Angel on duty

Your title and pitches drew my attention. I like the concept of these four women at an age many see as a point which causes reflection and change, I want to see what trails and tribulations they face and what brings them together.

I want Maxy's house, your description of it was so warm, relaxing and inviting.

Whilst reading chapter two, I had a niggle in my mind about why Maxy was having an affair with a married man, she seems to feel no guilt nor care that he has a wife and children who could be destroyed by the fun she has with him, but she's been a wife and is a mother, I get the impression she was happy in her marriage and the chapter tells me she wants love and companionship. The section - A bit more about Maxy - tells me she is good and wrestles with herself about her adulterous behaviour, but I didn't feel that on reading this chapter, especially as the angel says she simply has no interest in the fact that he has a wife and children. If this man is the Mr X, from chapter one, I find it confusing that she describes a married man, having an affair, as honourable. So, I want to know more about her, there seem to be conflicts around her personality.

Chapter Three introduces Sabrina and I learn that she too is having an affair with a married man, who has very young children and she is a drug smuggler. The rest of the chapter tells me about Suzie (Sabrina's great-aunt), until the More about Sabrina section. So, I'm left wanting to get to now Sabrina better, what drives her, why has she been known to be a dark horse.

In chapter five, about Skye, the descriptions around her love of food worked so well, you had me craving chocolate croissants. I like how Skye thinks about going to the restaurant, which hinted how she and Maxy would meet.

I think the angel as the omniscient narrator works, but the first person sections jarred for me, they lifted me out of the story I was settling into. They are still telling rather than showing and are introspection so could be told by the all seeing, all knowing angel.

I did notice quite a lot of exclamation marks and I've heard it said on the forums that agents don't like to see too many of them.

There are its which are contractions of it is and should be it's.

You have a good premise here for Women's Fiction, women at a certain age, reaching points of change in their lives, a reason for their angel to watch over them. So far I'm a bit conflicted by them, there are a lot of references to God and faith but two of them are having affairs with married men and one is smuggling drugs. I'd like to see how their stories develop, what brings them into each other's lives and what they find out about themselves through the process.

There has been some change in my life and in my story. I hope you like it all!

I have been so busy with life, that I have not been active here. Changed the title too!! Thanks for all the comments. Angi

Dear Angi, you're not active here, but your vote still counts. Please check my message to you. Thanks, Pia

Definitely something worth taking the time to enjoy. Would love this in hardcopy so I can finish it at my leisure. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

Forty already is a great red you bring us into these four very entertaining women’s lives and allow us to share both the colour and the drama we meet contradiction in the fact of being both a drug rep and a drug seller. I like the way you break all of the rules and just chuck in More about … just to give us more ingredients to this wonderful hot pot of a book its excellent
Amelia x

A Date in the Diary – I do hope you enjoy it

I like the start - the morning after the 40th party, and Maxy recalls the night before with her three friends, thus we are thoroughly introduced.

Are we supposed to be suspicious about the life insurance policy? I'm assuming not - but it was a case of excellent forethought. Maybe if she took insurance out on both of them, it would damped suspicions? Anyway, Maxy's regrets at moving home speak of the sorrow, though it has long since become a mere memory; she now has someone else's hot husband to hand, and she gives him what no wife can - freedom.

Sabrina next - memories of someone else's hot husband. But there are many differences with Maxy; the latter only smokes dope, Sabrina smuggles it. She has a colourful history, and I'm guessing there's more to be written about her as indicated by the notes: 'More about Sabrina'. The same goes for Andy.

This is an exotic chick-lit - hot and steamy - of variously hedonistic, caring, harassed women who have made their mistakes, survived and realised that you can have your cake and eat it. They are as different as they are similar, and shaped by the rhythms and mores of South Africa. The story still has an unfinished feel about it, and there are a few editing suggestions below, but it is fun and full of frisson ... backed.

Possible nits: 'I groan' doesn't need an exclamation mark - save them for loud or urgent phrases.

Rethink sentences to reduce instances of I - for example, look at these changes: '...strangely enough. Lily of the Valley softener infuses the pillow case...', 'Afraid to open my eyes, afraid of the assault the day may have, I know it is already light, orange sears the back of my eyelids...'

'you enjoy and [an] evening'. 'which lead [led] to my way of life' x 2.

Dear Angi

A lively, convincing narrative style, full of excitement and enthusiasm, mixed with the ennui of being forty. I wish I could remember it! Unfortunately, as a male and nearly seventy, this isn't the kind of book I'd pick up. Also, I have to agree with various comments about accuracy and exclamation marks. For these reasons, I'm not shelving it - but there is a market for this kind of book, so best of luck.

Yours
Colin Eston.

Engaging and well written, strong, well paced narrative. Not sure about the comments be,ow re punctuation, think it adds staccato notes and works well in context. Underlying themes resonant from thousands of miles away. Enjoying it,...

A most excellent book and I've enjoyed being a part of these women's lives for a short while. Backed because you've entertained me and touched my heart.

You have a very strong style with sharp and precise prose that does pull me in, and you deliver with a strong story. I do agree with Mr Potter upon the exclamation marks, every piece of writing is better without them. Ok!
Good work. Backed.

Hi Angi, strong writing. wonderfully rendered narrative POVs.
happily on my shelf.
a small edting thought that may strike a chord. if not, pls ignore ;)

perhaps remove some of the exclamation marks; e.g., "like a stray pup!?"

great read. best wishes, andy

Clever story about the guilty pleasures, in the lives of four people including their addictions. Reading Forty Already and I can appreciate almost to a sensual level the joy in love making and hot coffee, drawing smoke into my lungs, the richness of feeling high even if I haven't necessary experienced all of those things ( I certainly don't smoke.) Its certainly a wake up call for stiff faced conservatism, the sort that nearly brought South Africa to ruin.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

This was a delight to read with wonderful descriptions and characters. Backed, with pleasure.

Carol

Hi Angi, continuing to enjoy the journey. Terrific read.

Jim

Angi,
You have a colorful cast of characters in this enthralling novel which is very interesting reading. The title reminded me of a Clairol commercial starring Linda Evans. Backed with enthusiasm.

I found this too much. The interesting bits and warmth of the characters are buried under mounds of flowery language. Verbiage. Be ruthless. Cut. The Tails of Willie Gusty

Hi Angi

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and had great pleasure sharing in your characters experiences (well some of them!).
Your writing is very descriptive and you have given your characters very colourful backgrounds which gives the reader a chance to pick a favourite that they have something in common with.
A pleasure to back.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

FORTY? ALREADY
This is a fab piece of writing. I read an excerpt a while ago and lost it - now I have to start again and it's no trouble. forty - I remember it well (35 was the best!). You write with great style, clear and concise, no messing with extraneous words. Good. Nice narrative and description, fittting in well with your characters who are believable and alive. There's a feel good factor about the girls.
A nit - the main theme does seem to lack a little something. You need a bit of a more umph to draw it all together. Some editing here and there, a few grammar mistakes (don't we all ), but on the whole very presentable.
Good luck
Faith
The Assassins Village

remarkable piece of fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze MIrror

I really enjoyed your unusual take on reaching 40. Adultery doesn't seem to bother your M.C. Have only read first chap but will come back for more. Having read Matt's comments I think that he gave you enough to think about. Shelved, Anne

Angi,

Chapter one was a great chapter and I truely enjoy your style. You do so well with description for senses and make us see and smell things that most books don't bring to our thoughts. I gladly backed your book and have read your first chapter so far.

Have a great day and thanks for the read!

- Scott

P.s. I read the comment a few comments down that kenwyn left. Don't listen to him. As he says, he's not your target audience (and neither am I for that matter) and of course he won't appreciate your work. You have great descriptions and a good writing style. Keep it up.

Dear Angi,
I really enjoyed your opening chapter. There's a feeling of joy, of a woman who has found her happiness and loves living. She's got a sexy man and friends who are finding themselves. As someone who hit 40 a long while back, I can tell you that it's just the beginning! Wonderful, creative writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

OK - I am going to be deliberately constructively critical, mostly because as a middle-aged male, I am SO not your target readership.

So instead rather than fawning (which I can see you have had plenty of) here are some intitial reactions. Please take them in the spirit of positive encouragement in which they are offered.

PARA 1 - Why is it 'strange' that the awakening sense is smell? you don't elaborate. How do you know its not the same for everyone? Maybe lose the 'strangely enough'? Its adds nothing.

Also too much repetition of 'smell' We get the idea. Maybe;
'My shrivelled brain picks up lilly of the valley softener on the pillow. A waft of stale booze infuses with his body odour' - see? no 'smell'

Who 'GROANS' ? I didn't get if he groaned in his sleep or you groaned because you realised he was there?

'.. afraid of the assault the light may have' - I see what you're trying to say, but not sure of the sentence construction. Does the light 'have' an assault? It might 'bring' an assault.or 'have' an effect.

You can see already that what I am picking up is slowing down the flow (for me at least). You are scene setting, but its also crucial in the first few sentences to demonstrate your ability as a writer. I can see the narrative is going somewhere, and I am willing you to get me there!

Thankfully you get into your stride. But why 'Mr X'? He seems to be the most important man in your life, so why the secrecy? or at least no early explanation for his annonymity?

At this point you haven't discussed where you live. You go downstairs - twice. Once to make coffee, and again to get milk. Is this a three storey building, or a continuity error?

You have another 'sense' issue a bit further on;
'Silence engulfed my senses'.
I reminded myself of what my senses are and had to stop and imagine how silence might engulf my sense of smell, taste and sight? Its a profound -sounding statement to write, but the readers are new to your work, and what you 'mean' isn't made clear.

I have read chapter one so far and you DO have something that makes sense. but at the moment, I am having to fill in some gaps, make some assumptions, and ignore quite a few errors of structure and grammar. I am hoping this is an early draft.

One of the things I was advised to do was either read it aloud to yourself, or get someone who is unfamiliar with it, to read it aloud to you. That way you will hear where a 'new' reader hesitates because they don't 'get' something.

Please keep going, and let me know if you revise/rehash etc. I'll be happy to take another look.

Let me emphasise I am no 'expert' so feel free to be upset and/or ignore my suggestions. But what I have done is give you some genuine 'first impression' thoughts, which again I ask you to accept in the spirit they are offered.

Good luck, don't stop, and keep in touch.

Matt.

Hi Angi,

I love your vibrant, blunt writing style! It's fresh and original. I love the elaborate descriptions that you write in the first couple of chapters, but if it were me, I would start hinting at the plot. I've read the first two chapters and I'm not sure yet where the story is going to go.

But, I do like it so far! I love your writing style and you clearly have skill. I look forward to seeing how it turns out.

Backed by me with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

hello angie' FORTY ALREADY'

Dreaded forty, yes i have heard this remark passed by woman before, i wonder why?
your book is up to the minute, with razor sharp and witty writing that will certainly capture the attention of the under forties , it 's a great read, better still if one is on holidays, it's that sort of a read
backed with pleasu;re
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
if you have time please look at mine and back
thanks

Hello Angi, I have read some of your book and appreciate what you are trying ton achieve. I think the story needs a central theme that would tie everything together. Your writing is good but far too many paragraphs start with "I"
It helps when editing to read it aloud to yourself, and your book needs some editing.
However, I backed it because i like your style. Chapter 10 is extremely good, but you can make more of it I feel.
Good luck.
David (Flawless Murder)

Dear Angi,
Forty!! Already? is a great piece of work which you should be extremely proud of..... I think this novel has amazing potential, and wish you the best of success and much luck with it.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Angi, Love the premise and the amazing imagery, never having been to South Africa I appreciate your talent for painting pictures with words.I feel the serenity A very eclectic group of women which lends its appeal to the diversified audiance.

You have a calm voice which works well to sweep the reader away. I enjoy the dry humor and though maxy sems Zen she has many layers and views. A very enjoyable read. Backed with pleasur Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Love the dedication. I get that wonderful sense of fulfillement on finishing the novel. Who is the gorgeous Mr.X who leaves the scent of cologne on the skin? I mean when his wife is not aorund.

The writing flows faultessly. The first person perspective gives a sense of immediacy creating a bond between narrator and reader . Impressed with the contrasts of Lily of the Valley and alcohol!! Then the frantic search for milk with that all important first coffee.

Great reading, the bunch of friends are great, the fun and loyalty of Sky, Sabrina and Andy.

Your description of South Africa is fab, so colourful and so visual.

This is a book to curl up with. I am sure it's going to be immensely popular on here.

Backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

Love the dedication. I get that wonderful sense of fulfillement on finishing the novel. Who is the gorgeous Mr.X who leaves the scent of cologne on the skin? I mean when his wife is not aorund.

The writing flows faultessly. The first person perspective gives a sense of immediacy creating a bond between narrator and reader . Impressed with the contrasts of Lily of the Valley and alcohol!! Then the frantic search for milk with that all important first coffee.

Great reading, the bunch of friends are great, the fun and loyalty of Sky, Sabrina and Andy.

Your description of South Africa is fab, so colourful and so visual.

This is a book to curl up with. I am sure it's going to be immensely popular on here.

Backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

You have a very unique writing style. I'm not a fan of first person presence tense but it is easy to fall into the hypnotic spell of Maxy. I have a little problem with her carefree attitude toward bedding a married man and her connection to the God of the universe as her 'Father', but that is a personal thing born from my own preconceptions. You are a good writer. Do I understand it correctly that you are from South Africa? Just curious. Oh, I've backed your book.

Herschel Shirley
Earth Reaver

(If you like female lead characters I think you will like my book)

Backed Forty!! Already?? We love your characters! Women readers will certainly connect through them. Wonderful Job! We liked their motto: “…you can't leave your happiness in someone else's hands!” Our book Dark Side has strong women characters also. The motto of the women in our book is “There is only one way to end a bad marriage.” (They are not referring to divorce.)
CC Brown
Dark Side

Forty! Already
Enjoyable to read
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

I love this, different writing style and love the characters! I think Maxy is my favorite (even if she is sleeping with a married man) It's a nice, easy flowing story with good detail.

Happily Backed
Denise

Would you mind taking a peek at "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?"

This is a fun read and well-written. I would be happy to back this.
All the best, Sana
Saffire Drake and the Three Keys

Hi Angi, I actually write chick-flics, and so I can appreciate the genre (yes, I am male). Nice story telling, very visual. :-)

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Awesome, fast-paced. Great writing with lots of character.

Fabulous unusual premise the characters are great the Mr.x is bold with a flair.

Great Job!
Backed!
Good Luck!

Regards,

Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I am not the greatest fan of chick lit but the writing here is sophisticated beyond that which I would normally have expected from the genre.

You have the control and the authorial positioning to shape the writing well and your pace, humour and realism of thought stream is engaging.

BACKED

Oh I love love love this. You are a very in tune person, I will say that. What you did with the scents was great. And the voice is perfect for ChickLit. Moreso, I love the way you love Mr X. It makes me want to get to know him and see the relationship you two have, which sounds very special. A blend of chick lit and erotica, this promises to be an enjoyable and original read. Some approaches you take are unconventional but somehow add to your flair. Excellent job with this!! I'm not usually a chick-lit reader, but this one was good!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

No need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you intend to convey with all caps. You don't want that. Other than that, this is a fun journey filled with surprises. Well-crafted characters with real emotions. Splintered lives. Excellent dialogue and narrative. Inventive storyline. Lucid writing. Backed.

Your description about food was what grabbed me - deliciously written book.
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Angi
You are a talented writer and i love your story. Really touching . Good descriptions and energetic, grasping read.
I thought Sabrina came in maybe a tad too fast as we didn't a chance to find out who she is.

best

Hello, Thank you for your message. Yes, I have started reading some of your story already. Not my usual genre, but fun to read. I hope this does very well for you. I like your style. BACKED with pleasure. I hope that you like A PASSING STORM.
Best wishes,
Phyllis
A PASSING STORM

I like this, it's an easy read. Sometimes, though, I get lost when there are no specifics. For example "my first sight is Mr. X, this man who makes me see differently, who sees me as the woman I always wanted to be" - that's gorgeous, and I know what you mean- but I don't know the characters yet, so I can't really SEE this. IF there were interactions in the story that show these things, and then you had the sentence a bit further on in the book- then it would have more impact. I hope that makes sense? Backed happily.

Very enjoyable and well written.
Has been backed with great pleasure.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Angi -

Forty!!! Already??? - In their sheer absurdity, these girly characters are stunning. I see sketches, standup comical episodes on stage. Who am I ? ... she describes her rooftop paradise, ideal for stargazing. Here I am, having been an old man's darling has paid off ... freedom. God, sex and hedonism ... my blood sings through my veins in a soprano voice ... The first speech-line ...'You taste good.'
Four girls, sex addicted. We learn how they shape and paint their nails and which brand of perfume they use.
What haunts here is what is not said. I'm reminded of a film-classic, Daisies, by Vera Chytilova, released 3 years before man landed on the moon.

Backed, for sure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This was fun to read! I really enjoyed what I've read of this. I think you've got a wonderful cast of characters here, they feel real and each like someone I'd like to know. A lot of people will be able to relate to your book regardless of their age. It's the kind of book you devour on a chilly day then pass off to your mom or girlfriends. Nicely done and good luck with it!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

07 September 2010
Forty….Already? consists of vibrant, descriptive prose that delineates every nuance, every emotion and each thought of the players on its pages and successfully breathes life into each of them. It is frank in its revelations allowing the reader to know and ,sometimes, almost to become the persona described. A flair and skill with the written word is at work here. Loved it. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Hi F, it has.... thank you! Angi