Why I Hate Straws

Hi Barry!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

You are obviously an accomplished satirist but as a Brit, too many references escaped me. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

It's difficult to decide which aspect of this is most surreal, so I'll just keep reading...

'but I wrong this' - Barry 1 World 0

I build websites too, and 8 facts is a bit of an exaggeration - Barry 1 Me 1 World 0

'Hold your hand over half the screen' - Barry 2 World 0

'You may think I'm a cynic' - Barry 2 World 1

'The French can't spell any better than can Americans' - Barry 2 World 2

Skipping on to Relationships...

Small portions - Britain 1 America 0

Penguins and Barry 3052 World 2

'Tiny little breath soldiers seceded from my chest nation' Barry 3053 World 2

~~~

As a non-American, I even got a fair number of the references ... I think. As such, I reckon you deserve a backing. Barry 3054

WHY I HATE STRAWS,

Dear BP,
I love Straws.
I read it all searching for a "How to Cheat in Scrabble" story, which wasn't there. You started with Chapter 2 in the Table of Contents? Maybe you have gotten too much feedback from Chapter One?

This is great stuff, however I think you could organize it differently.
I want an searchable index of concepts set out alphabetically.
Keep writing.
Terrific writing.
A Zoomer

Not sure what to do with this, but enjoy it!

Lockjaw

Ingenous. Fresh. Hysterical. Wonderful stories. Insightful observations. Razor sharp wit. Sizzling satire. Top notch comedic writing. A highly enjoyable read. Backed.

Amusing. You are really funny. Backed. Lisa

23 September 2010
Why I Hate Straws is acerbic, unforgiving, caustic, satirical. It is also humorous and witty and takes no prisoners. It is no respecter of persons, cults, politics or fads. It cuts no slack for those poor deluded souls afflicted by Blogitis, a severe form of textual dysentery that can be dangerous for those who inadvertently step in it and fatal for those who wallow in it. In fact, it is a brilliant, non PC read. The author has succeeded in the almost impossible task of keeping the level of comedy consistent and of a high quality. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Barry,

Thanks for this. I think that anyone who has the courage or the talent to make others laugh deserves backing. So I will.

I would appreciate if you take a look at God of the Cocoa. If you think it deserves it, please back it. Comments are also appreciated.

Best Wishes
Marilyn

Barry
This had me in fits. Its very cleverly put together I loved your take on facebook I couldn’t agree more. This could become one of those cult reads. Your observations remind me of one my husband often makes when we are at a wedding or a party and people are dancing. He says what would Martians think we were up too if they were looking down on us? Thanks for making me smile.

Amelia Gail – A Date in The Diary – this is a fun read I hope you like it

What a great way to start the day, this book should be given to all people suffering with depression. I was laughing right from the start and that’s pretty obscene at 7.10 in the morning. You seriously have an incredibly brilliant take on life. This is one of the wackiest books I have read on here and I love it.

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you enjoy it

I doubt if this would be appreciated by the folks in London, England...or Paris France for that matter! I suspect few readers indigenous to these parts would get the humour/humor. Neither do I but you don't need our vote to make it to the big desk!
Good luck
Stewart

Dear Barry,
You have a fun compilation of witty observations and political satire. It's cute, deserving of publication.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Ditto

BACKED

You have a satiracle whit which I greatly enjoy. Your smooth flowing writing style and use of the first person narrative voice is perfect for this genre of book. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

this is good writing;= true, current, funny, and on my watchlist...
read SEASONS..

This is so funny and so clever! It will do well here. Even the format is appealing and I bet that is not said very often! Good luck with it. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Hi Barry
This is really funny and very clever. I think anything which takes a step back and observes what a crazy world we live in deserves a big pat on the back. Loved it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is certainly one of the best satire books I have read!

Highly intelligent, very well thought through, and crafted with excellent writing skills.

My highest complements and two thumbs up!

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Hilarious snippets of wisdom and all-too-true observations about our nutty world. I love this book, and the common sense approach to what should be common sense. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Well, these little essays and anecdotes are certainly different from anything else on this site.
Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Really good fun. Backed with pleasure, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

You are like totally fantastic, Barry. :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Barry, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Dear Barry, I love you book - it's the best one yet that I have seen on authonomy. It is so good, I'll read it over & over - the funniest: "half specs" ;) :) :) I laughed & laughed. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Barry,
Couldn't decide which of the two books to back. "Why I Hate Straws" has a slightly edgier side to it. There are some funny bits and some thought provoking ideas as well.
Best,
Christopher
Please take a look at my very light fare Crossing The Line

This is absolutely hysterical and, for the most part, entirely true! I would run out and buy this book!

I wish I had time to read it all, what with my texting, facebooking and American Idol watching schedule has me whipped! Just kidding. I do have to fit work in there somewhere!

This is very happily backed!
Denise

VERY VERY FUNNY--MY KINDA BOOK!!! BACKED ANF LAUGHED!

I went for chapter 7, I found a lot of funny, clever and thought provoking stuff. backed with pleasure
BADD

Your voice is most distinctive and the humor in your writing is infectious.

Backed!

Rodney

Why I Hate Straws:

Barry,

The first chapter is full of little anecdotes from a narrator who, because he doesn't take himself too seriously, is able to turn upside down some of the preconceptions we have which are already banal.
I particularly liked the viewers of Halley's Comet who, in craning their necks have been 'looking down their noses ever since'.
You avoid being 'clever' in satirising; there's nothing superior, judgemental of smug here, just an authour who is massively enjoying himself and the net result is entirely infectious.
The prose is vibrant, punchy and as razor sharp as the wit.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Very, very funny.
I skipped through to some of the later observations and loved the multiple names for mother and son. that has got to be true for every parent and child on the planet.

I favourite this.

The world can never have too much satire. Thanks for the laughs.

Barry

Why I Hate Straws - I grogg this, a window to the alien planet earth. It beats SF.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is a laugh every line. How does one person have so much observational comedy iside his head - was it really written by a dozen or so people. Stick this on TV, but without the canned laughter - they won't need it! Backed with split sides. Colin

A very funny read and very insightful. C W

Your very first comment got a chuckle from me. I will be studying this closely as I need to improve my own humour. Backed with pleasure. x

Hi, This is very funny and you have an eye for seeing the ridiculous in everyday topics. Best fo luck with it.

Since you are already published, I'll just SHELVE this. I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Hilarious, percipient, and so well written it could translate just as it is to stand-up comedy of a very sophisticated kind. Backed. Lynn

This is a funny, funny book. If there's a topic you haven't made fun of here, I can't think what it could be. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is hilarious and brilliant and clever all at the same time. I love the way you write, everything is funny and I like that. To be honest I still use straws if my teeth are playing up and do find them useful but suspect that not everyone does. Brilliant, funny, backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Hi Barry. Well you've just made my tea break the most pleasant experience. this is fantastic. I'm not sure I've read anything like it before. The paragraph about 24 was just hilarious. Saying that, I found much of what I read hilarious. It s also insightful and extremely sharp. Delighted to back. Carl.

Thanks, Dawn & Liz! You're very kind - glad you laughed!

This is my favorite comedy book so far on this sight! I laughed out loud at so many of your musings! EXCELLENT! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

OMG! YOU ARE HYSTERICAL! I so enjoyed what I read of your work, satyrical, social commentary at it's best!
I think your work is really going to shine! I have nothing I could even begin to give in the way of advice. You are already a master.
Best of Luck, truly.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Thanks, Melcom!

This is hilarious dotted with absolutely first class one liners, couldn't possibly note down all the one's I like otherwise this comment would be 10 foot long.

A great view of American Politics.

A lime-sherbert suit wearing human!! Really funny.

I remember not haveing a TV, that dates me!!

Happily shelved

Melxx