Riding High

Oh - Can't wait to read your book! I just got on this authonomy thing - check out my book, Antithesis - I think you'll like it. Lots of horse action - starts with a show then moves to foxhunting.
Allison Crews

This is a good story. It combines horses - always a big attraction for the schoolage/teenage crowd - and a mystery. And Las Vegas! A hard combination to beat. It's a good read. Should attract a wide following. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Dear Gayle, I love that the kids take action to find the killers - most would be scared to do anything. Great story! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Dear Gayle,

I’m appealing to you for your support of BRAINRUSH—not because I backed your book (or because I’m getting married in two days and it would make a great wedding gift!), but because it’s a polished page-turner that is ready for the Editor’s Desk. Whether you’re a thriller fan or not, I promise it to be a gripping read. In fact, as of today forty-eight readers here liked it so much that they read it from start to finish. (Not an easy feat when you have to do it entirely online!)

It’s currently number 6, and your vote of confidence could make a big difference. Will you give it a look?

Cheers,

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

Ridding High

I’m really impressed in how you have structured this. You character build the group not all at once, which doesn’t overpower the reader.
Good balance of narrative and dialogue in a storyline that is no accident very well told and I wish you all the luck with this, I’m sure it will be a great hit with your targeted audience!

Hi Gayle, Much energy in introducing the characters and their trip. I had a little trouble keeping track of them but since they went to Vegas as a group and that is the focus at first, I think they'll sort out. The premise really drew me in. And you’ve already depicted these athletes in a convincing way besides furthering their story with dialogue. I wondered at the nature interlude though I like it. I think the target age would enjoy this landing in Vegas. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

You have a good story here, according to your pitch, one which should appeal to your target YA audience. Horses, and especially the Olympic Trials, make an attractive subject, and the 'accident,' which seems not to be an accident, makes an excellent focus for the action. You have an appealing bunch of characters, and you introduce them a few at a time, starting with Sheivy and Billy, so that we get to know them easily and don't end up mixing them up. Billy's surprise, that he has tickets for the Olympic Trials, is received by his friends with great excitement, and the trip to Las Vegas, the luxurious hotel and the special meal out are described fully and vividly. The conversation between Vinny and Bernie, with their mention of Juan and 'the stuff,' takes us into the beginning of the mystery, and the further conversation between Juan and Yoli moves the plot on further. You write well, with a lot of light-hearted dialogue and some excellent description. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I don't belong to the audience you're writing for, YA horse lovers, but I imagine there are a lot of them out there and, judging by Chapter 1, I think this would appeal. Your depiction of character is realistic and interesting. I'm already begiining to warm to Shievon and her garage sale fanatic mum. My only quibble so far is the para describing the dog and cat watching the birds and the dog then taking off in pursuit when he spots the horses. It seems to plant the reader expectation, or it did for this reader, that there was going to be an accident with a horse rearing up and one of the kids wouldn't get to LA after all. Turns out, it was just a little nature appreciation interlude. Apart from that, I'm happy to back.
Jackie (GIFT OF SPARROWS)

Here's a SPAM I plagiarized... oops! Um... "prepared" earlier:

Dear Reader, I am not a #1 common potato.
However, it all began on the 24th of December, 1905. Frank was still in pantyhose, Catherine still in a coma, Crystal Palace still burning and Derry and Toms still very much in love with each other.
On this most festive of eves I began writing a long story for my mother, Mrs. C - called “Mrs. C” - about an autistic bag lady endeavouring to bring about world peace by toppling the fruit and vegetable markets of Covent Garden.
The idea was simple—take away imperial measurements and replace them with communist literature of no material worth. By making rare things common, replacing her blood with diamonds and bathing in desert toppings and edible gold - while 3 people died of spam poisoning each and every day - Mrs. C quickly became a no-brainer.
I’ve been running the London Marathon ever since and, while I’ve been through many changes of attire, the same basic footwear has been on my feet from day one.
As for the Editor’s Desk? With your help it can stay where it is for just one more week.
Thousands of Ed desks die every year from the fallout caused by deforestation. So, if you’re one of the 13 people who’ve stopped using paper bags already, perhaps you could mention it to a panda or two. If you haven’t, then now might be a good time to judge for yourself whether my spam is better than my storytelling; 8 out of 10 cat owners agree!
The end of the month is coming. It’s up to you whether the next one starts on the first or the thirty-first.
The desk should be about craftsmanship and a good yarn; and perhaps even about the concept of being able to write. However, too often it becomes a game of two-for-one backings and social networking.
So, if you agree to back my f@##ing awful and totally illiterate book I can promise you a jolly good two-for-one with a couple of Filipino girls (or boys!).
Thank you for your support.

Sincerely,
Rupert Abuse.


http://www.authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=14201#chapter

Being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

The characters and easy prose are really good. The strong imagery throws you right into the mystery and the scene is set. i have visons of a new generation of Hardy boys and nancy drew mysteries, indeed where are the torch bearers for young people's mystery stories for this genration? answer-right here. well done.

Great young adult story you have here. I love horses and with an added dash of mystery, it was simply something I couldn't resist. Story unfolds well without a lot of useless jargon. The set is well done and all is laid out for an intriguing 'who dunnit'. You've collected a wonderful group of characters. I might suggest that you layer them a little more for depth - tiny nuances that will make them their own person. The only other thing I saw where slight typos that are easily corrected at a later date. Definitely a pleasure to back. Good luck.
Jenny

This is a brilliant book for YA. It's even more brilliant for me. The characters are excellently drawn and the plot , full of excitement, is worthy of the best thrillers for adults. Backed. Lynn

This sets off at a cracking pace. I'm not a horsey person but you did a great job of selling what it means to ride
one of these strong beasts. I've only ever ridden one once and couldn't get the rhythm right and my boobs nearly nocked me out!! Then the horse bolted and frightened the hell out of me...

Nicely written and happily backed

Melxx

I liked how you jumped right in the story not wasting alot of time. It progresses quickly but smoothly. I've only touched the surface of this work and need to skip to the "action." My only suggestion(s) is to break your long pitch up into 2-3 paragraphs for easier readibility and to use a word other than bounce to describe Shievon's phone falling on the floor. I've dropped by cell phone many time and it never bounced (LOL). Cracked, thumped, thudded but no bouncing. Anyway, nice start and as I have time to read more, I'll leave additional comments.

Backed and good luck
Natalie

I have to say Gayle - this is by far one of the best books on this site for Young Adults! You have nailed their personalities. You have a gift for dialogue and an enviable writing style! I'd buy this book and I am certainly not a Young Adult! Backed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

I read through all 5 posted chapters. You have YA down to an art form. Colorful, typical, young, horse crazy kids, living in the excitement of the moment, which is so much a part of that age category. This isn't a story about horses as much as it's a story about kids with a horsey life style. They are refreshingly still floating on idealistic dreams at that age and you capture that feeling so very well.
Your story is fast paced with lots of typical dialogue that feels natural, not forced and it's obvious that you are writing from a position of knowledge.
You capture the feeling of attending a class A show as a spectator very well. I was never in the stands much as our farm was always showing and I was usually too busy applying horse make up...lol So this read was entertaining for me from another perspective.
The only thing I think your story left me wanting might possibly be in the next chapter. I wanted to see, feel and experience the horses clearing the fences. I wanted to have images of each competing horse, it's scope, rangey ability, hooves rubbing rails in almost faults. I wanted to feel the competitive atmosphere during the riding of the course, the hush of the crowd when it's ride begins and the roar after when the ride is unexpectedly clean. I would have liked some description of the anxiety, concentration and disappointment written on rider's faces. What it must feel like to ride clean and end up with a time fault.
Chapter 5 is just starting to introduce the show aspect. Since your story from the first page leads to this remarkable experience at an Olympic qualifying trail, you might want to include enough chapters so readers can get that feel they've been building up to...just a suggestion...job well done.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)