fully intend to back it once I've finished it!

Thanks again, and do you have any advice for a newbie here?

Kieran

Wow what an incredible imagination you possess asw ell as the talent to put it to words! So clever, well crafted and polished! I will be back to read more! BACKED with pleasure!

(In your pitch - reread the sentence "While these are references... " did you mean to say "it is by not important" or "it is not important" - just checking because some on thi ssite are sticklers for perfection!)

Liz
The Cheech Room

Wow what an incredible imagination you possess asw ell as the talent to put it to words! So clever, well crafted and polished! I will be back to read more! BACKED with pleasure!

(In your pitch - reread the sentence "While these are references... " did you mean to say "it is by not important" or "it is not important" - just checking because some on thi ssite are sticklers for perfection!)

Liz
The Cheech Room