Rune Freis

Dustin,

This is awesome. I'm hooked. You have a brilliant narrative and such an engaging writing style that it's impossible not to be. I've only read the first chapter so far, but if I had enough time I'd happily sit down and read the rest of the novel right now.

The only small point that I would make is that you spelt Eleanora differently in paragraph 2 and paragraph 5. Clearly it's not a big thing, but sometimes it's useful to have someone to point these things out.

Good luck with this - I have no doubt you'll advance extremely quickly through the rankings.
MK.

Rune Freis
Dustin Eves

Engaging SciFi/Fantasy plot with that all-embracing good/evil theme, added for good or bad measure a sense of the "super" human ability through this mysterious serum, and you have created one of the best and most widely used recipes for an exciting and thrilling story. Rune is a likeable hero, as I am sure Zander is a detestable villain. Hope to come back and read more as time permits. In the meantime, happy to have dipped into this and to have given it a spin on my shelf. All the best in finding a publisher.
Zan

I saw this on the pitch me bit, so you've hooked me in with your blurb. A great opening too, I just hope the rest is as good as the first chapter.

Your short pitch and long pitch drew me in. It’s a great start. Your long pitch set the stage. I think you have something here. I’m currently working with a professional on an edit of my draft, so I’ve taking to reading Authonomy books as bedtime stories. If I can’t get past the first chapter, I don’t comment. The fact that I posted this means I did! However, I’ve never been good at the details and life ‘real’ has made it difficult to comment regularly. I felt your book was of the quality I could offer this small amount of support to. The work you’ve put into it is evident and I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Backed!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Great opening - hooks straight away with an intriguing situation and fascinating story setup - but this alone isn't enough, it needs good writing to set all this up and convince the reader to read on, and the writing here is clear and fluent, and does the job superbly - well done and thank you for an excellent read - I'm looking forward to reading more of this.

Hi Dustin
This is a superb beginning. I like the way your pitch creates an auro of mystery and intrigue and we are left wanting to read more and find out what the side effects are. This is really engaging stuff and an original idea as well. Best of luck with this.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Hi Dustin,
You have created some wonderful characters that seem so real, and the whole idea behind the story just works very well. I enjoyed reading it alot and place it on my shelf with pleasure.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

This certainly hits the ground running and doesn't let up! Great start, like the El Toro character, says so much in so little. This is building into a great adventure. Rune has a nifty name and the bad guy is suitably ... bad! Good luck with this. Still got the Eleanora typo, just needs a tweak. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

I love the name Rune, it really adds to the character I think. I am not a fan of this kind of sci-fi usually but I really got involved in this. The idea of a serum being used to create or enhance these special abilities has been done but you put a new and interesting spin on it. The pacing is perfect for an exciting plot like this and it keeps the reader moving along. I'm going to come back to read more later, just wanted to tell you what my thoughts were. Great job with this!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Dustin,

This is awesome. I'm hooked. You have a brilliant narrative and such an engaging writing style that it's impossible not to be. I've only read the first chapter so far, but if I had enough time I'd happily sit down and read the rest of the novel right now.

The only small point that I would make is that you spelt Eleanora differently in paragraph 2 and paragraph 5. Clearly it's not a big thing, but sometimes it's useful to have someone to point these things out.

Good luck with this - I have no doubt you'll advance extremely quickly through the rankings.
MK.

Good start with vivid imagery and an easy read with fluid narrative. The concept is very entertaining, a living lucky charm. And as usual, such an ability is exploited by bad people. excllent.

Rune Freis:

Entertaining read with likable characters and good dialogue.

On my shelf.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Rune Freis
Dustin Eves

Engaging SciFi/Fantasy plot with that all-embracing good/evil theme, added for good or bad measure a sense of the "super" human ability through this mysterious serum, and you have created one of the best and most widely used recipes for an exciting and thrilling story. Rune is a likeable hero, as I am sure Zander is a detestable villain. Hope to come back and read more as time permits. In the meantime, happy to have dipped into this and to have given it a spin on my shelf. All the best in finding a publisher.
Zan

The pitch drew me in just like it's suppose to do and then your story backed it up, great job! Backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Backed! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

This is an interesting book. A serum that turns an unlucky guy into a lucky one is particularly interesting: imagine what he could do in Vegas. You have a good character in Rune; an equally good villain in Zander. Together they’re good contrasts and make this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hah! I love that it opens to pink hair! Very nice hook, and the story kept me engaged (though a few of the paragraphs were longer than I like). I'd also recommend stronger cliffhangers to end your chapters, Ch1 was great but Ch2, not so much...

Regardless, thx for a fun read! Return comments are welcome :-D

~Jen

Hah! I love that it opens to pink hair! Very nice hook, and the story kept me engaged (though a few of the paragraphs were longer than I like). I'd also recommend stronger cliffhangers to end your chapters, Ch1 was great but Ch2, not so much...

Regardless, thx for a fun read! Return comments are welcome :-D

~Jen

Hah! I love that it opens to pink hair! Very nice hook, and the story kept me engaged (though a few of the paragraphs were longer than I like). I'd also recommend stronger cliffhangers to end your chapters, Ch1 was great but Ch2, not so much...

Regardless, thx for a fun read! Return comments are welcome :-D

~Jen

Dear Dustin, I love your science fiction fantasy story - it's almost like "Wonder Boy" - able to help anyone anywhere. :) What a way to leave us hanging with, "Can you call something a 'question' when there seems to be no answer?" :) Your blurb is good because it prepared me to read your book. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Welcome aboard, Dustin. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your first comment. Use your MC's name in the short pitch. But I would break down that long pitch into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key