Book Jacket

 

rank 5472
word count 12360
date submitted 04.04.2010
date updated 22.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction
classification: universal
incomplete

In Union Swift Rupture

Jared Hope-Johnstone

A strife of opposites rattles the world of the future. Four characters long for escape only to find furious Dark Energy lying in wait.

 

What is the most important thing in the universe? The peoples of the future think they know. They’d tell you the forces of attraction and repulsion rule everywhere and there’s no higher truth. But which force is stronger? Think hard before you answer. Getting it wrong might get you killed.

It’s 2241. The world has known only peace for over a century. In Rohr Switzerland a bizarre act evokes a strange fear. The town’s new administrator Lincoln de Guise investigates. A hidden savagery reveals itself.

Helene von Mayr is sent to Barcelona to report on the meeting of two new cults. Calamity throws her into the company of a gullible outsider. It’s the first time Simon Lafont has been outside his Commune. Horror-stories have sent him hurrying to Spain. He must see for himself the perverse ideas at loose in the world.

Lombo Niall is a convicted criminal in a world without crime. Is it a jailor or liberator who arrives in Rohr with a promise of freedom? It’s a black Orb the size of a fist. Extremist Expansion is its mantra and it comes with the gift of never-ending storm and glory.

 
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adventure, future, metaphysics, philosophical fiction, philosophy, science fiction, space

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The strife of the opposites gives birth to all that comes to be.”  Heraclitus – c. 500 BCE

 

Prologue

 

Appendix 4G6FF. ‘The Precepts of Rohr.’ Archaeology & Early ExpaContractics, subsection 22b.

Editor’s note: This is the oldest known inscription of ExpaContractic tenets. It is etched into a three-ton block of granite and is currently housed in the Chronicles of Oscillations Museum in Rohr, Switzerland. Commonly attributed to Lincoln de Guise, it predates him by twenty years. Carbon analysis confirms its origins in Kurdistan, year 2191 CE. An identical inscription was found on Mars fifty years later. Author unknown.

“Know then Expansion is the force of repulsion.  It explodes, shatters, and pushes.

Know then Contraction is the force of attraction.  It accretes, implodes, and binds.

Know then the universe expands and the universe contracts.  What is true of the universe is true of everything.

I say unto you: there is Expansion and Contraction in all things!”

 

 

Chapter 1

 

Lombo Niall was awaiting his sentence on the charge of attempted manslaughter.  The five-judge panel would convene in one hour’s time.  According to his advocate the length of his Rehabilitation was foregone.  The sentence called for was five years corrective therapy.  This was the most intensive of all such therapies and the maximum issued by the Judiciary.

It was rare for such an extreme sentence to be meted out, but his belligerence during the trial and absence of remorse meant little chance of leniency.  His advocate didn’t offer any apology upon revealing this fact and went on to tell him it was perhaps in his long-term interest to undergo so lengthy a re-integration process.

He’d committed the assault in Zurich.  It was there the trial was taking place.  Witnesses had caught him in the act.  An Orb had raced in to arrest him.  He’d resisted and been punished for it.  He recalled this vividly and with far more raw emotion than the crime itself.  The paralysis had lasted for hours.

His court-appointed advocate hadn’t defended a criminal case for many years.  It was the first thing he’d said to him the one and only time they met before trial.

“It’s hard to find people with that kind of experience,” the man had told him.

From the start, nothing went well for the defence.  The prosecution presented numerous video testimonies of shaken and distraught witnesses describing in horrific detail the crime.  With tremors in their voices they told of Lombo Niall’s savagery.

It was clear from them there’d never been an altercation.  Lombo Niall had jumped the man, pinned him, and pummelled him.  The victim hadn’t had the slightest chance to defend himself.  After a long period of relentless drubbing, the accused had leapt to his feet and resorted to kicking.

Those witnesses went on to recount how they’d implored him to let off.  Some had even taken tentative steps to intercede.  It was visible to the courtroom the shame many of them felt.

Had we been more courageous and worked in unison we could’ve toppled him,” one said.

The court likewise heard that despite the victim’s being completely motionless and blood trickling from an obvious head wound, the accused had continued to attack him.  The kicking wouldn’t have stopped, they all asserted, had the Orb not arrived.  It was more than just the violence.  Lombo Niall’s curses and verbal berating was of such virulence that one woman actually referred to him as ‘possessed.’

“I’m going to pulverize you!” was used by the accused repeatedly.  As was: “I’m going to smash your head in!”  Yet, when each witness recounted his saying “You’re going to die, you’re going to die you worthless maggot!” the reaction was so pronounced the proceedings came to a momentary standstill. 

It elicited discernible gasps from the judges.  They each seemed jolted, visibly rattled by words incongruous to modern ways.  One of the female judges brought her hand instinctively up to her heart.  They gazed with alarm at one another and shared concerned looks with Lombo’s advocate who was himself clearly affected by it.

It was then Lombo slammed his hand on the table, stood and pointed aggressively at the judges.  “You have no right!” he yelled.  “Do you understand who I am?”

An Orb entered the courtroom and Lombo was compelled by its presence curtail his outburst.  He sat back down and pounded once more the table with his large fist.  The proceedings resumed upon his silence, but with signs of disquiet as if a wild beast had been forced into their midst.

The victim’s live video testimony was presented next.  His image was displayed with him laid out on his hospital bed, reparative nodes placed on various parts of his body.  Standing to the left of him surveilled his physician whose grave look conveyed the severity of trauma endured by his patient.  The prosecution asked the victim to describe in his own words what had transpired.

First, he had neither done nor said anything to warrant the assault.  This he asserted quite strenuously.  He couldn’t imagine what anyone could’ve done to have deserved it.  The accused had pounded his head as if it were no more than a sack of grain.

“I begged him to stop, but he said nothing in the world was going to save me.  He told me I was a dead man and I believed him.

The victim’s skull had been cracked in several locations, the doctor told the court.  The time of death was 11.35pm, ten minutes prior to the Orb’s arrival.  Upon being rushed to hospital, the victim’s body had been put into stasis and later revived.

Neither the prosecution nor the defence felt compelled to call the defendant to the stand.  Relief was evident all around.  Lombo seemed indifferent to his right to recount his version of the events.  From that point he abjured from the proceedings, referring to them as an insult to his power.

The summary arguments were then presented.  The prosecution’s speech was concise, lasting no more than a few minutes.  The defence’s was not much longer.  Uttered with clear weariness, it lacked conviction.  To Lombo Niall’s eye everyone had already decided his fate.  Procedures were now being hurried so the nastiness of his crime and person could be swept from their presence.

The verdict was rendered.  Unanimously he was found guiltyThe court called a recess and in one hour’s time its sentence would be handed down.

“Prepare for the worst, Mr Niall,” his advocate said in haste while rising from his chair and packing his documents.  “But I remain confident happiness and good health would prove the end result.  He departed and Lombo was left alone in the courtroom except for the hovering sentinel Orb at his back.

He understood it was an onerous sentence he was facing and cursed.  He didn’t know much of what took place, but those who exited the program were changed men.  Their precious kernel of titanic capacity was permanently removed.  They were all of them lobotomized, if not physically then in every other sense.

And this was to happen to him.  He was to be shredded of his power, his self removed from himself.  Lombo Niall as he’d always been was to die.  They hid behind their pretended beneficence, reassuring him and themselves how superior his future life would be.  But in truth his neck was meant for the block.  His thoughts and understandings were to be severed from him.

The fear of this spread through his body.  His breathing became laboured, too swift and successive for steely thinking.  He could hear the axe grind, the coarse mask slipping over the executioner’s face.  No, his head was his to keep!  They would regret the day they tried.  His panic twisted inside him, asphyxiating him.

The judges re-entered the courtroom and he imagined himself flying across the room and rattling each one by the throat.  He would squeeze and watch their colours drain.

He had the power to take their lives.  His boundless, infinite rage would know nothing but its exercise.  Cries of clemency he’d be deaf to, just as he’d been the night he’d beaten that man to a pulp.  He’d been deaf his whole life to maggots and their way of speaking.

His fury both warped and warmed him.  He would never be hammer into anvil, but hammer remained.  They thought they had him?  They’d laid hands on the thunder-hammer and would come to rue the day.

The court ordered him to stand and hear his sentence proclaimed.  In their crimson robes the five judges rose from the bench and peered down with eyes full of ill-intent.  There was redness to their faces; they looked bloodied and vein-filled as if he’d truly enacted his violent fantasies upon them.

“Lombo Niall you are hereby to spend the next five years of your life in intensive corrective therapy,” one of them saidYour person will be tagged and monitored.  You are to have no contact with any persons except your re-integration medics.  Your residence will be Orb guarded and all your movements tracked.  You are to be pinned in your home, your sociopathic nature removed from you.  Once done, your improved self will think long and hard on how to make amends to a world you seem so desirous to blight.

“Never has this court convened in my tenure a crime so violent.  Never has an accused been so absent of contrition.  You are devoid of sanity, relic of the Bygone era and the worst of what we once were.  Your Rehabilitation will not merely re-integrate you with humanity, it will advance you, rid you of your archaisms and make you shine with the rest in this, the age of New Civilization.  Once brought back into the fold, this court will extend its hand... we will extend our hands to you Lombo Niall and you will know then brotherhood and commonality.  We look forward with the greatest sincerity to that day.  The sentence is to take effect immediately.  So says one.”

“So say all,” chorused the other judges.  Lombo was then removed from the courtroom and the trial came to a close.

 

Chapters

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Bflo Beau wrote 7 days ago

this is one book that steps out a little far for my taste, but it is well scribed. Others surely will enjoy it immensely.

Neville wrote 7 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture.
By Jared Hope-Johnstone.


I felt that Lombo Niall was quite indifferent to the normal way of thinking that the Zurich population were accustomed to. As if he shouldn’t be there, in that period of time.
The judiciary appear to accept violence as an antiquated, unheard of act in the society of the day.
I like the way the Orbs keep control of all or any miss-deeds that may crop up—cheaper than a police force.
It goes further than the usual book of Sci-Fi, it’s deeper and the time element is interesting.
Both pitches are okay and the prologue mind bending—great stuff!
I thought the book cover could be better...just my own thoughts, it needs to make its mark on a potential buyer.
I didn’t notice any errors while reading.
Have only read the first chapter at the moment.
Like the storyline and will read more later, but for now—star- rated high!!

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The time Zone.


RossClark1981 wrote 298 days ago

- In Union Swift Rupture -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

This is very good. I can't usually get into books set in the future or the sci fi genre generally but there was something of the detective novel in what I read here too that gave it more of a grounding I could hold onto. Even the opening, with the mysterious woman entering the office with a problem and a case to be solved - something of the Raymond Chandler in that.

I also thought of Alisdair Gray as I read. Those orbs are quite similar to the floating videocams in A History Maker and the recorder thingy in Lanark.

The Appendices and contributor's notes also reminded me of the set up of my favourite novel, The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner, in which editor's notes introduce the narrative. So I was on a pretty good run of asociations throughout IUSR.

It's quite dificult for me to comment on any specifics. From what I read, the manuscript appears to be highly polished and tight. I could perhaps have a crack at the pitch though. I would say the pitch deals with overall themes in the book rather than the content. The plot appears to be an extremely good one so I'd prefer to see more of that, as well as the characters, in the pitch. I imagine that would attract a greater readership, which the book deserves.

I would only make one stylistic note: now and then there are sentences which might appear 'empty' for the reader. What I mean the is that there is a use of words which I imagine the reader might struggle to create images with. For example, in chapter two we have "Inescapable and discomfitting rememberances down dark paths best avoided but perpetually underfoot, this and the reesurgance of past habits long thought dead." That kind of led me out of the narrative for a bit as I struggled to visuale the lengthy metaphor. I could just be a bit of a Philistine though....

Overall though, I found this very good indeed, extremely imaginative and with a great use of plot. On my 'to be shelved' list for sure.

All the best with it,

Ross

Nigel Fields wrote 492 days ago

Hi Jared,
I was completely submerged from the beginning. I read the first two chapters with my morning coffee and imagine I'll be thinking about this throughout the day. Very well polished. I intend to read more soon.
Regards,
JBC

Andy M. Potter wrote 580 days ago

Hi Jared, great fictional premise: the dance of expansion and contraction. strong and intriguing MC.
on my shelf.
the intro is fascinating and very well-written, as is the prologue. as some other commenters have found, i like your action better. just a thought: i understand the placing of the intro, but perhaps condense it?
very best, andy

Sharahzade wrote 631 days ago

IN UNION SWIFT RUPTURE
Jared Hope-Johnstone

I think your prologue is fascinating. However, Chapter One begins with your setting the scene rather than some sort of action or dialogue to grab me and sweep me away. I feel if you were to begin with Paragraph Six, that would do the job nicely. All the rest could easily fit in at the end of Chapter One in retrospect giving us more of an idea of the setting. Just my take on beginnings. Action always captures us.

I backed this story based on your pitch. I felt it involved the promise of a peek into the future and the unknown. This is always mysterious and exciting. Until we find the secret of time travel, this will always draw readers in to explore with you. I am eager to read on and see where you lead in this tale. Well done, Jared.

Many thanks for backing A King in Time.

Mary Enck

DMR wrote 635 days ago

Rohr is instantly likeable and I found myself quite immersed in your story from chapter one.. the premise is certainly intriguing and I will look forward to reading more - this is polished and compelling - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

paperbat wrote 639 days ago

Jared.
Enjoyed several chapters. First chapter was cleverly donw using lots of discussion / banter, which gets the reader relaxed with the characters. Later on , I noted that 'calmness was invaded by chaos' . This is a key part of your plot - so make sure you emphasis this. Excelent. Will back it.
Appreciate if you could look at a chapter [ch. 2 is representitive] or so of my short childrens' book ; Paperbat Adventures.
Jerry [paperbat]

CarolinaAl wrote 642 days ago

An engaging, thought provoking science fiction story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Striking dialogue. Awesome world buiding. A pleasure to read.

Francene Stanley wrote 644 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to reading more. The style is dry, which I assume goes along with the character.

I'm sure the reader will be interested to know what's causing the destruction of the trees.

The future tempts my imagination. I've written a trilogy with a writing partner about six characters living in the bottom part of England. But my story is about as different in style as it could be from yours. This is not the book that I've offered here on the site.

The Still Rock Water is about a woman who helps others in difficult situations through the power of a moonstone, while trying to find personal fulfillment. I'd love you to take a look. I'm backing your work. All the best.

Elijah Enyereibe Iwuji wrote 645 days ago

Hi Jared,

Honestly, before you can delve into the subject of illusion with a clear understanding of what happens itherein in the great beyond, you must be a great metaphysicist and philosopher. Your choice of title is unique and captures the message in reality. You set a great imaginery skillfully crafted to bear the essence of a reality. This is a compellingly brilliant piece of well written work. I wish many will enjoy it the way I did. Goodluck.

homewriter wrote 653 days ago

You are a metaphysical philosopher but I expect you already knew that! What a great concept for a novel Brilliant. Backed. Gordon. The Harpist of Madrid

nsllee wrote 657 days ago

Hi Jared

I found this fascinating. It seems like science fiction, but there's something Kafkaesque about the exchange with the woman in the office and in fact about the prose style. Definitely worth a longer read. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Amy R wrote 671 days ago

The banter of the first chapter is attention getting and I can't quite figure out why. (or I could be really tired...lol) It is unexpected I guess, but in a good way. It drew me and I kept reading...and reading.

Your pace, like the banter isn't slow as I expected. I moves rather rapidly which just sucks you in like a vacuum. The characters while as picturesque as the scenery are flawed making them very believable and grounded. They give the plot weight and enable it to resist becoming a tale or legendary.

I am enjoying this and I look forward to reading more when my eyes are not so tired :-)

Backed and enjoyed.

Amy R
Trust Me

andrew skaife wrote 680 days ago

This is actually quite sublime as it rolls out.

From the pitch: " Getting it wrong might get you killed." It is a fantastic hook line. Excellent.

That section at the beginning with the three "Know that..." 's; something that would be noted as akin to Asimov's three laws of robotics; very clever.

Those exploding trees are both an expository dream and a metaphore in gold standing.

As a gifted sci-fi writer you paint more in prose than the majority, showing that you enjoy crafting in your writing.

BACKED with great pleasure.

tomkepler wrote 680 days ago

I read the first chapter and then several others, including the chapter of Helene in the hospital. The tone of your story is seductive--that of order and calmness invaded by violence and chaos. You have done a good job of transmitting that sense of world gone mad. Backed.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon)
(Hope you get a chance to read my book. I've just gotten back from two weeks of vacation.)

Craig Ellis wrote 685 days ago

Great hook in the beginning of the chapter, with the documentation of the Martian artifacts, and a good story line. Easy to read. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber'

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 686 days ago

I love science fiction, and your book is proof of why! Intriguing topic and universal truths are written with great care and intelligence. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Rusty Bernard wrote 690 days ago

Hi Jared,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. I agree that you have a 'sound imagination'.

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation


Gauis wrote 693 days ago

The people of the future migt be right

mvw888 wrote 717 days ago

I found it to be an interesting combination--your careful and direct tone and the backdrop of these almost romantic scientific ideas. An intriguing start, definitely a dense and cerebral read, although I do think that you have enough story here to move things along. Excellent writing. A bit dry perhaps, but I think it works. I only looked at a few chapters, but I would hope that in later ones, the humanity of your characters is allowed to flower a bit. Great start, very interesting read.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Francesco wrote 721 days ago

Thoughtful Sci-Fi is rare on this site...anywhere really, and this is such a class example of the genre!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book

Iva P. wrote 724 days ago

Even though SciFi is not my cup of tea, I recognize good writing when I see it. This has all the makings of an intelligent thriller. I cannot help wondering whether In Union... is an allegory of the current world situation.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

J.S.Watts wrote 727 days ago

I like what I've read so far

Wilma1 wrote 728 days ago

Skilfuly crafted with a superb premise, its a page turner. I can add much more its already been said but a powerful piece of writing.

Sue Mackender

Knowing Liam Riley

Su Dan wrote 729 days ago

fascinating subject. a world govenment, very interesting and scary; is it good or bad? good work...on wl...
su dan...read SEASONS...

jdub wrote 729 days ago

Jared, enjoyed, good descriptions and language, story comes together at a pace which holds the reader, backed, john Warren Lasting Images, please review, jdub

Lara wrote 731 days ago

This is extremely imaginative. OK - you expend much effort in fine-lining your characters but the Prologue showing the origin of your plot and its premise stuns. there are wonderful touches such as exploding trees and I'm sure if I read on I'd learn about horrific implosions. The idea of Barcelona's self-management is very appealing. Altogether, a most enjoyable, an impressive read. Hope you surge upwards and never inwards.
Rosalind
Good For Him

hkraak wrote 733 days ago

IN Union Swift Rupture: Excellent! I'll admit, science fiction is not my thing, but I'm trying to branch out. Your writing is great and well polished. Best wishes with this!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

Grice wrote 733 days ago

Jared,

I added this to my poli/philo/ideo forum list that I'm building. Hope you don't mind.

http://authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?forumId=13&threadId=55629&pageNumber=1&forum=true#AnchorPostId1382913

Esrevinu wrote 733 days ago

jared, I read enough to know that you have many gems planted throughout. You have created an opening chapter that is both intriguing and cleaver
I am impressed with your level of writing
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

KW wrote 734 days ago

"Rohr was a civilized and orderly place, so Lincoln had been told." A great opening sentence. I reminds me of the opening lines to a Dicken's novel until the part about Lincoln. From that clause, it's clear something far different from Dicken's is intended. Wow, "an actual visitor." Yes, yes, yes. "First, I'm educated to view Government as a blight on civilization. . ." Nice way to start a relationship. And trees are shattered. It's a force, a furious energy on the loose. Oh, the horror, the horror. "Could it be World Government wasn't entirely without use?" Hey, let's not go to extremes here, okay? Nicely done. I love this. I'll read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

speaksthetruth wrote 736 days ago

a definite contender

Shakat wrote 737 days ago

Well, I can't even remember how I stumbled across this but I appreciate that I did. You toss the readers into a futuristic world in every way, including the terminology, but without making it confusing. Based on what I've read so far, you've got great potential for a powerful science fiction. I try to write helpful comments but I do find on occasion I have nothing useful to say because an author is well beyond my level. You are one such case. Well done and good luck with In Union Swift Rupture.

I'm sure the title will make sense, but it's a bit of a mouthful. Just a thought.

And if you have any questions about Edinburgh, feel free to ask me. I'm Canadian, but I'm living in Edinburgh right now.

Shakat
Stand

Famlavan wrote 738 days ago

Sorry it took so long to get back to you after my backing.
This feels to be an intelligently thought out book.
You have a great narrative however I did feel it was lacking a bit of descriptive sound.
However this is (to me) a fantastic intricate plot making it a great read. –Good luck

John OBrien wrote 740 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture brings the reader into a futuristic world which seems to regard itself as having taken a step or two closer to utopia than we are at present, so much so that criminal and loutish behaviour seems such a rarity as to be quite shocking and remarkable when it occurs. Criminality has not been made a thing of the past but can be treated so effectively it would appear to be only a matter of time before it will be. But there are also those like Niall who seem to have defeated efforts to rehabilitate them. Administrator Lincoln, after the visit of the woman, is driven to get to the bottom of exploding trees, mysterious black orbs, the sinister and apparently villainous Niall and the crew of louts who seem to be his acolytes. And the reader too cannot help but be intrigued by these strange and unfathomable events.
I found all this fascinating and would be more than happy to read on thanks to the high standard of the writing and the scope and ambition of the premise. It may be set over two centuries in the future but it explores and probes quite adeptly the human condition at present. Thumbs up from me
John O'Brien - Other Face

zenup wrote 741 days ago

Very interesting story. Weirdly, I'd just finished a short story on Tunguska - (externally) shattered trees - what are the odds of that. So your trees definitely got my attention. I think your book demands far more than most sci fi readers are used to giving, but it's so well written, I think you can carry it off. Backed.

A Knight wrote 743 days ago

You have balanced the facets of writing with incredible accuracy to produce a believable, detailed and engaging piece of fiction.Your style is incredibly distinctive, dragging the reader right into the middle of this complex and incredible premise.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

eloraine wrote 744 days ago

Imaginative and great, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blod Chronicles book one

alisdair wrote 744 days ago

These days everybody tells you to write in short sentences, and be stingy with the adverbs. I like the fact that you fly in the face of this conventional wisdom. I've always enjoyed a more baroque style of writing. Your dialogue has a cadence to it, a kind of lyrical quality that flows from the page. It is charming to read such polite, elegant conversations set in a futuristic office. As if the characters had been transplanted from a Jane Austin novel, where everything must be just so, into a work of science fiction. Bravo! In Union Swift Rupture stands out from the crowd.

zan wrote 746 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture
Jared Hope-Johnstone

I am not competent to critique science fiction (or anything else for that matter), but the first paragraph of your long pitch struck a chord - "Have you ever wondered what the most important thing in the universe is? The peoples of the future think they know. They’d tell you the forces of attraction and repulsion rule everywhere and there’s no higher truth. But which force is stronger? Think hard before you answer. Getting it wrong might get you killed." This sounds like profound stuff and an absorbibg story in which possibly the irrational forces of evil, as I perceive it, are investigated and explored? A good, intelligent plot always gets me hooked and this is what I think you have here. I like your ideas concerning the tale of the strife of opposites - seems to me you are using absurdities to illustrate your points - and I wonder who or what is the furious "Dark Energy"? Very stimulating indeed. I liked your writing style and you obvioulsy have a skill for characterisation. Without wanting to flatter - I must confess this seems to me to be a winner in the vein of some of the more highly acclaimed sci/fi books out there with real meat to them - Asimov, Blish, Dick and others would be proud. But what do I know?
Best in finding a publisher.
Zan

BJ Otto wrote 748 days ago

The prologue was a great opening to get the brain working. Really interesting thinking in this one, I am looking forward to reading more. Best of luck. Backed

plip wrote 749 days ago

'know then Contraction is the force attraction' - shouldn't there be an 'of' in there?
Your opening paragraph, especially the first sentence, is a bit of a clunker, and needs attention. Personally, I might start with something like 'A visitor, an actual constituent, came to call on Lincoln not long after his inauguration. The small World Government transition team had finally left Rohr --' Just a suggestion of course. I had to read the paragraph twice to understand what was going on - the name Lincoln together with 'Inauguration' had me momentarily in the wrong century and place.
I will come back and read more later, when time allows.
phil

Owen Quinn wrote 750 days ago

You've obviously put a great deal of thought into this and worked this story out in your head. your characters are believable and each has their part ot play. It also touches on universal themes of how one train of thought can topple an empire and how the masses can frenzy over an idea they think can change their lives for the better and the social consequences that ensue. A deep read which gets into your head and makes you rhink.

lynn clayton wrote 753 days ago

I can tell this will be a deep and intelligent book. The style of narrative is perfectly suited to its depth. It's a joy to read beautiful prose and such subtle and complex characterisation. Brilliant pitch, too. Backed. lynn

Andrew Burans wrote 754 days ago

A very unique and compelling storyline showing a great deal of imagination and creative writing. Your character development is well done and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

DP Walker wrote 754 days ago

Hi Jared
Obviously a lot of work has gone into researching and plannig this and I think it is quite an original idea. I did think you could use more dialogue and less prose in the early chapters to set the pace a bit more, but this is just my personal opinion. I think this has a professional feel to it and has all the makings of a 'classic'.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Bocri wrote 754 days ago

In Union Swift Rupture has an opening reminiscent of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes tales or Charles Dickens's works. The style is not frivolous not even modern but does impart what I believe is the intended ambiance. The back references at the beginning of each chapter are exquisitely structured and revealing. I was intrigued, and impressed, by the author's use of a writing style from a previous era that readily reinforced the concept of a highly technical future. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

S Richard Betterton wrote 754 days ago

I don't read a lot of Sci-Fi, but when I read something like this, it makes me think I should! The premise is fascinating and the writing polished. Being an English teacher and therefore a grammar and vocab stickler, the only doubts I have in ch 1 (and I say only doubts) are The woods is/are and satiate/sate. I'm not sure my oprion would necessarily be an improvement... So, with nothing else to add but praise, backed.

SusieGulick wrote 762 days ago

Dear Jared, I love science fiction because you can go anywhere & do anything which your story does. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

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