Book Jacket

 

rank 1531
word count 15915
date submitted 25.03.2010
date updated 14.04.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller
classification: moderate
incomplete

THE PRODIGAL

Keith Jagger

I've always been afraid of dying. You should never trust a man who tells you he's not.

 

The fear of dying had often kept Lucas Wyman awake at night; sometimes it was all that kept him alive. But now it's the fear of living that keeps him from waking.

Somewhere, on the outside of his current nightmare, the phone rings. When he doesn't pick up, the firm sends a couple of guys to get him.

"They" want to see him...They are the faceless men who float on top of the stinking cesspit of covert operations...They want him to crawl through the sludge at the bottom...They know he won't refuse their offer...They know he has nothing left to lose.

The War on Terror has a new enemy. They're religious fanatics with billions of dollars at their disposal, they were trained to kill by the US military and the British army, they're fighting for Jesus and they make Al Quaeda look like a bunch of boy scouts.

They call themselves The Soldiers of Revelation. They were responsible for creating Wyman’s nightmare, and now he's about to become theirs.

NOTE: This book is neither pro or anti religion . It's about men who manipulate and murder in God's name for their own ends.

 
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tags

afghanistan, bible belt, cia, covert operations, intelligence service, iraq, israel, jihad, marines, middle east, religous fanatics, special forces, s...

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38 comments

 

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Foretuneight wrote 784 days ago

I could write a line of praise as long as the chapters. Well done. I have read so many books on this site were the characters are all so wooden. It is like watching a bad nijia movie dubbed from Chinese. This is so complete, believable and real, especially the MC. Just the detail makes it so believable.

Thetinman wrote 783 days ago

Love this. Started reading and had all sorts of immediate and interesting questions? Who is he, why does his head hurt, why are people breaking in, what is he avoiding...and you filled in the gaps slowly but surely. Chapter two was even better, and the dialogue is top notch.
Watch out for repetition. “Or maybe not” showed up twice near each other.
Other than this only nit, love the read. Polished and entertaining.
Well done, and one I want to return to after I’m done with my publisher.
Backed
Paul
We’ve Seen the Enemy

lynn clayton wrote 784 days ago

Absolutely brilliant writing. The first person narrative is perfect for it ,giving it a closed-up, introverted feel which adds to the moodiness. The dialogue is excellent. Altogether a winner. Backed. Lynn

Melcom wrote 784 days ago

Wow, very accomplished writing. I would definitely read all this if it were all uploaded or published sitting on a bookshelf. Believable tough characters and matching dialogue.

The premise is a stunning one that really caught my eye.

Great read, the only nit I picked out was he threw the phone across the room but it still continued to ring.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Orlando Furioso wrote 527 days ago

I started reading when I should have been working. There was no contest. I read on. We all want to be a bit like Lucas from time to time, because ... We just do. I liked the way you didn't have the world erupting in violence in the first few graphs. Everyone else does that. A bit of reservation can be powerful. Clearly we will get the ultra a little later on. Ahem, I confess as a Ronnie myself I winced a little at the notion of knuckle-head Ronnie just being along to do the driving, but we can't all be brilliant I spose. I liked the wall of death bike and the thoughts on the best shape for a booze bottle. I wld and prob will read on.
Ronnie

mvw888 wrote 724 days ago

You display a patience in giving out details of what's happening, and I like that. So many times, writers rush to tell us every little thing, whether it be backstory or setting description. This had the pace of a movie, although I think the first chapter could be tightened up, just a bit, in his ruminations before the thugs come in. But really polished, a great read with lots to tantalize the reader.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Steve Palmer wrote 767 days ago

Straight thrillers aren't usually my thing but I read through to the end of chapter 3 and was about to start chapter four when I realised Lost was about to start. Sorry - you lost out to Lost. A suitably seedy and flawed protagonist with a past that I want to know more about. Backed.

Steve (Scar Tissue)

Famlavan wrote 769 days ago

The Prodigal

Not a lover of first person narrative, but because of its strength I couldn’t imagine this been told any other way (plus you might just have converted me).
I think you have created immense characters and supported them with equally immense dialogue. I’ve recently read some very, very good pieces of work and I have added this to that list. – This is great!

cesc wrote 769 days ago

happy to back this one

Unicorns Image wrote 772 days ago

The Prodigal - Hi Keith, I think I need to thank the spam guy. I got one on my story, and I was surfing the site, looking for him. I stumbled on your book, and I'm so glad I did.

This is completely out of my genre, but so well written, I have to back you and comment. I've only read two chapters, but I'll definitely be back. I love the first person approach, so much more suspenseful, and immediate.
Backed with pleasure.
Dara Walker (Ride the Wind)

SusieGulick wrote 774 days ago

Dear Keith, I love fiction thriller which your story truly has. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

lionel25 wrote 775 days ago

Keith, I enjoyed your first chapter. Liked your first-person, narrative voice. Don't forget your commas in direct address. For instance: "So where are we going (comma needed here) Charlie?"

Good job overall. Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

kenwyn wrote 781 days ago

Hi. Sorry to read you got a spam critique. That prompted me to read your first couple of chapters.

I suppose what you have here can best be described as 'bloke-lit'. Don't take that as derogatory, its not meant to be. Its simply what it is.
A man writing a first person story in a way that suggests that the very act of descriptive storytelling is a ponces game. So he is going to just give us the facts, brag about the booze and the fags and his couldn't give a toss attitude.
But actually within that is a powerful piece of writing. Ok, so you have a Rolling Stone fixation (Charles, Ronnie, Wyman, its pretty bleeding obvious).
I was trying out work out which of the three characters in the first two chapters was really Ray Winstone.

In summary, I enjoyed the style, although you took nearly two chapters to get anywhere (who am I to criticize, I've sacrificed hundreds of words of 'Milkshake' for being guilty of the same thing). The atmosphere and level of testosterone was spot on, and I wish you all the best with this. Start working on the screenplay. Cheers. Matt

Steve.Tee wrote 782 days ago


Here's a SPAM I plagiarized... oops! Um... "prepared" earlier:

Dear Reader, I am not a #1 common potato.
However, it all began on the 24th of December, 1905. Frank was still in pantyhose, Catherine still in a coma, Crystal Palace still burning and Derry and Toms still very much in love with each other.
On this most festive of eves I began writing a long story for my mother, Mrs. C - called “Mrs. C” - about an autistic bag lady endeavouring to bring about world peace by toppling the fruit and vegetable markets of Covent Garden.
The idea was simple—take away imperial measurements and replace them with communist literature of no material worth. By making rare things common, replacing her blood with diamonds and bathing in desert toppings and edible gold - while 3 people died of spam poisoning each and every day - Mrs. C quickly became a no-brainer.
I’ve been running the London Marathon ever since and, while I’ve been through many changes of attire, the same basic footwear has been on my feet from day one.
As for the Editor’s Desk? With your help it can stay where it is for just one more week.
Thousands of Ed desks die every year from the fallout caused by deforestation. So, if you’re one of the 13 people who’ve stopped using paper bags already, perhaps you could mention it to a panda or two. If you haven’t, then now might be a good time to judge for yourself whether my spam is better than my storytelling; 8 out of 10 cat owners agree!
The end of the month is coming. It’s up to you whether the next one starts on the first or the thirty-first.
The desk should be about craftsmanship and a good yarn; and perhaps even about the concept of being able to write. However, too often it becomes a game of two-for-one backings and social networking.
So, if you agree to back my f@##ing awful and totally illiterate book I can promise you a jolly good two-for-one with a couple of Filipino girls (or boys!).
Thank you for your support.

Sincerely,
Rupert Abuse.


http://www.authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=14201#chapter

soutexmex wrote 782 days ago

Being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Cheryl Kaye Tardif wrote 782 days ago

Excellent opening line! From that point on, you hooked me. Well done!

Backed!

All the best in success! And I hope you'll consider my books too.

Cheryl Kaye Tardif,
author of Children of the Fog and Lancelot's Lady

Susan McKinney de Ortega wrote 782 days ago

Very intriguing opening. Only thing is, when the guys come in and you say there were a few questions and answers I would certainly like to hear what those Qs and As were.
Best of luck,
Susan
Flirting in Spanish

Thetinman wrote 783 days ago

Love this. Started reading and had all sorts of immediate and interesting questions? Who is he, why does his head hurt, why are people breaking in, what is he avoiding...and you filled in the gaps slowly but surely. Chapter two was even better, and the dialogue is top notch.
Watch out for repetition. “Or maybe not” showed up twice near each other.
Other than this only nit, love the read. Polished and entertaining.
Well done, and one I want to return to after I’m done with my publisher.
Backed
Paul
We’ve Seen the Enemy

plip wrote 783 days ago

Suggest you get a bit more drama into your opening; same events and characters, just written with a bit more tension. While I realize your M.C. is deliberately portrayed as unfazed by the intruders, a bit more suspense and confusion would draw casual readers/bookshop browsers in.
I found some very minor glitches/typos:- Ch1 - 'Don't see why you it needs two of you?' 'I'd know it from the moment'
Ch2 'pealed'= peeled;

Jez Robinson wrote 784 days ago

Perhaps what they watched on the video could have been visualised as the Prologue? Start the thing with a bang? However as it stands i think you have ducked away from the footage by not describing it, and at this point in the story it would seem that the action already carried out by the bad guys is paramount to what follows. I am enjoying the pace, the characters and the dialogue sounds right too.

Melcom wrote 784 days ago

Wow, very accomplished writing. I would definitely read all this if it were all uploaded or published sitting on a bookshelf. Believable tough characters and matching dialogue.

The premise is a stunning one that really caught my eye.

Great read, the only nit I picked out was he threw the phone across the room but it still continued to ring.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 784 days ago

Keith,

You're right, we do write in very different genres. But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate what you've done here. Your writing is very smooth and the attitude that runs through this is great. While I repeat that this is not a normal genre for me, I think I would buy this one.

Great read!

Lockjaw

Foretuneight wrote 784 days ago

I could write a line of praise as long as the chapters. Well done. I have read so many books on this site were the characters are all so wooden. It is like watching a bad nijia movie dubbed from Chinese. This is so complete, believable and real, especially the MC. Just the detail makes it so believable.

lynn clayton wrote 784 days ago

Absolutely brilliant writing. The first person narrative is perfect for it ,giving it a closed-up, introverted feel which adds to the moodiness. The dialogue is excellent. Altogether a winner. Backed. Lynn

hot lips wrote 784 days ago

Excellent writing, kept me guessing and fully engaged, sounded authentic, and I even bonded with our antihero, who has low self esteem and would prefer to be dead. Backed with pleasure.
BADD

Wilma1 wrote 785 days ago

Good Pitch based on that alone I would have picked it up in a shop and bought it. You set a scene ery quickly and get the reader wondering what has been so bad in this man's life that he has stooped to this level. Your writing is strong and you manage to greate asense of tension. Very good wish I had time to read more.
Noticed this typo:-
I put the pillow over his head. Should be I put the pillow over my head.

Sue Mackender - Hope you enjoy Knowing Liam Riley

udasmaan wrote 786 days ago

You have started it very very well. you write well. Although, I found it the conversation between the three in your main character's house a bit long, but the rest is just fun to read. it is really well written. good luck. i have already backed this.

shah

mikegilli wrote 786 days ago

Congratulations.. This is the other side of the coin
and who knows how much of it actually happened.
Good characters action and story make for a thrilling ead.
lots of luck with it.......mikegilli The Free

Francesco wrote 787 days ago

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Teric Darken wrote 787 days ago

Greetings, Keith, and kudos on The Prodigal! You have concocted a clever script, and unfurled it in a professional and creative manner! You make good use of dialogue- keeping the novel plausible- and your imagery paints vivid pictures. Ronnie Wood... Zachary F. NUGENT... ha! Clever and nice job! Your manuscript serves to remind me that man's religion kills. Relationship fills. Kudos & backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

Barry Wenlock wrote 788 days ago

Hi Keith, I said I'd get back when I'd finished reading what you have posted. Top stuff. Backed with pleasure.

barry

Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Andrew.C.Wilson wrote 788 days ago

I don't often comment Keith but I had to in this case. The Prodigal is a riviting read, great premise and well written. You really do know how to paint a scene with words, your main character is well delivered leaving the reader in no doubt there is so much more to come from him. Don't take this the wrong way, I mean it as a compliment but I felt I needed a bath after the first chapter, well done, deservedly backed. Regards Andy .W
"The Domino Effect"

Dawn DeRemer wrote 788 days ago

The topic of your book makes me chuckle. You have no idea, of course, the number of times I have thought about how the people in the middle east would feel if Christians decided to have another crusade to match their Jihad. lol I guess it was inevitable that at some point someone would run with this premise. Good thriller work!
Your technical skill is up to the task, it flows and worries the reader to death...lol
Best of luck
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Lorri wrote 788 days ago

Backing now and coming back tomorrow. Apparntly my eyes and fingers are rebelling.

Lorri

Richard Allen wrote 789 days ago

The Prodigal is an intelligent thriller that rips along at a good pace, filled mystery and tension. The scenes are drawn like a picture on a broad canvass.

The opening is strong and filled with a good does of apprehension. We immediately wonder, ‘Who is this guy and from what hellhole is he from?' Your setting is well defined as is your MC and his ‘friends’(Section 3 associates).

This is a book you don’t really want to put down. Well, I had to for awhile until I get some work done. Already on my shelf.

Richard
Hard Target

lizjrnm wrote 789 days ago

You have a gift for drawing the reader right into your story proper and compelling them to keep reading. My only complaint is I want more. BACKED with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

missyfleming_22 wrote 789 days ago

Very interesting story! I liked it. You've taken something that is happening now and incorporated it into a fast paced thriller. It's going to resonate with a lot of reader just becase it's something currenty they can relate to. I like the real, kind of unpolished style to your writing, it fits with the sort of story it is. I don't know if that was intentional or not but it worked for me. All in all I got very involved and am interested to know how this unfolds. Good luck with this.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Barry Wenlock wrote 789 days ago

Hi rollingstone Keith -- I'm really enjoying this gritty story and plan to read more. i hope you're planning to write more, too.

I get back to you with another comment, when i've finshed, but in the meantime, I thought the long pitch opener was a little too confusing and had a couple of puncs (not punks).

The following is just my suggestion, which you are very free to ignore, of course.

Lucas Wyman had always been afraid of dying. This fear had often kept him awake at night., whilst at other times it was the one thing that had kept him alive. Now, it was the fear of living that kept him from waking up.

Backed and supported, Barry. (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Barry Wenlock wrote 789 days ago

Hi rollingstone Keith -- I'm really enjoying this gritty story and plan to read more. i hope you're planning to write more, too.

I get back to you with another comment, when i've finshed, but in the meantime, I thought the long pitch opener was a little too confusing and had a couple of puncs (not punks).

The following is just my suggestion, which you are very free to ignore, of course.

Lucas Wyman had always been afraid of dying. This fear had often kept him awake at night., whilst at other times it was the one thing that had kept him alive. Now, it was the fear of living that kept him from waking.

Backed and supported, Barry. (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Burgio wrote 790 days ago

This is a very up-to-date thriller: a clash between terrorists and a new kid in town with Biblical guidance. I like the way you've written this in first person. Makes me feel as if this was happening right before my eyes. A good premise. A bad situation for Lucas to find himself sinking into. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Eight Rooks wrote 790 days ago

Your opening got me reading further, so I thought this was worth a comment. Well-trodden ground, certainly - I'm a huge fan of Adam Hall's Quiller novels and Greg Rucka's Queen and Country franchise, which I consider to be the high water mark for this kind of secret-agent-with-issues narrative. I thought the writing could use a fair bit of polish - I caught a fair few minor spelling and grammatical errors, misplaced commas, that kind of thing, and while there were some very nice turns of phrase (particularly in chapter 2), some of the earlier language in your scene-setting wandered a bit too close to cliche or self-parody. The dialogue, too, seemed to veer between some pretty decent little exchanges with a real 'back off' feel to them and some rather less effective passages - the lack of polish felt as if it hurt some of the earlier repartee between Lucas and his minders, and the exposition between Lucas and Mack in chapter 2 felt particularly weak to me, as if you were more interested in what came later on and wanted to rush through it.

Negativity aside, I did still like this. Far from perfect but it did engage me - possibly I'm more of a sucker for this type of story than some, but I do think you've got real talent here and I would say if you just applied yourself more to catching minor errors and tweaking some of what I saw as the 'lazier' passages this could start to turn into something pretty good. Whether an agent would see anything sufficiently different to all the other authors with similar characters I couldn't really say... but unlike a lot of other manuscripts on this site I could see this one ending up on bookshelves given enough extra care and attention. Watchlisting it for now, and I may bump it up at some point in the near future once I've read some more.

jlong wrote 790 days ago

I just wanted to let you know that I have backed your book. I particularly like the intimate and engaging way the book opens. It is a good way to hook the reader early on. I wish you great success here at Autonomy and in your publishing effort.

Jan Long
Cosmic Love? Reconciling Divine Benevolence with Tragedy
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=18191


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