Midnight Offerings

This is good. Really good. I must be on a winning streak today because I have been coming across a few great manuscripts. This is so far the best one I've read all week. Your writing style fits the paranormal romance genre very well. Why on earth isn't this manuscript rated higher? Rated and on my watchlist.

Bump this book up!

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Great read. This is full intrigue and is immensely entertaining.


Good job

backed
THE MIND SETTER

Had to Back Midnight Offerings! Our vampire book Dark Side was great fun for us to write. We have started our second novel Season of the Wolf. (You guessed it...werewolf.)
CC Brown

hmm, not sure I see this as a chick-lit haha, but cleverly written at that. Fresh idea on an old subject- love it!

B.D.S.T. + Word Warrior II = Backed!
Splinker

I'm fast becoming a fan of this genre. Backed!

A different kind of Chick-Lit novel...and one that I most enjoyed!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Great story. I want a punchier first sentence. Chapter one has alot of I's.
Good narrative.
A zoomer
Going Out In Style

Very panoramic between the characters and the background. Great prose. I hope you do well with this. I really think you did a great job creating Lilah.

all the best
sue
Fate's Chastening

Midnight Offerings
Rachel Hailey

I loved your pitches - felt sorry for Lilah, after all, a werewolf who can't change into a wolf is hardly a werewolf at all. I like your mix of ingredients here - there's something for everyone - romance, mystery, bloody corpses, opposing cultures, and personal conflict because Lilah is torn between two lovers. What's not to like? Coming back to read more soon. Loved your writing style by the way - very vivid and made me feel as if I was there.
Best,
Zan

Rachel,
I don't have anything original to add to the comments you've already received. Now that it's acceptable to believe that vampires can go to high school and not only survive sunlight but glitter in it like Glam Stars, it's hard to be a traditionalist. I also suppose the tradition of werewolves vs. vampires is as old as the 1930's Universal movies where Dracula meets the Wolf Man.

Anyway, I babble. Enjoyed the book and of course backed it.
Best Wishes
Jim Coplin
Bite Mark

Your openning 3 paragraphs portray the feelings of inner angst well and coupled with a strong sense of foreshadowing - captivating and leaves you wanting to read more. A superb storyline with excellent use of imagery and good character development. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Rachel, Midnight Offerings is a very clever take on the social outcast tale. Lilah is an outcast from the outcasts. I found your writing very accessible and clear. I've enjoyed what I've read so far and will certainly be backed to read more. I backed it with pleasure.
David
Bailey of Saints

MIDNIGHT OFFERINGS:

Rynn,

You handle the first person narration really well. Instead of the first person description being a boring list of attributes, it is clerverly blended into the action, and you also have that clever knack of leaving the most important interesting bits right till the end. This applies not only to the end of the book, to the end of the chapter, to the end of the paragraph, but to the end of the sentence too. It's the secret of suspense writing, and you seem to have this inborn talent, so that nothing is ever boring. .

Great descriptions, great characterisations and lively real dialogue. It's a wonderful read.

Backed with admiration.

Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

More, more, more!! Adding to watchlist. Good luck!

I LOVE stories like this. Great cover too. I can see this book doing really in it's genre.
xBeccaX

Beautiful work, Rynn, compelling, taut and anguished, this piece simply begs to be backed.
Abi xxx

I can sense the anguish and frustrations in your writing which certainly compels the reader to find out more. You have a great, smooth writing style and there is plenty of compassion in there. This would certainly adapt beautifully to the big screen and would certainly have the viewers sat there hanging onto the edge of their seats. Congratulations on a great submission - backed with pleasure. Best wishes - Paula - how Mean is my Valley?

I only read this in the hope that you'll read Kuda. It is a horror story without fantasy. A love story with out blood sucking.

Don't tell us what this is in the short pitch. Rework it so it matches your long pitch which is much better. Being Authonomy's #1 commentator and amateur pitch doctor, trust me, spend some time on your pitches; I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader whether here on this website or in a book shoppe. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Midnight Offerings

I very much like the sense of pain you develop in the opening. One thing I think would have enhanced this (to me) was the building in of descriptive sounds in the narrative to ground the scene more.
You have great skill in character building and that linked to your style of writing makes this a bit special. – Great story – Well told

This is my kind of book. Poor Lilah feels all alone. This book is full of intrigue and mystery and is really hard to put down. Too bad you only have four chapters up, at the moment. I am backing this with pleasure. Best of luck.

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Rachel, I enjoyed your first chapter. Good mix of narrative and dialogue. Nothing to nitpick in that section.

Good job overall. Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Rachael
This is not at all my genre, but I began reading and was entranced immediately. I found it very humorous and sentences like 'She was a proper werewolf and the only thing she had in common with our father's side of the family was her skin tone.' was a joy to read. This marries the unbelievable with the mundane to great comic effect. I loved it! Well done.
Hope it's a success.
Kind regards,
James Rainsford, (The Incredible Layla Moon)

Here are your strengths:

You have a great imagination and your able to select words that describe your vision well. You have a readable style. I like that. Why wrestle through prose? Your concept is very marketable. You have attractive characters.

Here are your weaknesses:

You embrace the cliché. Many times you grabbed the easiest phrase to convey your concept. It’s a cheat kid. You’re cheating your reader out of discovering new ways to see something they know.

You struggle with grammar.

You need to hear your prose aloud. Print your novel. Sit in a comfy chair. Have someone read your words to you. Do not follow along with your eyes. Your eyes have traveled the prose path so many times that your mind assumes clarity. So follow with your ears. You will hear every misstep of a badly chosen word. You’ll hear where the eye needs to rest and the mind needs to breathe. Stop. Have your reader circle the text and move on. This is particularly effective with dialogue. You’ll hear every word that does not fit into a human mouth.

Good luck - you’ve got the skeleton. You just need to tweak and rework. You will.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Rachel,
Interesting twist on a vampire/werewolf story. I hope there is more of Liliah's story to come. will keep on my watchlist to look for more.

Amy J
Remember the Night & A Rising Moon

What a fascinating premise - one of the best on the site for your target audience. It is nice to see such originality in a sub-genre I am seeing so many examples of. The more I think about your idea, the better it is and almost acts as an allegory for racism, acceptance and tolerance. Lillah is in an interesting position in the first chapters and I think this could do very well in the shops. carl. The Time Hunters.

“Midnight Offerings”

Hi Rachel,

I’ve gone into a Vampire frenzy mode over this long weekend and started reading up on some of the reads on this site.

This story that you base on the main character as a half vampire/werewolf female I found to be quite interesting to read and the fact that your blending two different worlds together. It shows lots of promise and everything that a paranormal romance book needs to keep the reader intrigued and coming back for more.

Placed it on my WL and will definitely be keeping an eye on this – Good luck

Mazzadonna

This is certainly an intriguing read. Your dialogue is very good and your overall structure appears to be spot on,

Did find a little typo for you.

The cool wind rustled the (the) pine trees...

Off to a good start will read further to see how it developes.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Hi Rachel, a promising start. You have done well to combine these different genres into a vampire 'thriller'.
Backed with best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I have gone back and cut or moved all of the back story that can be and I *think* I have corrected all of the typos and such at least in the first chapter. thank you for all the input so far, it has been invaluable

Hi Rachel,
A great story, vampires and werewolves, I guess it is pretty hard to come at it from a new angle, but I think you managed it quite well. I think the real strength of your story, leaving aside the great imagination, is the depth and personality of your characters, particulary Lilah. Born of two races, accepted by neither, great potential here and judging by the opening chapter I think you will exploit it very well indeed.
Paul.

Hi Rachel,
Yet another Vampire story on this site, and amazingly, yet another take. I really like this one, there is something completely unique and original about both the premise and the way you write. Backed with pleasure.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Written in the language of life. I own a big dog most likely related to the granddaddy of all dogs--wolves. Now I don't want to turn out the lights at night. Backed Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

I love vampire stories of all kinds and yours is very imaginative. Mixing sex is pure bonus. Backed! I have a vampire tale as well, if you have the time to take a peek at it. It does meet your requirements ;-)

Greetings, Rachel!

Midnight Offerings offers the reader vivid imagery, a professionally formatted manuscript, and wonderfully executed drama- all wrapped up in the skin of great lycanthropy! Kudos and backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

First impression...an engaging concept with great potential! A few things disrupt the ability of the reader to engage completely in the flow of action and dialog. First; grammatical errors are quite noticeable in their frequency. Since it isn't mentioned as to whether or not this is draft material or not I am going to assume it is. These errors along with spelling issues tended to pull me out of some truly engaging storytelling. A second comment would be that I personally am unable to connect with the main chacter because of her deep self pity...it would perhaps be better to make it a passing observation and let the reader assign it's importance to the personality you are developing. Also...a way of getting a feel for what she looks like other than her own opinion would be great. As it is now she comes across as vain and self involved. I love her appearance...its unique and hints at something almost ethereal about her. Perhaps a bit less emphasis on how gorgeous she is? It makes it difficult for me to relate to her. Pacing is good...moves well. No problems with dialogue/description balance...but using more relaxed language, i.e. I've, you'd, we've...etc will make it sound less formal. Avoid cliched phrases:too many make the reader want to power scan areas. You have remarkable descriptive abilities, I'd like to hear more of your voice telling the story as opposed to someone else's trite quotes. Good grasp of comedic elements....nice how you invite us to share an inside joke with your heroine. I would say that so far it's a promising start and I will look forward to seeing more.
Cordially, Maren Meriel McCaffrey

I like your imagery. I can feel textures, see scenes, participate in gestures. Lots of editing will still be needed, but that is to be expected. Shelved with best wishes.

Bill

I really enjoyed what I read. I thought you gave an interesting perspective on werewolf's and vampire's. I would like to see as a film.

I love the plot, I love the writing, and I quite like the absence of flaws of grammar and spelling. Backed. Marj.

I do like this; urban fantasy tickles my fancy. This is sad but I do like your MC, Lilah; she has such a strong voice that I will read more of this. Um, ‘once the bat is out of the belfry’ might seem apt for a vampire story, but has such different connotations I’m not sure it’s the right phrase. Think on it; after all, this is only my opinion, and my opinion may well suck.
Typo … tale bone should be tail bone * grin * Minor and easy fixed. Um, no, lips don’t frown; that’s a forehead expression. ‘I was gorgeous, but fat lot of good it did me.’ Lol
Typo … tell tell should be tell tale, and further on jut should be just … these are the things we miss ourselves because we see what we think we wrote, but they leap out at readers. Psysic needs to be psychic. (Sorry, I am being a nitpicker, but I also appreciate having these things pointed out to me so I can fix them.) Yes, it needs editing and a thorough check of the punctuation, but it’s hooked me in to the story. May I suggest that some of your paragraphs might be shorter and snappier if you were to separate the dialogue from the action, especially if the dialogue at the beginning of the paragraph belongs to one character, but the actions belong to another. I really do like this; it’s different. Good luck with it. (ps … twilight .. bleugh!)

Rachel,

Straight up, I would buy this! It is very well compelling writtem, it's a very story and it is simply a great read.

Lockjaw

Rachel,

Great opening. Sets the seen immediately and gives a good idea what the story is about.

Love the premise, a great take on the vampire story. Lilah’s plight is intriguing.

Consider taking out some of the backstory in the beginning it just slows the story around.
An example, with Jordan you don’t need to tell us Lilah loves him or that they were together before this early. You do a great job with the dialogue and Lilah’s reaction to seeing him, the rest of details if needed can be saved for later.

An enjoyable read. Happy to back this!

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

I really liked this! I like that it took the vampire genre and switched it up a little, added something new. The idea of a vamp/werewolf heroine is great! You really know how to set the mood in the first couple chapters and you introduced the characters very well. I also really like your writing style, it's easy to read and I could see myself reading the entire thing. I would love to see how this turns out. I will keep this up to read more later!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I thought I'd have time for a read and review, but I have to run. I'll wanted to cut and copy this into a note rather than a comment, but authonomy won't let me. I'll delete this later and leave a full comment.

\Your second to last sentence in the first paragraph could use a comma.
Think about getting rid of the phrase "each and every one" in the first sentence and maybe saying "each one" in the second sentence. Also you use watch/watched in two consecutive sentences.

This at first also reminded me of the 'Twilight' saga but it is different.

Well written, I loved it.
Backed with pleasure
Eve Thomas
Choices.

This is a breath of fresh air in the vampire novel world.

Yes I can see how this could be compared to Twilight BUT the differences to me are huge.

Your MC is the vampire or in this case half vampire/werewolf, great different POV, I felt how she felt. You put me in her skin and that is important.

You do have a lot of backstory interwoven here and some will say it is too much too soon. Personally it doesn't bother me but if you can sprinkle through a little more to keep the story flowing a bit more it could help. I think though that your story has the right tone and it compelled me enough to know I would keep reading.

Story to me is the most important thing and you have a good one here.

Jo xx

Spoilt

This is excellent - easy to imagine as a movie! Well crafted and edgy! BACKED with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Nice premise - just when I think there is no further twist on the vampire/werewolf thing! And nicely done too. I like the set-up in the first chapter and the hooks are fab. Maybe a few cliches - those darned common emerald eyes and the ebony hair for eg! - but hey, it's convention in this genre so I forgive you. I do a few myself!
Anyhow, you were looking for reads on the forum so over I came and I read and liked. So I've backed. Okay, so I'm a bit biased - love supernatural romance...but seriously, it's well done.

This is a good story. And informative for me because I thought werewolves had to be male. A big strength of the story is your ability to create such a likable character in Lilah. Makes a reader want to keep flipping pages to find out more about her. Overall, a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).