Another Cinderella

Hello, I am writing to you as someone who has been kind enough to support the Firelord’s Crown in the recent past. Now I need your help once more. I have been on site for nearly 2 years and worked my way up through reading and commenting on books. I have always been uncomfortable with ‘spamming’ and tit-for-tat backings but I do feel able to ask if you could please support Firelord by shelving it for a while over the next month. Under the new system I cannot offer you anything but an immediate * star rating and the promise of whatever support you feel you need; a second reading or comment etc. if you do not feel able to put Firelord back on your shelf, please could you still *rate it for me?
Many, many thanks!
Regards,
Jim Darcy
The Firelord’s Crown

Another Cinderella
What a delightful story! But watch out for saidisms. "Said" is a good dialogue tag because it is nearly invisible. You don't have to vary it, but there are more occasions than you used when you can omit it. This is a refreshing, fun read.

Backed.
Gloria Piper
Finnegan's Quest

Hi Winney,

A great story idea and well written. The first chapter, however, is rather long. In fact I think the longest one I have ever read on this site, so I would consider splitting it but, as always, it's your choice.

Ron

You make Cinderella sound insufferable and she probably was. Absolutely hysterical with great dialogue and narrative. Long live imps! Backed. lynn

Just finished all that you've posted on Authonomy and I want to know how it ends!! :) Will you posting more soon?
You have a unique voice and the Emily Post quotes sprinkled throughout the story are fantastic. I enjoy the flow and pacing of the story, well done.

-Melissa

Hi! I loved the first chapter of your story (and I'm planning on reading more) but I wanted to stop and let you know that it's fantastic. I like Alantia's character. It's a great spin on Cinderella's "evil" stepsister. I love to read fairy tales that have been tweaked and yours is a great example of this. I already like Frey and look forward to him solving the "mystery" of the stepsister. And the imp is fun!! :)

Happily backed and on my shelf.

-Melissa
THE SEVENTH BLESSING

I really enjoyed the first three chapters of your story! I love stories where characters are put through the furnace, so to speak, and come out "like gold refined." Actually, I have written a short story about a selfish girl who tries to take Cinderella's place through a doppelganger spell, but it backfires and she is forced to take Cinderella's place at the cottage, as Atlantia does.

I also enjoyed reading the Emily Post quotes. I hope your book gets published so that I can read the rest of it!
Best Wishes,
Elizabeth

An interesting approach to an old favourite. I've read quite a few variations on the Cinders theme but not this one, so thta's a good start.

The writing is technically good although sometimes the phrasing felt a little awkward. Lines like 'she wasn't present to be presented' didn't sound quite right. Reading it aloud to yourself would help iron these out, i think. A matter of opinion though.

i liked Atlantia as a character, slightly buffoonish but sympathetic. The fairy godimp wasa also an amusing creation. Overall I think there's plenty of good stuff here. Backed.

Winney.
Another Cinderella is a very clever twist on the Cinderella story.
Your writing style flows easily and your narration is excellent.
Great job
Njoy *moods and expressions*

Hi Winney
You've been bold here taking on a classic favourite and trying to do something different with her. You have some great characters and some interesting ideas here. Are you allowed to use Cinderella as a character or don't you have to check with Disney? Anyway all that aside, I loved it - it's delightfully unique.
DP Walker
Five Dares

A great twist on an old favourite with moral lessons along the way. Excellent happy to back it.
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

I love the idea of a fresh version of a well-known 'morality' fairy tale. The reason these stories are still with us is of course because they resonate with some deep need inside us. This story builds on firm foundations. Backed.

I was talking to someone today and said why has no one done a good twist on Cinders. Well congrats. Enjoyed and good characterization. Wonderfully set and the flow easy. Just loved it. Please take the time to read some of my work and comment so I may grow as a writer. BEST of luck and BACKED

Denise
'The Letter'

Dear Winney,

Thanks so much for your comments and reminiscences about squirrels and acorns! Your book has a lovely plot and writing style - I hope it does well!

Thanks again,
Chelsea

Cinderella is my favourite fairytale, and I love the realist twist you add to the story plot to make it so real life and gives each character depth and personality. Btw i love the fairy godmother, or shall i say the imp, and i was laughing out loud when i realize the prince name is indeed call Charm. how cliche is that?

BACKED with pleasure

Cheers
Crankygal

Immensely clever, well written and packed with lessons.

Nicely done! This reminds me of 'fan fiction'. The craze where kids take a story and rewrite the ending or follow through on the plot of a popular book with different characters. My daughter and her friends do this with books they like. Shades of Gail Carson Levine and her books, Ever, Fairest & Wish. You may want to list 'children's' in the genre, and an appropriate age range. I like the quotes and the didatic slant. Very wholesome and appealing. BACKED
Best Regards,
Christine Elaine Black
MAXIMUS

Clever and very enjoyable!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book
Could you also have a read (if you haven't done so) of 'Moonbeam Highway' by Tim Chambers, a wonderful book that at present sits on the Ed's desk.

"It was all due to that poisonous Cinderella!" Well, maybe "you didn't get enough spankings as a child!" Maybe not, eh? Your dialogue is very intriguing as is the concept for this story. Simply, "selfish people are miserable." No truer words have been written. Yeah, what happens after Cinderella marries the prince. This is very intriguing. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

Wonderful book, backed with pleasure!
January

well planned, good style and concept, enjoyed, backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review jdub

I love the idea of an imp and the way you have added to the original story a new story with fresh ideas. I have wondered what happens after Cinderella goes away with the prince, as a child and find this a very fulfilling read. It is beautifully told, the prose flows and it is humourous. Some original and witty names like Charm and Frey. I like the way you fill out the characters making them so real, and showing a stark contrast between Cinderella and the two sisters.
Very happy to back
Christina
From Under the Bed

I love the idea of an imp and the way you have added to the original story a new story with fresh ideas. I have wondered what happens after Cinderella goes away with the prince, as a child and find this a very fulfilling read. It is beautifully told, the prose flows and it is humourous. Some original and witty names like Charm and Frey. I like the way you fill out the characters making them so real, and showing a stark contrast between Cinderella and the two sisters.
Very happy to back
Christina
From Under the Bed

V,

Another Cinderella - Very enjoyable and beautifully written. The use of Emily Post's quotes is inspired. Great players, too. I loved Zopporah, the imp. When I came upon ... 'Oh my sainted aunt ... I was reminded of an expression used in Somerset ... 'Oh my giddy aunt' ... and wondered if you'd heard of it. Some well presented material about character building within the dialogue, easily grasped.

Backed with pleasure. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

What a fun idea, reminiscent of Wicked yet clearly its own unique story.

Thank you for your support of The Long Black Veil, and for the chance to read your story. We are backing you with pleasure. -- J and B

Chapter 4

An interesting plot, I guess I never thought about what happened after Cinderella left, after all some one had to look after everything and the work still need to be done.
This is well written and thought out. The imp is a bit rude to her but he is right she is still a brat even though she has to do some work now. Happy to back

Anthony
Aqua Omega

This is great - what an entertaining read! BACKED with pleasure. I would love your opinion on my book, The Cheech Room, when you have a minute. Thanks so much. Liz

Many thanks for an entertaining read. Backed with pleasure. Sana x

Nicely written with good dialogue and pace. You might want to consider splitting chapter 1 as it is rather long. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Hi Winney, thanks for the support it's much appreciated. I like your Cinderella story, very enjoyable and backed. Terri Douglas.

I very much liked your imp - a hoot and hugely entertaining, though we can learn from his experience.
Atlantia is well drawn; an individual and memorable character while your Cinderella and Prince Charming are the more engaging because they are mutually caring as man and wife rather than as lady in glittering jewels, courtesy of her Prince.
The natural and believable dialogue makes your characters both accessible and believable while the
languid flow to your writing allows the reader time to savour rather than be frog-marched into relentless action, while the prose is fluous.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This is an excellent idea. Take the now rather overdone fairy tale and ramp it up with a new angle, fresh writing and interesting characters that have had little attention paid to them. Good stuff!

Absolutely loved it, best of luck with it. Backed. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I loved the premise for this book, of what happened to Cinderella's step-sisters after her departure. I've enjoyed reading this and will back it with pleasure!

Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

It's always a pleasure to see someone trying something different, even more so when they've managed to pull it off as well as you have here. There's a lot happening in this book, plenty of story, plot and even a moral to the tale. This deserves to do well and I hope it does. Best of luck with it.

By the way, don't believe Jeff when he says this is out of his usual genre. That guy will read anything with "Cinderalla" in the title. You should meet the heroines in his book - Chardonnay Cinderallas one and all!

Hi, V -

This is so far outside my usual genres and age range it was a hoot to read.

And extremely easy to back.

I thoroughly enjoyed every single word, and I know we're going to see you at the ed desk.

Best of luck getting there.

And if you have the time, I'd love it if you could take a look at my book.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

This is clever, a fascinating premise that has been thought and constructed with intelligence. The book has depth and has a nice tone to it. A very pleasant read that should go far. I think that Paxie has given some good advice but overall this is written very well.

Backed with pleasure,

Lisa

I have to be honest, I look at anything on this site. For the very reason that occasionally I happen upon books such as yours. Something that initially i wouldn't go for and yet upon reading exhibits such quality as to hold my attention and keep me reading on. Your chapters could probably do with being about half the length but that was my only quibble over what is a very good read!
David
Bailey of the Saints

Thx for the Emily Post reminder. I like the way the story is going from chapters 1-3, particularly the dialoge.
Backed avec pleasure.
A zoomer- a boomer with zip
Going Out In Style

I like imps and you must have the most impressive imp I’ve ever read about!
Brilliant idea and so well executed. Behind all this there is a depth, a moral depth that I think is very clever and intelligently written.
You have fantastic dialogue that builds so well with the characters, this is a very good book!

VB
I made a few notes, not many as you didnt ask for a comment..

Then you can pool together ......do you mean 'pull' together ?

a few moments to recollect yourself.......do you mean compose....(recollect is to remember) ? wasn't sure

You use the word 'just' too often, your narrative would be better off with it, (my view only). ...eg:-

But just remember..........But remember

Just thinking of it made.........Thinking of it made

We must just focus on our plans to marry you two off............. We must focus on our plans to marry you two off.

Sometimes you use 'that' when I think you mean 'who', eg:-

“It’s you that wants me, brat, although you haven’t figured that out yet.”......
“It’s you who wants me, brat, although you haven’t figured that out yet.”

Or the word 'that' when its not needed...

is to make certain (that ) we were more comfortably off. When I think of how we sheltered her and put up with her all these years! And all the while she was sneaking about behind our backs, so (that) she could steal what should be ours right from us!

Great premise, i think its a good idea to use the spine of an already successful tome.....

I enjoyed it, but you need a bit of a 'chop' on the little words......

Shelved

Good pitch. Maybe you want to break it into short paragraphs for ease of reading. Atlantia will probably find out that a tinker is good enough! -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Hi VBastedo, A thorough aftermath of Cinderella and one that comprehends the family pattern. It’s funny and feels real, the godmother’s attitude towards Atlantia a variation on the step-sister personality. Their invitation at the royal palace and their ineptitude with domestic work is amusing and yet you have wrought sympathy for the next victim of the mother’s willfulness. Well-rendered! Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

This is a VERY clever story. I love the POV you chose. I would recommend looking for ways to split your chapters more so they aren't so long, but I know some people prefer longer chapters so feel free to ignore me.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Found in your bio you are very much like me.

I have quite the busy life so don't have too much time to read as much as I would like. However, I am not even half-way through the first chapter and really enjoy it so far! Can't wait to ge to read more It is on my shelf and I have backed this book.

I am completely new to the site. Just found it through a link on Zondervan Publishing Website and thought it would be a great way to see what people with no need to be 'nice' to me think of my book. I am glad you like Dream Lessons so far. Please let me know what you think of the next 2 chapters as I will be posting them this week. Chapter 3 is where it kind of gets weird.

I expect many of us have speculated on what happened next and now we know! Charming, quite charming! Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

I adore this twist on an old classic - it's wonderful to see what happens after the "Happily Ever After". This work has a lot of promise.

Backed.
Abi xxx

Very original and well written..great idea.
A couple of phrases I didn-t get in the pitch,
like 'feel so free with her notice'
shelved with best wishes............mikegilli The Free

Excellent take on the wicked Stepmother/stepsister story. I truly hope this sees print some day. I would love to read the entire story.