Beneath Such A Green Tree

Hi GJ,

Excellent stuff - I love your detail, your persistence, your characters. I'll provide more comment when I get time to read more but for the moment I am happy to back you based on even the first page!

Well done!

Tony

Your writing is impeccable - it flows well and your narrative voice is strong. I wish I could write as well as you. And what an interesting story. The only criticism I can make (and as I see others have also commented similarly) imho there is too much background, too many solid paragraphs of description in Ch 1. Ch 2 is better, and I really do like Samuell, he sounds like a great character, always ready for a one-liner/pithy epithet! Anyway, good luck with this, like I say it is a wonderful story. Vall

This is a fantastic premise for a novel and it starts off so well. The Epistle to the Reader is really strong with a dry humour and fantastic narrative voice.

For a little while after that things get a bit disjointed, I think. It seems strange to have the introduction come next and it took me out of the headspace I'd just gotten into. The natural place for an introduction to go is the start, of course, and I don't think it'd be an issue if this were a book in printed form. I just think on a site like this it's difficult to keep people's attention for long and they'll want to get into the meat of the story. Brian Todd had a similar issue with The Third Lion and moved his historical background to an index at the back which people could read up on if they wanted to. It might be worth considering here too.

I enjoyed reading chapter 1 but I started to get a bit confused as a lot of it reads almost as non-fiction. I felt the historical detail should have been worn a little more lightly here. However, I did enjoy discovering the absolute gem of the original meaning of 'gore' . Gore is my mother's maiden name and I've often wondered where it came from. In a lot of the Slavic languages 'gora' is the word for mountains so I thought I might be descended of montainous peoples. Apparently, what I'm made of is something else entirely....

Things pick up again from chapter 2. Everything is bang on song. The narrative voice runs smoothly and feels completely authentic and of the time. The plot kicks in. Everything from here is good good good.

There is real quality in the writing here. I just wonder whether you've given readers here a bit of a hurdle at the beginning which has prevented this fine work from getting the readership it deserves.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

'Beneath Such A Green Tree '

I can only imagine how much effort and research has gone into your writing. The fascinating characters, time frame and vivid descriptions make for a compelling read.
By far the best work of Historical Fiction on this site and one that deserves publication.

Jane
'Silent in the Shadows '

The history came across with verve, which I enjoyed, the dialogue convincingly redolent of the era. Very well written. I might suggest Bookman's Old Style Font/12 to appease editors. I read enough of the early chapters to star this generously for you. 6 stars.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

You've given us a breathless historical story with believable characters and vivid settings. Impecable attention to detail. Confident, thought provoking period narrative. Magical use of language. Razor sharp writing. Backed.

Hi G. J., This is fascinating and your narration is very convincing. I guess I feel parts of it are from documents and then you’ve learned that style to tell Samuel’s story. It took me to the time – really amazing how the Bible was re-interpreted after the printing press and how Samuel viewed the Catholic ministry. I was surprised he had a tutor. The rollicking with his brother presents a personal picture. And Isabella’s death from the plague - your glosses are very readable and give additional info. This is a book that immerses with particulars that tell the why of history. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

A great read. History as it should be.

This is excellent historical fiction - my kind of book! backed with pleasure - my only gripe is I want more!! Backed

liz
The Cheech Room

Such a lot of time and work has gone into this book. The style of writing making it an easy read, with a touch of humour making it even better.
Keith

Still making my way through the book, but a lot more slowly than I would like. Real life's such a drag! It keeps getting in the way.

I had to re-read the Chetham's aside, where you mention Marx and Engels sitting in the alcove before going off to the pub. The note, 'None of the pubs they are known to have frequented remain intact,' somehow set up a perverse image of these two as bearded bother-boys. Thank you for that. Intended or not, it is very funny.

Gorton's voice keeps on charming me. It's got enough of a flair of the Olde without getting carried away with the Oldeness and ending up baffling us.
I've also been enjoying the gradual formation through education and experience of a Lancashire radical. The narrative has enough of a sense of morality without getting over-didactic.

The first home-coming is handled subtly but it's emotionally charged since it is life-changing in some ways (for Gorton, anyway).

His father's death is told quite matter-of-factly, so it shouldn't have been that sad. Yet, it is.

Plenty of humour and tenderness mixed together when he courts Mary. Rafferty need not have worried.

One thing you may want to look at:
With the necessarily longer sentences of Gorton's voice, the sub-clauses run together. I know they weren't big on their commas at the time, but you may need to make that concession for the modern reader.
Example: 'By closing prayers on fifth Sunday I resolved to end what I had come to perceive as my foolishness...'
This flows more easily when you write it as: 'By closing prayers on fifth Sunday, I resolved to end what I had come to perceive as my foolishness...'
The pattern repeats throughout the text.

Shame I can't back it again.

Best wishes.
Huseyin
All Things Noble

I really like your writing style. It is complex, well documented, and easy to read. Plus you have an interesting story from history. Best of luck with your future writing. Please know that I appreciate any support you give to December Gold, a Christian historical fiction novel.

Hi GJ
A welll researched piece that flows smoothly and is easy to lose yourself in. I felt as if I were entertained yet learnt something at the same time. Great writing. Backed.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I absolutely love this, the different voices, the different POV's and all sounding right for the time and the particular speaker. What a wonderful man Gorton was and what a pity he left England, both for his sake and ours.
Still, we did get cornflake factories in exchange, as you mention.
It's a marvellous piece of history, marvellously written. Confirms for me that historical novelists are the best and cleverest writers. Backed. Lynn

an interesting piece that, no doubt, you have researched well, wriiten with conviction...very good work...
su dan...read SEASONS...

wow, I am there, you have researched this greatly. I feel like I am embarking on an old classic, one that you are setting the grounds for with your extensive foundation in this first chapter. I have a feeling that as I progress, and I want to, I will find myself totally immersed in the characters and the surroundings which you have established deeply at this point. congrats on a good read and BACKED.
I would really appreciate your comment on my book which is a simple read, however for me was so profound. I am a new author and would welcome an honest read and constructive feedback .

This is well written and obviously exhaustively researched, but I found it unnecessarily prolix. The prologue itself seems to go on for ever and when I turned to the main text I became quite confused as to where I was in terms of date and generation.
I think perhaps a decision has to be made as to whether it is a novel or a history. Academic historians may accept long, unrelieved paragraphing, but I do not think even the most determined reader of a novel will. It is, however, obviously a story that deserves to be told and on that basis I am going to back it.
If you are able to look at Adam's Apple, you will find it a very different animal !
Leslie Rocker

This must be published. Well written (flawless) narrative that takes us into a time past giving us great deatils about a man who left an indelible mark. This one is obviously quite well researched and sure to please readers of the genre.

A pleasure to back

GJ, from your prologue and first chapter it's obvious you have invested some time and research into your work. The good news is that it seems to be paying off. Nothing to nitpick in those two sections.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I’ve added your book to my watchlist. Best of luck with it!

I found John Gorton's gradual settling in to the local community very absorbing, partly because of the meticulous authenticity of the period detail that transported and involved me in the vivid setting but also because I have, over the last year, settled into a small hamlet on the Lincolnshire Wolds where, from the history revealed inside the church buildings to the farmhouses in the hills and the wayside inns, I catch glimpses of lives long, long past and yet beckoning to me with their mystery.
You began to unfold some of that mystery for me in your first chapter, albeit in a different part of England.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

If I could find one on here I would. Other people have all the best tree shots, and besides, I'd choose a picture of Narragansett Bay, or perhaps the baptist church on Waterman Street, Providence.

Please get a cover for this fantastic work of historical fiction, if only a photograph of beautiful Massachusetts or one of its many fine landmarks--a cover is soooo important!

(Great pitches, by the way. Backed.)

185,000 and incomplete! Ouch and impressive at the same time.

Have you actually visited Gorton at all? It's now in the outskirts of Manchester. Not the most scenic of places. Even the fishmongers would probably not stock trout there, these days.

I can't vouch for the authenticity of the language in the opening chapter but it has verisimilitude, which is more important than veracity in fiction.

Given how comprehensive your introduction to the historic background is in the Prologue, your final comment (Some further reading may be desired...) is scary!

Hmmm...
Difficult choice with the voices.
You start as Samuell Gorton, then you give an account of the name of the stream, then you switch back to Sam G's voice. And this switching back and forth keeps happening.
I can see the reasons behind this, but it makes for a fractured reading. I get this overwhelming sense that you have done a lot of research and you'd hate it to go to waste. Trouble is, that makes for tortuous reading for someone who has picked this up as a historic novel.
Have you made your mind up already that you would like this to be read by a choice few academics and history enthusiasts? Because I believe you may have already lost the majority of the fiction readers.
If the aim is to reach a larger group of people, you will need to trim the background details.
I see that after chapter 2, this tendency lessens somewhat, but since chapter 1 sets the readers' expectations, they'll expect there will be tons more asides., at which point many may drop the book.

The alternative is to trim the book, which may gain it popular acclaim, and only then publish 'The History of Beneath Such a Green Tree'. Two publications for the research price of one. The irony is that, many of those who might not have persevered with the combined book would be more willing to pick the historic background up, having read the fiction part.

I like Gorton's voice. It does have that verisimilitude (my big word of the day today). And I like the character into which he develops. A better person in many ways than the modern day enlightened individuals because he has managed to rise above his day's prejudices.
The background research you have done is also mind boggling.

I think this is a worthwhile read and well written to boot, but I like eclectic stuff. A more general readership may well be more reticent.

It has my backing.
All can wish is best of luck bringing it to publication.

Huseyin
All Things Noble

G. J.

Beneath Such a Green Tree - The story of a forgotten founder of American Liberty, a dangerous man with fresh ideas who was true to his values and spoke up, at a cost. There cannot be enough told about men like Samuell Gorton. Mentor to the young, tormentor to the old (thinkers). I was also fascinated by the history of Rhode Island, or Rogue Island, as some called it. The prologue was a struggle for me. I wonder if some of this information could be moved to the back of the book, for those who have been captured and are prepared to go the extra mile to find out more of the background. The story itself is engaging and must be told.

Pia (Course of Mirror)

This is not my genre, but I found it to be very well written. Some of your longer paragraphs could do with being split for easier reading. It might also be a good idea to change font, simply because Times Roman is not very easy to read off screen. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Thanks Andy,
I prefer comments that suggest the thing has been more than just skimmed. You're not alone in finding the prologue a little long, but the novel is necessarily long at around 200,000 words and it's hoped that those who get past that prologue will appreciate it in context as the various plot-lines unfold. I am, after all, attempting to rewrite the history books while entertaining the reader.
Thanks again, nost encouraging,
G.

GJ, you've given us a wide and clear window into a fascinating time. fine prose, learned yet not heavy-handed. your MC is fully-dimensional; i feel close to him, and want to know more by reading more. i'm hooked!
on my shelf.
although Gorton is knowable (and likeable), he is still mysterious, which is what i want when i travel 4 centuries back in time. thank you.
now, do i have any possibly useful critique? hmm, i found the epistle engaging, but the prologue a bit long - excellent research et al, yet, for me, it detracted from your narrative. i was glad to get to his story, told in his voice, but then, i admit, i'm interested in the man more than the historical record. there, the thoughts of but one reader ;)
best wishes, andy

Yeah, I know. I'm having a similar dialogue with someone else. It is difficult but it's the way I planned it to suit my purpose. All I can say is the story gets progessively pacier and with that easier. The site format flatens it visually so you can't see the intended join between narratorial voices, as you can on the page as composed. It's down to font size and line-spacing. You could try adjusting the text size bar above the chapters then read Ch11, - sets up the ending and recaps some of the ground covered between.
Thanks for the comment, I can tell you've made the effort.
G
G.

The best bits of the opening sections of this, for me, are those where you show life in Gorton at that time as a child experiences it. Some fantastic rhythmic prose (almost poetry) makes it very enjoyable to read. In both direct and indirect speech, olden times are implied without the language ever seeming forced.
I can see the attraction of blending fact and history but as a reader I get confused in the places where factual sections are included. Could this material belong in a sister book or a postscript? That could be a better option than to intersperse it with the narrative. Just my opinion, hope it’s useful,
Luk7
Pixelated

The best bits of the opening sections of this, for me, are those where you show life in Gorton at that time as a child experiences it. Some fantastic rhythmic prose (almost poetry) makes it very enjoyable to read. In both direct and indirect speech, olden times are implied without the language ever seeming forced.
I can see the attraction of blending fact and history but as a reader I get confused in the places where factual sections are included. Could this material belong in a sister book or a postscript? That could be a better option than to intersperse it with the narrative. Just my opinion, hope it’s useful,
Luk7
Pixelated

Really interesting work that has obviously been researched thoroughly, not sure if we need all the info dump up front, IMHO!!

You have a solid narrative voice that once into your story engages the reader well.
Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice.

The tone of the narrative convinces and, as though picking up an ancient volume found in the archives, the reader continues with excitement to get into the everyday life of the main character. His preoccupations, descriptions and attitudes all engage the reader very well. Then the insertions of researched history! I believe that many, like me, will balk at this. That intro could be placed at the very beginning but seems very odd where it is. then the other insertions annoy. I want to read the narrative uninterrupted then at the end, when I'm thinking, 'I wonder how accurate this is?' I'd be very happy to read the whole history in one section. On an economic note, surely you could sell the history to one audience and the narrative to another!
But it's good work and i've backed it.
Rosalind
Good For Him

Obviously the research here is incredible and you have an action-packed and interesting true story with which to work. I think historical fiction is a growing, exciting genre right now and that this could have true commercial viability, should you choose. I skipped the introduction because that's what I do with pretty much any introduction, if it's too long. To me, it's akin to reading a plot before I read the book. Don't want to know too much to start; sometimes I won't even look at the book cover or inside flap if I feel it's too much information. But that's just me. So I got a gist of the story from your pitch and began with section 1. I think that the tone, feeling old-fashioned and true to the time, is great. You give interesting detail and begin to paint the picture of a life. I think with historical fiction this is true as with any other fiction--you've got to have a sympathetic character. And you do this splendidly. What does NOT work for me is all of the asides, in a different font, where you give us actual historical stuff. This, in my opinion, completely kills the pace and scrambles whatever momentum you had going. I am interested in these facts and want to have them; I just think the back-and-forth you're doing here does not work, and at those points, I'm much more interested in the story. I can't advise on how to proceed, or how to get this information into the text (afterword? footnotes? within the story?). But I can refer you to some historical fiction I have read lately that worked very well: "Devil in the White City," and "Lost City of Z." Both of these are full of information, but the stories move along, the latter reads almost like a thriller. Good luck with future edits; I think there is much here of promise and I encourage you to keep with it. Wonderful work.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Thanks for the encouragement. Yes, the format needs attention as I compose in Word, indenting paras and alternating double and 1.5 spacing for the two narratorial voices. This gets lost when uploaded. I'll follow your tip and see if it makes a difference. Hope so, as I find it difficult to read myself as it appears on here. The prose style was dictated by the need to incorporate Gorton's own words and if it works that is indeed a relief.
G.

Hi G.J. I enjoyed this and discovered much about the time and of course, about Thomas Gorton. The prose flows well in the style of the day and I found I soon began to like him, as he is identified as an honest man, yet a victim of religious prejudice and politics. His comment to the magistrates was most amusing. I'm sure it's an authonomy problem, but the word 'introduction' seems to have slipped out of place. I found if I uploaded chapter by chapter in Rich Text Format, it worked better than as a word.doc.
Good luck and best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi G.J. I enjoyed this and discovered much about the time and of course, about Thomas Gorton. The prose flows well in the style of the day and I found I soon began to like him, as he is identified as an honest man, yet a victim of religious prejudice and politics. His comment to the magistrates was most amusing. I'm sure it's an authonomy problem, but the word 'introduction' seems to have slipped out of place. I found if I uploaded chapter by chapter in Rich Text Format, it worked better than as a word.doc.
Good luck and best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

A fascinating read. Excellent writing and outstanding research.
Seems that Gorton was an enlightened anti racist,anti sexist and was anti
religious fascism.. A rare thing even today, and your book is highly
educational as well as a glimpse ninyto the horrors of colonialism.
The layout could be much better, maybe it's just for Authonomy, the font is
a bit hard to read in parts, may need headings
and clear divisions between cpommentary and text,,etc.
plus illustrations are lacking here of course.

Shelved with respect mikegilli The Free

Strangely, you sold me when we started seeking the eggs of the waterfowl. Beautiful insertion of quotidian agrarian life into a lifetime journey involving "the seductive power of the printed word." Nothing pedantic about this. Great job! Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

A very nice work of historical fiction! Well done and backed.

Amy
Love Match

Excellent piece of writing that is amazing me. This is a very fascinating book I should read more and more and keep in my shelf. You have a lot of interesting word I never can imagine how can you find these. You are so genius in choosing the title. Great book

Backed with pleasure

Bora Matarazzo
Bamboo Promise
A look at the BP is greatly appreciated

Hi GJ
This is a great start. A well written piece of entertaining fiction we can also learn a bit of history from. Best of luck with it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Very good historical fiction. Backed with pleasure.

Good luck!

Amy
Love Match

This is a fascinating book, based on the journal (actually, you tell us, more of a memoir) of Samuell Gorton, but with a great deal, I think, added by yourself. Gorton, a man accused of being a mutinous incendiary and of insulting the clergy and magistrates, has until recently been taken as a bit of a trouble-maker; and it's only now, you tell us, that he is being seen as one of the founding fathers, a typically independent man with individual views worth hearing. You give us the background, showing the enormous amount of research you must have done, in an interesting and readable way; but it's when you begin to use Gorton's own journal to tell us his life story that the book really springs to life. Gorton tells us about the village he lived in, about his family, and about his parents; and his father emerges as an interesting man, as independent in his views as Samuell later was. Stories of how he walked his children to a church farther away on Sunday mornings, so that he and they could have the pleasure of seeing the woods and wildlife of the countryside, and how he told them that God was in the beauty of his creation more than in any church building, are vivid and enjoyable, and bring the man to life. Samuell's continued story of his childhood, culminating in his departure from home to be apprenticed, as 'I set forth on the longest journey of my life that did not begin and end in a single day...' is fascinating and immensely readable and enjoyable; and it promises to be even more so as we reach his time in America. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Beneath Such A Green Tree

Where did this come from!!!
This has amazing depth, don’t now if it’s from research or an impressive imagination, probably both by the feel of it. This is feed by awesome narrative and to me the dialogue lends itself to the lonely misunderstood introspective feel of the character. As I said in the beginning this is a deep book with an authentic feeling storyline. – Good luck

Dear G.J., I love that your story has all of the documents & information in this historical periord - it must have taken years to do all of this research. And all we have to do is read it. You have well informed us of our liberty which was fought for. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

G.J. I found this enjoyable and well-researched and extrapolated. You did not stifle us with boring facts, and thatworks in your favour for this excellent piece.

Good work!
Abi xxx

G.J: the short pitch works for me. That long pitch is too much exposition. This is historical fiction so you are limited by your genre but you still need to sell the casual reader. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

You have obviously done a great deal of research on this Samuel Gorton and what you have to say about him is certainly fascinating information. However, by putting all this heavy info at the beginning of the book, it seems more like a scholarly thesis than a novel.

Book agents tell me that before they even read a query they look to see the balance of "black and white". In other words--scenes made up of action and dialogue--along with the narrative. This seems to be all narrative and as such you would have a problem getting them to look at it as a novel.

Of course, the writing is excellent and your descriptions are fine. But you definitely need action and dialogue sooner rather than later.

Best wishes, Betty K

I like the premise and the read starts off quite good. However, your long pitch needs to be a bit more concise. Its too long and using too much words to say so much. Tighten it up and get it to a cutting edge. i know you can, based on the quality of your work. Backed

This is a good story. I didn’t know about Samuel Gorton before I read this so reading it was a learning experience for me as well as enjoying a good read. The amount of research you’ve done to be able to write this is obvious. If I had a suggestion, it might be to save some of the background you present in the beginning for later in the story so you move into some action faster. Then present that background on more of a need to know basis as the story progresses. Either way, you’ve done a good job with this. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).