Deathwatch: Michael

You're a vet here, Orlando, so you know I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. For the long pitch, end it with a question to pique your reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Orlando, I love that you show how it is in a surrounding/happenings I have never been in - odd how our lives are shielded. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Will have to finish this off this month as penance for dropping out of NaNo last year. No excuses.

Viva la NaNo! :)

~Traci

Hey there,

The opening was disjointed- had a hard time figuring out the format, eventually decided it was news announcements?

Michael's retirement scene was sad (as I'm sure ti was meant to be) but still needed a little more to fill in why the guy giving the speech was such an asshole and Michael so bitter... I was a little confused. A lot of alcohol must have been involved.
"Silence was Anita's reproach and her gift to Michael" Love this line. I feel like I know her from this.

Things didn't start really engaging for me until you brought in Pistol. He is vivid and real,t he scene gritty, the dialogue authentic, and I have a bad feeling for him...

Great job developing Michael more in the kitchen...aha, now I know his heartache, his heartbreak, and his dim reputation...
Pistol's ominous trick... you build the tension at a great pace. Love this harsh line: "If it don't smell right don't lick it."

I think you should break up the chapter more. Lodge a new one at every POV shift. My opine.

Why do you go back to Danny's POV after he's dead? I confess, I'm a bit at sea.. the multiple POVs, the many characters... looking for a connecting thread.. the man with the golden eyes.

OK.. Here's my feedback- it's raw and powerful. I had to keep reading even while I was "lost" as to where you were going... I think the part about Danny should be earlier. It's a great segment, the "last thing he could smell before he suffocated was the first thing he smelt." Whoa.

Shelving for the potency and gritty power here.
Aloha
V
Hawaiian Orchid

Woo for NaNo!
Your pitch sounds interesting -- will have a read when I get the chance. I'm hopefully uploading mine soon. Want to do a little novel swap?
: )
Happy Novelling!

Thank you for the vote of confidence and the boost......

I have uploaded......

I may do..... providing that Authonomy's little gremlins let me through...........

Awesome stuff..... tough, gripping and intriguing.......

Hello Fellow NaNoWriMo Authonomists.

I'll be updating this novel every three days just to keep the whip cracking over our heads.