The Secret Chronicles -Evalesco- Book i.

Jodi, Brilliantly witten. What a concept for a premise.To use the elments as a metaphor for good verses evil and then to create a MC in an innocent child, who in essence is Mother Nature, holding the power to control all the elements and the fate of the world in her hands is just an amazing viewpoint.

You skillfully explain this storyline keeping our attention through your description and Charlize's lessons, as we are emotionally one with her and her destiny.

Holding our breathe,heart pounding as she realizes the responsibilities of her birth. The opening scene of that birth had everything, we were hooked. There was tension, fear, intense love and loss. Such anguish and a decision no one should ever have to make, but the reality that people actually have made that choice just gives overwhelming power to that scene as your left weeping.

I think your dialogue is believable and feels very natural and tthe voice of Charlize is as convincing at Ten as it is as she ages. Allowing us to grow up with her was the bow on the package that wrapped us up on a personal level and assured are investment both into Charlize the person and her plight.

UNIQUE,CREATIVE, THOUGHT PROVOKING,and simply ASTOUNDING...Backed completely Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Spookily atmospheric start to the prologue, then the brooding scene with the woman in labour, 'We are Mages, doctor', that goes some way to explaining the dynamics at work. Tragic and dramatic, the birth and aftermath, but the baby's reaction, though unnatural, was a gentle end to the scene, and not without hope. On to Charlize, and something is about to happen, 'It is your becoming'. More spookiness, 'She can't, Daddy'. A special child, one with a pre-ordained destiny, but still a child, 'resisting the temptation to slide down the polished wooden banister'. So, it was the opposites of the magic of her mother and father that produced her uniqueness. 'Some even of Steven King', oh, not the past then, or another place. Back to Charlize, she is a very dangerous handful, and it's definitely time for her to learn to control her talents. 'The coldest truths of all', *shudder*

Beautifully crafted descriptions, Jodi, and such a strongly imagined reality. The magic is subtle and well thought out. This is one of the more unusual fantasies that I've come across on here, the pitch promising an adventure with a fatal end. I particularly like the character of Charras, the widowed father trying to raise a bundle of trouble single-handedly. And that bundle is also proving quite a personality in her own right. An enthralling read ... backed.

Possible nits: 'a word, my father[']s to you'. 'delusively' seems a rather odd word to use here ... it brought me out of the story, imagining what you meant. 'tumulus' I think you mean 'tumultuous'. 'Taking a seat, she sat', maybe rephrase. You could probably trim back a little on the adverbs, e.g. here 'he said contentedly ... Charras nodded graciously' together they sound a bit repetitive and neither adds very much to the meaning.

This is a complete stormer of a book. It is brilliantly put together. Original in every way, the characters have spark and the storyline is flawless. The beggining is sad and exciting at the same time, an excellent hooking start. Charlize is a perfect female lead - stubborn, special, strong. Christian I find a sad character - a mage who can't be a mage because his parents didn't let him, who can't know the truth about Charlize. It's really upsetting, but he's great. The attack on the children scared the life out of me - my heart beat so fast!! The tests were, I thought, a clever way of introducing the reader to the world with out having to tell it all in the narrative - smart.
I think this book is awesome. I would buy this and I would buy it for my friends. It's classic.

Amy
x

The Secret Chronicles - Evalesco-Book i:

Jodi,

The 'overbearing man' who cajoles the doctor into performing the delivery in the way assigned, lends a real sense of menace to an atmospheric Prologue. There is such a dark cloud; an engulfing sense of the sinister and conspiratorial surrounding the birth of this very special child, and the effect is reminiscent of Edgar Allan Poe.
The detail of delivery and childbirth are extremely accurate and realistic and remind me of the occasion when I nearly fainted in theatre after trying to watch the exit of my own daughter 25 years ago. I don't know your experience but you are absolutely spot on and this, combined with the poor cowering doctor and the tragic death of the mother in sacrifice to having the special child made me tense - as it should have done.
The Prologue, written in very fluous prose, maintains clarity through a scene which needs clarity because of the very orginal idea that you want to convey.
All this, combined with the promise of the intriguing storyline, already set out in the synopsis, makes me want to read on.

Backed,
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Excellent book, well done Jodi xx

Hi Jodi,
Hope you're doing well!
I'll be rebacking your book again - and placing on ye ole shelf. This is an insane system, or what? :-) I'm hoping the last time registered...not the very first time, however when I did it a couple of days ago.

blessings
jim

Hi Jodi, wanted to let you know I'm placing your book back on my shelf. Hope it gives it some more well deserved attention.

blessings and hopes you're doing well
jim

Dear Jodi,

I think that books are the greatest gift to humankind since we read the words of living beings and not just interpret without purpose. You have made me strengthen my belief in the power of the mind. Please keep knowing how we as humans have kept on reading to strengthen because of the good efforts of good authors. I was alone with your book and now able to congratulate you and your success with it. I am glad to read and I wish you luck with more books. Thank you for sharing something of your self.

Many Pleasant Readings,

Billy McBride

Hi Jodi, I'm pretty sure I backed your book. I know I started on it. I've been having problems on my end - backing others and being told it didn't register. Yikes! Sorry! Happily backing again. Terrific style. You owned me, by the way, at your synopsis. Probably became so enchanted I forgot to push that wee little button.

blessings! and thank you for backing LONDON!
jim

Hi Jodi, you owned me by your synopsis. I've already started reading your work....and may have backed awhile back...however - I'm told that a lot of the backings that I backed didn't register, so I'm going back to reback in case the backing didn't back properly... which is why I'm getting back to you. Okay, so I've had WAY to much coffee today.

Love your work, by the way.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Exquisite writing. I was sucked in immediately.

Backed with pleasure!

Cori
"Princess"

An original and taut fantasy written in a believable style. Robust plotting. A dazzling cast of characters. Polarized relationships. Stunning descriptions. Dynamic dialogue. Distinctive voice. Awesome world building. Polished writing. An enjoyable read. Heartily backed.

This is beautiful... the pace and mystery of the story that draws us in and your skillful use of imagery. You are a very talented writer!

Backed,

Dima

Hey Jodi, sorry it has taken so long to return the read. I have been on holiday. Your opening chapter seems promising and so i will back your book. i don't have much to say ... some constructive crit ... i thought sometimes there were too many word which slowed the reading... i.e the doctor scratched his beard in thought. "in thought" is implied by scratching his beard so you don't necessarily need it in there. best of luck with your story. Megan :)

a very enjoyable read, backed with pleasure

alison

You have a great imagination and have used it to put together a great yarn. Backed Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Highly imaginative,skillfully written and a strong story line.
Recommended.
Jane

The Secret Chronicles should not remain a secret any longer. Its time is due; well-written, great story arc, overall it is a gem of a book. It deserves a place on the shelves of everyone here...and in the real world.

Good story Jodi. You have a good beginning, but you need to go back and do some edits. You have a few incomplete sentences. I believe you may have inadvertently left out words during a previous edit; One is, (Sat on the bed next to his wife, clasping her hand to his chest, the man cast his eyes toward her swollen stomach.) It seems to me you either left out a word, or words, or change directions in mid sentence.

Here is another one. (The man cleared his throat, his words of before faltering in reliability.)

All in all you have a fine idea, and a good story to work with. It just needs a little work. I believe it worthy of being backed as the errors are minimal and you can easily fix them.

Nick
Invasion from Within

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Backed with pleasure.

Sarah "Choosing Love"

Jodi, Brilliantly witten. What a concept for a premise.To use the elments as a metaphor for good verses evil and then to create a MC in an innocent child, who in essence is Mother Nature, holding the power to control all the elements and the fate of the world in her hands is just an amazing viewpoint.

You skillfully explain this storyline keeping our attention through your description and Charlize's lessons, as we are emotionally one with her and her destiny.

Holding our breathe,heart pounding as she realizes the responsibilities of her birth. The opening scene of that birth had everything, we were hooked. There was tension, fear, intense love and loss. Such anguish and a decision no one should ever have to make, but the reality that people actually have made that choice just gives overwhelming power to that scene as your left weeping.

I think your dialogue is believable and feels very natural and tthe voice of Charlize is as convincing at Ten as it is as she ages. Allowing us to grow up with her was the bow on the package that wrapped us up on a personal level and assured are investment both into Charlize the person and her plight.

UNIQUE,CREATIVE, THOUGHT PROVOKING,and simply ASTOUNDING...Backed completely Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Dear Jodi,
This is an intriguing pitch and excellent writing style. Your short prologue is quite dramatic - for she is female - something right out of a Cleopatra movie! Nice job.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

A good read. It's on the shelf.

Ok, I finally finished it. I've come to 2 conclusions.

1. Aqua is the best :D

2. I'll be seeing this in a bookstore someday

Conor,
The Hydromancer

Good pitch, good writing, exciting story. Had to halt reading as it's my bedtime. Will watchlist and carry on tomorrow.
Polly
STONES.

Oh my word! This chapter alone is gripping, eerie and mysterious (even in a supernatural way). This is no ordinary Authonomy book. No question in my mind that I am taking this book back to my room and shelving it!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

I love books with elements, as you porbably can tell from my book. Very graphic birthing scene! :D

BACKED!

Conor,
The Hydromancer

Jodi

You have a wonderful book here and a good writing voice. The atmosphere is intense and the mood dark. Push it more on the site and get more feedback from those who are a little more critical and you will be onto a winner, (people have said you've got punctuation errors...but I'll never find them)

DJ-The Lost Cactus

The pitch set up the premise effectively and clues us in on the challenges, physical and moral that lie ahead. The gripping first chapter has the elements stir and highlight the life and death birthing of someone and something super special. This is a refreshing approach for the the genre - motivating the reader to get through the structure and rules of the fantasy world to satisfy curiosity rather then resign to work to absorb the barrage of data.

HI JODI THE CHRONICLES - EVALESCO'

AFTER reading i can honestlyl say that this is amazing writing, you have a very creative min Jodi.
great charactors, very imaginative , promises to be a wonderful story
backed
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
please read some of mine and back if you like it . thanks

Jodi,

Nice work. I love the issues you are addressing within this platform. It is very courageous.

The dialogue is fabulous and it is a nice face pace. The premise is excellent, again you seem to be tackeling important multidemensional human issues.
Very Nice Job!
Backed!
Great Job!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Hi. After six days on this site I am (unbelievably) still running to catch up with the people who have been kind enough to back me. Every time I log on I have thirty people to thank and review in return before I even get a chance to read some that I have picked myself from the book list. So, and I do not mean to be unhelpful, I am BACKING this on the read because I think it is every bit good enough to be in print (I think that is the criteria I should be using) but, although I have made written comments, I have no time to type up my thoughts. If you want them just message me and I promise to get to them ASAP. Otherwise, BACKED.

Like all realationships with father and daughter, they are always a bit special, none more so with the Mage clan. When Charlize comes of age, Charras tells her it is time for her awakening, in the purpose built Library, she places her hand on a book, and all the stories, lessons, spells and the origins of the Mage clan she absorbs.
Great story that deals in possession both personnel and spiritual, and its impact on young innocent lives.
The Secret Chronicles is not, in any way watered down descriptive writing, but full in your face, value for money, descriptive writing, superseded by a terrific story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

I like the plot and the dramatic use of words in the first chapter. However, in my opinion it needs to slow down and settle into a more simple rhythm. You have a great vocabulary and use it well but it comes on too strong sometimes and I feel like I'm wading through extra words that don't contribute much for their bulk. I like your style and the dialouge keeps me concentrated. From reading chapters 1,2,4 and 7 I can't seem to get a firm enough grasp on the characters. I have Charras down but I'm having a tough time with Charize. Perhaps her personality just doesn't come through very strong in those chapters. It's hard to relate when there isn't very much of what she's thinking directly. Keep in mind I am a very critical person and when I say I'm going to critique I critique haha. I like the book so far as a whole and I wish you only the best of luck with it. Perhaps you could reccomend me the best chapters and I will come back for more. =)
Jessi- Exena More than one Curse

This is a clever and very intriguing plot. It has all the exciting elements of a thriller, lots of tension and the pacing is very good. Great hooks at the end of the chapter which will compell one to read on. I like that you have dealt with real issues in such a fantasy way.
Backed earlier and with pleasure.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

i love the imagery you paint in your descriptions especially when it came to the baby and the elements.

me

THIS BOOK IS SIMPLY BRILLIANT. WHAT A GREAT READ INDEED.

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat. I could do with a lift.

warm wishes

Brendan

A special child brought into the world under the sinister attentions of a dark mage. This is particularly well done.Your descriptions and dialogue are great, as is the initial mystery surrounding the child. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

A special child brought into the world under the sinister attentions of a dark mage. This is particularly well done.Your descriptions and dialogue aregreat, as is the initial mystery surrounding th child. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Very atmospheric. You have a unique style unlike any I have encountered! I wish I had the time to read on, this is very absorbing; moody, well-plotted, professionally written. Backed!

Great premise, engaging characters and some classy writing. On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Brilliant. Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

Your writing style is very dramatic, which works wonderfully for this genre. The only thing I felt was strange about the first chapter was the doctor and Charras getting into a discussion over Isalize as she is going through labour. I would think it hard to have a conversation over a screaming woman. I know you introduced some crucial info, but I thought it was weird especially because Charras knows she was about to die. I would think he'd be sharing every last moment with her instead. Sorry I took so long to leave a comment, but I backed this because you obviously have great potential as a writer.

Good Luck!
Christa

Jodi,

Returning your read. Read the first chapter. There's drama here and foreshadowing of important things to come: a good hook.

Some observations you might care to consider:

--some description was over done for me (for example 'as if prisoners in the brooding ambience);

--the modifiers of tags (soft voice, rough voice, half mumbled) were a bit distracting for me and doesn't add much;

--some of the action got a bit confusing to follow, I'm not sure what the mid wives add; and

--you have some missing apostrophes.

On the other hand you create a great ominous atmosphere, you use dialogue well to establish setting in a a way that feels natural and, as I said before, you have a good hook.

Backed for the potential.

entertaining

Hi Jodi,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

I found this to be a well written enchanting read, and while I liked it all, I liked Charlize's battle against the Death Threats best of all. Backed.

I have finished only the first chapter but it's one of the most exciting, atmospheric and best written on this site. The dialogue has the formality of a past era without being either stilted or unnatural. It's also very moving.
I found a missing apostrophe. When speaking of the baby's eyes - 'They were already dark, just like her MOTHER'S.'
Backing it now because i'm going out but will read more - all, I hope. Brilliant. Lynn

Like this a lot, filled with great imagery and details that paint a fascinating world. The characters and races are very compelling, each laced with individualisms and differences that set them apart from each other. Backed with pleasure.

Read three chapters and I loved the premis although not my genre. I followed the story and found it belieable I hope thats what you intended. I really got into this and I think that was due to your expet imagery it made it easy to follow. I will follow its progress and I'm sure it will move quickly to the top.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you enjoy it

Well you have "some" uneccessary adjectives, your prose is turning purple.
...a soft voice soothed from the grand bed? Soothed what?

Character:
Describe a man's actions as he answers in aggravated tones.
Describe his impatience.
Don't tell the reader how a character is feeling, decribe the actions. His hesitation, insistance, how he suggested, and how he was stunned.

What is the first thing you notice when you enter a room?

Watch your sentence structure...the man was once again over by the window - shortened to - the man stood once more by the window. - his impatience to sleep apparent in his voice - try - his longing for sleep.. and drop "wearily"

...and your punctuation.

Best of luck with this original sounding fantasy,

Rebecca.

I really like the a you start the story and the tension from the verybeginning. It defintiely throw the reader right into the mix of the story.
"soothed peacefully into death". I almost felt myself breathing out as I read this.
I will read more later, but I read more than I anticipated.
This is great!
Kirsty
Prygon: The Circle of Dark Magic

I really like the a you start the story and the tension from the verybeginning. It defintiely throw the reader right into the mix of the story.
"soothed peacefully into death". I almost felt myself breathing out as I read this.
I will read more later, but I read more than I anticipated.
This is great!
Kirsty
Prygon: The Circle of Dark Magic