Book Jacket

 

rank 5472
word count 10757
date submitted 02.04.2010
date updated 02.04.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Popular ...
classification: adult
incomplete

Vanity

Brandon Tietz

Get thin. Be pretty. Die perfect. "Vanity" is the ultimate highlight reel to everyone's favorite sin.

 

Brandon Tietz, author of "Out of Touch" and Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club, Choke) anthology finalist serves up a disgustingly beautiful dish in twenty-one flavors. Dietary - Miss Miranda Pritchard has tried every diet there is, from cheese cubes to bulimia--and all have failed. But when she gets the invite to wear the crown again at the Royalty Court of the Decade ceremony, Miss Pritchard puts her life on the line to fit into a size zero one last time. Gourmet - At some point this stopped being about food. Gordon R. Straub is finding that out the hard way during his interview with Chef Tairy Livingston of the exclusive Artisan restaurant, a place where flavor is secondary to a pheasant's marital history or the literary upbringing of a chicken. Signs - As chairwoman of the homeowner's association, Kitty Welshire knows better than anyone that appearances are everything, but when her husband, Monty, begins moonlighting as panhandler to keep up with his wife's spending habits, it's only a matter of time before the rest of the neighborhood gets a whiff of the scandal. And much more...

 
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tags

black comedy, diet, food, gourmet, panhandler, satire, signs, tapeworm, transgressive, vanity

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24 comments

 

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missyfleming_22 wrote 780 days ago

This is excellent! Lots of different interesting stories and they are all great. I like your writing, it's got such a great style to it that is unique, which I think is important. I see you are already published and it really shows, your work is polished and ready for print. Thanks for sharing your stories with us! It was a surprising treat today.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Anthony David Jacques wrote 781 days ago

I've read this guys first book, and it looks like he's stepped up to the plate once again and knocked it out of the park. Can't wait to get ahold of this one when it hits the shelves. For the moment, it's on my shelf here.

ADJ

Eunice Attwood wrote 586 days ago

An insightful, inspired book. Very polished and a pleasure to peruse. You have a unique way of seeing the world, and I found it very entertaining. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

snave wrote 765 days ago

Vert professional and honed to a tee. Witty and done with style - congratulations
andy and vesna
When Spirits Break Free

Melcom wrote 767 days ago

A thoroughly enjoyable, thought-provoking and extremely witty read. You have a unique writing style.

Very polished, we're obviously reading a professionals novel here.

Happily shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

klouholmes wrote 768 days ago

Hi Brandon, The box was quite a mystery to me after the diets were enumerated – clever technique that emphasized the desperation Miranda is in. A few times, I wasn’t sure of the reality versus the POV but it was funny nevertheless. I didn’t expect the tapeworm, and had been following the return of the queen. Quite a climax to Chapter 1! Unusual, stimulating writing! Easily shelved – Katherine

Famlavan wrote 770 days ago

Vanity

I think your observational style is great, satirically funny and immensely appealing. This is extremely well structured and moves the reader along so well. What a very, very well told story.

Telegraph wrote 772 days ago

Excellent craftmanship that creates charcters and diolouge that engage the reader C W Shelved

mariecapri wrote 772 days ago

Very well written and straight to the point. Hopefully your story will be read and influence those who need to eat more. Best of luck! mariecapri

Su Dan wrote 773 days ago

this is an interesting book. i propably need to read more, but what i have read thus far is well written...
su dan [seasons]

zan wrote 773 days ago

Vanity
Brandon Tietz

Good title - I like it. Your short pitch is to the point and I think this is going to be a clever book, although I hope not contentious as this subject is quite an argumentative one. "Get thin. Be pretty. Die perfect. "Vanity" is the ultimate highlight reel to everyone's favorite sin." Caught my attention because I have not seen another book like this with this theme on authonomy. "Silence is golden when there's not right answer". There's a typo here - I think "not" should be "no" (ch. 1 headed "Dietary") I enjoyed this so far - I laughed at your phrase in your long pitch "literary upbringing of a chicken" - I hope I am not one of these. Thanks for making me laugh - good sign. Congrats on a witty, thought-provoking book Brandon. Hope it finds its publisher soon.
Best,
Zan

lionel25 wrote 776 days ago

Brandon, your first chapter is an amusing, smooth read. Nothing to nitpick there. Good job in the humor department.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

J. Hamler wrote 776 days ago

Chapter one

This is interesting. From the style to the subject matter. But it reads like a clever blog, rather than a novel. Or maybe you're not writing a traditional sort of novel, in fact. It's a very specific tale you're telling, a minute's minutae, if you will. And in that sense I can appreciate it. The craft, the intelligence... Still, I dunno. Some one else said that it seems avante-garde for its own sake, and maybe that's what I'm objecting to. Love to see your talents put to a little more conventional use. Of course, that's just wishful thinking and probably not your agenda. I back the prose for the urgency and skill, at any rate.

Cheers

John

bonalibro wrote 778 days ago

Dietary

huh?
Seems like originality for its own sake.

Gourmet

This made more sense. Good short story. Great satire on pretentious "destination" restaurants and those who go to them for thinking it makes them cool.

Backing for Gourmet

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway

gillyflower wrote 779 days ago

Dietery is a very original story. Miranda's struggle to get thin, encouraged by the teasing and bets of the doctors and the nurse at the Medical Centre where she's the receptionist, and with the aim of looking slim at her anniversary re-crowning as Prom Queen at her old school, is pathetic, touching as well as funny. The secret revealed at the end, of Miranda's use of a tapeworm, is revolting, but very dramatic and striking; and the fact that Nurse Fowler, instead of getting her the necessary vitamins, has been giving her placebos, is a shock both to Miranda and to the reader. This is well written, with lively, convincing characters; and your plot draws us in to see if Miranda will succeed. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

lynn clayton wrote 780 days ago

You quote the cliches thick and fast and somehow it highlights how we're surrounded by them, have almost become them. Unusual and brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Valentina wrote 780 days ago

I enjoyed this! I read your first story Dietry, you get the shocking point across really well, it's hard to believe she's the same person! I like the voice. Popping on my shelf for boost, good luck! x

missyfleming_22 wrote 780 days ago

This is excellent! Lots of different interesting stories and they are all great. I like your writing, it's got such a great style to it that is unique, which I think is important. I see you are already published and it really shows, your work is polished and ready for print. Thanks for sharing your stories with us! It was a surprising treat today.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

PhilJourdan wrote 781 days ago

Excellent stuff. Keep at it.

Anthony David Jacques wrote 781 days ago

I've read this guys first book, and it looks like he's stepped up to the plate once again and knocked it out of the park. Can't wait to get ahold of this one when it hits the shelves. For the moment, it's on my shelf here.

ADJ

JMCornwell wrote 781 days ago

Just a quick suggestion. Break this up into smaller bits.

Brandon Tietz.
Dietary -
Gourmet -
Signs -
And much more...

Each should be a separate paragraph that makes it easier to read and scan.

Now I'm curious about what's inside.

JMC

Barry Wenlock wrote 781 days ago

Hi Brandon, this is tense stuff and very well written. A real inditement of our society today. Backed with pleasure, Barry
Little Krisna nd the Bihar Boys

Burgio wrote 782 days ago

This is a timely story because of the accent on dieting. You've created good characters. Mixed that with good settings. Makes it a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

soutexmex wrote 782 days ago

Being Authonomy's #1 commentator. Spend some time on your pitches I cannot overemphasize how you need to master this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Maggie P wrote 782 days ago

Scary stuff if you really think about it, well done, Maggie

alison woodward wrote 782 days ago

i like this, backed

alison

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