Book Jacket

 

rank 1807
word count 89770
date submitted 15.04.2010
date updated 01.08.2010
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Christian...
classification: moderate
complete

Grey Eagle

D. L. Stroupe

Captured fighter pilot Arion Dorios faces a spiritual quest for truth and understanding as he struggles to regain his freedom.

 

A thousand years of peace is shattered by the coming of the Venatorista and humans are forced to re-learn the art of war. Raised to believe in the brotherhood of all souled races, sworn to defend and protect the same, Arion finds it next to impossible to accept the idea that his captors - a predatory race that hunts humans - might actually possess souls. Worse still is the concept that Satan is loose and humans are beginning to fight each other.

"Grey Eagle" is about 87,000 words with appendixes; roughly 83,000 without.

 
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adventure, alien language, alien race, captive, christian, closed-mindedness, courage, dangerous, faith, fiction, honor, open-mindedness, perseverence...

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Chapter One

 

 

 

 

Grey Eagle

 

 

by D. L. Stroupe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                For my children, and His.

 

 

 

                Father, let not my liberties

                confuse the children; rather,

                let the light of Your love shine

                through the dust of these pages.

                As in all things, Thy will be done.

                In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright D. L. Stroupe

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the author.
 

 

 

Part One

 

 

                            "And he laid hold on the dragon,

                            that old serpent, which is the

                            Devil, and Satan, and bound him

                            a thousand years."

                                    (Revelations 20:2)

 

 

Chapter One 

 

 

    “Arion, you see them?” 

    “I see them,” he answered softly, his senses rocketing into high alert as they verified the signature of the venators.  One carrier and two fighters were just leaving Lenis, a small moon orbiting the planet Kinoshi.  “We may well have found the source of the-“  He broke off and didn’t bother to tell Corbin they had been spotted themselves; it was apparent enough as the two fighters broke away from the carrier, angling towards their Peregrines to attack. 

    They met just outside the atmosphere.  Like a slow motion nightmare they circled each other for the advantage.  The Cedrychads slid their Peregrines nearer to the moon, trying to draw the venators into the atmosphere.  It would give the Peregrines footing to maneuver, and with their lower firepower, it was there that their greatest advantage lay. 

    The venators, however, would have none of it.  Instead of following, they hung back, placing shots.  The Peregrines dodged with agonizing slowness, followed by complicated counter moves just to maintain position.  As if on ice, straightforward motion was fast and simple, but turns were hard to direct and difficult to control.

    A shot here, another there, near misses traveling on into emptiness.  A hit - and one of the venators lost control.  Drawn in by gravity, grinding against the atmosphere, the ship burst into a flare of sparks like magician's flash paper.  A whoop of victory ringing in the silence, and the dance continued.

    Then, a thud, and Arion knew he had been grazed.  Blast!  His stomach knotted as he wondered how much damage had been done.  He still had control, but he seemed to be losing power.  Cautiously, he allowed the remaining venator to move in on him, playing decoy. 

    Corbin recognized the skit with ease.  He succeeded in his role, and destroyed the fighter.  There was no whoop of victory this time as they immediately began assessing Arion's damage.  "What can you see?"

    "It went in just behind the tragen port."  

    "Went in?"  Arion's voice was incredulous.  "What are they shooting with?  If it went in, I shouldn't even be here!"

    "Well it went in anyway.  Tidy little hole the size of your fist.  Looks like it may have come in near the diapol housing."

    "Probably hit it," Arion said gloomily.  "I'm losing power. How do my solar shields look?"

    "They're fine.  All you have out here is that little hole. But you'd probably be safer on the ground.  We're too far out. They'll catch up to you."

    "I know," he answered, already moving into the atmosphere. "Gonna use 'em for drag.  I'm losing power too fast.  Won't have enough power to get down with, so I need something to help me slow down...  Save all the power I can for... for brakes, and...  Blast!"  His voice was tight. 

    Corbin said nothing, watching helplessly as the severity of his wingmate’s predicament sank in.  The Peregrine slid like a bobsled, picking up speed.  "Arion, you're moving too fast.  The shields won't give drag; they'll just tear off.  Can you slow down at all?"

    "Soon.  Soon.  Gotta conserve power.  A bit of brakes, then the shields..."

    "You're the expert on crashing."

    Arion laughed in spite of himself.  "I told you before.  I'm not crashing.  I've been shot down.  Again!  There is a difference!"  They were silent then as the heat of descent disrupted communication.  Arion studied the analysis readout, trying to judge how much longer the power would last. 

    "Okay dear heart," he whispered, "let's slow down a little."  He flipped brake switches one by one, pausing between each.  Little by little, she slowed, the power dropping alarmingly with each one.  Below him, the surface hid beneath a hazy blanket of white.

    "Looking good hot shot," said Corbin from above, his voice fuzzy with static, but audible now.

    "Naturally," said Arion with a weak smile.  "Okay.  Here goes nothing..."  He keyed the solar shields and held his breath. Designed for deep space, their bulk had the initial effect of a parachute, and the Peregrine jerked like a puppet on strings.  Arion was thrown to one side, hitting hard within the confines of the cockpit. 

    One of the shields broke free, jolting the ship again. She started wallowing side to side, and Arion fought to steady her before she flipped.  After several eternal seconds she stabilized. The remaining shields held. 

    It was then that he discovered that the landing gear would not come down.  He keyed them again.  The analysis readout flickered:  RETRACT SOLAR SHIELDS.  Crud!  "Yehiel..." he said aloud.

    "What is it?"

    "Trees.  Whole blasted forest!"  He threw the remaining brake switches.  Creation became a chaos of noise, jolts, and flashing branches...

    "...Arion!  Arion!"  Corbin's voice was far away...  "Arion! Hang in there buddy, I'm coming down."

    This last chased the remaining cobwebs out of his head.  "It's okay, Corbin.  I'm…  I'm okay."

    "...You sure?"

    He laughed weakly.  "Uh, yeah.  Shook my marbles pretty good there, but yeah.  I'm okay."

    "How's the Peregrine?"

    He sighed.  "Seems she's one falcon that doesn't like trees.  You'll have to go back and send me something to ride home in."

    "Really, Arion," chided Corbin, smiling.  "You'd better quit smashing ships or the Ealdred's going to put you on ground crew!"

    "A hot pilot like me?  Nah.  But Brian might!"

    Corbin chuckled.  "That's Brian's Malise?  Oh brother, are you going to get it!  ...Well, if you're that stuck, I'd better go now.  Are you sure you're okay?"

    "Yeah," he sighed, wishing they had their Starphires and feeling less fortunate than he knew he was.  "I'll set charges here and get a move on."

    "All right.  Walk with God, my friend."

    "I'll do that," he answered, smiling.  "And you fly with Him!" He heard static then and knew that Corbin had left.  It didn’t take him long to set the explosives, destroying what was left of the Peregrine.  He began walking then, putting as much distance as he could between himself and the crash site before nightfall.  When dusk fell, he found a likely tree and climbed it, settling himself for the night. 

    As the darkness gathered, a flickering of light caught his eye and he tensed.  The venators wouldn’t be afraid of being caught here; they could afford to light a fire.  If they were already here though, his own retrieval would be more complicated.  He climbed down silently and crept towards the camp. 

    He spotted one sentry and skirted around, avoiding him.  As he peered through the bushes, however, surprised relief washed over him like a splash of cool, refreshing water.  Humans!  He rose and stepped out, grinning.  “Boy, am I glad to see you!” he said warmly to the man who stood up from the fire. 

 

 

 

    His head hurt... badly.  Where..? 

    Trees... 

    Where? 

    Trees, the strange planet...  The humans... 

    What happened?  He reached up to hold his head, and discovered chains on his wrists.  He woke more quickly now, and sat up, his head throbbing and dizzy. What in creation had happened? 

    His hands were in front of him, joined by a length of chain.  In the center of this chain, another was attached. That one looped around a massive tree, securely fastened.  All very simple, all very solid.  Depressingly effective. 

    His hand laser and sack were gone.  He checked his pockets.  They'd taken everything.  Even his ring.  He gritted his teeth against his fear, but it was obvious he’d been taken by the venats.  No one else would have chained him.   

    But why, then, was he still alive?  He looked around.  He could see the clearing where the camp had been.  Was.  They were still there, but the fire was out and motionless lumps were strewn about.  Oh, Aviel!  Was I followed after all, bringing them down on these people? 

    He shook his head.  Cut it out, he told himself sternly.  The venators could have seen the campfire as easily as he had.  On the other hand, he had been careless enough to let himself get whacked on the head.  Jerk! 

    He thought back, trying to remember what he might have missed...  He had been careful, blast it.  He had circled around, avoiding the sentry and getting closer to the campfire.  Then when he'd seen they were humans... 

    His mind returned to the fire.  He had a pocket match in his snack sack, but had avoided a fire for safety's sake.  That they were confident enough to light a fire themselves had seemed a sign of all's well.  He'd stepped out... 

    Nothing.  He couldn’t even remember going down.

    The current situation didn't make sense either.  The venators wouldn't have left them behind, wouldn't have left him alive.  ...Sportsmen?  His mind shied from the possibility.  Sportsmen were rare groups of venators who killed, not for food, but for the sheer vengeance of killing.  Something else then, his mind insisted.  Something native to the planet.  Moon, he amended absently.  Something he knew nothing about.   

    Oh Aviel, what have I gotten myself into this time? 

    The sentry.  He had assumed it was a sentry, but now he wondered.  If it hadn't been part of the camp, it could have been a venator, watching the humans.  The figure had been heavily shadowed, more silhouette and movement than any real features. 

    He sighed.  The motionless camp filled him with dread, guilt, and confusion.  It had all the earmarks of sportsmen, but what of himself?  Could they have left him here to rub his nose in what they'd done?  He wondered suddenly if they were ever coming back. 

    And where had these humans come from anyway?  He and Corbin had been on deep reconnaissance, well past any known settlements.  Who were they, and what were they doing clear out here? 

    His thoughts circled, repeating without answer.  He explored his chains, the tree.  No answers, no escape.  Survival told him he should sleep while he could, fear told him he could not.  But as time passed unchanging, weariness took over and he dozed.  He woke several times to doze again.

    He woke suddenly at the sound of movement.  He rose quickly, his eyes searching the darkness, but the noise retreated and was gone.  He sagged against the tree, sweating and shaking.  Probably just an animal, frightened away by his sudden movement.  Not as frightened as he had been!  He wondered then what kind of animals there were here.  If they weren't coming back...  He did not sleep again.

 

    The dawn had not fully arrived as Arion watched in shocked fascination.  The camp was stirring.  What he had taken to be the dead rose from their slumbers to start their day, tending fires, fixing breakfast, and scolding children.  It was a much larger camp than he had first realized.  The reality was unfathomable, but his situation was clearly far less serious than he had imagined. 

    "Hey!  ...Hey!  Give me a hand here!"  Arion raised his hands, displaying the chains.  An old woman looked up from her fire and scowled at him.  A few others glanced his way, startled, then ignored him.  Arion lowered his hands, stunned and confused. Didn't they understand?  "Hey!" he called again.  "What kind of crazy joke is this?  Come on!  Turn me loose!"  But this time no one even looked at him.

    He gave a short, angry laugh, disconcerted.  What was wrong with these people?  He slumped to the ground, sitting, knees pulled up, arms resting on his knees.  They were human.  That meant they were friends, pure and simple.  So what was going on?  If they thought this was funny...  And who had hit him?  That was going way too far...  Another short laugh, and he tried to release some of his anger. 

    From the time he was five years old, he had wanted to be a Cedrychad.  Respected and admired wherever they went, Arion had craved such ready acceptance.  He had learned, however, that it also meant being the butt of a wide variety of pranks.  He had worked hard for his position, but he didn't need to be a snob.  Just because he was Cedrychad didn't mean...  But it wasn't funny.  They had gone too far, and his head hurt.

    They were a ragged but well assorted group, like a small village on the move.  Dismally, he remembered the carrier from the day before, and wondered how devastating the venators had been. Did they blame him for allowing the carrier to escape?  Pretty strong reaction, but grief is powerful.  Yet surely they had to understand there was nothing he could do once the carrier was aloft. 

    He wondered again who they could be, and what they were doing so far from any known settlement.  That would have to be his first question.  He watched them eat their breakfast, waiting expectantly for a share.  But no one came.  Never in his life had he seen an entire group of people act so strangely.  It had to be a joke.  It couldn’t possibly be anything else. 

    Eventually, four men approached.  Arion stood, trying to decide just how angry he should be.  They were not large men, rather slight of build, clean-shaven and pale hair cropped unusually close, almost bald.  That seemed to be a local fashion for even the women wore their hair extremely short. 

    Arion eyed the men, uneasy, for their attitude was menacing.  One carried what looked like a padded bat sheathed in leather.  They couldn't possibly be serious, yet every instinct said they were.  He held still, silent, the hair on his neck prickling as they ringed about him.  The tallest stood before him.  "Down," he growled.

    "Down?" Arion echoed, baffled by the single, nonsensical word.  In answer, the man with the bat stepped up and knocked him to the ground.  Arion stared up at him, shocked beyond any coherent emotion, seeking some physical sign that these were not actually humans.  It would have made as much sense if Corbin had attacked him. 

    "I don't play games," the man informed him.  "What is your name?"

    "Arion Dorios,” he answered readily, looking from one to the next. 

    "Who are your friends?"

    The question made no sense, and he rolled to his knees as he tried to think of an appropriate answer.  "I'm from the Arlemagen," he said, naming the Hammerstar on which he was stationed.

    The tall man frowned, then nodded to the other with the bat. Arion tried to duck, but already on the ground, he had nowhere to go and the bat thudded heavily against his ribs.  "Your friends," the man repeated.  "Who are your friends?"

    Far more than the pain, it was their willingness to hit him that hurt and frightened him.  Comprehension came slowly, unanswered questions still swirling in confusion.  "We're humans," he said, turning to the only explanation he could imagine.  He didn’t know what these people were, but apparently they knew he was something else.  What did they see that let them know he was different?

    The man snarled and the bat came down once, twice, three times.  "No games," he growled.  "Answer me now before I hurt you.  Who are your friends?"

    Arion's mouth moved silently.  He had no wind to speak with, and he was now thoroughly bewildered.  The man waited for him to get his breath back, stoic.  They looked so human, but they couldn’t be.  It was impossible.  What they were doing was impossible but they were doing it anyway.  When he could breathe, he said, "My friends... are on the... the Hammerstar Arlemagen." 

    The man frowned and shook his head.  "Who are your enemies?" he asked with disgust.

    He hesitated, the new question sparking unexpected anger.  You are, he thought, but looking up at them again, he curbed his hurt.  Whoever they were, surely they would have common ground here.  "The Venatorista," he answered, reminding them of the proper direction their anger should take. 

    The man looked away with annoyance, then studied him, his irritation visible.  "What is your worth?" he demanded.

    Arion frowned, somewhat encouraged that he hadn’t been hit this time, but still uncertain of their meaning.  Worth?  Maybe it was just a language problem.  "I'm a Cedrychad."

    The bat caught him in the shoulder, numbing his arm.  "What is your worth?" repeated the first.

    Arion closed his eyes and sighed.  "I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head.  "I don't know what you mean."  He was learning to expect it, so it was less of a surprise when the bat came down again.

    "What is your worth?"

    Worth.  What could they possibly mean?  "I...  I'm Cedrychad,” he said, citing the only answer he could find.  And an answer of some sort was clearly necessary.  “...A pilot.  I fly a Starphire.  ...Or Peregrines.  I..."  He shook his head.  "I'm a Cedrychad." 

    "You are most curious," the man said without friendliness. He paused.  "What is your worth?"

    Hopeless frustration returned to anger.  None but the venators had ever shown such vicious disregard and they were placing themselves in the same category.  Whatever they were, they couldn’t be human.  He doubted they were even family.  "And just who in creation are you?  What are you?"  The bat came down, heavy and merciless.  Arion rolled over and moaned.

    The man gripped his hair, pulling his head up and studying his face.  "I think maybe you are worth a great deal.  Or maybe you are worth nothing.  What is your worth?"

    "Drop dead.”

    His grip tightened, but then he shrugged and stood, releasing him.  "Your radio.  It is tuned to your friends?"  But Arion glared at the ground, silent.  A soft snort, a nod, and they left. 

    Time passed.  Arion sat, leaning gingerly against the tree, his knees pulled up, arms resting on top.  His thinking was clearer now, but from a distance, as if detached from himself.  His fear had given way to a numb acceptance, accompanied by a dull hatred.

    Several scruffy children came to stare, silent and cautious, standing well beyond the chain's length.  Arion stared back.  He would not have hurt a child, and their distrust only further illustrated a general lack of decency in the group as a whole.  Whatever they were, they weren't human.  They weren’t anything he had ever seen before. 

    The group had eaten lunch before anyone returned to his tree. He remembered not to stand, and the three did not speak as they unlocked his chain from the tree.  He rose smoothly then and allowed himself to be led through the camp to a large wagon.  It reminded him of the large carnival wagons on Sherythe, except this one was unpainted.  They stopped, and one of the men went inside. People within the camp gazed at him in curiosity, some whispering to each other.  The man returned and motioned to the other two to bring him in. 

    Various minor electronics lined the wagon, as if hoarded here like salvage.  Most commanding was a videcom - Arion automatically dipped his head in salute.  "Ealdred," he said, greeting his commander, his surprise and relief fringed with shame.  His failure had placed the Arlemagen in jeopardy, forcing her to come in closer to danger, the extent of which was still unknown. He knew they would not forsake him, just as he also knew they would not blame him.  Nevertheless, he blamed himself.

    "Arion.  It's good to see you safe..." said the Ealdred.  "But I don't understand," he continued, eyeing the shackles.

    "He is whole," said the tall man, apparently the camp leader. "What is his worth?"

    "Worth?" asked the Ealdred.  "What seems to be the problem here?"  Arion, who knew him so well, could see that he was deeply offended, but he controlled it well.

    The leader, however, flushed with anger.  "Do you desire the return of this man?" he demanded.

    "Yes, of course, but...  Arion, can you explain?"

    Arion started to raise his arms in sympathetic bafflement, but the chain prevented him from completing the gesture, so he shrugged his shoulders.  "Not human?" he offered.

    "Silence!" barked one the men, backhanding Arion across the mouth.  Arion took it in stride now, but the Ealdred would have leapt through the screen from the look on his face. 

    "Liam is already on his way," he said to Arion, his voice tight with anger.  "And you," he growled, turning to the camp leader.

    "So be it," he interrupted, snapping off the videcom.  "Remove him."  Arion was only mildly surprised, and it didn't much matter. Friends were on the way, more than a match for this handful of... whatever they were.  They returned him to his tree.

    The three returned almost right away, and Arion purposely stood as they approached.  They ignored his gesture and took him to the wagon as before.  They must have reconsidered their position.  Wise choice.  As he entered, he looked up at the screen expectantly - and almost fainted. 

    On the screen was a venator.  Its lynx-like face and ears were beautiful in their way, even its yellow eyes with their vertically slitted pupils held a wild grace.  Its facial features were more blunted than a lynx, and its body was largely humanoid in shape.  The venators came in a variety of colors; this one’s fur was a soft gray, adding to the similarity with a lynx.  Like humans, venators wore clothes, though theory stated it was for protection rather than modesty.

    "Here is the man," stated the leader.

    "I am impressed, Tomlik," said the venator, speaking Homonic with a heavy accent.  "He is indeed Cedrychad.  How did you manage to capture him?"

    "It was not a difficult matter," said Tomlik, far more subdued than when he had spoken with the Ealdred.  "He came into the camp as if one of our own.  Brock hit him from behind."  Arion was staring at Tomlik, dizzy, unable to believe even now that they would hand him over to venators, but understanding that this was exactly what was about to happen.  Arion noted with some small hope that Tomlik was scared.

    The venator laughed, exposing its deadly predatory fangs.  "Of course!"  It laughed again and Arion's stomach rolled.  "Of course he would!  Well, well, Cedrychad," it said, turning to Arion with great amusement.  "How does it feel to be betrayed by your own kind?" 

    Arion was silent, his thoughts cascading despite his shock.  Whatever these people were, the venator knew them well.  And it was amused that he had mistaken them for humans.  So.  They were allies.  Tomlik and his people were subservient, but allies just the same.

    "Tomlik," it said then, growing serious, "you'd better watch this one.  They are more determined than you are used to.  I want this one, and any like him.  He is worth three tributes to you, and if you lose him you will pay double."

    "Yes, m'lord," said Tomlik, paling.

    "A carrier will be sent to you immediately.  When his people arrive, tell them he escaped.  They won't take kindly to the notion that you sold him to us."  It smiled at Arion again.  "We might even manage to collect a few more.  I do hope Liam wasn't too good a friend of yours."  It was still laughing when it switched off the videcom.  Tomlik looked at Arion strangely, almost with fear.

    "It doesn't have to be this way," said Arion, grasping straws.

    "We give them a different name," said Tomlik, shaking his head.  "It was you who claimed them for your enemies.  That was a foolish thing."

    "They were my only enemies until you!" Arion snapped. "Call my friends back," he continued, calming.  "We'll help you."

    Tomlik shook his head.  "No.  The Gurions cannot be trifled with.  It is already done," he said, accepting what he was doing.

    "Why do you think they want me so badly?" he tried.  "We can help you."

    "No."  He turned to the others.  "Take him.  And see to it he does not escape, or you shall pay the added tribute."  He looked at Arion again, sympathetic, but resolute.  "My regrets."  Arion spat at him, but missed.  Tomlik merely nodded and turned away.

    Halfway to the tree, Arion made up his mind.  He kicked sideways, to his right, catching the escort in the knee.  The man went down instantly, and as the other two froze at his scream, Arion kicked to the other side, catching that one in the knee as well. The third recovered from his surprise and pulled on the leash, bringing Arion forward to kick him in the chin, knocking him down. 

    Arion already had the chain in his hands to protect his wrists, and from the ground he yanked hard to bring the man closer again, then punched upwards, hitting him in the groin.  Arion scrambled to his feet as the third went down.  By now another from the camp had arrived.  Arion gripped the chain, swinging it, lashing it like a whip as the man approached.  The fellow staggered, but did not go down, grabbing the chain as it slid off of him.  They stood now, at opposite ends, studying each other for an opening.

    Then, a paralyzing fire struck Arion in the small of the back.  He gasped in pain and surprised frustration as his legs went out from under him.  He couldn't see properly, looking up at Tomlik who was now standing over him.  Spots flew here and there, dissipating as the darkness became complete...

 

 

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greeneyes1660 wrote 762 days ago

DL This is a very well written story, though one thinks of science fiction as far fetched, this is not a story to be read quickly or without open mindedness. I have read 6 chapters and find myself pondering both the Q&A's of your main character.

This is both thought provoking and inspirational. He always has hope and comfort which are quite elusive these days

This is a unique premise with many point of views; which captures your readers attention.
There is alot of merit here and I think this book would be well received in the marketplace by many genres. Backed and impressed.... will be back to finish Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

lynn clayton wrote 762 days ago

On the surface this can be read as a gripping sci-fi adventure. But there's a deeper level to it which is subtle and quite wonderfully achieved. Brilliant literature. Backed. Lynn

David Fearnhead wrote 761 days ago

Solid writing, multi-layered with a message which increasingly becomes clear as you delve into the book.
Backed with pleasure..
David
Bailey of the Saints

Light Between Shadows wrote 723 days ago

What an imagination you have and a poetic way of expressing it that, in my opinion sets you apart from most other sci-fi writers. I really admire your ability to create a whole new world, words and yet draw and hold the reader in through familiar, potently expressed emotions. Very evocative, strong stuff. Backed and appreciated by a non-sci-fi reader! Well done.
Best,
Tricia

lisawb wrote 719 days ago

Compelling reading here, I need to read on to find out how Arion is and why the betrayal. This book contains great imagination and rich creativity, this new world is building up gently and the fantasy is good. This comes across as fresh and new not as repeated ideas with twists. I like your style and nearly wish there could be illustrations with the writing, yet it is good to be free to imagine the scenes that are described well.

This should do well and has been on my shelf for a few days now.

Lisa

Ron Mitchell wrote 445 days ago

Good job with this writing. I wish you luck and good success. There are a lot of questions presented. Maybe they are not written there, but it is thought provoking. Remember December Gold.

eric.swanson wrote 475 days ago

Like what I have read. Just be mindful to add some body language at the beginning instead of just telling us that someone spoke incredulously. I'm backing your book.

Tom Balderston wrote 538 days ago

Captured my interest. Reading.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

Duncan Watt wrote 584 days ago

HI DL ...

Though not what I usually read, this is a well crafted story. Obviously you have read a lot of science fiction for it shows in the depth of your understanding of the subject. I find quite a few books of this genre to be hard to read with the use of made of unpronouncable words and names, but you appear to have made this totally readable.

'Backed' with pleasure. Regards ... Duncan.

lavery51 wrote 585 days ago

DL-Sounds like an epic of good and evil. The pitch is short and to the point. Like my book, it seems to be about the influence of good and evil, God and Satan on society and the individual. We all have to make up our own minds what we believe and how we will act. I have a feeling Arion will find his way.I will take a peek into the book tomorrow. IF you can please take a look at You Turn. Good luck with getting a review., Lynne

Sharon.v.o. wrote 592 days ago

Wow, I do not think that I have ever heard of a story that covers the span of time when the beast is loosened and the 1000 years of peace is ended. In a time when nothing is new, great idea.
the story is gripping and the action unstopable.
Well done,
Sharon Van Orman
Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Cariad wrote 602 days ago

This is unusual. Science fiction yet mixed with many of our own ways. Alien races, and the devil. In chapter ten, the discussion about the boy, the arguments about souled biengs, whether it's right to eat 'meat', who is better or worse - the keeping and raising of humans as pets, I found fascinating. You raise a lot of questions that people don't think about.

I enjoyed the writing - it flowed. The dialogue was realistic and the ideas behind it attract me. It's title made me think it was a book involving Native American folklore - but I find its much of many kinds of ideas. Going to be reading on. Backed.
Cariad
STONES.

Narwhon wrote 613 days ago

This writing approaches that in many science fiction books from the eighties and nineties. It is classic and done well. The story is good enough and moves quickly enough to keep our attention without being too skimpy on detail. It drew me in. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

philip john wrote 613 days ago

Like some of my fellow readers I am not a great fan of science fiction, despite the best efforts of my kids to convert me. But I know a classy, well written book, when I see one and this is one such book. On style of performance rather than content of programme therefore I am more than happy to back Grey Eagle.

Best wishes Philip John

Eunice Attwood wrote 619 days ago

I don't usually read sci fi, but having read the first chapter, I can see you have written a very exciting and engaging book. Good structure and flow. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

flower girl wrote 623 days ago

I'm not a great science fiction reader although i do like Sci fi movies and I can picture this like a movie because your descriptions are good. You tell a very original and imaginative story. The dialogue is powerful and adds pace. Backed.

DMHeadley wrote 625 days ago

A great interesting mix.
Backed

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Suzalex wrote 628 days ago

Well done. Excellent style.

Suz

Lynne Ellison wrote 632 days ago

interesting bland of science fiction and biblical romance

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Sarah King wrote 634 days ago

Love the opening - gets us straight into the action and draws the reader right in. Then looked at a random chapter (27). It is good to see that the quality of the writing continues to be good. Your dialogue is natural and the reader is held in the world you create. Good luck with this.

Ammari Sky wrote 635 days ago

Comment will be coming on this. Adding it to watch so I can take a read at it mate. =)

Ammari

Margaret Anthony wrote 636 days ago

This is not a genre I'm confident to comment on but you certainly held my attention. There is a sense of realism running through your narrative which helps people like me with an imagination firmly rooted in the 'real' world.
The aerial 'dogfight' was plausible as was the remainder of the chapter, only the names reminding me where I was.
The storyline sounds original too so I have no doubt serious addicts of Sci Fi will enjoy this.
A well written book, that much I can say with conviction. Backed. Margaret.

LonnieNonnie wrote 638 days ago

This is good writing but your paragraphing is bad, robs the story of impetus, if \i can offer a small wee bit of advice... as in, when you need impact, \"we may have found the source of the-' and you carry on. I would start a new paragraph there to emphasise his consternation. And so on - good luck with this. BFP THE TAILS OF WILLIE GUSTY

AnneWright wrote 638 days ago

Dialogue is often make-or-break for me. That's why I'm so thrilled with your story - the dialogue feels real and helps the action move along instead of bogging it down. It's also easy to tell who's speaking. Really wonderful!

Anne
Closeted Courage

WriterJohnB wrote 641 days ago

Good writing, good sci-fi, good action. Backed.

JohnB

Christian Piatt wrote 643 days ago

D.L.:
Though it's a cheesy pop culture comparison, I can't help but think of both the new Predator movie as well as the interest in vampire lit as of late, particularly HBO's True Blood. I think the philosophical questions of what life would be like if humans weren't at the top of the food chain is a compelling one, and something you've presented compellingly here. I'm intrigued by the idea of harvesting souls as trophies, and you've presented a chilling but alluring premise that keeps the reader moving ahead.
Best of luck with your book.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

PCreturned wrote 646 days ago

I think this is a fun and facinating read. You drop the reader in at the deep end with an exciting firefight. And then you pile on the problems for Arion, with his capture and interrogation.

There's plenty of action here to keep the sci fi fans happy, and the prose describes your world v well and vividly.

I'm happy to back your book, and wish you all thebest with it. :)

Pete

J. Moore wrote 647 days ago

Imaginative and creative. Science fiction at its best.

Eveleen wrote 650 days ago

Grey Eagle
Good piece of writing
Backed
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Scott Toney wrote 651 days ago

D. L.,

This is a very cool read. You write well and your scenes open up like a movie in my mind. I picture something like my favorite space scenes in Star Wars when I read your work and that makes me want to read more. Your premise interests me and I think that the story will unfold well from here. This story should do well.
Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Daniel Manning wrote 651 days ago

When The Venators aren't killing and eating humans their domesticating them, so when Cedrychad Arion from a Hammerstar is captured alive without injuries, his worth escalates. After initial interrigation using drugs, Arion is farmed off to solitary confinement, where his interview begins, with the irrepressible venat Sharsa and his questions about God.
Great story because the first few chapters deal with prisons and confinement, putting aside the interesting relationship between captive and jailer, boredom and hunger and its effects on the human spirit.
Well written with great dialogue and descriptions both visual and emotional
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

GK Stritch wrote 653 days ago

Grey Eagle,

"HIs captors...might actually possess souls," DL Stroupe, so happy you're on the side of the light.

Best and backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Thumper859 wrote 657 days ago

Enjoyable start to what promises to be a gripping sci-fi thriller. Betrayal and non-human enemies already to the fore so action is promised after reading just the first chapter.
Just one thing to note for this, if its venators as machines/beings? Should be capitals I think. Same with Venats. May be wrong, but as the planet, Cedrychads and Peregrines are Capital?
Above ignored though, Backed with pleasure.
Mick
Flirty Something

name falied moderation wrote 664 days ago

Dear D.L.
captivating book cover , first time around and again now.
your story is so well crafted and original...
however...and just wanted to let you know, now finished.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

soonerbred wrote 664 days ago

I was taken in by your pitch and greatly enjoyed the first two chapters. Reminds me a bit of CS Lewis' Space Trilogy.

Cheers, Nate
The Smoke That Thunders

CharlieChuck wrote 666 days ago

DL
I don't read much SF, but this has a fast paced thriller feel to it. I've got to admit, the names confused me early on, obviously I had no idea what a Cedrychad, peregrine or venator was. Read through to end of first chapter, this is good tight writing, and I know there's a good market for work like this.
Good luck with it
Charlie

Bill Carrigan wrote 669 days ago

Hi D.L. You lift off to a fine start, with screaming action, integrated background, and subtle character drawing. I like the plausible atmosphere and futuristic tech, reminding me of my boyhood enthusiasm for "Amazing Stories," "Astounding Stories," "Flash Gordon," and all that great stuff when sci-fi was plausible and rich in ideas. I haven't read all you've posted here, but enough to recommend this exciting adventure story and to back it with admiration. I'll have to put it aside for now and plan to return.

For a look at a different genre, but a novel that I hope will grab you as yours did me, I immodestly recommend "The doctor of Summitville." Your impression would be most welcome. --Best of luck, Bill

celticwriter wrote 671 days ago

Hi D.L. Thank you again for backing LONDON, and for you very kind comments. Just had a thought, interested in reading the screenplay? Anyway - really liked your synopsis. And the way you paint with words. Loved the T.E. quote. Nice journey path for your reader to take. Will be continuing on, reading more...

blessings,
jim

dave_ancon wrote 674 days ago

VERY interesting first chapter. I love it and will return for more (I'm at work). I'll back this for you. Dave

nsllee wrote 675 days ago

Hi DL

The opening is like something out of Battlestar Galactica, especially with the religious angle thrown in - and I'm a big Galactica fan! I could take a lot more of this. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

lfk wrote 677 days ago

I like the pace and the fluidity. I need more time to get into it so will put it on my watchlist to come back to.

Stafford and Melton wrote 678 days ago

Woah. I felt all kinds of palpable tension reading the first chapter! I have to find out what happens to Arion now that they keep knocking him out. The ship going down situation was scary enough, but now this. Kudos on your ms. Backed and backed.

Melissa
Burns Like the Sun

SingingOwl wrote 679 days ago

I LOVE this. WIll back as soon as I can remove something from my bookshelf. Your writing is crisp and what I would expect from an experienced author.

SammySutton wrote 680 days ago

Grey Eagle
D.L.

Great description, I like your style.

This is an awesome plot, one that takes a lot of courage as criticism is plentiful in this area. You have done a masterful job. I like the character as a fighter pilot. You are taking on a piece of Biblical prophecy that has not been done so often as others.
Excellent Job!
You are very talented.
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Anthony Brady wrote 681 days ago

GREY EAGLE by D L Stoupe

A skilful combination of two genres is blended here with a redemptive spiritual power to complete a book which should attract the attention of commisioning editors. All the writing expertise required in this genre is displayed throughout. Consistent narrative strength, tone and pace with clever interwoven psychological undertones. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

hkraak wrote 682 days ago

GREY EAGLE: Excellent! I got swept up into the story of Arion right away. The world building is good. I would like to see a little more description (the smells of the camp, the way the chains feel on his wrists...things like that), but you have a great story here. Well done!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

Johanna Kern wrote 682 days ago

Very powerful story - and beautifully crafted!

It is a page turner, with a deep message. Full of heart, underneath the trill.

My highest complements! You are a superb, conscious writer.

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

John Connor wrote 682 days ago

This is certainly a crossover novel, and the opening is very well executed. You haven't gone overboard with the description and the tension is allowed to build without being pushed into the readers' faces. I would suggest opening your pitch out - breaking it up with a couple of paragraphs rather than just the one solid block of text at the moment, but overall - from what I've read so far - it's a well constructed piece of writing.

Read and enjoyed. Backed accordingly.

Benjamin Dancer wrote 683 days ago

What a cool book. I have a number of thoughts about it, but am not comfortable airing them here. I'm new to authonomy and would be happy to offer the criticism, but not unsolicited. Best of luck to you.

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 684 days ago

Rivetting opening, as others have said even non Sci-Fi fans will be absorbed by this. I was aware of the biblical prophecy where the devil is released after a thousand years to try to retake the earth but it never occurred to me to relate this to an age of space travel where man had progressed to this level. This is clever on so many levels that it should be published for its originality alone. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

tisseurdecontes wrote 688 days ago

Unfamiliar names always make it difficult for a reader to start this kind of a book, but you do a good job of drawing the reader into the story. I like the premise, though you could make your long pitch a bit longer to give the potential reader more information to get his/her interest.

This is well written and leaves the reader wanting to turn the page to find out what will happen next.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

CarolinaAl wrote 689 days ago

Arion is likable. You flesh him out well. Your description are vivid. For example, your opening fight sequence. You deepen your narrative with apt similies such as 'like a slow motion nightmare' and clever metaphors like 'the dance continued.' Your dialogue is crisp, fresh and relevant. Your world-building is awesome. Your pacing kept me riveted.

Nits:
1) Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.
2) "Looking good hot shot." Comma after 'good.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem.

This is well executed, captivating science fiction. Backed.

Craig Ellis wrote 692 days ago

My kind of read! Great pitch combined sci-fi with the supernatural. The opening fighter combat and ensuing crash were gripping and well done. Any sci-fi buff would eat it up! Backed.

Craig Ellis

hikey wrote 692 days ago

Well written with energy,invention and imagination.
Regards
Jane

Jed Oliver wrote 695 days ago

Fantastically written sci-fi! The author has a genuine talent for action and suspense. Wishing you the very best! Backed. Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

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