Zero Station: A Science Fiction Novella

Hi Amanda
I've just come across your SF story, Zero Station. This is a great start to the story, and very well written. Congratulations.

In the synopsis you say that it is told from two perspectives, but the section you posted is all from the human side, so it is not possible to judge how well the two-sided approach works.

I do have one minor comment. I think you spend too long in the first few paragraphs, setting the scene in what is quite a large info-dump, about previous alien encounters and such-like. We do need to know this information early on, but I suggest moving it towards the end of the first chapter. You also need to grab an hold the reader's attention by explaining straight away why Hazel is on Zero Station, and perhaps hype up the issues - are the aliens friendly, are they hurt, etc, to pull the reader in to the story.

Other than that, the first eight chapters read really well.
Regards
Graham Keeler

No, not one for me. I have enough aliens in my life as it is.

Sadly I agree with some of the other comments. This reads more like a text book than a story. Too long before any dialogue. Although I was eager to meet the aliens they did not appear. The two species that were mentioned were not described, what did they look like? where did they go? are they still about?

The writing itself is good but something needs to be done to break up the narrative. Not sure what. I'm new to this, but hope you find the answer.

Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Moneky Man

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

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Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Hi Amanda

Saw the beautiful cover and the intriguing blurb (seriously, who can resist an alien spacecraft crash in Antarctica?) and have put this on my watchlist. I'm really looking forward to reading it.

Would you like to have a look at my book The Lighthouse Keeper?

Best
Alan

I love the premise of this story, along with the setting. I've always been partial to extreme climates, and I believe the story has excellent potential. I've been to the Arctic, and I understand the Antarctic is even colder. Perhaps my remark may appear like a continuation of Sylvia's observation, about "telling" the story, but I'll pass along a suggestion someone offered me years ago about a "tool" to help authors paint a story with words rather than tell it. Use your word processor to search out all instances of the word "was," and highlight them in yellow. Count how often the "was word" appears. Now, try to restructure your sentences to minimize (not eliminate) the use of "was." It may seem difficult at first and will require the use of more words, but I liked the result when I first tried it on my writing. I look forward to reading more of this story.

The tension that the aliens lack of communications with the station certainly builds the tension. Add to this the creepy feeling that someone is watching Hazel and you get the sneaky idea that maybe these aliens have mind abilities. I read to chapter five though there is not a lot of action the tension that you are slowly building kept me turning pages.

I don't think there's too much history in the first chapter, though there are a few details that could be cut to make it move faster. The problem, I believe, is the way it's phrased. Who is Hazel telling this to? Right now it sounds as if she's telling us, the readers of a book, rather than people in her own world. It would help if you referred to events rather than simply stating them. Right at the beginning, where she says,"I had grown up . . . and thought I knew," to say "Having grown up . . . I thought I knew" would be more like what she herself would think and say. "Some humans perceived this as an invasion of privacy . . . " might reflect her thought process better if it were, " Although some humans perceived his as an invasion of privacy . . ., I found the process fascinating." Just minor modifications of that kind would make the reader feel that it is her personal view of a sutuation her contemporaries would surely be aware of, rather than the author informing the reader through an artificial first-person narrative.

ooh, I'm dying to know what the alien message is!!
anbev.

Thanks, Patty, for taking the time to read my work. You have a valid comment. I did have one other person (whose opinion I respect) tell me there might be too much back story in the first chapter. I think writers have a line to walk here; too much history up front can as you say slow down a story, but not enough leaves the reader confused and will lose his or her attention just as quickly. It just felt right to me that Hazel would begin her story by telling the reader how she got there, but I’m not above learning from my mistakes and would love to hear input on the subject from others.

My comment is that you start the chapter off well - with action, but then we get a huge wad of telling, in which the history of the world is explained. And Hazel's history, and how she got there, and about the aliens. Paragraph after paragraph, the story is stopped dead. That drags too much.

I feel your beginning could be better without all this information. You have a whole book to tell us how the world sticks together! Move some of it to later chapters.

After only skimming over the first few paragraphs, I feel that I could really get into this book. As a first-time author, this has real promise...congrats, I'm going to add it to my bookshelf!

I have not. Then again, I've never met an alien either so...

Thanks for reading!

This is really interesting. I'm not a huge science fiction buff, but this is very readable. Have you been to the Antarctic ? R