The High Wizard of Silvinesh

Hi Rodney,

Such wonderful work... The High Wizard of Silvinesh lives up to all that the fantasy/adventure genre espouses, an it does so beautifully. The plot is clearly laid out -- that is that William's way of life may soon come to an end, unless he acquires the magical object from Crystal Mountains.

I can see why this was published. You clearly thoroughly worked on all the vivid details, because I saw no holes in the plot.

I am continuously amazed at the caliber of writing that the authors of Authonomy are capable of, and The High Wizard of Silvinesh is a stellar example of such writing ability. Shelved.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

I always find this genre intriguing. You have done a grand job here, with a cleverly written storyline, and a great feel for the characters. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Hi Rodney,

This has the elements of a good story ut it starts too slowly with too much description rather than action. You need to have something happening within the first few paragraphs, you can come back to the backstory and any other needed information later.

You also have quite a few unnecessary coomas which need to be weeded out.

Tense is another issue that needs to be addressed. Present tense is difficult to write in the first place and even harder to maintain. You need to watch out for mixed tenses.

The premise of the story is good though and if you can soert out these technical issues you could be on to a winner.

Ron

Rodney,

The High Wizard of Silvinesh takes place in a fully-imagined world with a rich history of its own. The characters of William and Alentia are appealing, with their elvin magic and longevity combined with human traits of action and impulsivity. It was an interesting choice to use present tense in this genre. I'm not sure I've seen that before. It brings some immediacy to what typically seems long ago. It doesn't succeed 100% with me, but that's just one opinion.

Most of my comments have to do with style, which I recognize is a personal choice and we all have our quirks. Your writing is very descriptive -- not a bad thing, especially in this genre -- but sometimes gets bogged down in too many modifiers. Here's an example from an early paragraph: ". . . a tall, slender figure with flowing white robes, which have been lovingly lined with silvery glowing trim embossed with magical elvin runes, sits quietly . . ." The subject of the sentence, figure, is so separated from the verb, sits, that a reader could lose his way. I would cut "flowing", "which have been lovingly" and "glowing": ". . . a tall, slender figure in white robes, lined with silvery trim embossed with magical elvin runes, sits . . ."

Later, the wizard ". . . stops for a moment to rub his tired, pale blue eyes." I suggest replacing "stops for a moment to rub" with "rubs", and cut the "pale blue". At this moment, tired is more important than color, and he can't see them, anyway. When you have a scene from Alentia's point of view, the color might be important.

In one sentence, you have "tiny oval oak table" and "glowing warm blue light." The table has been described earlier, so just go with table, unmodified. "Glowing" is redundant, and the color has been given already, so "warm light" might be enough (or warm glow, if you prefer).

Just a tiny handful of nitpicks to correct:

ch 1

continue on -- continue implies on, so it's redundant to say it.

"Atop the smooth white staff, made from the hands . . ." I hope you meant "made by the hands"!

"The elvin wizards were too blind to see when they were wrong, and too stubborn to not admit when they knew they were." Cut the "not" and it will make sense.

". . . little hope remains . . . to defend the walls that lay between. . ." Since this is present tense, you want "lie between."

Ch 2

Throughout, when one character addresses another by name, you need a comma to set off the name from whatever is being said. For example, "I believe we have a chance, Alentia."

When grandfather is used a a name, capitalize it: Grandfather.

That's it! Good luck with this.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

You have a good story here. In the first chapter, you provide the information we need to get into the story and you also do a great job of making us feel that we know William.

One comment I would make: Most of this is written in the present tense, as though it is happening as the reader reads it. But occasionally you put something in the past tense, as though the narrator is relating a story that is already completed. You need to read back through and make sure that you maintain consistency on this, which ever way you go. It seems that you lean toward the present tense. Personally, that comes across more like a screenplay giving directions for actor. I prefer the past tense, because I assume that the story is already complete and I am reading what happened, not what is happening. But it is your choice.

Best wishes with the book and its sequels.

backed

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Dear Rodney
your short pitch was the thing that caught me and
then your long pitch really insisted I read on
CONGRATS on an amazing read. however it was your book cover
that grabbed me the first time around and then the second as well. Yes i have commented and backed your book, however cannot find the backing so will do it again, because it is WORTH IT
the VERY best of luck
If you have not already , please comment on my book and BACK it if not that is OK also
Denise
The Letter

Hello Rodney. You tell a good story. I think you should try to show what is happening verses telling it all, but that is just my opinion. You over use the word ancient. You have ancient library twice very close together right at the beginning. Then you use ancient twice more within in a short span.
Over all the writing is good, worth backing.

Nick
Invasion From Within

I absolutely love Wizards!
Ancient Library and Srolls Great start.
Skillful writing. Great text.
Backed!
Sammy Sutton King Solomon's '13'

Really good, can't wait for the rest of the series. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Thank you, really appreciate the comment on The High Wizard of Silvinesh. If you are interested, I just put it on Kindle. Thxs

Really good, can't wait for the rest of the series. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

William Silverblade. That may be the best character name I've run across on this site. Definitly a good start on the story-clever way to boost your sales! Congrats on the publishing and good luck with it.

Good luck with the sales ! :)

An excellent book, well written with vivid characters. Jesselowe

How enchanting. I read the first chapter and will return later to read more. I'm shelving this with pleasure.

Patricia

I really like this - glad to hear that it has been published.

Backed, not that it needs backing.

Ruth xxxx

Hi Rodney ...

Though not my usual choice of reading matter, I agree with some of what has been said before, so I won't go over what others have said. I can see this appealing to fans of this genre for it is certainly well written. All I would suggest, is a good proof read to weed out the odd mistake and also edit for unnecessary words to tighten the story line. 'Backed'. All the Best. regards ... Duncan.

I have mixed feelings about this.... at times I liked it and other times I found it too cliche and "been there, read that" since I read quite a few fantasy books when I was a bit younger. And you don't have to say "the old wizard" every time :S I get it, he is old...

I found this to be a work of someone who liked Gandalf and uses very similar ideas that Tolkien already used and astablished as his own, then wraps them in a bit of a different package with not as memorable or cool sounding names (well, Tolkien was a professor of language so I guess he knew what sounds good)

like I said, mixed feelings .... It would probably appeal to a YA audiance tho

Fine fantasy...and as a great fan of the genre I've read a few turkeys. Nice work!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book
Could you also have a read (if you haven't done so) of 'Moonbeam Highway' by Tim Chambers, a wonderful book that at present sits on the Ed's desk.

Your pitch is very good and lays out our expectation of what is to come. You have a good premise but are prone to overwriting, for example you tell us twice that the light is too dim for him to read. We got the message the first time. I'ts little things like this that will agrivate the reader and take them out of your excellent tale. Try reading out loud to yourself it certainly changes your perception. I like the way you have laid out your page lots of white space for relief allowing the reader to concerntrait on the story. I hope this comes good for you.
Sue= Knowing Liam Riley

I'll be honest and tell you that I'm not a fan of this genre, nor of the use of present tense in fiction, but I found the first chapter engaging and interesting. I'm backing it because this kind of book is clearly attractive to a large section of the reading public, and I wish you well

Best wishes
Gail

I like the use of the present, but for me it needs a serious edit - just too many adjectives and sugary descriptions. And it does strike me a just a tad derivative. It's not my genre so it's difficult to judge, but I think the writing needs to be cleaner.
I'm putting it on y watchlisst for now,
Alison

The short amount of your book that you have posted so far is excellent. Your use of short paragraphs coupled with your highly descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted adventure fantasy will be a hit with the YA audience. Your work is well written, well paced and your use of imagery is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Not a genre I read so my comments are restricted.and for this reason I read just the first chapter. Your writing is good ; it is descriptive and interesting.

Should appeal to your target audience and deserves to be backed. It's backed, on my shelf.

Not my genre but well written, Backed because of your writing skills. Lisa

The High Wizard of Silvinesh: Great book! Obvious comparrison with Lord of the Rings, but written with a different emphasis and therefore stands up clearly in its own right. the prose flows smoothly and captures the imagination. The scenes are set with a delicate touch that leaves them implanted on the readers mind for a long time after the reading has stopped. Good movie fodder.

Rev raven scott

Hi Rodney
Some great descriptive work at the start. The language you use is well thought out and flows smoothly. I was really able to picture the image of the wizard in my mind. You obviously have a great imagination and have drawn this into your story. I think the target audience would enjoy it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

atmosphere created by the great descrptions, well written and backed John Warren Lasting Images

Nice work. I like the flow of words it has a nice eliquence to it. Like the opening the way it was so descriptive and introduced to the world of magic with a young man ready to perform his wizardy task.

Very good chapter one. High fantasy, and I'm looking forward to reading more. I'm afraid that I found the use of the present tense to be distracting, It brought me out of being sunk into the story. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. The glimmer of the power of the past, an incredible danger still there if confronted. The underlying knowledge that this danger will be faced. Excellent build-up. Thanks for the great read and good luck!

the first chapter is good. i've read present tense in No Title Needed by Zero-serenity and the only thing i have to nitpick is that be careful not to make the present tense sound stiff and to keep the past tense passive verbs to a minimum.

all and all a good beginning.

me

Couple of minor glitches: - 'continue on' should be just 'continue' you use this in a couple of places in the first chapter; 'shambled remains' might better be 'jumbled remains'; 'made from the hands' = 'made by the hands'; Otherwise this is good. With a bit of comma editing you have a great book.

Nicely written, imaginative and distinctly Tolkienesque!
Good job!
Simon, CONNECTED

I can see why this is already been published. It has that magical quality that sets stories of this genre into the dreams of children. Backed.

High Wizard of Silvinish - what I like about this work is the fact that you write so clearly, and it was easy for me to delve into this magical world .. William Silverblade - what a great name!.. this is an intriguing read - and I wanted to know more about how the plan William is to present at the Council of Nine.. on parallel with Lord of the Rings, and clever stuff!
Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Hello Rodney,

Many thanks for backing "The Doctor of Summitville." I'll try to find time for some comments on your excellent "The High Wizard of Silvinesh," but for now I have to just back it and move on.

Good luck with your writing, Bill

Great first chapter. Intriguing.
I will back its potential.
David (Fleless Murder)

Some reviewers don't like your use of present tense, but I like it since it makes it immediate. Your writing flows very well. I'm enjoying it so far. "Just know that I plan on going ahead with this, with, or without them!" Backed for now.

'None had returned home alive who were sent to investigate the missing mages' hooked me. William is likable and well-rounded. Your imagery is vivid. Not only can I see the library in the opening scene, I can hear (leafs) and feel (warmth) it. Your conversations flow naturally and enrich your story. Your world-building is awesome. Your pacing held my interest.

Nit:
"I am up my dear Alentia." Comma after 'my.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are many cases of this type of problem.

This is a well-crafted, enchanting YA fantasy epic. Backed.

The High Wizard of Silvinesh

[return backing ☼☼☼☼]

Thank you for backing my book. I have just read the first three chapters of your book with enchantment. The writing is wonderful and you get right down to business. I do find the present tense third person narration takes a bit of getting used to, and was also surprised to finds some remaining errors and typos in an already published manuscript. (Congratulations, btw!).

I have to admit present tense isn't really my favourite, but this reads well. Congrats on being published.

Congratulations on getting published - at the end of the day that's a key test of success and you don't really need me to back it as well (but I have, of course!). The plot is typically epic and very welcome for all that. I tend to agree with some of the comments about adjectives - 'A metallic click from the metal lock' comes to mind - but in fantasy description is part of the territory.
Good luck with the rest of the trilogy,
Brian

thanks for your backing/ will return the favor the premise of your book is great will give it a read and will back as well

This isn't much my usual read, I'm not big on fantasy and elves and wizards of such, but what you wrote seemed well put together and your imagery is wonderful. Backed!

Brittany
My Last Notes

Rodney,

I like your telling of the tale and think it would work well. But i feel I must be honest as you are using so many terms and devices from other books already out there. I would have liked something a bit original. But only my opinion....

Diane

Hi Rodney, I look forward to the next installment. Adjectives? Well, yes. But thank you, I enjoyed reading it.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

The High Wizard of Silvinesh
Rodney A Scully

Enchanting story with wonderful imagery. Your target YA audience will be filled with a sense of wonder, mystery and adventure - a real treat to read such masterly writing. I am not surprised it has been published! Congrats. Happy to have backed it.

Your very descriptive writing style coupled with your strong command of the English language makes this a perfect read for the YA audience. Your adventure story is finely crafted, well paced, well written and shows a great deal of imagination. Your dialogue is tight and it flows well. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Rodney-

I grew up reading books like this one but haven't seen anything like it in a while. Very refreshing to see an honest adventure come along. Great story and I like your dialogue as well as character development. Instead of slapping us with ten pages of backstory first, you let it unfold naturally. Bravo.
Thanks for backing Life Blood as well. I am thrilled with the reception it is getting on the site. --HKSavage, Life Blood

Colorful, adventurous and imaginative. Great book for the Y.A.'s. These books sell well as far as I've seen through my travels. Hope to see more of it up.

all the best
sue
Fate's Chastening

I think you may have misused some commas here or there, but over all it was a good read. I'd point out the commas, but I'm not sure if they're used wrong or not. To me a comma signals a pause in the flow of the words and it kind of messes with your pace in my opinion. Being I have comma issues myself, I thought you might want to take a look at them.
~Zero