Fog In Channel

Hi Claudia,
My spouse was attracted not only by your title of the book but your pitch. She asked me to take a look at your book. Would you care to read and comment on 'The Sun and the Saber'? My first chapter is short, and hopefully entertaining! I would return the favour. Backing welcome.

Thanks

Craig

HI CLUDIA ; FOG IN CHANNEL'

having just read the first few chapters i became engrossed and wanted to read more, and will later, its on my watchlist. it is one quite serious literary read , and i mean literary , it is so well written, it just carries one along , so compelling and give one a great sense of the time.
backed with pleasure '
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
please some of mine and back.thanks

Stampman Group Review

This is beautiful, lyrical and thoughtful writing. Phrases like "the wash of my passing" are insightful and poetic and linger in the memory. The book is graceful, slow paced and the sentences can be lengthy. Occasionally I thought this was a negative, mostly I thought this was necessary and as befitted the literary style and undertaking.

I admit that I haven't read the entire book, but have read both beginning and end and what I read I enjoyed immensely.

In terms of potential weaknesses:

* I think the proximity of two characters with such similar names "Tad" and "Taid" is very confusing. Even if the confusion is intentional, you might want think of a way of introducing the characters to maintain separation as well as similarity (if that doesn't seem too contradictory);

* Chapter 2 - I wondered if there were too many digressions and flashbacks within flashbacks and if there might be a simpler way of dealing with all the strands introduced?

*Please note that I did skip a good many chapters in order to read the last 5, If, therefore, I have missed the point of anything in the process do let me know and ignore what comes next. Basically I felt that the novel had a number of different endings: possibly too many? It felt like the film of "The Return of the King" (which I adore, by the way). Everytime the reader achieves a sense of culmination and completeness there is another ending and another culmination. For example, Annie's story comes to a natural feeling ending in the distant past, then there is a sense of catharsis with her death in the snow drops, then there is another catharsis with the poem. Plus, and this may be my weakness, I couldn't see what happened to the narrator's story after chapter 24 and I didn't understand the chapter with the unidentified (third person narrative) woman on the train (which may be my fault for skipping too many chapters)

This is a lovely book and I hope my more negative comments only help you to make it even lovelier.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

I liked this as I could imagine this woman's state of mind after what had happened to her. I didn't read far, but liked what I did read.
Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Hi Claudia, I liked the thoughts at the outset, especially “It is the knowledge of our own death…”. Annie’s story is deftly told, giving the mood of her life and strong Welsh setting. Her perceptions of her role, Evan, and her privacy immersed me. Her tragedy in the synopsis and Sarah’s awareness of it promise to be told as well. Enjoyed the atmosphere and POV. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Critiqued as part of the Stampman Group.

Hello, Claudia. I love your beautiful book cover! Your synopsis is great; it explains just enough to entice the reader in without giving too much away, especially when you’re dealing with some complex themes. I’m always jealous of people who can write in the first-person and you have a strong opening, with a well-written, poignant middle and page-turning ending. Reading on: “Duw, duw” takes me back! I admire how you can express the various characters with distinction, from modern to back-in-the-day, urban to rural. The switches between characters are effortlessly effective too.

The Stampman Group members (particularly Gaius/Simon) and other reviewers have critiqued what issues there were fairly thoroughly. Only things I noticed: I found it odd Sarah’s name isn’t mentioned in either the first or third chapter to be able to relate to her. Should the second “Orphan Annie” be capitalised as a name? (Chapter 2) The sentence “When it got this bad she didn’t dare more than glance…” reads a little awkwardly to be me (also chapter 2).

The sad truth is I don’t think it’s going to be everybody’s cup-of-tea through no fault of your own due to its detailed literary nature (I’ve noticed in previous notes you’ve changed to this genre and rightly so), but that’s the injustice about literary fiction; some readers aren’t willing to put in the time to appreciate a finely crafted work, which is what this is. I enjoyed it immensely and am backing it with pleasure.

Kind regards

Billie
xx

Unique tile with complex themes. You do keep us captivated as the pages turn. C W

HI Gaius

Many thanks for your time and the helpful critique. I have looked in detail and changed a lot, if not all, following your fair comments.

I have read your two chapters and will be sending you comments very soon - have been away.

Just for info:
a) I have now changed the first chapter so that the Irish flight occurs much later in the book.

b)The blushing girl is in the fact the other primary character (in 3rd person) in the novel, whose story interweaves with the first person voice - their stories are 50 years apart, but take place on the same farm.

Fog in the channel - Stampman Review
I Really enjoyed this esp. the start -
The voice is great - - you just feel like your in good hands.
There's a gently, thoughtful tone - which, whilst not fast moving, only occasionally feels too slow - perhaps as a result of a lot of scene / character changes?? Not sure
Really - I'm just reduced to nit-picking:
p1. Cut - or its lack
cut the inverted commas off 'other'- its stronger without - avoid any kind of stage directions unless absolutely necessary.
met or heard of - Cut one - you do this several times thru the story - using 2 words wen 1 will do -
welfare or future, sly and slinking - etc
The sentence ending 'theirs in death' needs a look
I v much like - rarely suffered surfeit - but the DDT thing sounds out of place? a shade didactic?
The next sentence is badly constructed,
p2 - rear its head is a cliche
Cut - I could understand this point of view and - redundant
Cut - we cannot predict how it will come - also redundant and weakens the sentence
Cut - until it is too late
Sentence beginning - The footprints - is just too long - hard work to follow - cut it up
This may seem picky - but I want rid of anything that pulls me out of the story

The para begnning - Shortly after - is great - though cut the first - cheap - or amend the second one

Cut - Belligerently now - this is absolutely clear
cut - I decided to bit my tongue - (and poss. the whole line)
had behaved? alienated - past tense?

ch2 - is Tad our Pole - not 100% clear at first
piercing teeth ..icy squall - too much - we already know - the Balkan chill

Taid and Tad? Is it vital that they have nearly the same name?

cut - 'wit no more than...service was over' ?

Then the girl blushing - is this you telling us she's the woman from p1 - if so v good -

No Im not ... if she doesnt actually say it , then no ''

THe pigs blood and the horse are great

At the v end - I would cut - 'There was something...just in case' - finish on her shivering - we can tell he's going to be trouble without you spelling it out.

Overall - really well done - though maybe a shade more tension in places? Foreshadowing? Also the voice sometimes feels quite distant ? Not sure what you're goinmg for

Hope some of this helps

Enjoyed the read and def. Backing this book
Any thoughts on Charlie Marconi gratefully rec'd

thanks
simon

HI. I started reading this as part of the Stampman Group and any Nit- picking is purely an attempt to give positive criticism.
I absolutely loved this from the start and the more I read the more I wished I had the book in front of me to do it justice. The characters are identifiable, maybe more so to me living in South Wales but not to such an extent that they are stereotypical.
One of the positive aspects of this novel is it’s poetic narrative ‘ the wash of my passing’ in the beginning of the book had me hooked; the dialogue sharp and to the point. My only criticism would be that the hook in the first chapter is not immediate and that for some readers that would be enough to put the novel aside. IN my opinion this would be a mistake as although the sentence structure is in some places rather long, the beauty of the prose is worth the time spent reading it. Backed with pleasure Rab 14

Stampman Group Review.
There is little to criticise in this novel, impeccable writing, and impeccable spelling and grammar. It is 'literary fiction,' unhurried, full of description, even with some philosophy thrown in. It wanders around a bit too much for my taste, but that is only opinion. I imagine it might be the sort of novel to win literary prizes. I backed this a couple of months ago, so this is a 2nd comment. Marj.

There are so many stories in this book, overlapping tales from different times and places that dovetail together as perfectly as a piece of fine carpentry. Love is here, and anger, and a terrible raw grief. To write too much of these stories would be to give away cheaply and quickly what should be neither quick nor cheap. There are layers in this book waiting to be uncovered by a reader and it is told in the real storytelling voice - full of digressions and sideways turns; there's time enough to tell this tale and no need to hurry it along. That's a rare treat in this ninety mile a minute world. I fell in love with it from the very first paragraph, where the narrator addresses the reader directly, and the affair lasted to the end. And the language is beautiful, rich and flowing and wonderful to read aloud. There are too many lovely lines for me to pick out many but I loved the dwarfed appletree simile in ch3.

I hope this book is published, and the audiobook recorded. Until that time, I hope that many people on this site take time to read and savour it.

Just to make myself feel useful, I should point out that (ch11 & 13) Linnaean binomials are written with a capital for the genus and small case for species hence Homo sapiens. There are a few punctuation errors (check around speech in particular) and I spotted a typo in ch 1 (...my own bag was found to be overweigh(t)...). But that's about it. Very best wishes with this, Harriet

Reflective, contemplative and eloquent, this is wonderful writing and a book I will buy when it's published. I think it's a mistake to have both women speak in the first person in the same chapter, however. Better to have separate chapters, no matter how short.
But brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Fog in Channel Chapters 1 to 10
This was so painful and intense, especially as I see so much of myself (with all her flaws) in Sarah!
Ok I wasn't born to be part of that golden age where students in the sixties were encouraged to question and dream. Born in the late Fifties I just missed out on that and universities and employers had become more serious, more restricted. by the time I reached them Jobs were scarce and education was for work but I caught enough of the dreg ends to value the individual and to believe in some sort of justice. In my early days it felt akin to swimming against the tide, but now it is more like trying to stand firm against a tidal wave. And yes, I've had terrible battles against the NHS...Sarah's battle for worthwhile help for Fleur was so real, so true. I've been in that place. The cruelty and the turning away. On the surface it all looks so nice with the smiles and the promises and yet when you need it, there's nothing but a rotten shell that's empty inside. You must have experienced this, either yourself or someone close to you.
I digress! But see how meaningful your writing has been to me!
.I was intrigued by Annie and by Tad (I'm assuming it was a jokey nickname!) Amazingly that had direct relevance to me too. My father was a farmer and so although you are writing about a late foirties and fifties farm and my childhood farming is of sixties and seventies, a lot of it was familiar. The sheep ( and their diseases) the tractors, the isolation, the pressure to stay and help on the farm etc. That all rang true. Also, I live on the Shropshire / Welsh border, in the part that used to be called Flintshire: in Wales, but surrounded by England. THe nearest services and towns are in England (and there's no public transport) but we can only access Welsh schools, Welsh libraries etc and have difficulties with the health service. Neither side wants to know because we are not quite in England and yet not really Welsh.
A friend's father-in-law was a Pole, who fled with his family during the war. He's recently died...but was one of the most intelligent and humorous people I've ever met. In a nearby village, a large contingent of Poles stayed on after the War.
Your characters are convincing. Annie's cousin, Evan is especially threatening. It feels ominous when he has a special hatred for Tad. The people in the village have tolerated Tad, albeit it reluctantly, but in the cold winter of 1946-7, ill feeling seems to be mounting. Annie is pregnant but the British Govenment wants to send the Polish airmen back to Poland. Tad knows Stalin and his murderous ways, but few in the west have heard of the atrocities yet. Stalin was an ally in the war and for the moment, must be trusted. Tad is growing bitter (I liked the way he quoted from Shkespeare and Annie didn't recognise it.) I finished at this point, but I can see the storm clouds gathering. It is a gripping plot and keeps the reader hooked, desperately wanting to hear Annie's story and Sarah's story too.
I've jotted down many phrases that I admire in your work.. But looking at them now, I realise the the list is too long. So just a few of my absolute favourites!
"...we cannot go pecking around forever without a care for the fox."
"...two weeks is a very big hole down which to endlessly fall."
On the psychiatrist's ability to assess her daughter's mental condition:"You might as well ask rain what it feels like to get wet."
I found your book through the "Fun Chart" and I'm very glad that I did. An excellent read, with power and intensity. I'm backing this.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca
Oh, I've had the same problem with magpies as Sarah. I chase them away, but they always outwit me.

I'm backing this now (chapter two) because I absolutely love the way you write, and the beautifully evocative way that you describe people and places. As an almost-neighbour (I live a little further down the North Wales coast) I can hear the lilt in your characters' voices, and it all feels so very real. I'll continue reading, but for now I wish you every success with this book

Best wishes
Gail

Your highly descriptive writing style makes this finely crafted and complex novel a pleasure to read. I especially like your use of the first person narrative. Your work is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and the dialogue is tight and realistic. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Wonderful title and complex themes. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

This is fantastic...delightful prose full of skill and talent. backed 100%...

Fog In Channel
Claudia Samouilhan

Intriguing plot. Stimulating theme - personal choice versus fate. Nice to read a book with real substance. This is admirably written and I love your prose. Happy to have backed this and good luck in getting it published.

Beautifully and sensitively written. This is literature in its finest form. A wonderful talent!
Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

Beautifully and sensitively written. This is literature in its finest form. A wonderful talent!
Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

Superb literary fiction, every word measured, every phrase thought over.
There are some wonderful cameos in the prologue. It does cross my mind whether you could with it already at some length, introduce dialogue which with your skill with words would make this even more unique. Just my thought, you understand.
You have mastery of the English language and one that can only be admired. Backed with pleasure. Margaret.

Caludia - Fog in Channel is a book worthy of a hundred backings - add mine to them and keep on with your excellent mastery of the language and I agree that the prologue is much too long, too much information is never a good thing. Make them read the book! Best wishes Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

I absolutely love this book and it's one I would buy in a heartbeat. You're writing is both interesting and entertaining and I love the voice of your mc from the start '(untrue, she was enjoying herself)' - That is the line that would make me buy the book!

Backed all the way to the bookshops x

There is one exception to the above, and this is the Prologue. I think it would be better if you kept the 1st and last paras and got rid of the rest - too much, too soon.

Terrific writing - easy to read, excellent dialogue - loved the accent! I really like your opening sentence. To me that's the most "important" sentence in the book. Anyway, I like the straightforward attitude of your book and your mc.
backed
Genevieve

This really is Literary Fiction; what a delight to read something so measured and well thought out. The characters may not always be calm, but the writing is.
It is a pleasure to back this book.
Roger

What a hook. First line in and we're right there. This is wonderfully polished, skilled and dazzling. I enjoyed myself immensely, and you've kept the pace moving along nicely. An excellent effort.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

This is beautifully and very entertainingly written, I shall particularly remember - we can't go pecking around for ever without a care for the fox. Backed with great pleasure.
BADD

Backing based on your pitch--can't wait to read, tho...

Cheers!

Donna Burgess
(Darklands)

this is an fascinating piece of work. the use of the first person narrative works perfectly; you enter the mind of you chartacter...on watchlist for now...
su dan ...read SEASONS...

Certainly an introspective-type novel, which I like. Your idea for the story, the intersection of these two women by place, one in life and one in death, is very intriguing. My reading kept getting distracted, however, by some punctuation and grammatical problems. In the sentence beginning "I was not, quite..." there are so many commas that it is hard to keep reading. "Home grown and home reared"--are both necessary? "There was work to go round, it was a cash economy." You need a semi colon here to separate two independent sentences. These are perhaps minor but the major thing I would say that in general, you are too wordy. There is a paragraph that begins "I flew to Ireland." I think you'll find that if you try to read this, it is difficult to get through it without losing yourself a bit, or even getting bored. Some distance from your text might show you this. And that is not to say that I'm against long sentences, not at all. You should just be choosing words and information that propel the story. Trust that some of the information you're giving can be ascertained by the reader by the action in the story. Try not to over-describe things like "I was so outraged, I was talking out loud to myself"---then you go on to tell about her coloring, feeling warm, etc. Too much, in my opinion. The interaction with the airline employee seemed to be such a big part of the point here but yet you chose not to draw it out, to show us what was done/said in real time with dialogue. Instead you just told us about it so it loses its force, I think. The good part is that you have wonderful insight and word choice and a great idea for a story. You just need to edit some more. Good job.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Solid, well crafted, thinking-person's writing, writing you can really chew on. You might have to loosen it up a bit to get to most readers, but it grabbed me instantly. It's the kind of book I could hunker down with. Nice work.

The first chapter seemed a bit slow, but nonetheless I was keen to read more. After that things pick up and your story encompasses a whole range of atmosphere and emotions, good and ugly. Also I'm afraid I'm partial to back any story that features a fellow Pole.

Christa

Hello Claudia, thanks for letting me read some of your book - always time is against me - busy bee! But, I enjoyed what I read and love that it is set in our home country.
Hwyl fawr
Paula - Ruined Echoes
p.s - thanks for the hints of beaches - We like Red Wharf, but have only been in the Autumn and Winter! Good walks around there.

I would buy and read your book on the strength of your writing alone. Great opening chapter--hope I have time to read more.

Good luck,
SC Dwinnell, "Nobody Liked to Say"

Hi, I have read your intro very carefully and see that it is well written and understanding. The poor girl at the airport had certainly had enough to drive anyone away from sanity. I am backing this story and wishing I could read more but time ticks by on this site, so forgive me for only reading a little.
Take a look at mine Three Stayed Home, a WW2 adventure and love story. I hope you like it enough to perhaps back this. Regards JohnJ

HI Cait
Won't see you then, as I'm off to Killarney later in May to visit my family. Do you fly from Liverpool by any chance? We could compare experiences and I bet you're travelling O'leary style - yes? My email is: carol.horne1@tesco.net.....please don't berate me for the tesco bit...!!
Claudia

Fog in Channell:

What an interesting book this is going to be. Have only had time for the intro but definitely want to read further. Love the Welsh setting.

And I’ll be in one of those cheapto flights to Belfast in June. Maddening how they can advertise a flight for a tenner and by the time you’re finished it’s way over fifty quid. Some of them are charging twenty pounds just for a bag. :o.

All the best with Fog in Channell, and it’s on my shelf.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Fog in Channell:

What an interesting book this is going to be. Have only had time for the intro but definitely want to read further. Love the Welsh setting.

And I’ll be in one of those cheapto flights to Belfast in June. Maddening how they can advertise a flight for a tenner and by the time you’re finished it’s way over fifty quid. Some of them are charging twenty pounds just for a bag. :o.

All the best with Fog in Channell, and it’s on my shelf.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

It's a mighty hard life you portray in this and a fine job doing it, too.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway.

Oh I liked your character, Sarah, from the start - she is just dripping with disdain for everything - and she has something to say also. Right from the off she is saying what most of us think, and never dare express out loud. I felt though at times, the narrative got just a little too wordy, and it was when you kept the sentence structure, short - sharp - that the impact of your words got better.
I always feel I would have to spend lots more time to give Fog In Time more justice, and it is virtually impossible to do it, but I enjoyed the opening two chapters of what I'm sure is an interesting read.
I'm sorry I can't spend more time - give a more detailed comment - but I wish Fog In Channel well Claudia.
James.

I love the content of the pitch. Furthermore, this is well written, very easy to read and certainly kept me fully absorbed. Backed with pleasure.
BADD

Hi, Claudia -

I have to admit this is not really a genre I usually follow.

That said, I found myself completely immersed in the first few chapters.

Love your dialog and attention to details.

Backed, happily.

Good luck here, and I would love it if you could share your thoughts on my book.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

This is an impressive submission which is professionally presented and flows beautifully. We all recognise part of ourselves in this. You are obviously very observant in day to day living and you have used this talent to great effect. This is a hard to put down book & should do well. Backed with pleasure - Paula - How Mean is My Valley?

Your pitch tells us that this is a novel which will explore the depths of its main characters, and from the first line we see this happening. Sarah reveals herself through her actions and reactions. Her experience at the airport on her way to Ireland shows not only us, but Sarah herself, a woman who has allowed herself to become hard and demanding, opposing every form of authority; convinced that she is right, but only hurting the people around her. Her thoughts about death are beautifully described. 'We cannot go pecking around forever without a care for the fox,' is an amazing image. Sarah's relationship with Harry is told with exquisite detail, and her first sight of the cottage, the night he asked her to marry him, is a perfect vignette of a special moment in a special place, followed by the funny story of him being breathalysed on his way home, and having to return to her house. You use the birds, magpies and kestrels, and the hens, to show us truths about Sarah herself, and about life. The ending of your second chapter is particularly apposite. 'For nearly four years now I too had stood and stared...My eye is reptilian, I have learned not to blink. My beak has been honed to a sharpness that is cruel and pitiless. I would have a reckoning.' Sarah, as she warns us earlier, can't be reborn without another death. The flavour of revenge is all around. This is a magnificent book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

A powerful and emotional read, exceptionally strong in description, and without irritating flaws of grammar or spelling. Backed.

Fog in Channel by Claudia Samouilhan

The narration at the beginning hooked me and caused a heavy sigh to escape my lips - poignant and timely, given the aging boomer population and the fear of nature‘s impact on our fading youth. Menopause - it’s unpredictable phase captured in the airport scene. Without dialogue the first two chapters flow with a gentle brook on a spring day, as the main character creates an intimate atmosphere.

The poem, however, squished that tranquility like a gully washer, IMHO. This lyrical prose is disrupted by a woman making a man nothing more than a sexual conquest. It didn’t ring true with her voice. Perhaps a little more about his finer qualities beyond the bedroom first, then the sexual imagery.

Fortunately, tranquility returns and reading continues. One para threw me, when it talks about bees that came with a fallen ash. Then, the sudden transition to Anne. From 2007 to 1946, from one MC to another is confusing. Did I miss the flow or direction? If I hadn’t read the pitch, this would have left me in a lurch. Otherwise, a pleasure to read with a protagonist that speaks to the soul of many middle-aged women.

Again, the prose are the strength of this piece. The narrative format, while spared dialogue and action, compliments your writing style. The story moves forward without becoming bogged down by too much self analysis or internal chatter. The scenery is exquisitely detailed, something lacking in most of today’s action-packed writing.

Make the most of this wonderful Authonomy experience ~ Toby

This is the third attempt I have made to make a comment on this MS. My sympathy goes out to the technical staff on this site who must be writhing in embarrassment at the desultory standard of their performance.

Fog in Channel is written with flair, is erudite, well modulated and full of apt metaphors and stylistic prose; knees losing steel, long mental bungee jumps and panic freezing bellies. There are passages of pure tragedy that are moving without being overly morose. A totally satisfying read. Backed. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

This is a part of the country that I know well and you caprure the sights, sounds and smells of this wonderful part of the world. Your writing is lyrical, well paced and contains rich descriptions. you captured me in your pitch and your prose certainly kept my attention. I am more than happy to back this book all the way.
Carl
The Time hunters

Fog in the Channel

This one is a very welcome turn up for the books. I sense a lot of the author in the style of writing. I think this is a very intelligent book that causes a deal of introspection. This is well paced and a real joy to read. – Very impressed and thank you, this has made my day!!

I backed this book initially without commenting, perhaps I felt inadequate to the task? The author takes us on a journey which almost by force leads us to question ourselves, our own place in the rightness of things.

Sara is at once the angry voice of a generation once adored for it's anger, then systematically dismantled and accused as a result of that same emotion.
I am of that generation. This book hits that chord of 'Ah, yes.' that occasionally rises to the surface...sweet memory of the times, the music...and the signs that said 'Keep off the grass. "

A painful, philosophical and often sadly funny write, beautifully crafted.

I backed it for all those reasons, yet primarily because it touched me, deeply.
Suzannah Burke