The Brooch of Defnas Burh

Your dramatic beginning is marred by the tense you have chosen to use. Would have and might have are too tentative. The scene would be much stronger if you changed to the more definite past tense throughout:

A solitary hunter saw -- not would have seen -- an unnatural reddish-orange glow...

The relationship between Isaac and his father has not been clarified. His father drinks -- too much. I assume that's why he ends up in an asylum, although a vacant look in his eye is also mentioned...this could be clarified.
There is no love lost between father and mother...and no particular bond is shown between father and son. This needs to be developed if we are to be touched by the sad bewilderment on the father's face when he is prevented from saying goodbye to his son.

Nevertheless, there are the makings of a good novel here. How is it progressing? Nearly done?

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From the Beginning)

Vincent, You have a wonderful colloquial story-telling style that works exceptionally well here. The premise is very original and the main character is both endearing and compelling. Well done. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

Vincent, your first two chapters are a smooth read. Your first-person, narrative voice is impressive.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Bloomin' heck this is one of the best reads on this site, it has to be!!

Very polished writing, beautifully descriptive. The characters leap off the screen/page. Combined with staggering obvious research.

Joyfully backed

Melxx

This is so well written - vivid descriptive prose and polished narrative. It is evident early on in this story that you have spent time, energy, research and passion into this book. BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Liz - thanks so much for your comment and backing - I promise to read The Cheech Room and return the favour. Nick (The Brooch of Defnas Burh)

What a superb introduction - your first chapters hooked me completely and I found myself reading more than I intended to. It is very well written, and no doubt very well researched. Backed!
Richard Whittle
Playpits Park

Thanks for your crit Richard - much appreciated. I'll return the favour once I've found the time to read Playpits Park
Regards
Nick
The Brooch of Defnas Burh

This, as someone below says, a well-drafted piece of work; it sets up a story cleverly and pursues it. A good deal of work has been performed! The style is suitably old-fashioned - we might almost be in a story by Harrison Ainsworth or someone like that - but that is not a problem to me, anyway. It does result in a slow pace rather than a gallop, but that's not a problem either. I am going to back it and return to it later and take in more chapters.... DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

Hi Vincent, this is a well-crafted piece of work. You start with what a hunter would have seen, and then carry us along with further images as he emerges as a real character. This is a very effective device. Great hook at the end of chapter one. I like your poetic style. It's very atmospheric.
BACKED!
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

This is so well written - vivid descriptive prose and polished narrative. It is evident early on in this story that you have spent time, energy, research and passion into this book. BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a good story. You must have done a lot of research to be able to write this. It shows through in the way everything seems authentic. I enjoyed the read a lot and feel I learned a lot. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

End the short pitch with the question. The longer pitch can work. Have you thought of ending that with a question mark as well? Being Authonomy's #1 commentator, trust me, spend some time on your pitches; I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

I really enjoy the first scenes in this book. The image-image-image sequence is very good and draws me in immediately. My only caution would be the sentence fragments and run-ons. If you broke up your images into sentences a little more carefully, you could milk just a little extra out of them, I think. That said, well done!

Wow this is so frigging good! Compelling and polished. BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

This has all the makings of an excellent read. The Druid background, then the Tudor village and monastery are all well drawn and riddled with authenticity. Isaac/Gabriel is an engaging character and the perfect person to reveal the tale through. A lovingly-crafted piece of work. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Great pitches and an intriguing premise. Your opening scene paints a vivid picture of this strange event. The visual images are well realised so you can afford to cut back on some of the description.

Backed
Mimi
(Flickers of Mary)