The Raven and the Wolf

Hey, just wanted to drop a quite note here. I've read all the chapters you've put up here so far, but I'm craving more, you got me hooked! I really enjoy this story, the writing is superb, it flows well and is clear and concise, and best of all makes me forget that I'm actually reading and instead makes me feel like I'm watching a real story! I got so immersed in it that I totally lost track of time and stayed up for hours and hours reading it! So, great job! Keep up the good work and I'm rooting for you! I can't wait to see what happens in the future chapters! Thank you so much for the great read! Ganbatte!

~Ku-chan

Hi Athena,

The first thing that struck me was the style - only Irwing Wallace could have done it better. This book, if destine deems fit, will be mad einto a movie, and the screenplay is already there.
Engle's adventures, his trials and tribulations have been captured it their true essence and that's what keeps the pace up.
I can see this work of narration climbing the charts at a pace that equals the pace of the story itself
Starred for now and on my WL until a space opens up on my shelf - not far away.
all the best.

Jay Adiyarath
Expiry Date

You wrote beautifully--I was completely swept away. I started reading and I just felt like you whole world just opened up for me, in all its reality. Absolutely wonderful. I'm really impressed. You will be very successful, once you're published, I'm sure. I have no suggestions whatsoever...everything was beautiful and very professionally written. I'm sincerely blown away, under a wonderful spell. Well done. I think fans of this genre will be hearing of you, count on it. ;D
I wish you all the best with your writing, and God bless!

--Shieldmaiden

Vivid, vivacious, tempestuous tale of courage and honour. I have read an enormous amount of books, since I have been on this site. But this is an extraordinary piece of Literature that needs to be looked at, by at least someone who knows about real writing. You have to remind yourself, that the person who wrote this, is not even known for her talents. Because I thought, once or twice that I was reading a published novel. All the best with this book Athena. Your can triumph over the intangible by producing something as passionate as this. Take care, until we meet again. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Here at last, Athena: I like Engle's fanciful speculations re the ravens as he awaits his fate. He's a veteran of far too many years to fear death. He's also too clever to misinterpret the king's actions.

But misinterpret he does. William holds no animosity; he has simply been manoeuvred into an impossible position. There follows a truly marvellous exchange between William, Faircastor, Raitheborne and Father Peter - not only entertaining, but informative too. Ah, and William does harbour suspicions.

The next chapter starts with the brutal and stark truth of the boy's orphaning, which contrasts with the colour and noise of the caravan, and the kantorei who 'roamed as bold as foxes'. But there are dangers here too, particularly in the form of Claus. It's a neat trick that 'Tim' pulls on him.

This is clearly a cut above many similar fantasies. It shows primarily in the complexity of the characters who are moved by the currents of emotion, politics, society, and the myriad factors that influence real people. The plot is equally realistic with the sequence of events unfolding from logical causes - no deux ex machina, magic or improbably coincidences. The writing is assured, adding textures and tones and descriptions in with the action and dialogue rather than pausing to wax lyrical as fantasy is so wont to do. It is a mature and challenging story that is bound to do well. Some minor editing suggestions below, but this gets a high rating and a place on my shortlist for a guaranteed and extended backing.

Possible nits: Pitch: 'When it seems that a series of attacks seem to target Athaliah leaving a path...' -> 'A series of attacks seem to target Athaliah, leaving a path...' or 'When a series of attacks seem to target Athaliah, she leaves a path...' Story: 'their squawks proved no hardship to him [Engle]'. 'To the north lie [lay?] the great peaks', though peaks stand rather than lie. 'last view ... last rays'. 'his heart ... the boys' hearts'. 'searched for Father Peter ... search for sin'. 'push pass [past] their limitations. 'and various other predators', omit 'various'. 'do you belong too [to]?' 'not to [too] much of a man'.

This is well crafted book. There is so much that is creatively written. I enjoyed the way that you tell your story through each character. The opener is deep with feeling.
There isn't too much action, because it all seems to be in each character's head or feelings. Yet you work it well.
There are a few places that need a little work, but otherwise this is really good.
Grand work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

I read some of this a while ago, and I'm sure I got a very different impression of it then from now. Have you done a re-edit?

This is excellently written, beautifully constructed prose layered with imagery. It needs voice, though; I can "hear" it in there, I think you need to turn up the volume somewhat and let your personality come through more clearly. This is a starkly envisaged setting; it needs only to be brought forth in full colour to draw the reader fully into the story.

Hello Athena,

I decided to take peak at chapter one of your novel, it’s very interesting :}. Off the bat, I love the symbolism packed into the story. It’s interesting that Engle is closer to the ravens than the king himself! From an abstract prospective, this adds tension to the story, possibly foreshadowing a struggle between Engle and the King? I shall see! This raises another question; does Engle have more wisdom, power, or influence than his lord? The seeds of conflict are already being planted :}.

The queen was equally interesting. One might suspect that she represents the last trace of common sense in the kingdom. But even then she was hesitate, raising even more possibilities. Does the kingdom represent not just an enemy to Engle but also prejudice, hate, and distrust in general? I wonder how the hero will deal with this since the whole world is corrupt so far.

However, I do have a small suggestion :}. To enhance the imagery of his plot, it might help if you describe the Prince and Priest a tad more in detail. Do all of them represent the same thing? Or do some of them represent certain evils? As a fan of mythology and symbolism, I think this would add a huge bonus.

My other suggestion would be to enhance the characterization of the hero just a tad. Somehow, I found his motivations a little light. Maybe if you described through his actions how he felt about the outside through more detail with his emotions. For example, what did he think about the hesitation of the queen? Was he disgusted, saddened, upset? And how would this affect his actions and motivations? Does he distrust her, etc…? As of now, it just tells the reader a simple reaction.

Over all, I love this book so far :}.

Kind regards,

David Joyce

Lyso,
You've got a very smooth writing style, with a good voice for description. You've set up the tension between characters well, and they each have a unique personality and vibe. Keep going through edits (small typo in start of chapter two "He countless times he had watched..." etc. The only other thing I would suggest is building a bit more epic suspense into the first chapter or two. The over all actions are fine, but I'm missing a bit of the ultimate significance of what is happening in the world (opposing powers massing together to wage war, etc.) Anyway keep at it and do good,
Miller~ Advent of Light. The Awakening

Now this is interesting; you write almost in visual sequential panels, each paragraph a singular image crafted to fit into the narrative.

I like the layered in background of North European history and folklore too; subtly done, adds flavour without predominating, very nice.

Hey, just wanted to drop a quite note here. I've read all the chapters you've put up here so far, but I'm craving more, you got me hooked! I really enjoy this story, the writing is superb, it flows well and is clear and concise, and best of all makes me forget that I'm actually reading and instead makes me feel like I'm watching a real story! I got so immersed in it that I totally lost track of time and stayed up for hours and hours reading it! So, great job! Keep up the good work and I'm rooting for you! I can't wait to see what happens in the future chapters! Thank you so much for the great read! Ganbatte!

~Ku-chan

I've come back to your novel again and still found the same powerful characters that I did before. You have some very good characterization here and the elements that make up a good fantasy novel. I've gone through chapter 2, reading carefully and liked the manner you are weaving in the politics of this particularly world that create the tension of the novel. There are a few words missing here and there, like in the second paragraph you write "He countless times," but these are elements that can be polished easily. There were a few elements you might considering looking at. In the section where you describe the two sons you lead it off by mentioning William isn't certain they're his. Then in a paragraph each you describe them but never mention in what way they don't resemble him or what he thinks makes them not his own. You might consider tightening the two paragraphs to one and mention one thing each that sets them apart from him and just spend a little time on actual physcial characteristics. Spending several sentences each on the physical characteristics can slow down the pace and in this scene you don't want to difuse the tension you've built up from banashing Engle and waiting for the lord's reactions. You might also consider tightening up the sentence where the door rang shut and connect it directly to it jolting him out of his reverie to the two lords waiting in front of him. Good stuff, though, all said. I enjoyed it very much. Kristin

A very vivd story. I was drawn right in . I have rated it and plan on returning for a further read. Well done
Red

Hi Athena,

The first thing that struck me was the style - only Irwing Wallace could have done it better. This book, if destine deems fit, will be mad einto a movie, and the screenplay is already there.
Engle's adventures, his trials and tribulations have been captured it their true essence and that's what keeps the pace up.
I can see this work of narration climbing the charts at a pace that equals the pace of the story itself
Starred for now and on my WL until a space opens up on my shelf - not far away.
all the best.

Jay Adiyarath
Expiry Date

I'm really enjoying this read. Smoothly written and I love the raven angle. There's so much fantasy, its hard to be original or make me read on now. Your 'raven speak' and the idea of the legends associated really attracted me. One thing that did confuse me for a good while during the first chapter is 'who is Engle?' You were talking about him and his situation but I didn't know who or what he was and wanted some idea. For a time I even thought he was the king, because of how it was worded. Might just be me, but thought I'd mention it.

Once I sorted that out, I found the writing assured and the pace just right. I have this on my watchlist so that I can read on. I'll comment again, and shelve you when my queue goes down.
Cariad
STONES.

Athena,
Having now read several chapters I can only echo some of the earlier comments and say that this should work well in the fantasy field.
All the right ingredients are there – drama, good characters, well imagined and imaginative settings all wrapped together inside a well realised alternative reality.
My only small reservation is that on rare occasions you tend to revert to short sentences that feel repetitive. (The para ‘The cold water burned like fire…’ in the first chapter is good but the word ‘he’ feels overused.)
Best of luck with this project.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

This captivated me. It's one of the better written fantasy novels on here. Terrific attention to detail in both characters and physical descriptions. The plot is easy to understand and full of depth.

Typo, remove one of these words: “Daven was seventeen, matched HIS WITH brother in every way…”

I'm happy to back this one.

Brian
Mute

Very impressive prose and imagery. I will have to come back and read more of this.
Brava,
John B Campbell

Majestic prose - a very lyrical opening to your fantasy. This one seems to be concerned with power plays and personal conflicts; I did like the image of the raven at the top.

P

Athena,
Your story is the sort i like to hear around a camp fire, and chapter four is a great example. There's adventure, bravery and honour, and most of all, edge of the seat delicious suspense. Your characters are so vivid, exciting and exotic,i am looking forward to reading the rest of the book. You write beautifully, and i wish you much success.:)
Rated six stars and will back in the next couple of days.
Maria
"Dark of the Moon"

Deftly written. You create a good atmosphere and put the plot in action right away. The characters are drawn well and you weave in the backstory in a smooth manner. I wish you luck. Kristin

Came back and read Chapters 2 and 3.

This is all good stuff. I like the political undercurrents at the court – I felt a bit anti-William in the first chapter, but Chapter 2 shows things from his POV and you do a good job of making him sympathetic, trying to balance different people’s allegiances and machinations, with his personal doubts eating away at him. Excellent.

The only thing I didn’t like was ‘King Mainwaring’. I just couldn’t take this seriously as a fantasy name – sorry. Probably because of Dad’s Army. But if no-one else has mentioned it then it may just be personal taste.

On to Chapter 3, and a completely new set of characters. The description of how Tim came to be orphaned and alone really made me feel for him – again you’re doing a good job of making your characters sympathetic and believable. The storyline involving Claus and how Tim outwits him is effective.

The only thing I couldn’t quite get a handle on in this chapter is what is past and what is present. You start with ‘No one noticed the child …’ and go on to describe him and his possessions and memories, up to the fourth para ‘He had been alone now for many months …’ – this is clearly Tim’s present (even if it does include some memories of the past). Then you say how he had been living with relatives but ended up running away – clearly his past. ‘In time he joined a large group of pilgrims’ – I assume this is still past because you mentioned the wheels and mules at the beginning of the chapter (meaning his present is spent in the company of others rather than alone). So then the description of the initial days with the caravan must also be past, I think … do you see what I mean? When does the narrative return to Tim’s present, as set up at the beginning of the chapter? I didn’t feel I ever got a clear sense of returning from the backstory to the current action, yet by the end of the chapter it must have happened, because Tim’s gone from being unnoticed to finding friends in Ivan and Elsa.

Still, my initial opinion hasn’t changed after three chapters, so I’ll pop it on my shelf.

I’ve read the first chapter of this and I like it a lot. It has a dark, brooding atmosphere and some fine turns of phrase. Engle is a character with whom it’s easy to sympathise; his world-weary resignation and the feelings for the queen that he has to suppress make him stand out in stark contrast to the political machinations of the court.

Bits I particularly enjoyed: the first line. The description of the scars and the insight that gave into Engle’s character. The handprints on the doors (a wonderful dark image conjuring up years of human emotion and suffering). Engle’s emotions when he sees the queen and is carried back in memory to the first time he saw her.

I won’t put this on my shelf until I’ve read a bit further (never a good idea to judge a book on the basis of a single chapter). In the meantime, if you would be interested in a crit swap then I would be happy to come back and make some more detailed comments.

You wrote beautifully--I was completely swept away. I started reading and I just felt like you whole world just opened up for me, in all its reality. Absolutely wonderful. I'm really impressed. You will be very successful, once you're published, I'm sure. I have no suggestions whatsoever...everything was beautiful and very professionally written. I'm sincerely blown away, under a wonderful spell. Well done. I think fans of this genre will be hearing of you, count on it. ;D
I wish you all the best with your writing, and God bless!

--Shieldmaiden

You were so kind as to look at mine and I'm happy to look at yours. I'm just a bald old geezer in a bow tie, so this book isn't directed at me and accordingly it's difficult for me to evaluate. In particular there is a particular "voice" used in fantasy literature - one more archaic and more florid than would be used for a novel with a contemporary setting. You have it and you write fluently, and your tale begins in a structured way by setting out some basics concerning the characters and their situation and leaving a puzzle to draw the reader in. I note from the other comments and your ranking that your book has appeal, and I've no reason to suppose otherwise. You are evidently committed to writing and I do wish you luck.

In reviewing chapter 1, I picked up a handful of nitty things ; the sort of slips all writers (including me) make, and which get picked up in copy-editing. In the ordinary way I wouldn't mention them, but I want to return the favour by making sure your first chapter is as sharp as it can be, so that you have your best shot if you make it to the editor's table. So here they are (with apologies for pedantry):

1. In the first page you use "futility" and "futile". All writers have this tendency to repeat words at close intervals and we all have to guard against it. As a general point of style look out for this. Pick another word.

2. In the sentence: "With Lisseon's growing power and importance his expertise were called..." Should be "was called"

3. The phrase "the wood had burnished" should be "the wood was burnished". The verb "burnished" is transitive and needs an object, which is missing in this case unless the verb is turned into the passive voice - or something like that (ho hum).

4 It isn't wrong, but I would be inclined to make "pleaded" or "pled" the past tense of "plead", rather than "plead".

Less than earth-shattering.

Thanks for introducing me to your book. I wish you every success.

Jim

You were so kind as to look at mine and I'm happy to look at yours. I'm just a bald old geezer in a bow tie, so this book isn't directed at me and accordingly it's difficult for me to evaluate. In particular there is a particular "voice" used in fantasy literature - one more archaic and more florid than would be used for a novel with a contemporary setting. You have it and you write fluently, and your tale begins in a structured way by setting out some basics concerning the characters and their situation and leaving a puzzle to draw the reader in. I note from the other comments and your ranking that your book has appeal, and I've no reason to suppose otherwise. You are evidently committed to writing and I do wish you luck.

In reviewing chapter 1, I picked up a handful of nitty things ; the sort of slips all writers (including me) make, and which get picked up in copy-editing. In the ordinary way I wouldn't mention them, but I want to return the favour by making sure your first chapter is as sharp as it can be, so that you have your best shot if you make it to the editor's table. So here they are (with apologies for pedantry):

1. In the first page you use "futility" and "futile". All writers have this tendency to repeat words at close intervals and we all have to guard against it. As a general point of style look out for this. Pick another word.

2. In the sentence: "With Lisseon's growing power and importance his expertise were called..." Should be "was called"

3. The phrase "the wood had burnished" should be "the wood was burnished". The verb "burnished" is transitive and needs an object, which is missing in this case unless the verb is turned into the passive voice - or something like that (ho hum).

4 It isn't wrong, but I would be inclined to make "pleaded" or "pled" the past tense of "plead", rather than "plead".

Less than earth-shattering.

Thanks for introducing me to your book. I wish you every success.

Jim

Athena,

I checked out you fine book today and I found it intriguing and provocative, so I backed it and put it on my shelf, where it proudly sits. Can't wait to get into it. If you can take a look at either of my novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FREIND. It would be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Athena (your name sounds like you should have a part in your novel), You write with a wonderfully descriptive voice. I'm not a trained writer so please feel free to disregard anything I say.

You seem like you have a wonderful story to tell. The first chapter, without dialogue, serves the purpose of bringing the reader to the point where the story really starts. To me that's chapter 2. Is this not the purpose of a prologue? I would suggest you think seriously about either condensing chapter 1 a little and making it a prologue, or introducing some verbal interaction, at least between Ratheborne and Engle to bring us into the book early on instead of telling us about the story so much. With your skill, and it appears you have a great deal, that should be easy if you choose to do it.

In any event, a good start. Well done. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Thank you for your support for A PLACE IN LIFE. I hope you have the opportunity to enjoy the rest of it.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Not much I can add to the comments already made about the Raven and the Wolf. I was drawn in by the vivid description and tone. Very moody. I wish you much success.

Debra

This is the kind of fantasy that makes me stay up late at night. Backed!

I would love to know what you think about Age of Resurgence. Any critique or suggestion for improvement is appreciated. Thanks,

Ryan Holmes
Age of Resurgence

Hi Athena. My name is Old Bob. I've been perusing books rated under 1000 and came across yours. Usually I don't read fantasy but, from time to time, you come across something with a story that stands on its merits, setting taking a back seat. That is what I see in yours. Although I've only read the first chapter, I think I'm going to read more. I really enjoy your smooth voice and descriptive naritive.

My book, my first, Is A PLACE IN LIFE. I'm trying to get a feeling of how people react to it. If you have the time, I'd appreciate you looking at a chapter or two and letting me know what you think. I'd appreciate your comments very much.

Good luck with your book.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Hi Athena

I read this because of your title and then your pitch.
This is truly, very good and I do not understand why some publisher has not snapped this up yet!?
I would love to buy this.
Your writing is of a level I have not seen often on this site and to me it seems that it is only a matter of time before you are 'found'.
A pleasure to back and I will definitely be watching the progress of this excellent book.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

Hi Athena,

I read the first four chapters during holiday and was delighted to see such quality writing and storytelling. I definitely feel this is a publishable piece of work. A true pleasure to read. Good Luck!

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

The Raven and the Wolf
Athena, this is one of the best I've read on this site. There is nothing to say here except bravo! You not only need to be No. 1 on authonomy, but have publisher's contract. I am jumping you to the top and will place on my shelf tomorrow.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Athena-


Your book is truelly remarkable and it does really stand out from the rest of literary piece on this site. I have only read four chapters of your story but those were enough to convince me that you should be supported. I hope this work of yours will get its way to get published very soon.
Take care and good luck to your writing career.

FLETCH

Hi Athena

This is terrific. I love the pitch, title and I read the first few chapters. This deserves to be published.Really excellent.I've added to WL and starred. If you can, please have a look at my children's fantasy-Curious Cooper and the Screaming Skulls.
Best of luck to you, Claire

This is so beautifully written, and I found the opening effective. How could a reader not wonder why Engle had come to such a great sense of futility in his life? I love the atmosphere, and was especially pleased to see the ravens in your first chapter (as I have ravens in mine), which, in my opinion, adds a great sense of foreboding and melancholy to the story. I think it's hard to find a fantasy written in strong literary style, and I'm delighted that this is exactly what I've found in The Raven and the Wolf. Brava. I'm pleased to back this.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

You have some great ideas here, and you start off with a bang, which really helps to get my attention. That being said, it might help to rethink how you introduce the world. I know things become clearer as they go, but I felt that your opening line was very abrupt, without enough setting of the scene to make me care until he gets to the throne room. At the same time, you start adding more details about the world as you go, and in some places I felt it became a little heavy handed. The line that bothered me the most was the whole "to the north lie the Lisseon mountains," but I realized that's actually because you changed verb tenses there all of a sudden. On the other hand, its clear that you have really thought out the world you've created, and that is already a huge first step. I haven't read all of what you've posted, but I'm excited to read more. Backed!
KL

Athena -

The Raven and the Wolf - I read 3 chapters, held by the easy flow of writing and phrases like this ... At the level of his knees he saw the familiar wear spots on the doors; where the wood had burnished into perfect images of two hands ... Engle, the chief of the Lission, is unjustly banned by his king ... The life of one man could not be weighed against the welfare of an entire kingdom ... A great start to what promises to be a great story
There is a sentence in chapter 1 ... To the north (lie) the great peaks of the Lisseon Mountains ... check tense.
Also, in chapter 2, just a thougth ... 'Have I not said enough?' William recognised (his) desire ... maybe better to inserst 'the father's desire ... for clarity. Shortly after ... the monastry north of Traimiss (and) ruled by ... maybe replace and with a comma. And ... Do you (,) presume to know better than a husband ... take out comma.
In chapter 3, seven paras down ... After the first few nights he realised is was not always advantageous to steal away to a secluded spot for the night ... I don't understand this sentence in relation to what follows. Hope this helps your next edit-round. I love medieval stories, and the intelligence of the writing makes this a very enjoyable read. I've given this of a good rating and a place on my WL.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I wrote on a post earlier that I had never fallen in love with a book. I have now changed my mind.
Your writing is both vibrant and lively, easily as good as any published novel I have read. I look forward to the day it gets published, and it will, and when that happens you can bet I will be the first in line awaiting a signed copy:)
Excellent read.

Athena, found your book by chance, and I'm so glad that I did. You have a way of painting your characters and their environment, that brings them to life. Read upto Ch9 and have starred and placed on W/L. Hope that you do well with this...I'm sure that you will.
Babs

War – it has born along with human being. An orphan and his war to live on this earth is any way a good experience for reader. Subject is very rare and characters are more powerful and sequence of story is very good. This is an outlook of your novel.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

There are possibilities here and you certainly write well. I do like your descriptions - generally neat and not too much use of adjectives. However this entire first chapter is devoid of action - it is purely descriptive, and yet, it is a huge event - the first thing the reader reads, the first chance to meet important characters. I expected to hear people speak, to learn directly what they wanted to say. If only the punishment was read out, who read it? What did Engle see in the faces of the people there? I felt I was on the outside looking in, rather than part of the drama. I also thought there was a lot of snippets of history there probably didn't need to be yet. Potential definitely, but I would re-write ch1.

Very interesting idea, engaging read.

Well written. Try removing the word "that". You'll find you can do without it in most cases.

Rated and backed.

Cat
"Lies & Love"

Here at last, Athena: I like Engle's fanciful speculations re the ravens as he awaits his fate. He's a veteran of far too many years to fear death. He's also too clever to misinterpret the king's actions.

But misinterpret he does. William holds no animosity; he has simply been manoeuvred into an impossible position. There follows a truly marvellous exchange between William, Faircastor, Raitheborne and Father Peter - not only entertaining, but informative too. Ah, and William does harbour suspicions.

The next chapter starts with the brutal and stark truth of the boy's orphaning, which contrasts with the colour and noise of the caravan, and the kantorei who 'roamed as bold as foxes'. But there are dangers here too, particularly in the form of Claus. It's a neat trick that 'Tim' pulls on him.

This is clearly a cut above many similar fantasies. It shows primarily in the complexity of the characters who are moved by the currents of emotion, politics, society, and the myriad factors that influence real people. The plot is equally realistic with the sequence of events unfolding from logical causes - no deux ex machina, magic or improbably coincidences. The writing is assured, adding textures and tones and descriptions in with the action and dialogue rather than pausing to wax lyrical as fantasy is so wont to do. It is a mature and challenging story that is bound to do well. Some minor editing suggestions below, but this gets a high rating and a place on my shortlist for a guaranteed and extended backing.

Possible nits: Pitch: 'When it seems that a series of attacks seem to target Athaliah leaving a path...' -> 'A series of attacks seem to target Athaliah, leaving a path...' or 'When a series of attacks seem to target Athaliah, she leaves a path...' Story: 'their squawks proved no hardship to him [Engle]'. 'To the north lie [lay?] the great peaks', though peaks stand rather than lie. 'last view ... last rays'. 'his heart ... the boys' hearts'. 'searched for Father Peter ... search for sin'. 'push pass [past] their limitations. 'and various other predators', omit 'various'. 'do you belong too [to]?' 'not to [too] much of a man'.

I love the style of language in your character's conversations. You paint the medieval picture better than any books i've read in a while. Your first two chapters hint at Engle's past while inticing readers to dig deeper for the details. This deserves to be published, I felt like I was reading a novel off the shelf all the while. Happily backed.

Wesley W.
(Escalon: Magic vs. Science)

Fast paced, exciting. Well done. I wish you the best of luck at the writing contest.
Cheers, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Thank you very much for backing the "The Doctor of Summitville" and for calling my attention your novel. Backed.
Bill Carrigan

Vivid, vivacious, tempestuous tale of courage and honour. I have read an enormous amount of books, since I have been on this site. But this is an extraordinary piece of Literature that needs to be looked at, by at least someone who knows about real writing. You have to remind yourself, that the person who wrote this, is not even known for her talents. Because I thought, once or twice that I was reading a published novel. All the best with this book Athena. Your can triumph over the intangible by producing something as passionate as this. Take care, until we meet again. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

The change in system has made me revisit some of my watchlist etc. and I didn't remember anything about this book. Gave it a shoot.

It's great to see a book's cover and think "what's this now?." and then read it and the writing is even better.

I liked your writing style. It's got that intense feeling to it, the narrative. Vivid. Congratulations!!

I liked your writing style. It's got that intense feeling to it, the narrative. Vivid. Congratulations!!

I liked your writing style. It's got that intense feeling to it, the narrative. Vivid. Congratulations!!

I've read through chapter 5 so far and I'm very impressed. You have woven a interesting story with strong characters in a world that feels tangible. There are a couple of typos, but nothing major, and your style is beautifully descriptive without ever losing the plot in the detais. I fully intend to keep reading!