Like So Much Trash

The opening of your novel is bold and well-described. I like the introduction of the nervous bride, handful-of-a-sister and snooty furture in-laws. Weddings can often be a cheesy start to a book, but you've made it work. Daphne, in particular, is a very likeable character. She has a kind of innocent confidence and a naivety to her, which is very endearing. I like her playful behaviour towards Carter and I think you've written real chemistry between them.

You seem to have missed out a word or two in several places - probably because your style is very colloquial. Or they could just be typos.
eg. In mind's eye - In 'her' mind's eye
Helena waited what was supposed to be an obvious answer - ...waited 'for' what was...

This sentence is a bit muddled and should be rewritten, because it doesn't make sense:
He wasn't used to, however, sitting with a beautiful stranger whom which the law had just bound their families together.

Some of your verb forms are a little confusing too. I'd recommend a serious proof read to iron out all the awkward sentences.

At one point, you splipped into the present tense, when you say, "But it is her wedding day, and she aches for that single, tender moment..."
And again - "...and Daphne just loudly plows on..."

I'm torn about your work, because as much as I like the characters and your contemporary but descriptive language, I do think you need to take a long, hard look at your grammar - and as picky as that sounds, it's extremely important in making the right impression. Publishers are pros at spotting these kinds of mistakes. Just give your novel a clean sweep, read it aloud, get someone else to read it aloud to you (this works really well) and think about each word carefully before you put it into your text. I'm not talking about your metaphors/adjectives/adverbs - those are all great. Just the pure grammar and word order.

Otherwise, I like this book because it's got a lot of attitude and the characters are strong. Youve managed to portray the differences between a privelaged life and a harder upbringing - without leaning too much towards stereotypes. I'm not a fan of the bad language; I think the f-word is a bit gratuitious - used less, it has more impact - but so many novels seem to swear at every other word, so I guess that's just not my taste.
I will read more as time allows, but well done so far.

All the best
Fe

You have a fantastic literary voice! this is BY FAR the best lit fic book I've read on the site. I would purchase this. I love the characters from the onset. I was not excepting the deal with it being her wedding day. Daphne sounds like a pain in the butt sister but makes a likeable character, and the MC is likeable but doesn't come across as too perfect or like a "Mary Sue". I think this transcends easily beyond the YA genre. Great descriptions--this is freshly written and engaging. Love Love Love!!!

Only tiny tiny tiny nit pick, is to look into punctuation. Dialogue punct needs a small revamp and need to evaluate semicolon use. Message me if you want some help with this. I'm always happy to help when help is wanted.

That said, backing this. It's too good not to shelve.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Good afternoon ms A. Li. I spotted your book this morning, and had to download a chapter, as the prologue hook was very effective. I have so far only read the first ch. but I am already deciding to read some more later today. But I thought that I would back it now, before writing to you later.
I would appreciate any feedback on my childrens' book; Ppaerbat Adventure. Gladly back it ot trash it !
Jerry - paperbat

You have crafted a most intersting and complex storyline and your work is character rich. Your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

great time and as made this a good book. the first lines show that you know your craft- great work...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Yes, this is a good story and well told. The little surprise of the wedding day. Superb. Backed with pleasure. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

LIKE SO MUCH TRASH
This is a good story. You’ve created good contrasts in your characters: either very elite or very trailer trash. Your balance between descriptions and dialogue make the story move rapidly. I had some problem with Helena getting married in just a corset (would someone really do that?) but it was an interesting moment. I’m adding this to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear A
What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

BACKED. You know what you are doing and it reads well. Not my genre but worth a backing based on the first chapter alone. Good luck and cheers

Really good so far. I'm glad I found this! Good summer read.
J N Peterson
Innocent

You had me at the pitch and the first chapter did not disappoint.
Backed.
Good Luck

NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

Stylish, quirky and compelling. Backed, of course.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Loved it, just my kind of thing. The pitch is great and gives you a peek at the wonderfully descriptive style in which you write. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronciles book one

HiA.,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Sear A. Li --

Daphne is such a disaffected character, we thought we wouldn't like her at first, but the more we read, the more we became caught up in the mask she wears to protect herself. We also liked the title change very much -- it gave us a little more of a hint of what was to come than "Starstruck" did. This is a great YA story that should easily cross appeal to 20-somethings and up. BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Brilliant dialogue, descriptions, characters, everything. I have nothing to criticise because this is the sort of book I read from choice. It's not just for YA it's for everyone who enjoys excellent writing. Backed. Lynn

Backed.

The first chapter is a smooth, entertaining read. Nothing to nitpick there. Your work has publication potential.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Your book is extremely well written , the diologue perfect , there are a few small nits but alltogether a together read - honestly , I LIKED it a lot - so thank you and good luck !

You have a wonderful pace to your writing. Your sisters are memorable characters from the beginning and I like that you begin right in the middle of a milestone for one, a semi-tragedy for the other. Great use of language; however, I might dispense with the cursing. Always puts me off when it comes too soon, especially in the first few pages. That's just me. A great start to a story here, really enjoyed this.
P.S. You listed my two favorite books in your profile...Lolita and A.K. Interesting combination, I think!
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi A.

This is an interesting story and I really enjoyed reading it. Good characterisation and dialogue. It does need a little polishing, particularly with punctuation, but it has a lot of potential.

Shinzy :)

Hi , I often back a book because of the pitch and cover and intend to read some and comment , but either you are bluffing or you have some higher influence - I am intrigued -what is it with you , what stands you apart from the usual , what elevates you up on a higher plane of expression that compells me to persue - I had to back your book please consider comment on mine - thanks and good luck !

A., the writing is stellar and the story is magnificent. I found the descriptions intelligent and the character compelling. Two thumbs up! Best of luck
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Dear A Li,

Wow! You wrote so many books with great titles.

Thank you. You paid me the BEST compliment. When I wrote CBGB Was My High School I had two things in mind: tell the truth and DON'T BORE THE READER. I'm delighted you aren't bored. Also, I was thinking of changing the title. I thought it was too wordy. Starstruck is very good.

Yes, I've seen and read Factory Girl and I do believe I have seen and read EVERY single book on the old CBGB era. Of course, I love CBGB Was My High School the best and can't wait to see it on the silver screen.

Thanks, again.

Very well written and paced. Great characterization. An enjoyable story. Good luck.

Tina Marie
(Undesirable Circumstances)

Dear A. Li, I love that you show the inside of the social ladder/status - I'm glad I've never had all of that to worry about - I had enough problems of my own - I'll name my memoir below. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

What a terrific YA novel this is. Hugely intelligent, perplexing and actually somewhat creepy. The dialogue is sharp and engaging and your writing flawless. 'Susan's grip was the only reason she was still standing'. Very nice. I am delighted to back this.
Carl
The Time Hunters

A fascinating story, beautifully told. There is a potency to your prose that sucks the reader in with stunning imagery and vivid descriptions. The narrative is clear, concise and skilled. Fabulously written.

Abi xxx

Reading this, I am so glad that I am well past the age of school, and all that it offers. Surely this is as alien an environment as any offered in a high concept fantasy.

How closely are you sticking to Laclos' original? Here's hoping for just as dark an ending. Best wishes, Harriet

Dear A. Li,

The title, cover, content, and spicy dialogue ensure a read young adults will buy.

Best wishes and backed.

Please take a look at CBGB Was My High School.

GKStritch

Starstruck
A. Li

This seems like an interesting story for you target YA audience. I enjoyed the wedding scene and you have some nice dialogue here. The pitches could probably do with a little restructuring but all in all, this has very good potential and I wish you the best in finding a publisher.
Zan

Are you interested in taking a peek at my novel Going Out in Style and I will swap and read yours?
A zoomer

A good tip for some - you can back any number of books, and when you take one down to make space, that book loses no points. FAQs does not make this clear.

It would be helpful if you reformatted the pitch. However, beyond that I found this story to be captivating. You have a solid voice for the genre' and an almost literary feel in your narrative. The characters are endearing, the dialogue is natural, and the story line is evocative. This has huge potential. Well done! Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

Well written and moves along at a nice pace, backed, good luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Enjoyed a first look, reading a few pages as time allows in here. Good hook and draws you in. Look forward to some more time to get know the characters and plot

Clive
Cincinnati Dancing Pig

Hi there
I liked the wedding scene and think there is lots of potential here. I think the pitch could be tweaked to draw more readers in - it's a bit disjointed. But the characters and dialogue are well formed. Best of luck
DP Walker
Five Dares

"There's new meat coming today."
This novel reads like a butcher shop decked out in a bridesmaid's dress. Very enjoyable. Backed earlier this week. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Starstruck

I think you have captured character and dialogue perfectly it feels congruent and creates a natural feel to the exchanges.
There feel an intelligent well thought out structure to this, there’s depth.
You have an amazing creative style of writing- Oh and I enjoyed the story as well!

The orgnization has a few loopholes but overall a very interesting read!

Li: I read the first couple of chapters. This reminded me of Bret Easton Ellis territory. But though you can write, these pitches need some work. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

"You are aware that the wedding is starting in ten minutes?" Oh, it's your wedding day. Are you worried? Well, that's just the beginning and things can change quickly. Life's like that. The story seems realistic and I like being able to look into the mind of a young woman experiencing this time of life. Backed for now. I'll try to come back and read more when I can.

In (her) mind's eye...Not sure about (yellowed) sunlight,
It only took a second (no need for slow second)

This is a good read with very rounded characters, a little editing and read through is needed though.

Hope the following nits help.
(As if it ) urged along by an occult force..
must have (just) let go of it moments before...

"I got bored waiting" and then you have the next part of the dialogue saying "And so I tried waiting on the floor." it doesn't make sense unles it's just me!!

That had taken literally an hour to clasp...
You tend to use 'Just' a lot. And be careful of overusing 'ly' words as they can slow the pace down.

Backed for it's obvious potential.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

A fascinating pitch. Although this is labelled YA, and deals with people in that age group, it reads like a very intelligently written adult book. Your characters are colourful and vivid, and come to life readily. Daphne, although first discovered sleeping off the effects of a bottle of vodka on her sister's wedding day, soon emerges as a very enjoyable, likable character, feisty enough to stand up for her sister and, later, for herself to Carter. The society she's about to be thrust into sounds horrible enough to terrify anyone, and your pitch suggests that, tragically, Daphne won't survive their unpleasant and hurtful attitudes and actions. Your writing is excellent, energetic and effective. You remind me in some ways of Scott Fitzgerald, a major compliment in my book; and not just because of your subject matter. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

"Manolo Blahniks" or just call them Manolos ;) I like this -- fun teen 'shenanigans', and better written than many YA books out there. There are a few parts where it seems like a sentence or two are somehow missing, and that causes temporary confusion for me. But the characters are interesting and have depth, and I can't wait to see what happens when Luke tries to 'seduce' Daphne :) Commence the drama drama drama 8D

Backed! Yay!

Cheesecake

This is a really fun read. Your characters are strong. The wedding was well described and I can see this appealing to its genre. Best of luck with it! mariecapri

'The sisters are absolutely fascinating, not the sort of people you meet every day yet utterly real. The only thing that didn't convince me was the pitch, a bit loose and rambling, I thought. But as for the book, backed. Lynn

Starstruck:
A, Li,

The dialogue between Helena and Daphne, as well as the flashes of character observation between, give to the characters a candour and realism entirely appropriate to their age and their being siblings.
We know that Daphne can have an 'irritating, patronising air' and find hints of it in the dialogue.
We feel the mood through the dialogue: the tension, irritability, frayed nerves and mild angst as the wedding itself is imminent - all plausible, all consistent to character.
When Dapne's 'forceful voice bounced off the cathedral walls,' it became clear to me that you know how to build consistent character, have a very sharp and incisive observation and, even with mention of 'Ze gold digger' an acerbic wit with which I wanted to abide.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Very interesting to read!

I really enjoyed this. The sisters are a ton of fun to read about and I'd definitely feel intrigued to follow them to the end of this book. You write very well and know how to hook the reader into wanting to turn the pages. This is a fun and exciting read, a peek into a fascinating world!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

This is an authenic narrative that creates a vioce that compels the reader as the pages turn.