Firewall

I quickly recalled just how bloody entertaining and amusing this is, reminding me of many a happy hour spent in WoW in the company of swarthy strong men and lithe beautiful women who were, more often than not, spotty thirteen-year-old boys, 'u r turning me on. lol.' (I think you may have a full stop or two too many there). Raine is an example of Second Life in reality. 'One of those songs I wanted to listen to again from the beginning long before it ended', I'm sure I must have mentioned that the first time around. BTW Is there any reason why some of the text 'dialogue' in Second Life has speech marks, and some hasn't?

The switches from the profound to the mundane and back are dizzying, 'as impersonal and all-encompassing as the sky at night', to, 'Old Trafford on a Champions League night' (not saying which is which). 'I could feel a computerised affection begin to grow between the two tiny heartless bloodless female figures on my screen', nice, plus I like it I'm not the only one to miss out commas when they really aren't needed. 'I began to look down on all the avatars who weren't VIPs', LOL. Then the contrast with his father's imminent death, so clearly expressed that we have no option but to experience it for ourselves, 'such relentless pleading intensity'.

Freddie, thank you for giving me the opportunity to read this again. I enjoyed and admired it even more the second time. The range of emotions explored here is staggering, from belly laughs to desolation, and the language is that of a past master. It will be published, just a matter of when.

I found Firewall a very intriguing read. The first line had me hooked straight away! Brilliant opener. Some of it went over my head but it didn't spoil my overall enjoyment of the structure of the story. Your characterisation is very good and your writing style is easy to read so it is a compliment to you that it is still understandable to someone like me who doesn't know much about this Avatar world. I agree with one of the previous comments where it can be risky to write something that is so 'modern' but you have pulled it off very well so it's not a big risk. Well done and six stars. If you want to check out my novel Pain you are very welcome.

Kim (Pain)

Sorry to see this has a red arrow. Great book.

Favourite line - "The bus was stuck in traffic. It was shuddering like a fat animal that’s just been shot by a tranquilliser dart." Ha ha.

Hi. This is not my kind of thing, but I think the writing's FAB. Really excellent tight, clever, amusing narrative. I particularly like the girls' hair arranged in '...post-coital disarray.' Five stars!
Please take a look at 'Jelly-Boy'; I'd be very grateful.

A great concept but I think agents might be a little daunted by it. The setting you create are authentic and well defined, the pace is very good and there is clear strong voice. Excellent work. I think I backed it before, but what the hell, I'll do it again anyway. All the best, Freddie.

Jack H

Really interesting concept for a novel.
We got involved with Second Life at work (digital marketing) a few years back and one of the guys said he ended up having a long conversation with a flying toilet brush.
My only concern with a book based on it would be the timing. I fear Second Life, WoW and similar are becoming out-dated and as such, so would a novel about it. Digital media and entertainment moves so quickly, getting a novel written and published while something is in fashion is always going to be difficult.

All that aside, the writing's good and the flow keeps things moving at a comfortable pace.

Good luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hello Freddie,

Came to have a quick scan of your book cos RossClark is always banging on about it (and he usually knows his eggs from his onions) and ended up reading the whole thing. I don't really have any criticism to make other than that its too good.

I felt the same pangs of jealousy I experienced whe I read afe Smiths "Dawn Rising" recently. Just like her, youre able to create not one, but two fully realised worlds - whilst I'm still tearing the gossamer as I attempt to render one completely.

What really shines in your book is the terrible, desperate honesty about male sexuality. And the humour:

"Robert Style's looks like he's been fumigated."

Like the narrator, I have no idea what that means either - but I think it may well be one of the funniest sequences of words I've ever seen.

I don't have anthing else to say on the matter, really, certainly nothing negative or even remotely constructive. Except that Chapter 3 went on a bit, but other than that I think it's excellent and I'm backing it. You bastard.

Dave

Firewall

I've read quite a bit of this now, interesting stuff.

You have a killer opening line, disorientating and intriguing in equal measure, we're sucked straight into the story. You play the disorientation card well and reveal things at a pace that enables us to enjoy the kooky camera angle without being lost. Zany, 21st century and not like very much I've read before. You do well on the shocking, camera-at-a-strange-angle bit that entices us in, Second Life is a very interesting place to spend some of a novel, although what is done there as well as seedy and escapist, seems quite run-of-the-mill. The dinner round the table is quite mundane, perhaps that is the point, to show how gaudy, colourful and engaging Second Life is compared with the First one.

You have some lovely turns of phrase and good comic timing, the line about him being the Big Brother contestant to be evicted first was a particular favourite. Your characters are dystopia, amoral, difficult to like. Your writing style is kooky and compelling, but at present just too disparate I think to hold things together. Chapter Two contains again some lovely descriptions, the bus as a just tranquilised beast is particularly stand-out as is the notion of the commuters as different species briefly inhabiting the same environment. You have a lovely observation eye and a great way of transforming those observers with just enough detail to evoke a response in the readers mind that engages us, painting strong pictures in our heads.

But back to my point about disparateness, be there such a quality. At present your kooky, crazy narrative feels like its need tightening, not necessarily to remove any of its kookiness - that's great - but to order the storying in a way that the information we need arrives when we need it. Your discursive style is not something you should hide away under a bush, but it does demand behind the scenes a discipline in terms of narrative delivery. Amongst the gorgeous asides and the tangential drift of the plot, I think you need some narrative anchors in each chapter to ensure we are clear, like signposts along the way.

I get he is unhappy. I get he is looking for something, not just Violet or revenge or resolution, but hope too. Your story has a wonderful existential undertow to it rolling away behind the words. His hedonistic, nihilistic, self-destructive personality is revealed through your chaotic approach to storying. It works when we're inside his head. It is also a moral tale, a warning. But at present I need some simple ideas embedded in my psyche as the reader, you do this well in the pitch, but it doesn't convert to the narrative proper as yet. I wonder if we it might be interesting to miss out the dinner party bit completely and go straight to the bus ride and the titilating glimpse of Violet (or not). You might argue that the dinner party embeds him in the now, shows the flow of the river of life on from the relationship, but I wonder if you can conjure, through the running condensation on the windows of the London bus some reflective stuff where he takes us by the hand into his Past Life (with Violet). He is such a strong narrative voice and it is after all his personality and its break-down, its virtualisation, that is the focus of the book. I wanted more of him in the narrative, more claustrophobia. He sells the story, he is the story, we should spend all of our time with him, even when he is being a her!

Of course, it is very impertinent of me, I've only read a bit and all those bit players are probably very important to. I suppose, very unclearly, all I am saying is he is a great character, there is a great modern, post-modern actually, premise running here and the more time we spend only in his head the more it piles on the sense of obsession, claustrophobia and delusion you're after, it'll sharpen some of those narrative elements too.

Perhaps some of that was useful, but equally perhaps not, what I'm clear on is that you write very well and I will be supporting you within a week or so with a thread in the forum.

Best wishes and good luck, clever, experimental stuff.
Andrew W
(Benevolence)

I stumbled across this book by accident and got hooked in. I love how the whole SL aspect is explained but not in so much detail that it becomes boring. It feels obvious what's going on, but at the same time there's enough mystery to keep things interesting.

The descriptions of people especially are great, and I like how the action is both obviously online but also given personality and interaction. I think the only thing I didn't enjoy about this so far was the interlude regarding the death of Mark's father. I just didn't care much - I was far more interested in returning to Mark's journey to find Violet, and although I wouldn't presume to tell you what's important in your own book, I do get the feeling that you could easily cut out most of that section and stick to the real story without it taking anything away from the book.

It was my honest intent not to rate or back anyone until I had my own 10,000 words up, but your book feels like something I could have picked up in Waterstones and bought, so you're going to be the first person on my shelf.

This is so, so clean and so, so good. I can hardly say much else.
I've played online games extensively, so maybe I get it in a way that someone who hasn't played them wouldn't... but I doubt it. I suspect anyone could understand this, once they got a bit knitted in with the idea. You move from the second life to the first one and back smoothly, like whipped butter over toast.
I am just aching to read more of this.

Terrific stuff. Backed.

I deferred returning just so I would have the time to really savour this next chapter and I'm glad I did. Through some very clever dialogue and narrative structure this novel plays on our own voyeuristic tendencies while we oberve the main character's troubling desire to hunt down his old girlfriend who know longer has a memory. Does he have a second chance now that she can't remember why she broke up with him? This is a man who has the "firewall" the risk averse gene that won't alow him to fully participate in life. It stands to reason that that a virtual avatar would be the only way he could ever approach his old girlfriend, and he is so risk averse he must do so as a female avatar. In this chapter we the reader enter the virtual world with him and though we are constantly and cleverly reminded that Bysshe is just an avatar ("I turned her body around") we can't help but feel and interact with the action. Like a reader who escapes into fiction as we are doing here, the main character becomes Bysshe and goes off on his quest. For really what is this but an old quest novel in which the hero hopefully will be changed for the better by the obstacles he encounters? But despite all of this there are some lovely sinister undertones that, like good sci fi, show us what might be, and what is really already here and troublesome. These ethics, these morals and values that are blasted constantly by the eye blinkingly rapid changing world we live in.

There is so much to like about this novel, it is well polished and structurally interesting and complicated in a confident manner with characters that are firmly grounded :). In such a well written narrative I found only two little nitty type sentences that I wouldn't ordinarily mention but in such high quality writing they do come across a little awkwardly. One is in the sentence before you write "It was a childhood feeling that was being restored to me. "That of..." You have that in the one before and then begin "That of" in the next sentence. I would suggest you just make them one sentence with a semi colon and drop the "that of" that begins the second part. The other sentence is "I could feel the strain in her neck of her determination not to cast..."

Just wanted to get these comments down and I will hopefully return to this and finish it off some time. Highly starred. Kristin

I think it was Ross' shelf that I saw this first. As usual he gets to the good ones and I see to come along later. Yes it must be Ross because this is a high quality novel that explores the theme of obsession. Just based on the first chapter (I'll be back for more tomorrow) the narrator has already persuaded me that his obssession is justified. With deft use of dialogue and a few well chosen words of description it is more what the narrator doesn't say that so cleverly persuades the reader that Violet is a woman worth pursuing by any means possible. From the opening passage the reader understands that this is not going to be the usual kind of persuit, but one that will take him into areas where morals and ethics are still very grey and so the reader is not absolutely certain how to judge such approaches and what the dangers, if there are any, might be. There is just enough in the first scene to suggest it, but we the reader aren't sure. But there is certainly enough to make us read on. Kristin

Hi Freddie,

Ross Clark recommended this book to me and I am very glad to have read some. I'm writing this review based on the first three chapters.

I thought this was excellent for the most part. A really fresh and novel idea and one that you articulated very well. It was a very romantic idea and I really liked that. I think it stands you in excellent stead and offers a very intriguing story that I'm sure a lot of people, including myself, could relate to.

I thought the divide and then closeness between the virtual and real worlds was very well illustrated and conveyed throughout the novel. The language used was intelligent and very precise throughout. I cannot fault you on any aspect. The structure of the story was very well managed and how you conveyed the characters in it from how Mark uses computer language like "firewall" to convey his feelings; Violent's "unrelenting intimacy with life" (this bit describing Violet was very well brought into the story); how Mark consigns things to the past to become intimate with it was particularly good. They were all very artful and subtle and really made the story a cut above a lot of other work on this site.

While I think this was excellent and above the standard of most people on here, I do have a couple of quibbles in that for a time in chapter two I was sorely tempted to just skip towards the end as we were becoming bogged down in detail of the Second Life which I felt was not conveying any important, necessary or particularly interesting information to me. My interest returned when the search was being undertaken and that girl was recruited. Then I actually did skip several paragraphs in the third chapter after Mark had texted Violet, because it was too broken, I knew what was going to happen and it just seemed repetitive from everything already. I think the whole meaning of this (his dependence on Violet and long lasting feelings for her) became lost as you continued to focus on the dying father and moved away from Violet. I didn't feel at odds in rejoining the story when the emphasis had returned to Violet. I really do think you should alter the story to maintain the focus on Violet after the text, because we know the grim end, we know the feelings - but we don't know the Violet thing and what happens there.

That was the major problem I had which did give a negative impact to the novel for me. The only other problem I had was in the beginning of chapter two where ONLY there did I find it hard to discern when you were talking about the real world and Second Life. That moment was at its worst when you describe the girl at the bar stool and then the next paragraph is him leaning back in his chair. I was thinking as I went through that the novel would look a lot more friendly and interesting if you used a different font when dealing with the cyber world and then the regular one for the real world - but then it isn't entirely necessary either, but would possibly make for easier reading.

Some very minor things are that the conversation after "own private drain" was immediately clear who was speaking to who. "french windows" is a type, I think - French. "Was I by spying on her" I found to be very awkward.

Otherwise this was an excellent novel and I think that message may have been lost when I was describing the problems I found. They weren't major issues, but perhaps ones you should consider. But then this is only my opinion and I am most likely in the minority. But I felt I should be honest in my delivery and let you know the problems I had as well as how much I enjoyed it.

Any complaints or questions, do feel free to message me.

Joe

Assured. I was impressed with the writing. "A formal composition of sharp edges, rinsed acrylic colours, and thin vinyl outlines." I don't care that I cannot quite imagine it, but the sound of it is clean, without repetition, and it has a perfect length and rhythm. An original story as well! There is something a little bit 'now' about this that could give it a real chance with publishers. I am sure you are pushing hard in that direction. You may get to where you're headed quicker by that route.
Excellent work.
Norton

Your writing is brilliant. When I read into the second chapter I started to feel any grievances I have with this are purely because the setting of the story is not for me. I like your plot, and the way you got us into the head of the main character is chapter 1 is purely down to brilliant writing and emphatic description of everyday emotions. Unfortunately, for my taste, the stuff that takes place inside Second Life comes off as overly grandiose in comparison...but I'm willing to guess that's the intended effect. In any case, I only felt to comment because I like the writing style and best of luck with it.

WL'd for future read and comment.

A very interesting concept. I read the premise and loved it and hence backed it. Will take more time to read and come back with comments!!!

Rajinish Gupta

Lively, topical, funny and extremely well written.

backed on Orlando's recommendation *bows*

Backed on my dear friend, Orlando's say so. Will read more anon.

i've had your book on my watchlist for awhile but i kept looking past it because of the cover. i get it; it's an avatar. but it seems somewhat... cheesy? the pitch drew me in and there's nothing cheesy about the writing. this is a polished first chapter. i noticed some missing commas (2 in the first 3 lines), but that was it.

i enjoyed the opening and how it highlights how unusual these internet 'realities' are.

i liked the way you build the tension at the dinner table. you've created a relatable scene by making the girlfriend have this weird need to embarrass herself via her boyfriend with this sort of overshare. i know this woman. it's more believable because it is distinct and slightly unusual, but real.

the opening refers to katie as 'my partner', which led me to assume the mc is a lesbian. i don't know your mc's gender until she refers to him as mark.

i caution you about song lyrics because i hear it can be a nightmare to get publishing rights.

my favorite part was his musings on contentment. the half-gone cigarette. i know this guy! i think i dated him... this is a genius glimpse into his head. it helps us as the story goes on to have this insight on how he ticks.

there's a great balance between external and internal, nice vivid physical description. it moves along quickly and i'm interested to read on.

great job.

Wow now this caught my eye, just the idea that there are worlds out there that have been created and that we can enter through our PC's and live in is in itself a scarey propersition. I do remember seeing an episode of CSI NY dealing with a death in second life virtual worlds but as long as you steer away from that then you should be cool

The writing is really quite effortless which makes it more of a page turner for a reader like me.

Well done

Freddie,
Firewall has an intriguing plot due to its originality. It's so modern-day to someone who reads historicals which precede the Internet. This story sheds light on how the Internet has changed the world and affected people's relationships with others. Mark's pursuit of Violet in virtual reality could not have been possible some decades ago which makes Firewall a very unusual account and creates an interesting story I could not have imagined before the first time I went on the Internet.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Excellent stuff.

Excellent stuff.

Hi Freddie

Thanks first of all for backing Marking Time. I've returned your backing and have now had time to read a couple of chapters of Firewall. The first thing I noticed was your flair for imagery. The comment that the Taliban fighters face was the sort that your character would want to have painted in oils, was very vivid. I can imagine the deeply lined face and the piercing eyes looking reprovingly from the notice board.

Having read Chapters 1 and 2 I would have to say I am not sure when the character is in Second Life or the real world, though suspect that this is a deliberate device to merge the worlds together. The words "A firewall comes up in me when anything unheralded threatens to enter my system. I say no to most things in life." gives a clear sign that for once he is not saying no and will pursue Violet into Second Life.

A great piece of writing!

Good luck
Crispy

His beady magnified eyes? I give up...

Different. Fresh. Unique. Funny. Am I missing something in life? This amazing novel tells me I must be.

I love the writing. The flexible style suits the various characters, and the dialogue is fab. Fantastic pace.

Most entertaining. Backed with pleasure.

I saw Orlando Furioso's reviews and had a read which I enjoyed and so am backing you. Good luck.

Compelling premise. Most interesting comparisons. Great dialog and observations. I am curious to see how it all ends.
All in all, best marks for you and top star rating. Very best wishes,
M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

BACKED on Orlando Furioso's recommendation. i agree with his comments. Good luck!

Only too scarily possible. I read the lot and wanted more. Poor MC, I fear for his outcome, in this world, I mean. You write dialogue very well - I could immediately visualise the opening interchanges. You also get the tensions and sadnesses in the failing real relationship very well not that Katie impresses as much of a loss. Get on with this, if you haven't already. I think it's really good and it's going on my shelf when there's a space. Brill. Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

Firewall is an interesting take on modern society where virtual things have value. In a way, I am reminded of the Second Life version of The Great Gatsby. Author Freddie Harte describes both the real and virtual worlds perfectly and pushes his novel’s hook from concept to a full-blown story. The book has a surface plot that is very nice, but also subtly asks questions about reality and the values of our modern world. I hope that Harte will continue this amusing tale. I think it could find a nice audience with the right marketing to people who would identify quite well with the story.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Hi Freddie,
Six months ago I wold not be writing an appreciation about your book - oh no I woud have discarded your book and would have looked for something else. I'm delighted that did not happen and as a result I have read a couple of chapters and look forward to reading the remainder when completed. Great writing and a brilliant storyline. Good luck for the future. Perhaps you could spare a few minutes to read a couple of chapters of my book The Contractor.

Frank James (The Contractor)

hi freddie -- you have a succinct sharp writing style which is strong and confident. have WL "Firewall" k x

Freddie,
I'm not sure how committed you are to Firewall but it's a great idea and could be a good novel.
I'm going to make comments about the first chapter as they seem to pertain to the rest of the work posted here.
You open with a great first sentence but undo some of that good work with repetition (3 hers and 3 hads in the first two lines feels awkward).
In the second paragraph you launch into some nice scene setting but again phrases like ‘as if there were only one mutually agreed upon way’ feels at odds with the rest of the writing which is slick and too the point.
In this opening Bysshe is almost too enigmatic and lines like ‘In that case you are not Violet’ run the risk of alienating the reader by unnecessarily confusing them.
There’s plenty of good stuff here – the text speak really works, the conformity, the neediness of the other avatars - but all of that enjoyment bumps up against an awkward phrase like ‘coercing me to collapse into an unruly emotion’.
As I say I like the idea and hope to come back and see how you work at it.
Best wishes and good luck with your writing.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

I considered looking at second life once, but it's not appealing to me on here. Everyone looking like blow up sex dolls and running around doing little but try to bang each other! Still, that's not relevant to your book. Its an interesting idea, and I was drawn in fairly quickly. It's very topical and goes into many issues that I doubt were much in discussion twenty years ago - avatars and what sex you choose to be in a virtual life. Falling in love with someone you can't see and don't really know who may turn out to not even be the sex you think... all fascinating. Enjoyed this, starring it while I read on (two chapters to go.)
Cariad
STONES

Freddie -

Firewall - Autsch, Katie likes to bite ... 'Are you short term or long term do you think?' ... The virtual constantly interacts with the physical, much of it in the unconscious realm. Second Life offers a free play of the imagination, and interactions with psychological results as real as anything ... The gaze of all avatars is strangely intent ... Our myths are definetely tranfered and extended to electronic screens.
Mark likes the oracular ... I couldn't think of anything to say. I opened a book of poetry on my desk and typed in the first lines my eyes alighted upon ... Compelling and elegantly written. Came back after I found Firewall mentioned on the forum to refresh my comment and rate the book highly. Pia

Backed Firewall. Very timely. Creating a virtual self that can be all a real person can not. Have friends who would rather spend time in their made up virtual fantasy world online than deal with reality.
CC Brown

Quality writing, fascinating and multi-faceted. Great premise, the blurring of the virtual and the real, a whole debate in itself; look no further. I love your use of language, 'Katie was in bed. I was waiting for the withdrawal of the wand of light beneath the bedroom door before logging on to Second Life. This thin band of light had become the emblem of our discontent with each other. Had become, it also seemed to me, all that was left of our relationship.'

Your observations on relationships and human interaction are so accurate they are almost eery; there were passages when I thought you had sneaked into my head. 'Everyone tells lies. First of all you tell them to yourself and then you tell them to everyone else. That’s what the past becomes – a kind of flower bed in which you’re uprooting and replanting all the time.” Then more generally 'She sought intimacy everywhere except within herself.' 'Karen was one of those girls who can’t help miming sexual arousal even when bleaching a sink or counting out coins in a shop. She didn’t listen to men; she watched them, for signs of arousal.' And your descriptions are at times most moving, haunting, the whole of Chapter 3, I agree with Orlando, is brilliant, a masterpiece 'It was clear to me he knew he was looking at my mother for the last time. I have never seen anyone look at someone with such relentless pleading intensity. It was as if he wanted my mother’s soul, wanted it to keep him company, give him courage in wherever it was he was soon to find himself... 'to the end of the paragraph and 'I stood with my hands on my head as the birds tapered into a long undulating line which gently vanished behind the surface of things. The same thing had happened to my father - he had vanished behind the surface of things.' My God you know people.

A grand piece of work and a privilege to read.

This is so slick - and warm, witty and perceptive. I've only read ch1 and it was flawless. Seriously well done!

Ch3
Here are the passages I found esp strong in this Ch...
-- tennis together two months ago
-- fast-forwarded through his cancer
-- blank screen reflecting him back to himself
-- a sad apologetic smile
-- words lbts of fluff clinging to the rug
-- loveable silly goose
-- sing along voices at a childrens tea party (the bastards! I hope never to hear that. I felt anger at that passage)
-- relentless pleading intensity
......... the quality intensified as the emotion mounted and the sudden appearance of this phrase after the drugs jargon was supurb ... -- To my knowledge my father had never read Shakespeare
.......... this passage was the best for me as the clarity of the observation is crystal clear because the situation has attuned all your senses -- The formal calmness of her voice when she said hello shocked me. It proved there was something fundamentally awry in the way human beings present themselves for inspection.
-- the fox, the mask, the skinny dog called Mills
.............. the sum of these individually great dabs is a brilliant piece of modern literature ... I don't know how the rest of the story will shape up yet, but I aim to find out ... and even if the heights reached in this passage are not repeated I will still be nourished for having read this at least. More in the next few days.

Ron Askew

Ch 3.
My, my, what a surprise this chapter became. Respect! There is some brilliant, beautiful and exceptionally moving writing here. We flip from 2nd life to the intensity of 1st life. The blow job at the start seems to capture life's greed for life. I made notes about how much I liked the flower bed point and the wit of Lord B. But then you ambushed me with the acutely observed and detailed description of the father's death. I will not detail the bits that stood out for me here because I don't want to distract from how moved I was by this Ch. I started thinking about my two sons and about my own mortality...and my own parents' deaths. Well done. You captured me, let me along nicely, and moved me strongly with this Ch. This strongly 1st life based chapter anchors the rest of the story with its sheer quality. I'm in. Will definitely be reading more.
Ron

Ch 3
I've not read you for a day or two so I'd lost the thread. I am still not sure which life we are in at the start of this chapter, but who cares? The first few graphs nailed my eyes to the screen. If this is a sign of good writing then this is good writing. Let's put it this way, if I was wavering for any reason as a reader this little thrilly bit wld have me up for it again. I will now read on.

Truly fascinating and original. Best of luck with this! Regards, jedward (Knut)

I've done quite a bit of reading today of about five stories all of which I am into. Yours has had me reading like a savage, with strong emotional swirls. Firstly I am learning from you. I am also indulging oddly strong antagonisms to SL for reasons I am not sure about. Age? God knows what. And flights of fantasy some not so good. I can imagine being some kind of on-the-loose destructive force wrecking havoc and death all around. And being a sort of tyrant figure able to get away with everything. This of course is monstrous. But then SL is a sort of free for all collective psychology. There is insanity as well as inanity in it, danger as well as delight. I had no idea at the start of Ch 2 whether your voice was in 1st or 2nd life...but it didn't matter. What the hell is the difference anyway? And maybe that is the story in some ways, the blurring. Life 1st and 2nd becomes faction. I enjoyed snorting at the cretives trying to be creative and was really taken with graph 2 as have felt like that about borrowing images to put on poems on Writerscafe.org. We all make fast and free it seems. The moral hazards are legiion. This line 'Everything either advertises sex or safety from har, immunity from violence.' had me thinking or violence too, some want that. And then doing angarms of 'violence' (close to violet) which makes 'nice love'. And there is an argument for not playing the game and ever leaving the blocks, but that is another story. 'She stood by the window playing with her long dark hair' ... howl! This reader leave the blocks at the speed of a Bolt. Incidentally, wondered if 1st life is becoming secondary to SL. In some obsessives heads phps it is already so, with SL the more fulfilling place. Also the notion occurs of SL avatars actually freezing as their 1st life servers literally die. There must be quiet a few like that already. The phrase '...my own self-esteem was at stake...' captures so much of what we invest in our online doings. Like this place. I am doing it now. The shots of tequila prose got the pulse going a bit as I felt I was in SL 'Wort Parabola: suck my cock n keep your mouth shut man boobs'. The licence to say whatever one feels like saying is a dubious freedom. Life without inhibitions is not all a blessing if we go to far. Also some people may not have the mental robustness to cope with it. The banality of the discourse is maybe what puts me off SL. People have freedom to swear? be crude? Is that it? Suck my cock? Surely there must be more. Really liked '...eyes the colour of frozen spinnach...' very stong that. The increasing focus on Violent sorry Violet reminded me of someone I know who was on 2nd life having all kinds of affairs while her marriage was collapsing around her ears. She tried to get me into reading poetry on SL, but fuck it i never go tinto it. Really like '...the two tiny heartless bloodless female figures on my screen...' and '...it was a bewitching pantomime...' By the time I got to '...I was not stalking Violet...' I was right there by your shoulder stalkign the stalker. Yeah, that line 'Now she can't sleep and spends allnight in SL' captures my -- now divorced -- friend perfectly. SL is, for some, a dangerous distraction...for others a yawn, for the other reviewer with the brick phone, a mystery never to be understood, for the rest of us a reality in that it is as much a part of how we are now as a the pint of London Pride I am fantasizing about right now. Will read more.

Ch1.
Apols tardiness. If your name were Ben Elton or Will Self you wld clean up with this as it is bang on a la mode and well written.
That second graph perfectly captures the weird feel of SL. It seems a bit like Singapore or our very own Canary Wharf where I have the misfortune to work. The creators of these dull cultural cu-de-sacs just want us to feel in the zone, sexy, successful and up for it. You nail it with your observation about turbulance. The hands that rock the cradle definitely don't want any turbulance of any kind, emotional, intellectual or physical...they want a world safe for their narrow concept of success, which is material and sexual and everyone is 25-35 and beautiful. How fitting that you mention shopping mall early on as that is central to the banality of it all. And I love the way the stars don't wink. (and there is a cunning little buried rhyme with blink there, too). You are bang on with the effing flatness and fakeness of the flesh-fresh-faced constuct known as SL. O to be an iconoclast and contaminate the place with some virus that eats into the eyes of all who gaze upon the place. O to be a little monster from a Heironymous Bosche (sp?) vision of hell. O to be a tidal wave of thundering Miltonic rhyme to swirl through the place displacing 'How about a blowjob?' and 'I've got a big dick.' O to be an old, fat, poor, failure farting and belching my way through the identicality of SL. O to pewk over Byshhe!
If a measure of good writing is that it evokes a response in the reader then you are scoring 10, 10, 10, 10 from me, sir. I've not read enough yet to know if you intended your story as a satirical poke in the eye of the intellectual banality behind the globalised-mean-average-cool (gmac) brand but I reckon you have nailed it. Will read more.

Freddie : As someone whose greatest computer triumph is to cope with authonomy and whose mobile phone is an ancient Nokia that does not take photos or offer game play (and is, in fact seldom switched on), I cannot really enter into the world described in this book.
But I am still capable of recognising that it has a place for those born after World War 2 and seems to be a well-written and amusing example of the genre.
So I am backing it with little expectation that you will find anything reciprocal in "I, Said the Rook", which by this reckoning should be categorised "ancient history"!
Best of luck, Leslie Rocker

With the publicity recently generated by gamers getting married after meeting online this is really topical and relevant. Young adults would read this where they would perhaps never reach for any other type of book. For thoes who don't game it presents some welcome insights. Very well written in a subject you have made your own. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)