At The Pier

I’m appealing to you for your support of BRAINRUSH—not because I backed your book (or because I’m getting married in two days and it would make a great wedding gift!), but because it’s a polished page-turner that is ready for the Editor’s Desk. Whether you’re a thriller fan or not, I promise it to be a gripping read. In fact, many readers here liked it so much that they read it from start to finish. (Not an easy feat when you have to do it entirely online!)

It’s currently number 6, and your vote of confidence could make a big difference. Why not give it a look?

Cheers,

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

Hello Karla. This story has a lovely concept. Your descriptions are very good and you paint the scene well. Kate's cakes were good enough to make me run off and grab a snack. I think the prologue was really good and made me want to read on. Best of luck with this! Mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

I read this with special interest since by daughter is a pastor's daughter. I loved your writing style and the romantic plot. I did notice there are several areas (check out chapter 2 second section) where you have incomplete sentences and words are left out of some sentences. Another run through edit (not a spell check) will correct many of your grammar mistakes. You have a good story here, and I believe you have some future with this book. Best of luck. I appreciate your support for December Gold.

Hi Karla,
A very romantic and, I thought, inspirational story. A little edit and polish is necessary for the market.
Backed with best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

In reading chapter one, I think you captured the moment that she sneaks up for a last kiss and discovers the young man with another girl really well. You built up tension. I also get a picture of her, innocent, certain that all is as it should be, well done! Just a small critique with one paragraph, the rest is engaging!

The fifth paragraph, that begins with, 'her eyes pressed as she blows the man a kiss...' had a few confusing moments for me. One, what did you mean by her eyes pressed? And, when it talked about the cars in the driveway, 'the rest of the family's locations were well known...' This detail confused me. I thought 'his' car was talking about her father, whom you had mentioned in the previous sentence. And the 'family's locations...' What family? I think it would be better if you said that the driveway only had his car in it and left it at that. And, if you could find some way to make a distinction... so I know she's thinking of 'him' as being the man she wanted to see and not her father.

Thanks for the pleasant read and good luck!

Your pitch is romantic and intriguing, and made me feel I would enjoy this book, and that's what I'm doing. Kate is an attractive, sweet-natured girl, vulnerable and likable. The opening scene, where she goes to say goodbye to her boyfriend and finds him kissing someone else, someone whose purse she recognises, is gripping and dramatic, and gets your book off to an interesting start. We are hooked in, wanting to know more. The next chapter, with Kate deeply involved in the competition, moves the plot along at an appropriate speed. We are given time to get to know your well drawn characters, and we also learn a lot about the background. Kate's short-lived relationship with Andre, which he won't let go of; and her feelings for his brother Marc; followed by the revelation of Marc's feelings for her, set the scene beautifully, leaving us still with no real idea of what led to the previous scene. This is an absorbing, riveting story, with characters we feel close to, and a plot perfect for a romantic novel. Your writing is good, with only a minimal amount of editing needed. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

A reflective work which nevertheless keeps the reader's interest because of the deeply-drawn characters .The perfect approach to dwell upon romance and love. Backed. Lynn

Dear Karla, You would not believe how excited when I saw that your book has the Christian genre. :) My 2 books below is my testimony. I love when Jesus gets the attention. Your blurb is good, as is also your prologue because it prepared me to read your book. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Good story, it really draws you in. You have very well developed characters, this story should do well.

Drew Pate

At the Pier

I think books about finding ones own identity through establishing and testing values and beliefs are very special, and this is a special book.
You have such a great writing style and you have made Kate an endearing character. Enjoyed this. Good luck

I'm a big YA fan and this one was easy to get into and a pleasure to read.

Lockjaw

it was a pleasure to read your novel
best

Karla, This a clean well written story. Your MC's are likeable and they show the obstacles that young people deal with so this makes this a very natural feel. It's paced well and the family dynamic keeps the story flowing.
I do have to say that the Italic loses it's importance when used throughout, instead of at key moments. So that would be my nit. keep them, but use them when she is showing a struggle or a deep thought, something meaningfu, l but not her whole voice, it kind of reads more like a script for a play used todifferentiate parts
But I can see you have a gift and the story is enjoyable and a positive influence so well done BackedPatricia akaColumbia Layers of the Heart.

If you keep reading, you see there's no sexual content at all in this book, but you'll find a lot of moral values behind it!
I appreciate your attention!
K.

At the Pier:

Karla,

There's a compelling build of tension as Kate takes off her shoes to stealthfully climb the steps to the room above the garage and then, little details of the room are judiciously woven in until she doscovers what - amongst the ordinary - is extraordinary.
She witnesses the man and woman apparently in a clinch or making love and she feels she's in a place 'where she didn't belong'. Of course this is true in a special sense; for while it would obviously be indiscreet for her to have stood her ground to ogle a scene which was private and intimate, there is a different and more opowerful sense in which she feels alien. She doesn't apear to have much, if any, direct sexual knowedge of a man - possibly because of her naturally protective father, the vicar,
You weave your story very subtly and the prose is unpretentious while being easily readable and giving us a main character whose viewpoint is easy to share. I wanted to read on to see how this opening experience would be the seed that grows into the main storyline, itself promising a delicate romance and even a gentle moral subtheme.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Welcome aboard, Karla with your Christian novel. Both pitches worked for me. Perfected pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a very powerful piece, delightful in its simplicity. You do a great job of building the tension to start off with, and this launches us into a deep, thoughtful story of love. It's polished work, and the italics did not bother me. Sometimes they work, as long as they're not overdone.

Best of luck!
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

An enjoyable read, I would change the italics as I too made that mistake and after numerous comments realised people don't like them. The italics is a small edit and the rest is well written and comes across as a pleasant easy read.

Backed,

Lisa

As a preacher's kid... anything that starts with "..is a reverend's daughter" is worth shelving in my world!! I'll definitely be back for more. Pam

I want to begin by telling you that I admire your courage. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to unzip your soul and turn around and grab your ankles and ask the world to judge you. And that’s what an author does when he writes. And everyone knows that. That’s why fiction was born. Because the friction between pride and fact chafes a man’s marrow. So congratulations of the courage of composition. And I swear to the good Christ I mean that.

You know - writing is really difficult work. I know. I’ve done it. Hell, I’m doing it. And then one day you take your hands off the keyboard and you sit back in your chair and you exhale. Because let’s be serious - the exposition is exhaustive. And everyone knows the cost of energy. But the difference between great writing and merely telling the tale is that you have to take your hands off the armrests and wipe the sweat off your brow and start again.

The real work of changing writing from remarking on a story and making it remarkable is twofold: parallelism and dialogue. Parallelism is when the nouns and verbs are in agreement. Parallelism is when the verb tenses are in agreement. Parallelism is when the adjectives and adverbs are placed in their proper arrangement. Parallelism is when the writer uses the same prefix or suffix to draw a correlation or show equity in importance. Parallelism is when there is noun and pronoun agreement. Do you know why Maya Angelou is so celebrated? Because you’re not going to find a modern writer who is as gifted with parallelism as Angelou is gifted.

Dialogue is the single most important element of a story. So a writer must try all his words in the mouths of the participants. So as an author you have to put the words in your narrator’s and characters’ mouth and see if they fit. Do they slip and slide and slather out like spit on a blouse? Are your characters mouthy enough to enunciate your thoughts? Do they have the bite to make your pronouncements?

So, hear your prose aloud. Print your novel. Sit in a comfy chair. Have someone read your words to you. Do not follow along with your eyes. Your eyes have traveled the prose path so many times that your mind assumes clarity. So follow with your ears. You will hear every misstep of a badly chosen word. You’ll hear where the eye needs to rest and the mind needs to breathe. Stop. Have your reader circle the text and move on. This is particularly effective with dialogue. You’ll hear every word that does not fit into a human mouth.

Good luck,
Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

i like this; it's nice and easy and well written, with a great pace...
su dan [seasons]

As a minister, I really appreciate the story that you've told here. And that's what I feel it is - a story that has been told, as opposed to a planned narrative about some unknown people. You are admirably affective at bringing your characters to life, and causing the reader to immediately fall in love.

Wonderful.

Backed.

Adam
The Man from Malta

This is a good story. Kate is a likable and sympathetic character because she lost her mother so young and is struggling now to find herself. You have a good writing style for this type of story; it's smooth and flowing so continually moves it forward. Not a lot of action, so problably not a story for everyone, but I enjoyed this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Nice, descriptive text. The dialogue seems spot-on. My only critique would be that the italics are tough on the eyes when used for all of the dialogue. Backed.