Book Jacket

 

rank 5472
word count 44503
date submitted 01.04.2010
date updated 06.04.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Historic...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Brooch of Defnas Burh

Vincent Ducatel

The Monk's Story reveals the spellbinding truth about our ancestors. Hill forts; earthworks; a time-warping discovery: what are the secrets of Iron-Age Britain?

 

The ancient hill fort, its impressive earthworks buried deep in the forest atop the Tor of Defnas Burh, is a mystery. No-one knows who built it - or why. Most of the villagers are content not to know. Some prefer not to know.
There are no written records: there is no trace of memory, and no folklore. Nothing tangible remains ... until the discovery of The Brooch, that is.
For Brother Gabriel, a Cistercian monk escaping the Dissolution of the Monasteries in 1539, this discovery - his discovery - is the link between his monastic life and that of Cassivelanus, an Iron-Age druid of the Defnas tribe in the first century BC.
This is a story of mystery and revelation; of friendships forged, broken and re-forged across time; of soaring triumph and great tragedy.
It is the story of the temporality of human life itself.

 
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tags

druids, fantasy, hill forts, historical fantasy, history, iron-age, monks

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A chill night, long ago.  A desolate landscape, moon-washed, its copsewood petrified by frost.   From afar, a solitary hunter going about his business would have seen an unnatural reddish-orange glow framing the hills to the North-West.  He might have halted in his quest to wonder at this unfamiliar sight, to muse upon its source, but more likely would have assumed just a trick of the ether, some unexplained afterglow of a forgotten sunset, and continued to follow the invisible trail - the pattern, instilled from childhood and now instinctive, of signs and smells, clues and traces - in pursuit of boar, or deer, or bear.

Nearer now, as the hunter stole his way through the forest cloaking the shallow valley, weaving silently, expertly, through the maze of trees half-seen, half-sensed, his ears attuned to the least rustle of the leaf litter, the tiniest snap of a twig, he might have thrilled to the faint crackle and spit of a distant conflagration.  And as he lifted his eyes skyward, he would have seen the black bulk of the Tor rearing up above the trees, its silhouette obscuring the view of more distant hills, and would then have witnessed the shower of sparks that spewed from its summit, to rise in eccentric spirals until absorbed into the night sky.

The urge to know more, to seek an explanation, would seize his spirit, and as his pace quickened involuntarily, his eyes would defy the discipline of his craft, and instead of straining to spot any minute disturbance of the ground in the faint moonlight filtering through the trees, would remain fixed on the spectacle now displayed, ever closer.

All stealth and caution abandoned, he would soon be in full flight, passing soundlessly through the confusion of trees with the confidence of intimate knowledge, but with no regard for the quest which so recently absorbed his concentration and stretched every sinew.

Emerging from the forest, nearing the base of the Tor, he would hear for the first time the clamour of a multitude, steadily swelling in volume, at first chaotic and discordant, then gradually coalescing into an ordered chant: rhythmical, insistent, compelling.  By now, the chase forgotten, he would be gripped by an insatiable curiosity.  Climbing steadily, breaching hedges, skirting copses, he would come at last to the summit, where he would encounter the mighty outer rampart of the hill fort.  Now the roar of the inferno within and the tumult of incantation would not only assault his ears, but would seem to take possession of his very soul, with an urgency which demanded his attention.

#

An excited throng of babbling humanity is streaming its way up the hillside.  Insinuating himself, unnoticed, into its midst, he passes through the great gateway, and into the enclosed interior of the encampment, where, as the spectacle unfolds before them, men, women and children alike yield up, as one, a collective gasp.

There are more people than our hunter has ever seen in one place before.  He witnesses scenes of ritual entrancement: whirling bodies - most naked except for the livid blue and white of the dyes which adorn them; massed ranks of chanting druids in enveloping robes of pale cloth; drummers beating hide-covered drums with furious intent; tongues of fire that lash at the unwary, and swathes of dense swirling smoke which engulf them.  By now his head is swimming with the intoxication of the occasion: he begins to feel delirious as the feverish, frenzied carousal ebbs and flows around him.  And then, at last, as he swoons on the verge of dementia, as the pulse of the rite reaches its climax, and the baying  of the crowd rises to a deafening crescendo ...

Silence.

A tall, authoritative figure steps forward: gaunt, white-bearded, austere.  The hunter recognises, from remembered legend, a Great High Druid of the Defnas tribe, his raised arms, with palms turned outwards, the signal to silence the throng.  He is clad in robes of a magnificent golden hue – a colour of fabric unknown to the hunter.  On his head he wears a crown of plaited laurel, and at his left shoulder his cloak is fastened by a spectacular brooch of burnished bronze, its metallic gleam riveting the hunter’s eye. 

There is a tingle of excitement.  The assembled host presses forward, and the air seems to buzz with their collective expectation.  All eyes are fixed on the ceremonial enclosure, where a small party advances from the shadows into the blaze-light, at its head a white-cowled priest, his arms, with fists clenched, outstretched before him, a cloth of purple draped across them.  Immediately behind is a group of three - two more druids flanking the pathetic figure of a boy of no more than fifteen summers.  Sparsely clad in a leather tunic, his shoulders bare, he stands, head downcast, visibly trembling.  His arms are bound behind his back. In the fire’s glow his sweat-beaded skin bears an unnatural copper cast.

The High Druid turns to face the party, his back to the crowd.  Feet jostle and necks strain to gain a better view.  Eyes closed, face raised to the black sky with arms held aloft, he is murmuring some kind of invocation, too quiet to discern, but this produces a reaction from the stilled multitude, a sudden stirring of anticipation, although none dare utter a sound.  Then at length, his communion with the Gods complete, he lowers his arms to receive the proffered object.  The bearer steps aside.  He turns again, and with both hands upon the hilt raises above his head a long, broad blade of iron.  Its lustrous surface, multi-faceted from the blows of the hammer which forged it, flashes orange and gold, reflecting the flames of the blazing pyre, and as he holds it aloft, turning this way and that in provocative display, a savage cry goes up from the horde - a frightful, blood-curdling bellow that implores, cajoles - demands satiation.

 

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WendyB wrote 638 days ago

Your dramatic beginning is marred by the tense you have chosen to use. Would have and might have are too tentative. The scene would be much stronger if you changed to the more definite past tense throughout:

A solitary hunter saw -- not would have seen -- an unnatural reddish-orange glow...

The relationship between Isaac and his father has not been clarified. His father drinks -- too much. I assume that's why he ends up in an asylum, although a vacant look in his eye is also mentioned...this could be clarified.
There is no love lost between father and mother...and no particular bond is shown between father and son. This needs to be developed if we are to be touched by the sad bewilderment on the father's face when he is prevented from saying goodbye to his son.

Nevertheless, there are the makings of a good novel here. How is it progressing? Nearly done?

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From the Beginning)

RichardBard wrote 752 days ago

Vincent, You have a wonderful colloquial story-telling style that works exceptionally well here. The premise is very original and the main character is both endearing and compelling. Well done. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

lionel25 wrote 769 days ago

Vincent, your first two chapters are a smooth read. Your first-person, narrative voice is impressive.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Melcom wrote 776 days ago

Bloomin' heck this is one of the best reads on this site, it has to be!!

Very polished writing, beautifully descriptive. The characters leap off the screen/page. Combined with staggering obvious research.

Joyfully backed

Melxx

vincent wrote 776 days ago

This is so well written - vivid descriptive prose and polished narrative. It is evident early on in this story that you have spent time, energy, research and passion into this book. BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room


Liz - thanks so much for your comment and backing - I promise to read The Cheech Room and return the favour. Nick (The Brooch of Defnas Burh)

vincent wrote 777 days ago

What a superb introduction - your first chapters hooked me completely and I found myself reading more than I intended to. It is very well written, and no doubt very well researched. Backed!
Richard Whittle
Playpits Park


Thanks for your crit Richard - much appreciated. I'll return the favour once I've found the time to read Playpits Park
Regards
Nick
The Brooch of Defnas Burh

david brett wrote 778 days ago

This, as someone below says, a well-drafted piece of work; it sets up a story cleverly and pursues it. A good deal of work has been performed! The style is suitably old-fashioned - we might almost be in a story by Harrison Ainsworth or someone like that - but that is not a problem to me, anyway. It does result in a slow pace rather than a gallop, but that's not a problem either. I am going to back it and return to it later and take in more chapters.... DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

Barry Wenlock wrote 779 days ago

Hi Vincent, this is a well-crafted piece of work. You start with what a hunter would have seen, and then carry us along with further images as he emerges as a real character. This is a very effective device. Great hook at the end of chapter one. I like your poetic style. It's very atmospheric.
BACKED!
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

lizjrnm wrote 780 days ago

This is so well written - vivid descriptive prose and polished narrative. It is evident early on in this story that you have spent time, energy, research and passion into this book. BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Burgio wrote 780 days ago

This is a good story. You must have done a lot of research to be able to write this. It shows through in the way everything seems authentic. I enjoyed the read a lot and feel I learned a lot. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

soutexmex wrote 781 days ago

End the short pitch with the question. The longer pitch can work. Have you thought of ending that with a question mark as well? Being Authonomy's #1 commentator, trust me, spend some time on your pitches; I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Godbout wrote 781 days ago

I really enjoy the first scenes in this book. The image-image-image sequence is very good and draws me in immediately. My only caution would be the sentence fragments and run-ons. If you broke up your images into sentences a little more carefully, you could milk just a little extra out of them, I think. That said, well done!

lizjrnm wrote 782 days ago

Wow this is so frigging good! Compelling and polished. BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

Jim Darcy wrote 783 days ago

This has all the makings of an excellent read. The Druid background, then the Tudor village and monastery are all well drawn and riddled with authenticity. Isaac/Gabriel is an engaging character and the perfect person to reveal the tale through. A lovingly-crafted piece of work. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

plod wrote 783 days ago

Great pitches and an intriguing premise. Your opening scene paints a vivid picture of this strange event. The visual images are well realised so you can afford to cut back on some of the description.

Backed
Mimi
(Flickers of Mary)

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