Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 14478
date submitted 16.09.2008
date updated 17.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

King's Envoy

Cas Peace

Taran Elijah’s innocent quest for knowledge uncovers a plot which threatens the world…

 

In the realm of Albia, the Artesan craft is dying. Although born with the gift, Taran Elijah struggles to achieve his potential. Against his friends’ advice, he embarks on a hazardous scheme to acquire a mentor. Instead, he stumbles on a devious plot.

In the wake of his actions, Albia suffers a series of vicious raids. Major Sullyan, of the High King’s forces, is sent to oppose them. But a dark and treacherous power is moving through the realms and both Taran and Sullyan will feel its effects.

Their craft, the lives of their friends, even the very existence of their realm will be threatened unless they expose and oppose this evil.

King’s Envoy is the first novel in the Artesans of Albia trilogy. Published 15 August 2011.
Book Two, King's Champion, will be published in August 2012.
Book Three, King's Artesan, will be published in August 2013.




 
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tags

, betrayal, duelling, elements, fantasy saga, friendship, horses, love, loyalty, magic, mystery, romance, treachery

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Chapter One

Chapter One.

 

Albia: the Fourth Realm.

Hyecombe village, in Loxton Province.

‘Are you quite sure about this, Taran?’

    Cal’s voice echoed in the gloom as Taran Elijah closed the cellar door behind them. He raised the lantern and sharp-edged shadows fled up the walls.

    Taran glanced at his Apprentice standing three steps below him and ran a hand through his short brown hair. It came away clammy and he wiped it on his shirt.

    ‘I have to go, Cal. It’s my last chance.’

    ‘But what if there’s something we haven’t thought of…?’

    Trying to keep his voice level, Taran said: ‘I’ve tried every way I can think of to find another teacher. My father was right, there simply aren’t any Artesans left in Loxton Province. Maybe even in the whole of Albia. Entering the Fifth Realm might be dangerous but it’s the only place I’m going to find other members of our craft.’

    The words sounded sharper than he’d intended and as Cal turned to descend the steps, Taran saw him shrug. He followed, his heart beginning to pound.

    When Cal reached the bottom he crossed the floor to the only items the cellar contained; a bedroll and a night-pot. Taran watched the younger man drop a small pack of food on the floor then turn to face his master.

    Taran halted opposite Cal and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He shrugged out of his own pack and laid it down. He was beginning to tremble, although it was more from tension than excitement.

    Where’s your courage, man, he berated himself. You’re twenty-eight years old and a Journeyman. It’s not as if you haven’t created a portway before.

    Ah yes, came a sly thought, but not without your father watching your every move, making sure you got the sequences right.

    Taran took a deep breath, filling his lungs with cool chalky air. He shoved his misgivings away; his father had died two years ago, he’d have to do this by himself. He was perfectly capable—Journeyman was the third of the eight Artesan ranks—and he had mastery over the primary element of Earth. He could also influence the secondary, Water, so was well on the way to becoming an Adept. All he needed was a bit more instruction and what he had planned for today would, with just a little luck, be the means of obtaining it.

    He set the lantern on its shelf and cast his gaze to the cellar’s rocky floor. It was formed like a shallow bowl and would help shape the Earth-force he intended to call. Across this space, he caught the diamond glitter of Cal’s eyes.

    ‘Ready?’

    Cal shrugged again. ‘I’m ready. It’s not as if I’m doing anything, after all.’

    ‘You’ll be guarding the portway, Cal. Without you, I wouldn’t be doing this in the first place.’

    And probably shouldn’t be doing it now, he thought, unable to quell his doubts. Once he had formed the portway, he intended to leave it active. This was a huge risk, he knew; a breach of every rule he’d been taught.

    Never—ever—leave a portway open, son. You don’t know what might make use of it…

    His father’s disapproving tones resounded in Taran’s mind yet he was determined to ignore them. He was terrified of becoming stranded in the Fifth Realm and even if all went according to plan, creating a new portway when he needed to return would cost him too much time and energy. A Journeyman’s skills weren’t sufficient to determine where such portals would open, so he could end up many miles from his village when he came back.

    Asking Cal to maintain and guard it was the best solution Taran could find. He intended to weave his Apprentice’s young strength into the structure as he formed it so all Cal had to do was stay in the cellar. He had his bedroll, supplies and the lantern. He’d be all right.

    Everything will be all right.  It has to be.

    Catching Cal’s nod of acceptance, Taran took a slow breath, closed his eyes and gave himself a moment to settle into the cellar’s thick silence. Then he turned his gaze inward and sought his psyche, the unique pattern through which an Artesan channelled his power.

    The convoluted whorls and spirals materialised in his mind. Soft with pearly colours, the pattern’s very familiarity soothed Taran’s nerves. Gathering his strength, he called on the power every Artesan possessed—metaforce—and it rose, suffusing his soul. His heart exulted as the power grew and his body sang with potential.

    Taran revelled in its glory. This was as much a part of him as his arms or legs, yet without his father’s years of instruction he could never have used the wondrous gift. Metaforce was present in everyone, though only Artesans could learn its control. Taran’s lessons with his Adept-Elite father might not have been pleasant—Amanus was neither a natural nor a sympathetic teacher—but his yearning to expand his knowledge was overwhelming. This was the need driving him to attempt such a risky trip.

    Once his entire body was attuned to the power, Taran turned his attention to Cal. The young man was inexperienced; he was only just starting to learn about metaforce and as yet could only influence Earth. He was strong though; Taran could sense his fledgling power rushing through his veins.

    Reaching out with his psyche Taran melded it to Cal’s, feeling his Apprentice surrender control. Then he raised his arms, palms downwards, and sent his metasenses deep into the rock, searching for the signature of Earth.

    Within minutes a familiar, thrilling tingle shot through Taran as the primal element responded. Slow, majestic, immeasurably powerful, the Earth-energies rose at his call, filling the bowl at his feet.

    He glanced at Cal but the Apprentice’s eyes were fixed on the ground. Cal was mesmerised and Taran understood why. Like a mysterious creeping mist the Earth-force lapped about their feet, rising ever higher at Taran’s command.

    Beads of sweat prickled his forehead and his breathing deepened. Journeyman he might be but this still wasn’t easy. He had to maintain a steady pull or all his efforts would be wasted.

    When he sensed he’d reached his limit, Taran turned his attention to shaping. With Cal’s energy boosting his own, he moulded the Earth-force until the characteristic spherical shape of a portway began to form. It rose until it was floating off the floor; a ball of Earth-force just larger than a man, shimmering with opalescent beauty. When it was complete Taran anchored it, fixing it within the Veils, the substance that separated each of the five Realms.

    All it needed to become a gateway through the Veils was the force of an Artesan’s will. One simple command and it would open, allowing Taran access into the Fifth Realm.

    A small sigh of relief escaped him. This time, after months of frustrating failures, his Artesan powers hadn’t let him down. He released his hold on the element of Earth and let the power drain from his psyche, back into the rock beneath his feet.

    Glancing at Cal, he grinned. ‘This is it then.’

    Cal didn’t return the grin. Instead, he eyed the sword at Taran’s waist. ‘Even with me guarding the portway, this is going to be dangerous. What if you don’t win the challenge? What if you’re wounded?’

    Irritation rose, yet Taran knew Cal’s concerns were real. Ever since he’d found the passage in his father’s notes which had spawned this plan, Cal had been against it. Artesans might be mistrusted in Albia—to the point where the craft was dying—but they were revered in Andaryon, the Fifth Realm. Andaryans were known for their love of duelling yet crucially, despite their warlike nature and distressing habit of raiding vulnerable Albian villages, they had strict codes governing such duels. The notes had suggested that if Taran challenged an Andaryan Artesan and won, or even forced a draw, then he could name any prize he chose. Knowledge would be Taran’s choice and once the possibility of achieving his dream had arisen, he simply couldn’t ignore it.

    Still, the risks were real.

‘It’s a chance I’ll have to take. Stop worrying. I have faith in my skills, even if you don’t.’

Cal’s face fell and Taran immediately regretted his words.

‘Besides, Rienne’ll soon patch me up if I’m careless enough to get wounded.’

He’d intended to reassure but mentioning Cal’s lover only seemed to make things worse. The Apprentice frowned and nodded up at the ceiling.

‘Do you think she’ll be all right on her own?’

Taran smiled. ‘Of course she will. Why shouldn’t she be?’

‘But what if one of the villagers calls? What if someone wants you?’

‘I think that’s highly unlikely, Cal. They try to keep out of my way as much as I try to keep out of theirs. I’ve no desire to be thrown out of the village for practicing “unnatural acts”. And since you’ve brought it up, make sure you don’t make any noise down here. You know how suspicious they are…’

‘Well what if one of them falls sick? They might come looking for medicine...’

That was a real possibility, thought Taran. He blessed the day a year ago when Rienne came to the village, a travelling healer dispensing cures. Her extraordinary skills had made her instantly popular and when she’d fallen for Cal’s dark good looks and decided to stay, she’d brought a veneer of respectability that Taran had never enjoyed. He and his father had only ever been tolerated in Hyecombe but with Rienne in the house, his neighbours were forced to be civil at least. They might avoid speaking to him and Cal, but they braved his door for Rienne.

‘She knows what to do,’ he said. ‘And if any of them get curious, she can tell them we’ve got the flux. That’ll silence their questions.’

He gave his Apprentice another smile. ‘I shan’t be gone long. This is only the bargaining stage so I’ll be back before you’ve had time to miss me. Just stay alert. The portway’s my lifeline and I’m relying on you to keep it safe.’

Turning away from Cal’s doubts, Taran faced the portway. It was the smallest, tightest structure he could form and it was firmly anchored. There was nothing else to wait for.

He picked up his pack, checking he had everything. He wasn’t taking much. The blade his father had given him, some food, and his bedroll. They should be enough to see him through this enterprise, along with the skills of his arm. And they should be more than adequate, for every Albian male learned how to use a sword. Taran was no exception and he was more than competent. It was time to put his training to good use.

He nodded to Cal and drew a deep breath.

Stepping into the portway, he left the cellar behind.

 

Author’s Note:

Thank you for reading this first chapter. If you enjoyed it and would like to read more, please watch out for King’s Envoy when it is published by Rhemalda Publishing in August 2011.

The following chapters are taken from my non-fiction book, ‘For the Love of Daisy’. If you enjoy them and would like to purchase the book, it is available from Amazon and also from www.canwritewillwrite.com.

Please feel free to email me about any of my books. I would be happy to send signed copies to anyone who is interested. Email me at caspeace@albia.fsnet.co.uk

Thanks again and all the best with your own writing.

Cas Peace.

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HarperCollins Wrote

Your novel is a traditional epic fantasy story peopled by mages, with a plot propelled by political manoeuvring and the threat of war – all familiar and welcome elements in a fantasy tale. It’s written in an easy-to-read style, although the paragraphs are incredibly short – it would be great if you could vary this somewhat.

The concept of five ‘realms’ stacked next to each other, with different rules of magic but otherwise very similar, is a good one. However the powers and limitations of ‘magic’ need to be explained in a bit more detail: the ranks advance as a mage gains mastery over the elements (earth, then water, then fire), but they also have healing power and a telepathic ability – how do these fit into the structure? Mages have a ‘psyche’ which is their magical signature and also refers to their power, and power is called ‘metaforce’ as well, so the magic system does get slightly confusing, and it sometimes feels as though you want the mages to ‘have it all’.

The plot itself is tight, there is no unnecessary tangent-following and the end of the book promises some juicy action to come. However, the Andaryan plotline seems mostly to consist of the villains rubbing their hands and cackling with evil glee – the Taran storyline is much more absorbing and progresses with more pace. A bit more detail on the Andaryan villains at the beginning would be useful, so the reader gets more of a sense of time and place.
The characters vary from solid to slightly clichéd – they are also very emotional and the dialogue at times can seem overwritten and flowery. Ruth is somewhat irritating; frightened by anything that doesn’t pertain to cleaning, cooking or healing. Taran is a nice character; not yet confident in his abilities but always searching for more knowledge – the emphasis on Taran’s own struggle for self-improvement and growth and the lack of an obvious romantic ‘partner’ being foisted on him is a welcome change from a lot of fantasy. The surprise of Major Sullivan being a young woman is effective, and the subtleties of her relationship with Robin are nicely handled.

Ultimately, this is an enjoyable read, with a cohesive plot and some likeable characters. It fits solidly into the epic fantasy area of the market, and is a competently told tale. However, it is possibly slightly too old-fashioned for publishers to get excited about in what is a very crowded market. Although epic fantasy is still the most popular area of the fantasy market, it is dominated by a few big names and it’s difficult to launch new authors unless there is something that makes them stand out from the crowd – a sense of energy and originality to the writing. The new fantasy authors who are doing well at the moment tend to write in a slightly more rollicking style, and with more ambiguity when it comes to definitions of good and evil – Peter V. Brett and Joe Abercrombie are good examples.

Ancient Reader wrote 879 days ago

Dear Cas,

I have finished all you have up and just refreshed my memory that you have a nine-volume series planned with both volume two and three named and planned, if not already written.

You are amazing! Not only do you like many of the same authors I do, Anne MeCaffery, Charles de Lint, Piers Anthony, Colin Dexter (a mysery writer tossed in there) and too many others to name, you also have an affinity for animals.

But best of all, you can write fantasy!! I am so pleased that your book is so good! I would have hated not liking it after all my gushing over your profile.

There is a great sense of the beginning of world-building here; I'm confidant that it will become even more clear about the five realms as this book is finished and leads into the others. Leaving some room to keep fine-tuning each realm is only basic planning for a thoughtful series.

I like the way you deal with Artesan power. It shows up gradually in Taran and then Ric shows some talent, but there is much for the reader to find out as the story dives right into the disastrous trip by Taran through a Veil--or into a Veil.

As each character is intorduced, the Artesan connection is stronger and more fascinating. Sully is a great character and her back story, although only slightly revealed to Ruth, will become more important as the series rolls on.

Most of your character building is strong and does a fine job of showing flaws as well as strengths in each one. One character that could use a bit more sketching out is Ric. Even with Ric's share of the Artesan power, Ruth as a healer ad necessary part of the trio, is a sharper and clearer personality than her lover, Ric.

Both Robin and Bull are great physical contrasts in Sully's group and have remarkable traits to be so close to someone of Sullivan's import. Their impact on Sully and on the story cannot be overstated here.

All in all, I'd say this is a premium effort from someone who is a confidant writer and who knows fantasy and its readers. This is a great read and well deserves to be on the Desk!

I'm shelving it with pleasure!

Ancient Reader

JANVIER wrote 937 days ago

Hello Cas,

So much has been said about this book that there is little I can add to make a difference. It is an excellently written story , done with an unusual finesse. The plot is powerful and compelling. I read the first two chapters and marveled at the highly intelligent writing combined with a highly effective use of dialogue and narrative.

Overall, this is a brilliant work having what is needed to take it to the top.
Rightfully shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Ryan wrote 1001 days ago

Hello Cas,

I have read an awful lot of fantasy- and a lot of awful fantasy, come to think of it. I know the tropes and stereotypes and conventions so well that nine times out of ten I can predict everything that’ll happen.

Not here. While you have the familiar elements that fans of epic fantasy are so fond of (you’re quite right to tag this as a “saga”, very appropriate term) and while it ticks all the usual boxes regarding scope and conspiracy and twists, it completely fails to fall into the procedural trap and never bores.

Perhaps due to my enduring love for science-fiction as well as fantasy, the fantasy that appeals most to be is that with a consistent approach to the magical or supernatural; and this is a wonderful example. I get the feeling you could write a quantum physics paper about the rules of the elements and Taran’s gift- and what’s more, I bet tons of people would believe it!

I certainly haven’t read all of it yet, but I’ve just got up to C18 of this behemoth and the dialogue and description remain blindingly polished. I especially love your introductions to the characters, or even animals such as the horses. Assuming you haven’t resorted to filling the remaining book with line after line of random typing, I think I’ve seen more than enough to back it!

-Ryan

Odysseus wrote 1030 days ago

Well, I certainly know a few botchers, I mean artisans, who could do with a gift like this:

“Slowly, the convoluted whorls and spirals of his psyche materialised in his mind. Soft with pearly colours, its very familiarity calmed Taran’s nerves. He drew on his metaforce, feeling it rise and suffuse his soul. His heart exulted as the power grew to the point where his body sang with potential.”

But with a similar power this author took this reader into a genre that is not his usual read, “allowing him access into Andaryon, the Fifth Realm” in an accomplished style:

“Taran’s metasenses pricked him and he came instantly awake, leaping to his feet and snatching up his sword. But he stopped short, biting back a curse, as he registered the confident stance of the young man standing before him. He had every reason to be confident, Taran realised, with armed hunters at his back. His failure to sense them sooner made Taran scowl. Apprehensively, he waited for the other to speak.”

And how about this for something called a “were-eagle”:

“In appearance, they could have been the offspring of a vulture and a giant bat. Their lanceolate beaks and vicious, saw-edged talons were driven by sail-like feathered and leathery wings. They were ferocious predators and efficient scavengers. In the wild, they rode the thermals high over the Andaryan plains and their unnerving red eyes could spot prey on the ground from miles above. In captivity – you could never use the term ‘tamed’, reflected Sonten – they were useful for intimidating or even punishing rebellious serfs.”

If you want action, this author gives it:

“He cut and blocked, grateful that his skill had saved him from injury during those first deceitful moves. His pulse raced. His opponent was coming at him again, striking at his unprotected left, causing Taran to veer sharply aside. He swept his blade around, hoping to catch the noble off-balance, but he had already danced out of the way.”

But there is a twist:

“He couldn’t understand it. What he suspected should not be possible. He and the noble hadn’t learned each other’s pattern of psyche, there was no way the other man could be affecting Taran’s life-force. But it was undeniable. Insidiously, and contrary to all the rules and Codes, the noble was draining Taran’s metaforce and using it to empower himself.”

If Taran knows that:

“no-one here would understand the reasons behind his actions. He concocted various explanations but although all were true, none sounded less than fantastic. Some were even downright implausible.”

It is a tribute to the writer that the rest of us do understand. She makes the implausible seem actual. On my shelf.


Frank James wrote 471 days ago

To Cas Peace (King's Envoy)

Well Cas according to what I can see there is not a whole lot left for me to say. It's all been said and quite right too. Thic is a great story, well told and I look forward to reading more shortly. I'm BACKING your book and wish you all the best in your future writing.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Mavrick wrote 615 days ago

Hi Cas,

You may remember commenting on Connected Obsessions - almost a year ago to the day as it happens.

I promised to review King's Envoy, but I've been working on a rewrite of Connected Obsessions, and that, together with a number of other projects, has kept me away from the site.

I'm back now, trying to catch up with promised reviews, only to find that in your case, King's Envoy has hit the giddy heights of the Editor's Desk!

For this reason, I have restricted my read to the first few chapters, and I'm not commenting in anything like as much detail as I would otherwise have done.

The only critical point I have to make is that the first chapter seems to be somewhat disconnected from what immediately follows. Perhaps I have simply missed something but the first chapter is set, mostly, in a cellar of some sort, which is also the scene at the start of the second. But not the same cellar, presumably?

I spent some time trying to determine in my own mind whether or not this was the same cellar.

That said, the story reads well, you reveal the mysteries of the Artesan craft well, letting the reader know what is needed as an when necessary rather than confusing us with a plethora of mumbo-jumbo, and keep the reader interested.

I have enjoyed what I have read, and it's not surprise to find that it made the EdItor's Desk.

I have not backed it as such, since that now seems futile, but please let me know if and when you post the next in the series on Authonomy, and I'll try to look at that when my comments can be useful!

Best wishes,

Neil.

A Knight wrote 652 days ago

Cas,

i think HC missed out when they thought this was too solidly set in the genre. I thought it had some unique twists and turns even in the first three chapters, and I found it to be brilliantly written. I'd have bought it in a second!

I have nothing particularly helpful to say - just that I enjoyed this immensely, and I'll be looking out for your name on shelves in the near future.

Abi xxx

Burgio wrote 657 days ago

I didn't realize this book had a gold star until I scrolled down to write this comment and saw the Harper/Collins note so now I realize you probably don't need any more comments. I read this, tho, so I'm going to comment anyway. I think the strength of this is the time you've obviously spent creating this fantasy world; you've done that so well you can describe your settings and characters down to fine details - and that makes this world seem authentic. I can see why you're planning a trilogy; this fantasy world will serve you well for that. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Balepy wrote 662 days ago

It seems Harper Collins ahs said it all! Enjoyable reading and backed with enthusiasm. Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

BradNYC190 wrote 680 days ago

Congrats on getting the HC review. I am enjoying this book to date. Backed.

Paige Pendleton wrote 706 days ago

These are a delight. Classic fantastical feel that I hope to find when I crack the spine of a fantasy. Immediately immersed in another place and time - a great one. The premise was a great place to begin, but the execution is what makes these shine. Great imagery and atmosphere (with all necessary supports), and yet, tight, clean, and compelling. Not easy to achieve in fantasy. I am looking forward to reading these for pleasure - an excellent addition to the genre.

lionel25 wrote 714 days ago

Cas, I've looked at your first two chapters. Good narrative and dialogue. I'll back this out of respect for your gold star.

Regards,

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

gerry01 wrote 718 days ago

Hi Cas, Although not really my thing I thought this was good. It is difficult for me to say anything here. I have uploaded a book called Journey of Deliverance which is a fantasy/horror. Don't ask why I wrote it! I have never read anything like it so I don't know what possessed me. I thought I might get some ideas from your book, and I did. I might leave the fantasy to others. I just read HarperCollins comments without realizing who had written them. I thought they were very deep and detailed. Sorry, I can't tell you anything. Self publish and prove them wrong would be my only advice. Maybe you could look at my attempt and put me right. Cheers, Gerry.
PS. If you like The Cup Snatchers, I will be uploading the first 10000 of the sequel in a couple of weeks. I have 7000 words finished so far. I am working on so many projects that I don't know who is in which novel anymore. If you spot something ridiculous please tell me.

John Bahler wrote 719 days ago

I'm being pulled away from my computer after just beginning your book. I was really pleased with the tone of it, so I'll be coming back when I get the chance. Hopefully it's as good as my first impression is telling me.

If I have nothing else useful to say-- good opening. It's on my watchlist. Maybe I'll give it a backing one of these days.

John Bahler
"Marriage with Christ" non-fiction
"Tales of Pallenlyre" Young Adult Fantasy

Thomas J. Winton wrote 756 days ago

Cas I am not one for fantasy but it is obvious you do it well. I love the way you create such a detailed sense of place with a mere two sentences (the 2nd and 3rd sentences of the book). Best of luck with this and your other books. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Thomas J. Winton wrote 756 days ago

Cas I am not one for fantasy but it is obvious you do it well. I love the way you create such a detailed sense of place with a mere two sentences (the 2nd and 3rd sentences of the book). Best of luck with this and your other books.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Mark Reece wrote 758 days ago

Hi Cas,
Crikey, I really like this and I'm not a fantasy follower. If I could get my head around all the various mages and magic, I would love it all the more. For me, I have to think about all these things whereas for many they would probably take it all in their stride because they are used to the genre. It is however, very well written and for that reason, I am very happy to give it my backing.
Mark
Another Day in Paradise

quivera-man wrote 821 days ago
N J Spahi wrote 859 days ago

Hi Cas P,
Thanks again for your comments on my book. Yours is brilliant. I dont much like fantasy novels because I tend to get lost in vague newness of it all, but this is well paced and the narrative creates a beautiful anticipation.
Rgds
NJ (In The Essence of Being)

N J Spahi wrote 859 days ago

Hi Cas P,
Thanks again for your comments on my book. Yours is brilliant. I dont much like fantasy novels because I tend to get lost in vague newness of it all, but this is well paced and the narrative creates a beautiful anticipation.
Rgds
NJ (In The Essence of Being)

marion wrote 860 days ago

Many congratulations... Marion

moussacoyle wrote 860 days ago

Congratulations!

Bryan Coyle
The Wisdom of the Wolf

moussacoyle wrote 860 days ago

Worth a Read from the Editors... DEFINITELY!!

Bryan Coyle
"The Wisdom of the Wolf"

FunkyKitty wrote 861 days ago

Hi. Sorry it took so long, I've found a few minutes to read. I haven't got long, so I'll make it short. It's not the sort of thing I'd usually read from the pitch, but when I read the first chapter it seemed much more like the type of book I'd read. I like the writing and I like the style, it's good. You get an idea of the main plot wihtout giving too much away. Yeah, I like it. Shelved.
Kitty

Lellie wrote 861 days ago

Okay, Cas, I finally have a chance to write specific notes, even though I loved this and backed it already!

Suprisingly enough, this is not my type of genre in the least, and yet I found myself curious to know what would happen next. The ends of your chapters offer good hooks, as does the beginning of your novel. And what do you know, no prologue! (I use them sometimes, and have found so many books here that use them as well. Not good or bad, just an observation.)

As a writer, my weakest area is setting. This is something I am always working on, and the last thing I ever tighten in my re-writes. Ironically, it is one of the first things I noticed about your basement in the opening chapter--that it needs a bit more description. One professor told me to go for the five senses in every chapter (as a rule of thumb). In other words, smells and sounds and so on that hold the reader captivated. A basement is such an eerie place in itself, so I would imagine you could have a good and relatively easy time adding more texture to your opening chapter. Obviously, you are already at the desk, so my notes may be a tad late, but just for future reference.
One grammatical note: Be careful where you place your semicolons and how often...make sure you don't just need a comma or a colon instead.
I think that's it!
Thanks for the fun read.
And again, best of luck to you on the desk.
Leslie Tall Manning
"Knock'n on Wood"

Aurora87 wrote 861 days ago

This is excellent writing. Your style is great and you add real imagination into your writing. I have only read chapter one so far - time constraints etc! - but I will definitely be reading more as I have time. I wish you the best of luck with this - it certainly deserves to make the editors desk. All best, Emily

CDV wrote 861 days ago

You have created an intoxicating world here and a riveting adventure, placing it on my shelf.

Lellie wrote 861 days ago

I have shelved you, Cas, and good luck at the desk!
I'll pop in some minor notes tomorrow.
Best,
Leslie Tall Manning
"Knock'n on Wood"

Shane Kennedy wrote 861 days ago

Hello Cas,

I would like to start by saying that with the exception of works by J.R.R. Tolkien, I have never really enjoyed fantasy novels of this type, so I was waiting to be disappointed. You fooled me by putting together a well constructed world which the reader was able to easily pick-up on. I believe this is the key to this type of literature. Your narrative moves briskly and the work is a pleasant read. There might be a couple of points you would want to re-work with an editor, but I think you have a winner here.

Shane Kennedy
“The Summer Girl”

Tazumi wrote 861 days ago

This is an amazing story--pure fantasy goodness! Oddly, I have a very short attention span for books that I'm not instantly hooked by, and this grabbed me right away. Creating the world, which is obviously one of the challenges of this genre, is done at a nice pace that doesn't leave the reader lost, but still gives us the information that we need. The only problem I had is probably just due to my own wandering attention span--I lost track a few times of some of the characters and who they were. I wouldn't necessarily attribute that to the writing so much as my own reading, but it might be something to think about for us readers that have wandering eyes :)

Mike Spencer wrote 862 days ago

Hi Cas,
I looked at King's Envoy!
Of course I couldn't read all of it, although I think I would like too curl up with it and find the answers to the questions you so cleverly allude to in the beginning chapters (but my daughter needs picking up from school and cello lessons beckon...)
I noticed that this doesn't seem to be listed as young adult fiction- I know that my son, and avid reader of all of this kind of stuff, would devour this book and the subsequent twelve or twenty novels that could follow. Just from the introductory chapters you leave us with a certain amount of mystery: Where is Taran's father? How many realms (did you say five?)? What else can the metasenses do?
You introduce us wonderfully to this new world without explaining it overmuch but by opening the door to it as the action is unfolding. We meet your characters, their quest, their difficulties and limitations...
You also show us right off the bat the bad guys- somehow the writing here impresses the 'dark side' of these guys. We have good vs. evil and somehow (I hope) good will triumph and evil, although measurably more powerful, will ultimately be defeated.
Thanks for the invite to check it out,
Peace, Mike

Matt J Pike wrote 862 days ago

Cas,
There's no mistaking you have created a world that is thoroughly considered, inviting and entertaining. Often you get the sense of the author's imagination ending where the words finish - a paper thin film set if you will - but here there is no doubt the depth stretches far deeper than the prose on page.
Congratulations, hopefully you have something here that fantasy fans around the world will get the chance to sink their literary teeth into.
Wishing you all the best on the Ed's desk,
Matt (Kings of the World)

plantaen wrote 862 days ago

King's Envoy

I'll just get a possible typo thing out of the way first—I hope you don't mind.

Your sentence:

He'd intended to reassure but mentioning Ric's lover only seemed to make things worse.

I think there should be a comma before the conjunction 'but'. Just my opinion, but I think it reads better too.

Now for the serious stuff.

And this is seriously good storytelling. Taran and Ric's master/apprentice relationship is refreshingly complex for a novel of this genre. Their dialogue is skilfully written and utterly convincing: very quickly, I was 'listening in' rather than reading.

Ric's internal thoughts and doubts are particularly well done, and establish his character and issues without recourse to a character spec.

The novel's world is nicely established with 'naturally' placed asides, rather than a clunky slab of scene painting.

The pacing is good, and the plotline intriguing and inviting.

This is certainly a book I'd consider buying—so I'm going to put it on my shelf.

Good luck,
Ian.

Ian Mayfield wrote 862 days ago

Other than the works of Tolkien, Lewis and Pratchett, I'm not a fan of fantasy, but this is a good, gripping story set in a vast and complex imagined world.

Not for you a fluffy, flowery universe full of elves, dwarves, vampires, goblins and monsters (well, unless you count the were-eagles!). Your world is bad-tempered, warty and smelly and is populated by a down-to-earth (or wherever!) cast of well-rounded, no-nonsense, not-entirely-good and not-entirely-evil characters.

Happy to add one more to your list of backings before the dungeon door slams shut on the Editors' Desk for another month. Best of luck!

Alex Parker wrote 862 days ago

Dear Cas,

Other people wrote about how compelling this story is. Excellent writing, intelligent fantasy, outstanding dialogues. I agree. I will be back to read more. The fifth realm is fascinating.
A great work worthy to go all the way. You have the right to be proud.

Of course I am backing King's Envoy. Shelved.

I wish you the best,
Alex Parker – The Last King of Earth

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 863 days ago

Hi Cas

I love this type of novel and admire the way you have managed to fill in some of the background in the way the characters question their own motive and abilities. The first 4 chapters are full of action and thankfully, for a fantasy novel, only a handful of key characters to rememeber. Will certainly keep reading this one. Backed with all best wishes - Glenn

abraebner wrote 863 days ago

One thing I really love is that magic is never called 'magic' by either character. Instead you use the term 'unnatural acts' and I really like that. Your use of these 'unnatural acts' is believeable, the shaping of the earth described in a way that I can truely see it and for me that's what makes a book. The fact that the unnatural acts are a tool to be learned intrigues me as well. I will place it on the bookshelf to read more later. I've read a lot of books were it has all the elemets you do, but little visual imagination, you've got that rounded out real well.

Abra ( like abracadabra, my mother was an East of Eden freak)

Still Shell wrote 863 days ago

I wish I could give a long critique. Well first off, I backed your book. I read the first and second chapters. I feel like there was a really nice balance between dialog and narrative. I think you have a great style, and storyline. As for grammar, well that isn't something I am very good at. So I won't be able to give any advice. The only thing I can think would make it better, is to have some sort of forward giving a little background information. But thats just me I am a beginner and I don't know if you should count my opinion or not.

Philip Antony wrote 863 days ago

Hi Cas,

You asked me to get to you before month's end, so here I am!

Its a shame the upload is incomplete. Its not fair to invest time in someone's work and read their 23 chapters, to be left 'incomplete'. But, I guess you can take this as a compliment because it means I DO want more from you!!!

Pleased to back you and wish you luck for the end of the month...
Philip (Death: The Guidebook)

Jeanne Bannon wrote 863 days ago

So far, I loved what I've read. So well told. You description of manifesting the portal is fabulous. There is not a thing I could even suggest changing. I will definitely read on. Good luck with the eds desk.
Jeanne
Dark Angel

Spawater Chronicles wrote 863 days ago

Gripping work. And to think, this is just the first installment of a saga to rival the greats. Can't wait for someone to publish it.

AliB wrote 864 days ago

Hello Cas
sorry it has taken me so long to return your read but hope this will help keep it on the Desk.
first of all, this kindo f book is a turn-off for me - portals, elements, apprentices - let me outa here!
Having said that, I can see how well you write and how you are achieving what you set out to do. A fluid and convincing opening, perfectly paced so that we learn about this new world and understand its vocabulary in a way thats' pretty effortless. I am confident the whole setting is perfectly formed in your mind and you can depict it skillfully. I love your descriptive writing right form the 'sharp-edged shadows.' Let the adventure begin!
Congratulations and very best of luck.
Backed.
AliB
The Water's Edge.

Geoffwah wrote 864 days ago

Cas,

Sweet mercy! That's some world you're building! I really enjoy the way magic works in this world and am enamored of the way you describe it. Very well done. Beautifully written with good, believable characters. I'm such a fan of fantasy and this doesn't disappoint in the least. Happy to shelve.

Geoffrey

cfarer wrote 864 days ago

Hello, Cas. Well-written story. Good characters and scenes and strong conflict. Great description of sword fight. Backing.
Marty

CamilleS wrote 865 days ago

I can see why you are in the top five! I can't see you going anywhere (out of the top five). I want to come back to this book. Great job!

S. Nilsen wrote 865 days ago

Despite the fact that I'm not really a reader of fantasy, I found myself really enjoying this! You sure can write, and I'm not surprised to see this on the ED! Hopefully, you get to stay there until the end of the month, because this really deserves a gold star. Your description of Taran creating the portway is incredible, I don't think I could ever write like that. I really hope you'll be successful with this, so good luck! I think you'll make it;) Shelved.

Siv (Saga)

itzaqueen wrote 866 days ago

This is quite riviting, really draws a reader in. I love your dialogue and the characters are so real. You are a good writer.Although I'm not much of a reader of fantasy, I do have to say that this could change my mind. I've only read one chapter, but will get on with the rest of them. Also, thank you for your comments on Sunday at the Social Club. I'm shelving your book. Good luck with the rest of the series
Judi Blaze

Laurie A Will wrote 866 days ago

Cas,

A great read! You've obviously spent a lot of time and care developing this world. I really liked Taran. He's a character that readers like to root for.

The only critique I have is that I wasn't completely feeling Taran's anxiety about entering another realm.

Laurie

Henrik Harrysson wrote 867 days ago

I have read the first two chapters. Fantasy not being my genre, I am not the best critic, but ,my general impression is that this is a good, solid, well written beginning.

You have a lot of information to convey in setting out the alternative reality, and in introducing you main characters. The result is a lot of fairly dense description and narrative – i can see that this is likely to be an issue with fantasy.

You convey a good sense of suspense, especially at the end of Ch 2.

One or two specifics. What is a “small white sun” in Ch2? “Small” compared to what. – I rather inferred that there were different sized suns in the different realities.

You also seem to share the widespread extreme reluctance to use semi-colons. Call me a pedantic reactionary, but sentences like “Once he had eaten he stamped it out, he had his blanket and he wouldn’t risk a brush fire.” Are in my book crying out for a semi colon rather than a comma, and if you can’t stomach that, perhaps separate sentences or a hyphen.

Still this is generally a well handled and promising beginning. I am happy to back it.

Henrik Harrysson wrote 867 days ago

I have read the first two chapters. Fantasy not being my genre, I am not the best critic, but ,my general impression is that this is a good, solid, well written beginning.

You have a lot of information to convey in setting out the alternative reality, and in introducing you main characters. The result is a lot of fairly dense description and narrative – i can see that this is likely to be an issue with fantasy.

You convey a good sense of suspense, especially at the end of Ch 2.

One or two specifics. What is a “small white sun” in Ch2? “Small” compared to what. – I rather inferred that there were different sized suns in the different realities.

You also seem to share the widespread extreme reluctance to use semi-colons. Call me a pedantic reactionary, but sentences like “Once he had eaten he stamped it out, he had his blanket and he wouldn’t risk a brush fire.” Are in my book crying out for a semi colon rather than a comma, and if you can’t stomach that, perhaps separate sentences or a hyphen.

Still this is generally a well handled and promising beginning. I am happy to back it.

Anistasya wrote 867 days ago

Hi Cas,
This is amazing stuff. It feels really solid and grounded. I look forward to reading some more soon. In the mean time, you have my whole hearted backing! I am glad to have been able to read this.
Regards,
Ani

Cheryl Carpinello wrote 867 days ago

Hi Cas,

I finally was able to read at least the first 3 chapters. What a great read! You have created unique characters and great worlds. This one will stay on my shelf. I hope to get to the rest before the book is picked up. Good Luck.
Cheryl

Clarion wrote 867 days ago

Dear Cas,

I've already gone through the first three chapters that you put up here. I like your book very much, though I think our styles differ in that you are more action-driven -- in some sense -- than I am. I like your creativity, although, as it is inevitable in our genre, I did think there were elements I had seen in other places before. For example, the Portway sounded like Raymond Feist's Rifts, and the metaforce, which everyone has it but few can influence sound like Midichlorians in Star Wars.

On the other hand -- and I hope you take this as a compliment -- the worlds that you describe are as rich as Raymond Feist's universe. He is one of my favourite writers, and one of the main talents that he has is to describe a palpable world that is still somewhat fantastic. You achieve the same thing here, so well done!

I liked the two races we've seen thus far, from the fourth and fifth realm. There are clear differences between them and yet I have the feeling that both are human-like enough for me to be able to identify with them. I do, however, had the feeling that Raskin's character is actually much more individual than his uncle's, as though somehow you yourself identified better with him.

I am looking forward to your actually describing a girl in this book, since so far your characters have all been boys.

Regarding the language: overall, I have a feeling that you like to use rather simple words, which nevertheless serve very well in establishing your characters, dialogue, and plot. I had a feeling sometimes that the music of the words was slightly off when I read the text out loud, but this is just something personal: it's important to me to have the words resound in a nice way when the text is being read out loud. At one point, when you mentioend Taran's father having died, I would have used "before" instead of "ago", since your narration is in past tense to begin with. There was another point where I'd have used "as though" instead of "as if".

Regarding the characters: I had a feeling like these chapters were a lot more focused on action than on character development; perhaps I am wrong. You are revealing the characters layer by layer -- except the nephew, which is really, I think, the most palpable character you've got here. So far, Ric seems to take a bit of a back role, and he is mentioned more as an excuse/tool, but you did put some effort into establishing at least a sketch of a character for him.

So I guess to sum it up: I like it very much, and will be sure to read more. What I would actually like to see more of is character development, and perhaps a tad bit more intensity in your narration. I am feeling still a bit detached, not quite connected to your world, and I think we can blame it both on my being tired, and on the lack of strong emotion in your prose.

I hope I've been of some help. Many, many thanks for your help, too, and just so you know, you're shelved!

Love,
Cristina

Jupiter Echoes wrote 868 days ago

Actually like it more with more i read.

Your battle scene with the noble etc was quick and to the point, yet was long enough to give the feel of a mighty dual. I would use the concept of instinct a lot more though. Fighting is reflexive as well as strategic.

I hope this helps....

onto my book shelf.