That It Was

This is a beautifully written love story. Bea

Very interesting pitch, a real story about human nature.

Backed.

(It Goes On Forever)

Heya... a very interesting read...waiting to read the rest...


Best luck

Ana The Sorceress and the Guardian

The sensuality in the opening paragraphs is very well done without being overdone. The narrator's excitement is almost palpable.
I also liked the subtle first introduction of Father Dominguez' identity.

Minor point: She is either a brunette or has brown hair. She does not have brunette hair.
And would you describe a thirty year old as a girl? I know some blokes who do, but that says a lot more about them that they would like to. In this instance, this took the narrator down a peg or two in my eyes.

The confessional scene is good. Little said but much revealed -- especially about Father D.

Chapter 4: excellent tension as he waits. It's at this point though that I know he should stop referring to her as a girl. It makes him sound like a dirty old man.

I have actually read on until chapter 10, mainly to find out whether she is merely a nasty tease or has some other reason for her compulsive behaviour towards Father D. He has been mostly true to form in these chapters but she has too much of a ring of the Dream Woman. My mind kept going back to Claudia Schiffer and Garth in Wayne's World for some reason.
I know the narrator is a celibate chap, so things will look a bit like that to him, but I would have liked her to be a bit less two dimensional. How could you achieve that? I have no idea.

Do you really want to demean this book with the Chick Lit label? I think it is better than that! The monk in love has been done who knows how many times, but you do delicately and tastefully. And I will like Father D even more when he stops calling the woman a girl.

Best wishes.
Huseyin
All Things Noble

Hi Soirac
Just brilliant. A very intoxicating story, deftly handled. Backed.
Hope you're tip top
JG Reynolds (Head, Heart & Trousers).

Hi, Solrac: "Transfixed" is the perfect word to use. You describe an intimate moment of first meeting with such clarity that it can only be believed and felt. Great start. Shelved. Best always, Tim Greaton

Hi Solrac,

Your book is so inviting. I would love to know what plays out between Father Dominguez and Antoinette. The brief moment of being in each others presence at the bookstore was enough to jump-start his affections for her. Father Dominguez was even paranoid when speaking to the Bishop. This is a very romantic tale. Shelved.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

An agreeable, easy-to-read style, and a strong dilemma for the main character. While you convey his confused and conflicted state, and the thunderbolt nature of his sudden infatuation well, I couldn't quite accept him as a 45 yr old priest. He 'read' more like a freshly-graduated seminarian in his early 20s, not someone who must have been hearing confession and grappling with temptation for half his life. You might consider spending more time on his decision not to confess or even discuss his obsession with his superior - in a culture of confession and self-examination, he seems not even to consider it, and his motivation is unclear. If he has already decided to break his vows, what drove him to this?

Your writing is lyrical, and I enjoy the narrative voice. I'm not always much for romance stories, but this is well-written and the premise is excellent. I see others have made some comments regarding editing, so I will skip that and wish you all the best.
Judy
The Existence Game

I like your book, but I will not read anything religious, so I'm sorry.
But I like the way you set up your book and I wish you all of the best luck with your book.
Nicole Summers
A Child From Afar
Have you done your part of our swap read???
You should keep up your side of the bargain other wise every one will know that you do not keep up your side of the bargain and not to do a swap read with you. Also I think that you are a little sketchy.

The classic age-old love dilemma! There's a lot of charm to That It Was. Beware when writing in the first person of repetition. There are way to many; her, she! Read aloud and you will realise this. That apart, its just the kind of premise that readers of the genre luv. Good luck.

Hi Solrac,

An interesting concept and well written, you writing has a lovely flow to it. Your opening chapter introduces the book perfectly. All the best!

Kit
Blue Fire

Hi Solrac,

This is written with true passion and emotion. The characters jump off the page and warm the heart. We find ourselves concerned about their feelings and passions. Very well done. I'm happy to back your work.

Backed 100%

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

Beautifull written
I read all the chapters...
Just waiting for it to come out in the stores now...
That It Is :)

Wonderfully written.
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Hi Solrac ...

This is truly a beautiful piece of work and should be published. Although there is not a plot as such, it flows well and holds the reader spellbound. In Father Dominguez you have a strong central character, who at the same time is very niave. I somehow appear to think of him as a grown up school boy, with his first love. So wise and yet unaware of the ways of the world.

Could your novel be improved ... I do not think so? It is written just right. If I had to be picky, the only thing I would suggest you alter is the ellipsis. it should be 'word ... word' with a space before and after. At the end of dialogue it should be 'word ...' with a space before only.

The only other suggestion would be that I have noticed a few times you have written: 'he nodded his head'. By the fact that the only part of the body that can be 'nodded', is the head, A simple: 'He nodded', is good enough.

I apologise for my pickiness. A really good read. 'Backed'. All the Best. Regards ... Duncan.

Chapter 1

This is a beautiful first chapter. Tbe seduction of wanting and desire is more exciting than the act of love itself. I would buy this love story or check this book out at the library . The only crit I have is I want to know the location where this is happening. The pacing of the story is excellent and you move the story right along with detail and distinction. Good writing. Shelved with pleasure.

Julia Rush
My Parallel Universe

Really good, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Solarc.

Youhave done a wonderful job describing the callanges all prients face - espscially Catholic priests. Few truly realize what it means to give up everything for Christ. The world is full of chriticism of priests today, when compassion and forgivness is in order. Priests are just men. Your work has described the compassion and forgivness.

I will definitely back this work.

Please take a look at, comment on, and back Jamie 7.

Keep smiling
Joseph D Palermo
Jamie 7

Great pitch followed up by wonderful work, good luck. Backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Great pitch followed up by wonderful work, good luck. Backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

You captured the feelings of Father Dominguez as he walks with his guilt. I enjoyed what I read. I backed your book and if you have not already, I would appreciate you reading and commenting on December Gold. Blessings.

backed

This is charming. Would love to read more. Will the girl accept his excuses and what excuses will he give? What happens to Christopher?

Backed with pleasure
Anna
Born on Friday 13th

It's on the shelf.

Father Dominguez is clearly depicted, with his thoughts and feelings laid out very believably. The 'beautiful girl' is not. She isn't even an outline by ch5., not even any speculations or fantasies about her. The infatuation/fixation seems to be with her appearance, her physical presence only. In ch 5 she speaks to him, and does some surprisingly intimate things with a man who has so far said not one word to her. She moves his legs aside, sits, and puts his legs over hers. Then touches his lips. All very unusual actions, and which might well disconcert a shy man who was not a priest.

You do a great job of pulling us along in the story. I got to chapter 3 - which is something I rarely do on Authonomy because of time crunch. Thanks for the very short chapters - much easier to read on the computer screen.

Backed.

Solrac,
I am going to back your book THAT IT WAS. I hope you will reciprocate and back DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, if not both.

Thank you,

Dwain-Thomas

You've done a wonderful job of capturing that first and breathless scene of love at first sight. And after that, in chapter one, you describe the uneasiness of hiding his secret. It made me anxious, well done! Thank you and good luck.

This is a fast read. The short sentences and brief chapters move the pace along at a nice clip. A few things I noticed:

In the first chapter, you call her skin soft, though you can't know that because you haven't touched it. Another time, you mention that she is confused. She may have an expression of confusion, but to say she is confused is a POV shift.

You use the term "beautiful" several times in describing her. That's good, but you might think of varying it for flavor. In chapter 5, there is a sentence about breath moving in and out, followed quickly by a sentence, "I breathe." That seemed redundant.

I was very surprised that she touched him on his lips, a total stranger. Even with the connection they shared, that seemed extremely forward and strange. Also, you might consider, "I'd shaken hands with women" instead of "shook the hands of women."

I hope you find these comments helpful. Your book is well-written and well-edited!

Cyndi

What I meant about 'Ave Maria' is that it seems too clichêd. What I wonder is, though, whether you have, in fact, researched this and it is standard fare in monasteries...?

Apart from 'Ave Maria', this was an assured opening. I'm hooked, though not yet particularly sympathetic towards Father Dominguez. That'll come, though, I'm sure.

Nice twist...the guy watching the girl in the bookstore or library is a priest! Enough of a hook for me to look forward to chapter two. Good luck with this!
Susan
Flirting in Spanish

Hi Solrac - chick-lit with a difference and a warm smile. You write well and have created excellent characters and witty dialogue. Backed.
Best wishes, Barry
Little krisna and the Bihar Boys

THAT IT WAS:

Solrac,

A beautifully written novel, in my favourite first person present tense, and you do it as I would have wanted to do it.
Excellent/
Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

THAT IT WAS:

Solrac,

A beautifully written novel, in my favourite first person present tense, and you do it as I would have wanted to do it.
Excellent/
Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

THAT IT WAS:

Solrac,

A beautifully written novel, in my favourite first person present tense, and you do it as I would have wanted to do it.
Excellent/
Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

THAT IT WAS:

Solrac,

A beautifully written novel, in my favourite first person present tense, and you do it as I would have wanted to do it.
Excellent/
Backed, with pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Solrac
It makes a refreshing change to read a book written in the first person present. It flows well and is an interesting read dealing as it does with a subject about which many people must be curious. Shelved.
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

THAT IT WAS
Solrac,
an enticing pitch - I can see this appealing to a wide range of readers.
In some ways, I almost wish I didn’t know the quandry of the watcher in the first chapter - it is such a lovely passage, and I would almost have liked to be surprised when I found out he can’t really have what he desires... It was lovely, all the same.
The writing has a beautiful, almost dream-like quality to it.
I really enjoyed this, and an happy to support it.
All the best,
Kit Matthews (Insight)

loved this Solrac a pleasure to read!

loved this Solrac a pleasure to read!

Proudly backed, this is a beautiful work of art. You've done a great job capturing your audience with in the first sentance. I'd strongly recomend to anyone! sorry I couldn't give critique to help better piece, I liked just the way it was wrote.
Brittani Alisa-

There is a longing that lasts long enough to give the reader a deep heartache, followed by the lust-filled moments between sentences.

There is control, and thought, and a mastery of the written desire that takes the reader into the pages and makes him long along with the padre's longing.

There is, in other words, experience in the writer's hand.

An experience with which he, the writer, masterfully guides the reader where he wants him, and holds him there as long as he wants before releasing him to the next guilt, or desire.

The book comes from deep within a mind that has longed, and loved.

It should do well.

I've placed on my watchlist to keep an eye on it...


Well done,

rek

Your first chapter is beautifully written. Poor father Dominguez - so close... and yet so far. This is very well done. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

Hello Solrac, I liked what i read - the descriptive opening paragraph of someone watching the beautiful woman is intense and I can see what he is seeing in my mind - well done and i wish you joyn with it.
Paula - Ruined Echoes
It has been shelved these last few days - have you by chance looked at my story?

I can understand why the priest is intrigued by the girl, but I cannot understand why such a lustful became a priest in the first place. I guess that's penitence for you. I don't know, I cannot understand the mindset of priests. All I can say is I'm glad I never chose that profession. She sounds pretty, but if he's so obsessed by her, he must have been obsessed by hundreds of other girls who fit the description of the girl in the opening paragraphs. Either you need more description about her or less. The way it stands, she does not sound any more appealing than most females. It sounds as though the priest lived his life with blinders on until the moment in the bookstore.

All and all this is a nicely paced read. I'm not a big fan of two-word sentences, but some people like that choppy style. It is easy to read, I guess. I wish you the best of luck with this. I'll come back and read more if I get a little time. Shelved for a while.

Hi Soltrac I have already backed your book but in line with my policy, I try tp read a little of the books on my shelf every day. The feelings of Father Dominguez are explained really well in the first chapter. A man 'smitten' with something that he cannot really comprehend, A great start. Well done.

Colt
A Time for Living

Hi Solrac,

I already backed the book but have returned to leave comment. I thought the longer pitch sounded interesting. The shorter one I would change.

A terrific start. Right into the character’s mind. Good pacing and tight prose. Great characterisation. Very believable.

I’ve read three chapters and have thoroughly enjoyed the read. Very well written and a compelling story.

Shinzy :)

The writing is evocative. The scene is well set and the characters really move. I do not like the use of a semicolon where a full stop would do. Early on there are poorly constrcted sentences that jar.
I shelve it notwithstanding.

Good luck