Queen Victoria and the Yellow Dog

I have read all the chapters you have uploaded. The obvious comparison is the No. ! Ladies Detective Agency but your book has a very different background. I love the way you describe the place and the characters and the culture without apparently describing anything at all. All likeable characters and an intriguing mystery. Very clever and nicely humorous. On my watchlist and six stars.

John,

I've just read your excellent opening chapter. This is a great read, fast-paced, very evocative - with sounds and smells of streets, really drawing the reader into the action - and with a subtle and understated humour running through the heart of the narrative. You do a great job of setting up your story here, with the missing Honda, which takes Queen Victoria to the police station, and ends up with her on the look out for a missing dog! All of which promises for many twists and turns along the way.

On a technical front, nothing really jumped out at me in these early pages. You write with economy, your sentences are tight and polished, your dialogue snappy and in bearing with your characters. There is nothing extraneous or overdone here.

A great start. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Queen Victoria... That red pepper must have some significance. I enjoy the humour in your pitches. My mind wanders to Alexander McCall Smith, but I'll have to reserve judgement -

I take notes as I read, and tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind.

Ch.1. I cant help it - you've some unnecessary words, which would make your writing flow so much better if left out: already (it's also repeated two lines later), slight/ly, somehow. (Ch.2) just, almost.

That picture of her lying flat as a lizard on her bed is graphic indeed. Is she thin? Somehow I picture her as plump... or maybe the lizard has just eaten.
Diron's face full of teeth when he saw Aruna approach. What a picture.
I cant help wondering whether Q.Vict. likes moustaches or not.
Love that last retort.

Ch.2. So - Q.Vict. has an enquiring, suspecious mind, and loves to solve a mystery.
That's a great description of the boy working barefoot among shoes in his own tiny square of India's red earth.
But I'm surprised Q.Vict. didnt haggle over the price. I thought Indian shopkeepers loved to haggle. And it would have been an excellent chance for a humorous scene.

Chs. 3-5. I cant stop reading this silly story! So she does like moustaches.

Thankyou for that entertaining read. But I'm no nearer to solving the mystery of the red pepper.

Wonder what your reaction will be to my book... I'm afraid it's not humourous.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

John the only remark i can give is that you are the player of words and know that how to play well. Well done with your work. It deserves six stars and now on my watch list. Will back it too soon.

A fast pacy story with a lot of strength. Great characters that add dimension to the text. The plot is well thought put and excellently written. Your writing draws the reader in and you are hungry for the next page. You are a natural story teller who has really thought this story out. I really liked this stor. Well done.

I find the story immediately appealing - well written, strong characters, and a nice line in slow-burn humour. Above all, I now want to know how it turns out. When will we get the next instalment?

Hello John,

I have read through the first two chapters of the book and I must say, the style of writing is simple and highly effective with respect to the plot. Hailing from South India, I am able to relate myself to a lot of things described in the chapters. However, you might want to have a look at some things to make the story better.

1) Do you think it would be better if you mention the year in which this is happening. That would be better since the concept of 'Dalits being untouchables' has been talked about. That custom has been pretty much non-existent in India for a good while now.

2) The registration number of the Honda Activa has been mentioned as KA7483. Usually the registration numbers in India look something like this (For as long as I can remember) KA 29 JL 2839...What I mean here is that the registration numbers are generally of 10 digits with the first two letters denoting the state in which the vehicle has been registered.

3) The constable keeps referring to the Honda Activa as 'Honda' during the conversation. Lot of people refer to the vehicle with its name in India. I guess, using the name 'Activa' will be better.

4) The name of the town is spelt as 'Cannapur' instead of 'Canapur' somewhere in the last part of the 2nd chapter.

Barring these changes, your plot seems quite intriguing and I am sure, will keep the reader interested throughout the book if you maintain the tempo.

Good Luck,
Venkatarama

At long last something different in the detective genre from a writer in the upc AMoming developing world. I am as fascinated by the ambience as I am by the actual story. So many intriguing characters - I am breathlessly waiting to see where it is going to go next. Hurry up weith the next instalment, John.

Have a look at Chickenshit Farm please,
Jason Carumba

Hi John
I have just finished reading chapter one and It was honestly one of the best things I have read so far on this site. The opening is very well written and you outline each character very well. I am one of those readers who needs description so that I can picture the characters. Very Good! I really enjoy Queen Victoria. If you have time I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at my book as well, Lexies Tattoo.
Thanks
Mel

This is one of my favourite books on the site, offering the kind of escape that is entertaining rather than loading a reader down with more stress. Backed and starred well.

I really enjoyed this, John and I’m happy to have it on my shelf.

The prose is very smooth with plenty of quirkily original turns of phrase and imagery. The sense of place is clearly but subtly evoked (it’s obvious you know your stuff but you don’t feel the need to ram your research down the reader’s throats; it’s just there, in the background, adding depth to the narrative) Good, purposeful dialogue that helps both to flesh out the various characters and add energy to the scenes. Queen Victoria comes across as an appealingly flawed, endearingly headstrong lead character and the subsidiary characters feel distinct and complex. The novel is also very funny in places, particularly in the conversational exchanges (I especially liked the verbal sparring between QV and Prasad!!). The plot feels well-conceived and original with plenty of scope for light-hearted adventure/intrigue and romantic comedy and should appeal to a broad cross section of readers.

In short, a very polished, attractively unconventional comic caper. Thanks and best of luck. Look forward to hearing your thoughts on The Poet. A


Observations on Ch1:

‘lazily chopped the hot air into slightly cooler slices’ – terrific line. Quirky, funny and very atmospheric.

‘pedlars’ not ‘peddlers’ (unless this is an Americanism??)

Slightly needled by repetition of wakened, awake and awoke in opening para.

mad riot – bit of a cliché??

‘cried out [delete loud??] in disbelief’

I was thrown a little by the first few lines of the para with Aruna in the kitchen. I assumed we were still in QV’s pov and it took me a second or two to reorientate myself.

The prose is very polished but it does feel a little light on commas which makes the read a bit stop-start.

I don’t know for certain, but I doubt very much an Indian woman would say ‘cell phone’. Much more likely to use the British ‘mobile’??

‘the older woman’ How old is Aruna, then? QV is only thirty, isn’t she?? I assumed Aruna was an older woman (perhaps a seasoned housekeeper)?? Maybe include something earlier on to suggest Aruna’s age??

‘…their job properly [full-stop] Now…’

‘At the end of a narrow lane…’ – shouldn’t there be a line break here to signify change of scene/time??

Aruna clasped her hands in delight [full-stop not comma. this isn’t a dialogue tag] ‘So much better…’

‘stiff as starch’ – doesn’t quite work for me. Starch isn’t stiff. Something that has been starched may be but not starch itself??

‘telling off [to] a teenage boy…’

‘glancing at the Head Cconstable’s [not ‘his’??] set face..’ otherwise, it’s confusing??

I really like the sparring between QV and Prasad. Feels real and cleverly hints at their relationship.

The punctuation re dialogue needs looking at. eg. ‘I am sorry,’ QV said [full-stop not comma] ‘I did not mean…’ An easy fix, tho.

Do you mean ‘tottering’?? Surely, ‘teetering’??

Maybe include something here to help the reader to understand why Victoria insists on being called ‘Queen’?? Was she named Queen Victoria at birth? Is it a nickname she’s had since childhood? Is it something she’s adopted since opening the restaurant? The form-filling scene feels like an ideal opportunity to use dialogue to clue the reader in??

‘Ah,’ he said [comma not full-stop] ‘you have yet…’

Won’t Prasad need the photo and report for his own investigation?? Can’t he just make QV a copy??

Lovely last exchange. Warm, funny and revealing.

Only a brief comment cause it is late here...1230am, I almost wasn't going to bother because I thought it deserved more comments, but well...this made me smile. I wasn't too keen on the 'wakened' - when woke would do the job a little less awkwardly, but I could hear the tone of this and think it is a clever idea for a plot and could see it visually and think it would be a funny if put on the screen.

I loved it when the Queen asked about the tea...I would have been inclined to have offered her a scotch.

Watchlisted and I'm off to bed.

Okay I came back for Chapter 2. I will continue on to Ch 3 as time permits. My primary concern is with your dialogue. I think the interaction between Mrs. Dempster and Queen Victoria needs something more to bring it to life. At least at the very beginning. All I'm seeing is dialogue at first and I don't know what is going on around the characters. For an adult book, I would have liked to see more details like were present in the first chapter. Although, you pick this back up towards the end of Chapter 2. It just needs a little more "spice" to really grab me and keep me interested in the beginning. Good luck with it.

Ashley

I know you asked for honesty in your message you sent me. I don't see the point in ripping something apart that doesn't need to be ripped apart though. You may be disappointed that I have no constructive crits over the first chapter. All I can tell you is that I appreciated how well you showed me culture and did not tell me about it. From the mention of jasmine to the bright colors described as she looked out her window. You incorporated all of the senses well into the first chapter and I felt like I actually traveled there and back. Now, I know many other people have raved about this too. Honestly, they mean it. Don't go muddying with this. I will read on and see if there are other places I see where I could give you some input.

LOVED! the pitch and the story didn't let me down.

Dear John, Thank you indeed for your generous words. I was delighted that Paradise Garden made the Desk - is there any news of publication? If you are ebooking it, please let me know. I would (along, I suspect, with many others) be keen to buy it. The best of days. John

John,

First I want to say you cover is probably one of the most eye-catching on the site. You pitches are great, a Thriller/Comedy/Crime book is definitely my cup of tea.
You describe the setting in the first paragraph vividly, it’s easy to visualize. My interest is piqued by the phrase in italics – what was she thinking about? Highly intriguing.
So it’s about a scooter. Okay, you show the Queen’s emotions masterfully. She definitely freaks out.
The dialogue between the Queen and the police officer is well done. It is natural and lively, especially loved the joke at the end about Bella and Kylie. After reading Chapter 1 I return to the pitch and see the sentence “Yes, yes, the police will find it.” Can you drop it as it kills part of the intrigue? I know it’s not the main point in the story but still.
Queen Victoria becoming a detective is a great idea! It makes your story stand out among other stories of the same genre.

I’m prejudiced in favour of your story and will give it my six stars and will add it to my watchlist to return to it a bit later.

Kindest regards,
Ivan Amberlake
The Beholder

This book is a great read and deserves to get noticed and published. Thank you for uploading it here.
A pleasure.
John

I'm not entirely confident in the format of the story. Skipped spaces, short paragraphs. Is Queen Victoria the actual Queen of something? Perhaps that may be better addressed. You asked for an honest eye, Jesse

As promised in the blurb, this is a smashing and entertaining read, in a classic sort of way. (And I'm not just saying this because it has a dog innit!)

*Chapter one:: A small 'bridge' is needed between the two sentences starting "Lemon tea?" and 'Queen Victoria looked...' so this part flows as smoothly as the rest of your expert narrative. Yes, she is astonished at her friend's equanimity in the face of such a *harrowing* dilemma, but WHY isn't quite properly stated yet. (Or maybe just scrap bridging these altogether and simply change Queen Victoria's reply to something like "Tea? At a time like this?")

(By the way, that is a very juicy pepper on the cover...'spose I must read on to understand its significance, eh?)

I think I will add this one to my Mystery section on my webbie, if you have no objection to it.

CHEERS to you--
E.R.

Hello John,

Lately on one of the local TV channels in Ugandan, there has been showing an Indian-Brazilian film titled “The love story”. It is as if you eavesdropped into it before you penned you’re “Queen Victoria and the Yellow ....” – Your have featured well all the mad noise in the streets of scooters and other motor bikes, vehicles, animals and people. There is stunt traffic police who occasional forgot his work being lost in women passing-by – you too feature police.

Excellent.

Reading on.

JULIUS.

After reading all you have posted here I am itching for more. This reminded me in tone of 'The No1 Ladies' Detective Agency and was an utter delight. I can see from the comments I'm not the only one to react this way.
Then I looked at your messages and was amazed to find someone referring to 'obvious anachronisms' and expressing his concern, as he also wrote historical fiction. I didn't notice any! I'm not even certain this story IS histoical fiction.
Best of luck with this one and I shall be happy to back it again next month.

Dear John,

First and foremost, your pitch is an arousing funny one, but chilling like red pepper. I read on.

JULIUS [Destined to Triumph]

Queen Victoria and the Yellow Dog
By John Burns

He he ... I don't think your pitch is doing this book justice. I just started reading it and absolutely fell in love with it. I remember your telling me that you don't want any inauthentic fawning over reviews, but seriously, when you create a character who names her motorcycle Kylie and has such funny dialogue with the constable who she demands must call her "Queen" yet she will not call him constable based on the notion that they are not back in school playing games ... what do you expect? lol.

I'm moving on to chapter two now ...
ha ha ... love it ... Queen Victoria reminds me of Precious Ramotswe of the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Series. This dog finding business is fascinating.
Manhunt, womanhunt, doghunt ... lol (aww ... just love this).
Is the thing about the turmeric in warm water true? hmm. .. I could save money on glucosamine/chondroitin.

the hook at the end of chapter 2 is fantastic. I'm wondering who the heck this woman is and why/how she is dying

And here I am moving on to chapter 3

You must understand this is high finance. We are not talking about a mango on a market stall ... hyuck hyuck
Okay ... i have to stop at chapter 3 coz its late but I'll be reading on.

My simple take on this is that your gift of dialogue is obvious. Just listening to them converse is a treat. You are also able to put in small details throughout the narrative that make the characters so alive! eg. the constable tapping the pencil on this teeth. Then most importantly the story is intriguing. This is the kind that instantly hooks the reader. Like now, I'm really curious as to the relevance of Bella and the woman who closed her eyes for the last time at the end of chapter two. I will stop here as there are so many good things to say about Queen Victoria and the Yellow Dog and I'd be writing for quite a while if I had to list them all.

Here are some observations/ corrections/ suggestions. Please feel free to ignore or adopt as you please.

Chapter One:

In your first paragraph ... you talk about her waking up quite a bit. The first instance she's wakening ... then. Then you write ... most mornings when she awoke. and then the very last sentence you write, ... "... would she arise and draw back the curtains." I seemed to notice them so I suggest you vary the description to make it sound less repetitive. Maybe in the second instance, you could say, "... and most mornings, before she got out of bed, she would lie still in the shade, mentally ... " or something like that.

"Breathed a slow contented purr" ... can one breath a purr? I don't know why but it just doesn't sound right.

Maybe say " He was telling off a teenage boy whom she had seen racing a motorbike around town? Rather than the way you've phrased it which sounds a bit awkward. Plus how would Queen Victoria really know that the motorbike was his? It might be borrowed for all she knows.

Chapter Two:

This time she couldn't hear a thing because a couple of young women were in the hallway below (redact were) jabbering away (redact to each other).

When you say that before her stood a heavy blonde woman in her sixties. I'm thinking that is too specific. I mean can one really tell someone is in their sixties as opposed to fifties or seventies? I'd rather you went with an older looking woman without necessarily saying "sixties." I know Queen Victoria knows her age because of the report but still .. its speculation when she lays her eyes upon her.

Chapter Three:

When Aruna first came to her, she was a beaten, spiritless girl, afraid to look (her - not "you") in the eye. Or afraid to look "anyone" in the eye.

Wonderful job, John.

John,

I have 4 starred your work. Quite an original concept. Very graphic and pictorial images, good pace and character descriptions.

Regards,

Clive

John,
I can only add to some of the other strong responses. This is an entertaining read and a marvellous idea. Great characterisation and a good eye for telling detail. Happy to back this when shelf space becomes available.
Good luck with the book.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

This was a delight. I haven't yet read all of what you've posted, but intend to come back and finish it. Well done!

John,
I was very amused while reading Queen Victoria and the Yellow Dog. I enjoyed how you put Queen Victoria in a modern-day setting with troubles she never could have imagined. This imaginative account is unlike anything I've read before. I'm pleased to support such an entertaining story and hope she doesn't roll over in her grave. Backed with pleasure.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Love the premise. Will put on my watchlist immediately. Meanwhile, a dog story for your reading pleasure...

If Carl Hiaasen and The Office had a baby, it might look something like ANIMAL CRACKER.

Can a bunch of smart, sassy women get the goods on their boss at Boston’s venerable Animal Protection Agency? Hal Mason is Brad-Pitt handsome, with a Harvard professor wife and an adorable but shiftless son who wins the heart of Diane Salvi, the organization’s new communications director and the book’s narrator.

The malapropping, narcissistic Hal, famous for his animal-themed ties and jokes, has managed to earn the adulation of the organization’s board of directors and the scorn of his staff. When his negligence leads to the dogshit literally hitting the fan, Diane and her reporter roommate Genie set out to dig up some dirt on him, with a little help from friends in the office.

There's never a bad time for a fun read in which the good guys (or gals) wreak vengeance on a conniving boss who deserves no less.

Thanks for considering ANIMAL CRACKER.

Best,
Andi

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. An engaging main character. Excellent visuals. Good local detail. Atmospheric. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Hey Ram!' Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
2) ... and stiff as starch in his head constable's uniform. Capitalize 'head constable's.'
3) 'If your men start searching now ..' When using ellipses ( ... ), only use three dots. Using fewer dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with two dots. You don't want that.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) 'Come on, Princess Aruna, Back to work. Put a closing quote mark after 'work.'
2) Capitalize 'internet.'
3) ... three storeys high with twentyfour numbered post boxes in the hallway. Hyphenate 'twentyfour.'
4) ... it's chromed vents gaping uselessly as it waited for the power to come back on. It's (contraction for it is) should be its (possessive).
5) Hyphenate 'forty five.'
6) 'They won't even notice their thalis' Period after 'thalis.'
7) Excellent end of chapter hook.

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire?"

Have a sensational day.

Al

Hi John,
Chapter five was perfection, leading us to the scene of the crime in a delightful manner in harmony with your characterization. Please upload more for us. Six stars easily!
Regards,
John B Campbell

Dear John, Your ease with which you express your natural examples of elucidatory text, is obvious testament to an already seasoned writer. Soul- stirring and dramatic, it was so easy to become inspired by the well developed parables that you paint with ease. I ave no credentials as a critic, [ nor would I want to ], but I tend to be drawn to profoundly written literature, which I found in abundance in your book. Brave, passionate and a pleasure to place on my shelf. Good luck and take care. Once more into the fray we follow our hearts. Best wishes for a great book. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

First...sorry for delay in getting back to you on this. Life gets in the way. Second...I was doubly sorry for the delay when I started reading your fabulous book. Literally, I scooted to the edge of my seat, I was so drawn in by your expertise. It has every element of a wonderful read. I felt immediately transported from my life, felt the dusty Indian streets and smelled the market smells. Your pacing is masterful, really I felt myself in the hands of an accomplished storyteller, even in the way that you delay gratification...Queen Victoria missing her "independence" only to find several paragraphs later that it's her motorbike; the wonderful relationship with Queen Victoria and Aruna, which I feel quite certain will blossom in later chapters, the implied past between the constable and Queen, and of course, their wonderful relationship too. Of course it brings to mind Alexander McCall Smith's series but I think perhaps your story is going to have a bit of an edge to it, maybe something that will nudge it out of the cozy mystery box, just a bit.

You have a splendid first chapter here, you've set up so many things that I am curious about that it would be impossible for me to put this down if I picked it up in a store. Loved this and must find space on my shelf for it.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Queen Victoria and the Yellow Dog - I really liked this. The characterisations are very strong, from imperious, kind-hearted Queen Victoria, prima donna of her restaurant, and Aruna, who virtually walk off the screen to the mysterious 'holy-man'. This is combined with some wonderful descriptions ie: 'lazily chopped the air into slightly cooler slices.'
Queen Victoria introduing herself to Miss Dempster - priceless.
Dialogue is realistic. Interaction between characters, especially when Queen Victoria purchases a new pair of sandals, which emphasised the cast system without overstating it. The episode of the posters offering a reward for Bella had so many facets to it and a certain poignancy. This is all mingled with an easy voice pushing the story forward effortlessly but none of the foregoing would be pososible but for the author's excellent ability.
Like the huge, seemingly out of place hook, at the end of chapter two and growing intrigue in chapter three.

Great way you set your story up! It has the feel of a cozy mystery. Your dialogue is very natural and, as the reader, I forgot I was reading fiction. Great job.

Your particular strength is your gift for description, shown right away in the first paragraph of the first chapter, effortlessly evoking the atmosphere of the city - phrases like the parp parp parping' and the mention of the noise, the scents and the stenches. (If I could cut and paste, it would be easier to give examples.)
Another particular bit worth mentioning was also early, 'flat as a lizard.' In the second chapter, getting to the police station, is better, if anything, and the dialogue is good.
Chapter 2, (I've read 3 chapters) I thought this bit was particularly clever: 'man hunt' 'woman hunt' 'dog hunt' and quite automatically, the reader fills in the name for a female dog hunt, without the author needing to be so crude.
There were a couple of places where I thought the writing not totally polished, but as a WIP, I am sure you will improve on that, and they were quite insignificant if you don't.
The writing is good, the tone light and entertaining. I like this story a great deal. Backed. Marj.

Dear John - this really is a smasher. It is beautifully written 'cutting the air into cooler slices' for example; it is also understatedly very funny. And what a wonderful start, cutting straight to the story. Am putting this on my bookshelf right now. All the best with this, Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

John,
I can't tell you how glad I am to have found your book. It's right up my alley and great so far. Have only read the beginning, but I am impressed. For the moment, it is on my WL for serious consideration and with anticipation.
John B Campbell, Walk to Paradise Garden, historical fiction.

Firstly, I love the title! Usually any title that mentions history or royalty completely misses my radar but this is so bizarre, I was immediately drawn in. Then I began reading and it was clear that it wasn't the actual Queen Victoria, but simply someone using this name. Nice! I spent most of the first chapter wondering who exactly this woman is and why she is called Queen Victoria. This was both frustrating and enticing in equal measures.

The dialogue with the Head Constable made me laugh ('Queen Victoria to you,'- very Keeping Up Appearances-like!) 'Baby Jesus Two-Wheelers' was also funny. It reminded me of the Philippines where they have such places as 'The Last Trip funeral home', 'Immaculate Conception Ladies Clinic' and 'Mr Quickie the shoe shiners' (sorry for the digression!).
'I just call her Kylie.'- Brilliant.
I like your wit and there is a lot to smile about here. I would perhaps like to feel more drawn in, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it (and I apologise for this potentially useless comment) but I am not quite completely itching to continue. I don't quite know what's missing. Perhaps I need a little more understanding of Queen Victoria in order to commit as a reader to her predicament. You hint at her and the constable having known each other previously, maybe a tad more detail here would be nice. Or a little more about what Queen Victoria is thinking at various moments. Ignore that if it is not in keeping with other feedback you have received, but that would be my advice! That said, it is a genre I do not usually read and you have certainly made me think again :-)

This is an exceptional thriller. Pleasingly visual. Crisp dialogue. Vivid characters. Realistic emotional friction. Captivating pacing. Well thought out storyline. Assured writing. A highly enjoyable read. Backed.

Hi John
I really like your writing style. It's deep, intriguing and draws you in, so that you are instantly immersed in Queen Victoria's world. the way that you have depicted the relationships between Queen Victoria ad Aruna and likewise with Constable Gowda, makes the reading easy and flowing, and very natural. Simple phrases like her noticing that he needs glasses, creates a history between them that doesn't need explaining.
I am definitely going to read more.
Do you intend to put up more than five chapters.

Backed for sure.
Martin

Let me start by saying that I smiled reading it…that’s a good sign.
That out of the way, your narration’s longwinded and the author’s voice keeps the characters in the background. You insist too much on telling the reader…maybe a little more showing and internal dialogue would get the reader more involved (after all, that’s what you should aim for).
The little dialogue (when it comes) is still hampered by heavy narration chunks (like you feel the need to tell us what’s going on).
By the 3rd chapter I can see that you’re set on telling the reader what’s going on.
The few dialogue lines are all same, choppy voice and too far in between. The large narration paragraphs are much too abundant.
You have a talent, a way with words but you must start by bringing the reader into the story. If you don’t grab and hold him captive you gonna lose the reader.
Under normal circumstances I won’t back it but your choice of words and structure is such that I see lots of potential…you’ve got my vote.

Haha! This is a truly fine and entertaining read. I've only read chap one so far, but I'm hooked.
The opening with Queen Victoria fooled me completely as i imagined the real QV trying hard to lie flat like a lizard. Then, it all came clear. What a marvellous character.
I wondered if you parp, parp, parping might be reduced to a single 'honking'
Her distress at losing her Honda is very funny as is her interchange with Aruna ( I liked her tea habits)
QV's strength is shown by her willingness to go the police station, although Aruna seems to suggest their may be other reasons (or has she been watching too much Bollywood?).
I liked 'Dhiran's 'face full of teeth'.
Prasad is also well drawn (Head Constable to you).
I loved Baby Jesus two-wheelers (I'm sure there is one somewhere in the south. I've seen Sweet Jesus Bus and Baby Jesus School)
We hear of the English woman and her lost dirt-yellow dog Bella. (Mine's called Molly -- my dog not my Honda)
A reward...now you're talking. Great lead into chapter two.
I shall read on. I'm really enjoying it and wish it every success.
Backed and on my shelf.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Lighthearted and entertaining. I love your main character, Queen Victoria. Great dialogue and a well described world. Couldn't find a thing to nitpick about! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Dear John

Very engaging, easy to read opening chapter. Clear, convincing creation of atmosphere and environment. Characters come alive through the dialogue. Reminded me of Ladies Detective Agency.

A pleasure to read. Backed.

Would you take a look at Dying for Love? I'd welcome comments and a backing, if you think it deserves it. It's also crime/mystery.

Yours

Colin Eston
Dying for Love

funny...smooth...rich...and vivid...well done

You have finely crafted a very funny, interesting and original storyline. Your use of short paragraphs and crisp, well written dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your work is character rich, your use of imagery is excellent and all of this makes what you have posted to date a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

'Chopped the hot air into slightly cooler slices', this is clever as well as seeming momentarily daft. It might help those of us who are particularly slow to point out early (e.g. the pitch) that this isn't THE Queen Victoria (given there are odd genres such as steampunk).

Within seconds, however, we can hear, see and smell India, and we know this Queen Victoria is quite a different woman, and she has quite different interests, 'Sitting behind his big desk and stiff as starch in his head constable's uniform'. The man is quite equal to her airs and graces, 'Head Constable Gowda, to you', and he cajoles her into looking for a missing dog.

Not such a bad idea, as Vicky is quite the detective, 'she has found the dog off the streets'. Hotfoot after the missing mutt, she stops for sandals and a chat about Bimji, 'He makes more noise than a tree full of monkeys'. And we glimpse the renown caste system at work. What's this about the other woman, 'closed her eyes for the very last time'? Murder?

A delightful addition to the eclectic tradition of eccentric detectives. Queen Victoria is India personified as well as a very unique person in her own right, stylish, intelligent and confident, she makes a compelling protagonist and, I'm sure, a daunting opponent. The writing is as rich and lively as it's setting, and polished to perfection (only saw one possible nit: 'telling off [to] a teenage boy'). I would expect this unusual novel to definitely find a publisher ... backed.

John - I love this book. Very original and also well written. I hope this succeeds! As to your comments on my book, please look at the reply to them. Good luck. Jayne

Oddly fascinating, really enjoyed this.