Vatican Counsel: The Devil's Guard

Backed this the other day, below is why I backed it and hope you can return the read:)

When I read the title I thought oh Dan Brown? Thankfully it is now. The pitch bristling with energy. I did wonder how you were going to extract comedy (as seen in your genre tags) from the plot but then I realised this will be black humour favouring the macabre. You have a nice style of writing bordering on the literary fiction but not self-indulgent. Nicely written, gripping plot, had to back it.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Your perceptive, this is going to be a series of Vatican Counsel, this was more how the team joined up and Dion discovering who she was. It's going to have fun side thoughts to see how she grows as a person and what she and the team must face and overcome. Thank you.

I really enjoyed this - excellent work. I do wonder, though - if you plan to continue the story. It seems like you have the plot and set up for a novel length work - but it's been condensed into a short story.
And the epliogue isn't much of one at all - truthfully, an epilouge's entire purpose is to close the door on the story, showing the reader how things worked out in the end.
In this case, it seems to open things up more.
Just a thought.
Backed,
A

I really enjoyed this - excellent work. I do wonder, though - if you plan to continue the story. It seems like you have the plot and set up for a novel length work - but it's been condensed into a short story.
And the epliogue isn't much of one at all - truthfully, an epilouge's entire purpose is to close the door on the story, showing the reader how things worked out in the end.
In this case, it seems to open things up more.
Just a thought.
Backed,
A

I love the beginning of this, the rain disguising the mourner's tears and that the fact that Dion is not crying. You make the reader understand why she is not upset during her parent's funeral and it's genius. I also like the way you describe the rain soaking through her dress and her heels sinking into the ground. Excellent writing and wonderful descriptions with a twist for the emotions, excellent. Backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Hi,

I'm backing your book to speed it along to its inevitable date with the Editor's Desk. Fantasy is not something I normally enjoy. I did however show it to my daughter and she said I should back it.

My book is currently in a very competitive position at 10. I would deeply appreciate it if you would have a look at it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Hi Quinn,
Demon hunters - I like it. It's something I don't think I have seen on this site before and it's a very good story. You have some interesting twists and what seems to be a very well thought ouit plot. Happy to place on my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

I love the premise of your book. You have created a strong and compelling character in Dion. The dialogue is great and you set the tone for the book wonderfully in the first 2 chapters. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

You have a very unusual and exciting pitch, and your book is full of gripping action. Dion is a feisty, strong heroine, and the idea that she is descended from a very powerful demon, and that her parents were demon hunters, is an imaginative one. You tell us this through Riley Samson's thoughts, and Dion at first thinks Brian was her father; but it appears that Tanya was already pregnant when she and Brian married. Your writing is exciting and easy to read. You will need to do some editing, but that shouldn't be hard. A book which will appeal to its target YA audience. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Greetings, Quinn!

"Vatican Counsel" is a well-honed novel boasting a rich plot ensconced in a professionally formatted manuscript. Why does it always rain at funerals? You set the mood superbly with the atmosphere of Dion's parent's funeral. If I may make one constructive point: In the very last sentence, the first "to" should be "too," followed by a comma after "gently." Nicely executed story, Quinn! Backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

Vatican Counsel

You create a great main character one that you can almost empathise with because of her parents.
You have a fantastic mix of characters and situations that are so cleverly weaved with a very sardonic humour, this is so very, very good, I’m going to have to read more. – Good luck

Hi Quinn, I think you've made an excellent start here. I like the wry humour and Dion is such a great MC and gains our support from the start.
Good luck with this, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

The opening paragraph drew me straight into the story. I could identify with Dion and wanted to support her character - prejudged by her parents friends but standing proud amidst hostility. Both Dion and Liam are well described and the story is fast paced and humourous.
Good luck with this and backed with pleasure
Hatts

This is hilarious - you have a real gift for tongue in cheek by realistic characters in a fantastical world! BACKED with pleasure for an amazing imagination and superb writing!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Ok, so vampires are not my thing, ergo, hand it to daughter who reads Christine Feehan etc. Result, 'you must back this, it's great!' Therefore, book backed with pleasure. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

ok, your plot is very interesting, and i think marketable, but you really need to polish your prose a bit before it gets to the desk. after reading the first two chapter i can see that you that you tend to tell more that you show. descrip what is is going on a little more, rather than just ell us what is goig on. there is a difference. ry changing up your sentense structures a little more also. you don't always have to start with the characters name. changing up sentense structures make the story and voice flow more naturally. and use more pronouns. my only other advice would be to try linking thoughts together more as well, this will also ad to your flow and make it read more smoothly. with some polish i can really see this being publishe and even made in to a movie. i'll read more in a day or so. all and all this is a good book. i have not read enough to comment on you plot structure, but so far it has help my interest, and pulled me along. and that is the sign of a good story teller. take care and goodluck.

quinn, this is an interesting pitch. i can see this being made into a movie. care to swap reads? costructive feedback is welcome on my manuscript. 3, 18, 21 are the ones i need feedback on the most, but any feedback is wlecome. if you're intersted it in swapping reads let me know, and let me know if you have a specific chapter you need feedback on.


ps. Here are a few other books I’ve found with a strong narrative voice.

Dandelion and Burdock
by
Lesley Bown

The Spiral Pendant
by
Jane Holyoake

Vissi D'arte
by
Joanna Stephen-Ward

The Fiddler's Gun
by
A. S. Peterson

Demon hunters, vampires, an assortment of other bad guys, and a wishing stone. Mix them together you get an exciting read. Dion is a sympthetic character because her parents were so terrible. Makes a reader want to follow her and see how this all turns out. Should attract a young adult audience because of the romance and the action. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hello, Quinn. I have enjoyed the first 3 chapters of your book immensely, time constraints have stopped me at that unfortunately. The premise for the story is very good indeed, and the writing is fast paced and the dialogue believable fot the genre.
The characters are larger than life as they should be, Dion...stunning and determined to make the evil Samson and his cohorts sorry that they ever existed.
Liam at 6'10" is some Vampyre...and despite his hatred of her now dead parents he has answered the Oracle {His mother} and her order to retreive, protect and bring Dion to Italy..under the protection of The Vatican Counsel"
I found the pacing fast and the story good, a few spellcheck errors waist instead of waste and where instead of were...nothing that can't be easily fixed when editing.
Backed with pleasure.
Well done
Suzannah Burke
Dudes Down Under