Evie

This is a great story and I already feel a connection with the characters. the end of the first chapter is heartbreaking.
I think the book could be even better though:

-The first chapter has the subheading 'before', but in the first paragraph you talk about 'after ' ie where Evie lived after her mum died. So maybe this paragraph doesn't belong in this section?

- In Chapter 1, the way Bess speaks is markedly different to how she speaks in C2 - in C2 she drops her 'h's etc, in C1 she doesn't.

- When Evie visits her dad, we don't really know how she's feeling. Is she at all angry with him for killing her mother? How did she feel about him from the ages of 10 - 16?

I've backed the book, because I really like the story and your style of writing is very easy to read - it just flows. But I also feel that you could add a lot more, to turn it from a great story into a fantastic one.
Hope you don't mind me being honest.

Shalini x
(A Shirtful of Frogs)

Yes, prison may seem 'the most unlikely place to find the love of your life' but that seems part of the emotional tension underlying your storyline and provides scope for a powerful and moving romance.
From the start, you convey mood well; the suggestion growing that Evie feels as though she doesn't quite belong in her Nana's house for, even though welcome, it will not now ever be the true 'home' that she could have called it if her mother had still been alive and her father not incarcerated.
I warmed to Evie, the moment she 'slipped back out of the corn to comfort him' as the over-protected and vulnerable Dean cries.
The ensuing dialogue is crisp and yet natural and spontaneous, mirroring the individuality of both Evie and Dean, and Evie's dying mother.
This is more moving than I had expected and I take my hat off to you.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

a very enjoyable read, i loved it, well done , backed

alison

Backed
Eveleen
(turning a new leaf)
Hope you'll read mine

I love this piece. It's gorgeous and believable. Your characters are strong and easy to empathise with their situation. The end of chapter one tugged at the heartstrings and kept us reading. Fabulously done.

One thing I noticed was errors in punctuating dialogue and some missing commas "I love you[,]Evie." but that should be easy enough to rectify on the next edit.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Dear Gweneth, I love the twist in your tragedy/love story - I'd hate for my father to be murdered, even though he was evil. What an Intriguing story you have! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy, so beware of any other untrue information you may receive:
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Oh my god, I actually thought I was going to cry reading the first chapter! And you ended it perfectly, pulling me straight onto chapter 2. I'm up to chapter 3 now but felt I had to write something. I'm off to make a coffee and I'll be back for the rest!
Beautifully written.
Backed with absolute pleasure :)
Sam (Fallacy)

Dear Gwneth
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn.

I was surprised at the depth of character you have built into this!
Your strong characterisation engaged me as a reader so that the emotions started to become tangible to me. What also impressed was the dialogue it gave congruence to the characters. I’m only up to being with Patrick and walking on the sand and the line about Snow White (felt more like Cinderella), but I sense a really enjoyable story developing. – Good luck.

I very much enjoyed Evie's gentle search for herself and how to be reconciled to the past. Patrick is an interesting and vulnerable character, almost an extention of the little dean of eariler happier days.
I admired the handling of the prison vist and the way Evie's father mixed self justification with appeals for understanding and possible forgiveness. In that moment his whole marriage was explained.
A good story with much interest. I only have one nit, the over use of the word "that", most can be taken out and the whole will reade far smoother without them.

A perfect summer read, well paced, with believable charcters. Good Luck with this, I know you'll do well. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Evie
Gwyneth Morgan

Seems perfect for your target readership. Heartbreaking scenario for poor Evie and you manage to get the reader from early on to sympathise with her. This is a meaningful story for YA readers and really, I'm wondering what your Chick Lit tag is doing here? Good plot, very readable language which flows well, with interesting characters and you build tension and interest as you go along which all totally engage the reader. Happy to back this Gwynth and all the best in getting it published.

Well written and highly enjoyable.
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
Frank.
You may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Gwyneth,

Evie - I love your narrative voice and was more and more enthralled by its congruency as I read on. To start with, what an introduction to murder ... I didn't know you were having a party ... Humorous and deeply poignant, a challenging combination to get right, and you have a fantastic knack for it. Wishing this the best of success.

Backed recently, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This must be a hard book for you to place. The Main character feels very young at the start, almost like this would be a children's book instead of YA, but the rest of the content and chapter length do make me think YA.`Your dialogue capitalization and punctuation needs work. this link may help: http://rebecca-hamilton.com/?p=14

It's off to a good start. Needs a little work still, but show me someone whose manuscript doesn't lol. Good luck with this.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

This is a really easy read, which means you're either a natural writer or you've worked really hard and succeeded. What matter, well done. Backed.
Rosalind
Good for Him

A good story, and the first person narrative works well here. I like the ease of reading it; nothing seems forced. Well done and backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

I think this is a wonderful story. Your pitch is very enticing and I can imagine this being lapped up by YA readers. What impressed me was your voice - the first person was handled very well indeed. I do, however, thinks this needs an edit for punctuation and grammar issues. For instance 'It's okay' I shouted running towards...' should be 'It's okay,' I shouted, running towards ...' This aside, (and that is what they pay editors for ) I thought that Evelynn was a wonderful MC and highly identifiable to a young female audience.
Backed with pleasure.
Carl
The Time HUnters

The writing is very smooth in form. I agree with a previous comment to the extent that "mother's death" ends the first portion on a serious note. Light-hearted incidents might be moved toward the front to lift the mood. Excellent work. Backed. Chuck, (Paperboy Adventures & Literary Agent Blues)

Gwyneth, interesting your comment on Shalini's book and Goodnight Mr Tom. I see it is in your best books, it is an all time favorite of mine (though not on my list) I too thought her book smacked with the likeness.
You book just flows, I have no difficulty reading and continuing reading and what a setting. Funny how we dont expect prisons to be a place for feelings of love.
anyways I would love you to read some of mine so I may have your ideas. It is non-fiction and totally different and that is good for feedback. BEST of luck with your book and BACKED inevitable

Yes, prison may seem 'the most unlikely place to find the love of your life' but that seems part of the emotional tension underlying your storyline and provides scope for a powerful and moving romance.
From the start, you convey mood well; the suggestion growing that Evie feels as though she doesn't quite belong in her Nana's house for, even though welcome, it will not now ever be the true 'home' that she could have called it if her mother had still been alive and her father not incarcerated.
I warmed to Evie, the moment she 'slipped back out of the corn to comfort him' as the over-protected and vulnerable Dean cries.
The ensuing dialogue is crisp and yet natural and spontaneous, mirroring the individuality of both Evie and Dean, and Evie's dying mother.
This is more moving than I had expected and I take my hat off to you.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Hi Gwyneth, You’ve captured Evie’s innocence at the outset, her playful nature and the scene of her learning the horror of what her father did. I was soon immersed. And your technique of telling about her growing up while unfolding the reasons behind the crime felt real with the neighborhood, the coldness of Nana, and Bess. Patrick is a fascinating character, his charm and his temper. It’s a page-turner and pulls in the sympathies. Wish I could read more today – Happy to shelve Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

A good book which gets better as it goes along, unusual premise and good characters, entertaining and a good read. I looked for constructive criticism and couldn't find fault.

Backed,

Lisa

This is a fascinating read, fantastic opening chapter, leaves the reader wanting more and more. V well written, dialogue is great and childlike when it needs to be. Just brilliant

Backed 100%
Clair
Left behind

Hi there - I really love the voice that this is written in. It's like listening to someone expose the most private moments of their life - and of course, it is that kind of engaging writing that we all have trouble turning away from. Looking forward to digging into this one.

Dear Gweneth, I love fiction & romance - anything can happen, & does. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs (the longer ones, you might want to divide) & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

This is a great story and I already feel a connection with the characters. the end of the first chapter is heartbreaking.
I think the book could be even better though:

-The first chapter has the subheading 'before', but in the first paragraph you talk about 'after ' ie where Evie lived after her mum died. So maybe this paragraph doesn't belong in this section?

- In Chapter 1, the way Bess speaks is markedly different to how she speaks in C2 - in C2 she drops her 'h's etc, in C1 she doesn't.

- When Evie visits her dad, we don't really know how she's feeling. Is she at all angry with him for killing her mother? How did she feel about him from the ages of 10 - 16?

I've backed the book, because I really like the story and your style of writing is very easy to read - it just flows. But I also feel that you could add a lot more, to turn it from a great story into a fantastic one.
Hope you don't mind me being honest.

Shalini x
(A Shirtful of Frogs)

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I admire you alot! A Shirtful of Frogs is such a brilliant story!!! I don't mind you critizing at all, in fact I would love for more people to be critical, the reason I joined this stie was to improve my writing!! I was aware of the problem with Bess' speech, originally in the first chapter what she says was going to be said by a different character... things just became a bit muddled when I changed it. But the other points I wasnt aware of and am very grateful you have pointed them out!!!

Thank you
Gwyneth

Hi,

I'm backing your book to speed it along to it's inevitable date with the Editor's Desk. Being a man, YA Chicklit is not something I normally enjoy, nor something I should comment on, but your style is accomplished and readable. I did however show it to my daughter and she said I should back it.

My book is currently in a very competitive position at 10. I would deeply appreciate it if you would have a look at it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

This is a great story and I already feel a connection with the characters. the end of the first chapter is heartbreaking.
I think the book could be even better though:

-The first chapter has the subheading 'before', but in the first paragraph you talk about 'after ' ie where Evie lived after her mum died. So maybe this paragraph doesn't belong in this section?

- In Chapter 1, the way Bess speaks is markedly different to how she speaks in C2 - in C2 she drops her 'h's etc, in C1 she doesn't.

- When Evie visits her dad, we don't really know how she's feeling. Is she at all angry with him for killing her mother? How did she feel about him from the ages of 10 - 16?

I've backed the book, because I really like the story and your style of writing is very easy to read - it just flows. But I also feel that you could add a lot more, to turn it from a great story into a fantastic one.
Hope you don't mind me being honest.

Shalini x
(A Shirtful of Frogs)

What a poignant story. It starts out very well, to the extent where I found myself reading chapter after chapter - something I never usually do! All the best with finding a publisher. Straussy

Nicely written with good dialogue. But I have a couple of suggestions. First you should look to make more of your pitches - these are your shop window on this site so make the most of them. Second it would be worth considering a careful edit of your book to remove any unnecessary commas and over-long sentences. Otherwise I am very happy to back this. Colin

I have enjoyed reading this. You write well and this is an imaginative and original story.
Yes, there are things that need looking at like we all have but every so often you come out with an eloquent thought or description which sets you apart from just being able to string words together.
You craft your characters well and tell the story with confidence. I'm sure your target readers will get pleasure reading this.
Shelved. Margaret.

You have an excellent start. Good luck with your continued writing. Please remember December Gold. I would appreciate you reading, commenting, and your backing. Blessings.
--author of December Gold

Being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

A very moving story, told very well. Felt sorry for Evie not feeling at home in her Nana's house.

This is a great character driven story that I'm sure is going to do well on the site.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Hi Gwyneth, I really liked your story and thought Evie was a strong and well-depicted character. I think you may need to polish it a little. Something that would be well worth the effort, in my opinion.
Backed for it's good potential in the market place, Barry
Little Krisna and the bihar Boys

This is a very unusual, original book. Evie's situation, with the death of her mother caused by her Dad, is tragic and moving. You draw Evie so well, first as a child, playing spies with her friend Dean, happy and natural; then as a sixteen year old, going to see her father in prison for the first time, adult enough now to understand the things that happened; and the time in between, when she was lonely, unhappy, and not ready to make friends with anyone. Patrick is an interesting, likable character. When you introduce him in the prison waiting room, extroverted and friendly, calling Evie,'Gorgeous,' and half charming her, half annoying her, we want to know more about him. Then, when he breaks down in tears because of his brother's behaviour, we, like Evie, feel great sympathy for him. This relationship is going to be one which will be interesting, enjoyable and moving. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I'm misting up. Really.
And that's an accomplishment for an old robot like me. I lost my mother when I was 25 and it was tough, couldn't imagine losing her at 10, especially in that way. Emotional and gut wrenching.
A quick edit and this should do well!
Shelved,
Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

Sad,and wonderful. Very well done.
I back his heartily.
Still needs typos fixing.
Lots of luck mikegilli The Free

Gwyneth, I see what the comment below meant about the opening para - it's a bit generalised and vague. Maybe give a more detailed description to give an idea of place. I say this because I like your book a lot. There's a confiding feel to the first person narrative and an unpretentiousness about your style which is attractive. You write about the emotions a lot but in a genuine, understanding way. You make us believe you. Backed. Lynn

There is a good plot here, but I do think the writing needs to be cleaned up. The first paragraph is not a grabber. I might start with the two children, then interweave narration to explain this is her memory.
Good start.
Backed.
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

I'll tell you what...if you had not said that you re a teenager, I wouldn't have know. Overall this is very good writing but even more, your story is great. This is easy to get into and your characters are real. Yes, there were a few places where I felt the writing could be tightened up a bit, but that's true for most all of us.

Great Read!

Lockjaw

This is a good story. Both of your main characters are likable and sympathetic. Makes a reader want to keep following them to see where this romance that began in such unlikely circumstances will turn out. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Young adults will love this - edgy and down to earth dialogue. Doesn't need vampires or ghosts to move the plot along. Compelling and real! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a moving, well paced story. the emotions run high in chapter 1, and draw the reader in immediately. With a strong hook into chapter 2.

you have plotted it very well, and the characters are warm and visual...well done. I have placed your book on my watchlist and I will be backing it and placing it on my shelf later today.

Congratulations.You have crafted this well.
Suzannah Burke
Dudes Down Under