The Dream Snatcher of Drumcarry

The Dream Snatcher of Drumcarry.
By Malcolm Judge.


Hi Malcolm, I must say I like both your pitches, short and long.
They say so much in a short space. Great!!
You have got your book off to a good start with chapter 2, good description of the fight between Black Bob and Billy.
I thought your storyline was unique, the reading of other peoples dreams...nice Idea.
I found 'The Dream Snatcher of Drumcarry' to be just right for the Y/A market and even for a later age group.
I enjoyed the 5 chapters that I managed to read, the site kept breaking down.
You may have been editing, not to worry.
I'm pleased to star rate your book high on what I've read so far...a well written and compelling read.
I wish you the best with it.
Will shelve soon as I can.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone..

Chapter 2:

Excellent chapter again, you certainly show that you've had kids in your description. As a father of a 2 1/2 year old whirlwind I can identify with your description of Harry at least. :) I did think that perhaps you should include the actual ages of Jack and Sam too, just to help the reader place them appropriately. Other than that I think this is a great read, very easy, and no grammatical problems that I've noticed. I love the surprise of leaving Sam behind, the description of Mrs. Burlington needing to sit on a sofa in a darkened room instead of starting a five-hour drive, the awkwardness of the trip after forgetting Sam, and especially Mrs. Festwick. Her voice, her sarcasm, her standing WAY back as they drive off to park on the far side of the park...very nice indeed. :) I can definitely see kids enjoying this. I know I am.

Chapter 1

I love your description of Billy’s dreams and how powerful they are. It’s poetic, and delightful, and would be especially so to children with their vivid imaginations.
Black Bob starts with an accent, “Get up yer scoundrel” but drops it immediately after. “You” “You’re” are used later without the accent. And wouldn’t it be yuh? for you, and Yer for You’re? Depends what accent you’re giving him of course. You’re more familiar with that than I am.
You say at twelve Billy is taller than Black Bob. But is Bob short or is Billy really tall for his age?
As he span should it be spun down it?
The big question I had, of course, was who handed Billy the wooden club? That’s the first question everyone would have been asking, those who bet against him would have been mad with the guy. Did he just disappear? Because that would be a good hook for the next chapter, to end with that question of where he went or who he was.
I like this chapter though. It shows Billy’s character a good bit. Fun-loving, hard-working, a bit careless with the time and a dreamer, but also a fighter if need be. I like the description of his clothes, but wonder if maybe you could weave in a little more description of him beyond the fact that he’s taller than Black Bob. Is he tall and rail-thin? What colour is his hair? Eyes? Is he strong or weak? What’s his facial structure like? What does his voice sound like? Is it deep already or cracking with puberty or still boyish? I’m sure you’ll answer these questions eventually, but sooner is better so I can picture him in this first scene.
Overall this is very well written, I’ll read on, but I’m happy to give it six stars and a trip to my shelf as soon as possible.
All the best,
Nathan Maki – A War Within

Hi Malcolm,

I'm here to read and comment as promised. Sorry it's taken a little while, I've had lots of reads I owed. :) I'll comment as I go.

Prologue: I was intrigued. This conjured up a picture in my mind and drew me into the story. I want to learn, is this old man bitter and vengeful against dreamers? What is he looking for? Is he a hero or a villain? If a villain he's already multidimensional because we see where that bitterness comes from. If he's a hero, again he has depth because he must have overcome that childhood pain brought on by his gift and his heart to help his friends. Either way I want to read on and find out more, which is the whole point of a prologue. Well done!

interesting approach, i don't usually read children books, but you seem to have a knack for it. the work is sensible and well tailored towards kids..
Adina

I know it's just a prologue but I felt like the language was too vague. The premise is so interesting, so inviting that reading the prologue was like opening a donut box only to find a piece of broccolli. Don't you want to endear the reader to your MC immediately? Don't waste a bit of the page (this coming from someone who believes that donuts should be a seperate food group). On to chapter one...

Broccoli instead of doughnuts! Yuck. Thanks for the honesty, I'll have a look at that.

I know it's just a prologue but I felt like the language was too vague. The premise is so interesting, so inviting that reading the prologue was like opening a donut box only to find a piece of broccolli. Don't you want to endear the reader to your MC immediately? Don't waste a bit of the page (this coming from someone who believes that donuts should be a seperate food group). On to chapter one...

This is an interesting children ‘s story with some nice touches of humour. From the family scenes it is quite clear you are a dad! You’ve been there – one can tell. For me this really came to life with Billy’s return to Drumcarry in Ch.7 and my favourite character was the bored Sarah Linnekar. I like the menace of the Dream Snatcher and the story gets more and more exciting towards the end. I spotted a couple of tiny mistakes in your long pitch. Firstly, you say “one hundred years later”, but in the story it is one hundred and fifty years, and secondly that Billy bumps into Jack, yet his first encounter is with Sam, and Sam seems to be the key to tracking Billy down. Good luck with this.

I saw your book on Jessica Haight's shelf and read her review. The book you have written looks interesting and I have decided to back it. I am hoping to have more time to read more of it soon.

What an extraordinary idea, Malcom. I love it. And am sure that everyone loves to dream.
Hilarious, whimsical, brimming with twists and turns, I couldn´t click off till The End.
When I was finished, I googled Drumcarry, Scotland, but got tons of musical instrument sites -- will try again.
Am backing your story.
Elina
CLASH -- A Novel of Extremes

Thanks for the feedback.

Hi Malcom,
I love the premise and the initial rhyme. I like that Billy's dreams are powerful ( I still think mine are, lol- just like I'm still waiting for my owl notifying me that I'm invited to Hogwarts) Good, brutal description of the boy being buried alive. Good voice for Black Bob. I am looking forward to reading more of this. Great writing! Backed!


Simple Edits;
In a matter of minutes, the whole sky... (comma after minutes)
The sun was warm on his face, and the sky looked good enough... (comma after and, the sky looked good enough to eat could be its own sentence.
The clanging of hammers- (present action tense- clanging should perhaps be pounding-)
Without meaning to, Billy started to drift off to sleep. It wasn't a restful sleep, it never was. (comma after to, period after sleep- start new sentence.)
Sleeping meant dreaming, and ever since he's lost his parents, Billy was afraid of his dreams. (comma after dreaming, comma after parents.) I like this sentence, but it's a little awkward, I would look up the most correct comma placement for this structure, because the comma could also be placed after and-
Clouds would change shape (omit their), grass would flatten under a giant's footstep, and the wind really would whisper in his ear. (comma after footstep- a series of three)
SInce working on the railways, Billy had seen some terrible things. (comma after railways)
All dialogue should be double quotes "Sorry, I fell asleep"
Billy's face, and he could barely see. (comma after face- he could barely see could be its own sentence.)
yelled, cheered, and booed. (comma after booed- series of three)

Hi Malcom,
I love the premise and the initial rhyme. I like that Billy's dreams are powerful ( I still think mine are, lol- just like I'm still waiting for my owl notifying me that I'm invited to Hogwarts) Good, brutal description of the boy being buried alive. Good voice for Black Bob. I am looking forward to reading more of this. Great writing! Backed!


Simple Edits;
In a matter of minutes, the whole sky... (comma after minutes)
The sun was warm on his face, and the sky looked good enough... (comma after and, the sky looked good enough to eat could be its own sentence.
The clanging of hammers- (present action tense- clanging should perhaps be pounding-)
Without meaning to, Billy started to drift off to sleep. It wasn't a restful sleep, it never was. (comma after to, period after sleep- start new sentence.)
Sleeping meant dreaming, and ever since he's lost his parents, Billy was afraid of his dreams. (comma after dreaming, comma after parents.) I like this sentence, but it's a little awkward, I would look up the most correct comma placement for this structure, because the comma could also be placed after and-
Clouds would change shape (omit their), grass would flatten under a giant's footstep, and the wind really would whisper in his ear. (comma after footstep- a series of three)
SInce working on the railways, Billy had seen some terrible things. (comma after railways)
All dialogue should be double quotes "Sorry, I fell asleep"
Billy's face, and he could barely see. (comma after face- he could barely see could be its own sentence.)
yelled, cheered, and booed. (comma after booed- series of three)

This is fun ! Good scary dreams, too. Runs very very smoothly - adding it to my Stretching Bookshelf for now ! Can see we have things in common here !

Have only read the first few chapters but I'm hooked. It's really well-written and a unique story. I like the mystery that's building and the little quirky bits !! I will keep reading but am backing this!

The dream snatcher of drumcarry
Nice cover, I enjoyed reading the first three chapters
Backed
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Hi Malcolm, I love your pitch-it grabbed me from the start. This is a very imaginative plot and I can see it having lots of appeal. Two things I noticed- there isn't any dialogue until well down on the page of chapter one. I say this only because I had a similar issue with mine until someone (who is published) pointed it out to me that kids can get alittle bored when there are blocks of text. The other thing is the title, I love the beginning and its such an imaginative idea that I woud have expected something more interesting sounding or, even leave the Drumcary bit out, The Dream Snatcher is a great title in itself. Just my opinions of course. I'm adding to my watchlist and look forward to reading more. Best wishes

Great fun, the Burlington's are especially well drawn. On my watch list

Like your pitch. Have added your book to my watchlist and will lead very shortly. All the best.

Malcolm - both the title, the cover and the pitch are extremely attractive so though time travel is not my genre I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read and am delighted to back your book. Am sure you will do well. Best wishes Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Good structure and the plot works well. Original pitch. Enjoyed what i read and happy to back.
Kevin
Arkiotechs: Blood Orange

This is a well-told tale. Billy, a twelve-year-old working orphan, is a victim to his dreams and the aggression of his workmates. Enter a helper, and a sinister old man with evil intent. And the very ordinary, present day Burlington family taking their holiday. This story has mystery, humour and suspense aplenty, and I do hope one day to read to the end. Backed.

Jacqui
William's Revenge

I love time travel, so this was a must to read. Very descriptive writing which I found captivating. You have crafted a very professional book from your imaginative mind. Billy was a likeable and engaging character. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

atmosperic, intriguing opening. I look forward to delving into this further. Backed for now.

Dear Malcolm,
Your book reminds me a little of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. Time travel is so interesting! Your cover art is very descriptive and matches your book well. Very nice job!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Dear Malcolm
This is such a good book cover and one I would pick up in the stores.... What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now done. I commented and backed it a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Life is a bowl of Drumcarry. Very nice work. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

The prologue is one of the best I have ever read. It succeeds in everything it needs to.

"In a matter of minutes the whole sky resembled a giant dinner table" such excellent crafting and wordsmanship.

I also like the temporal shifts, they work.

There truly is a heartfelt angst floating beneath the narrative.

You write as an author and you have all the skills necessary. Good luck.

Oh, BACKED by the way. Sorry, I should have started out with that. Cheers

BRILLIANT concept, told well using all the tools of writing- should do well; watchlist...
read SEASONS

Hi Malcolm, I've really enjoyed reading your fine work. The opening is very intriging, with the old man walking in the dark, thinking about the boy with special powers. Is the old man, the boy grown old?
The second chapter shows us Billy on the railway and the terrible conditions in which he works under the sharp eye and tongue of Black Bob.
Excellent work -- backed with pleasure,
barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

You do a great job of scene-setting and establishing your characters. The action writing is strong as well, and your dialog sounds authentic. I didn't see any technical weaknesses in what I read except the final sentence of Chap. 2, which needs a harder break than a comma. But the storyline is quite engaging, and the writing strong, so I'm happy to back it for you.
If you’re so inclined, please take a look at “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, it’s bound to have happened somewhere)”, a rollicking parable of suffering and struggle told through humor.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

I agree that YA is your bread and butter, this is wonderful and I wish you the best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Unique and vividly written, Malcolm. Youngsters should enjoy this story. I did, too! All the best with it.
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

This is definitely publishable and a fantastic YA book. This is not my typical genre but I found myself reading, through to ch 5. Time does not permit me to finish but I would.

I"m curious how Billy and Jack come together, if that's what they do?

Happily Backed
Denise

Great pitch, good story and strong characters. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Hi Malcom

This is my material and I am very pleased to back this. You write bloody well and I have no hesitation in backing good work

Sincerley
Brendan
The Russian Hat

As a fellow writer for children, I can see how very good this is. Perfectly pitched to your target audience, you have a brilliant story here. I have read three chapters and could happily carry on. Infact, I will return to this. Everyone can and should enoy this and that is a great compliment to you.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Malcolm,
This is an original piece of work, and an enticing pitch. Backed with pleasure
Helen

I thought this was a child's book but it's the sort of book I'd read when not on Authonomy.
It's flamboyant and has an innocence and joie dr vivre often found in children's literature but rarely in adult literature anymore.
It's overflowing with talent and should be published immediately so i can buy it. backed. lynn

A great story and very strong pitch. will be back to read more.
Best of luck.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

I clicked open your book thinking it would be the ideal type of book for my daughter, but I was mistaken.

It's a great book for adults, too! Such a sweet and magical tale, with elements of suspense and intrigue -- and never dumbed down. Somewhat reminiscent of Twain. That's right, Twain.

Looking forward to reading more. But I don't need to wait to back it now.

Up on the shelf it goes,

Best

G
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Dream Snatcher ...

Lyrical, poetic first chapter. I will back this.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Very confident writing, and your belief in the plot shows (rather than just a vehicle to sell words) I know that at nearly 30k words it probably wouldn't get picked up by a magazine (possibly if offered as a serial, though I don't know who would take it on) but I would certainly think it would work well in an anthology of material (sort of has a Roddy Doyle-ish feel to it in part, and some of the imagery reminds me a little of Irvine Welsh in places.)

Backed with pleasure, and I hope you achieve some success with this because it deserves it.

Malcolm, OMG this is an incredible read. I have not gotten to the end yet, but your story is strong and different and so real to me. You have a way with your mind that translates through your words and into this wonder of a book. CONGRATS. When this book reaches the stores I will buy this. SHELVED for sure by me

Would you take the time to read some of my book and give me your feedback. All comments are always welcome, one can never get too much help. and if you like it please back it.
BACKED
BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Hi Malcolm,
Forget the kids, I want to read it. I chose three chapters through out the book and it is evident you are a skilled storyteller. I see you have kids, they must have a wild time come bedtime story time.

I can't fault your writing, your suspense or anything really. I was reading a writing magazine yesterday and it was talking about the young adult market and apparently they like humour. It is in there but maybe a couple more humorous thoughts from Billy. Just a thought.
Thank you for an interesting read.

Hi Malcolm
This is a really original idea and I love the premise. Definitely more YA than children though. I think a lot of adults would read this as well. You sue some great vocabulary enabling the reader to feel themselves almost in the story itself. The prologue in particular was perfect - short and cncise yet dramatic enough to make the reader want to find out more. Backed.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Dear Malcom, I love your darling ending. :) Cute story - my dreams are always weird, too. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)

Your prose reads very easily, and I appreciate your attention to detail. I would place this under the genre of Young Adult rather than Children, though. Backed.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon

Terrific idea and excellent writing. Backed.

Donna Burgess (Darklands)

Excellent...as a teacher I know this would be very well received in the classroom...CD book with illustrations perhaps? Enormous potential...happy to back it
Best wishes
Stewart

Excellent...as a teacher I know this would be very well received in the classroom...CD book with illustrations perhaps? Enormous potential...happy to back it
Best wishes
Stewart