Halls of Power

You are right, This was an early edit and I appreciate the comments.. As to the two big holes in the body, it is explained later in the story by the Vet who patched up the cop. During World War II the Germans experimented with water frozen in the shape of bullets and propelled by compressed air. Wasn't too successful because the bullets often melted before they could be fired. I refined the idea slightly. Glad you liked the novel.

Mark Mane.... Thanks for the backing

I picked this one from your collection, Mark, because the pitch appealed to me the most, with a hint of humour amidst, as you say, an alphabet soup of government agencies. It sparks off with two quiet killings in a quiet bar owned by the charismatic MC, Colonel. Straight away the questions start. Were they shot? Yes, it seems, and by the calibre, there must have been quite a noise. Also from the entry wound they were shot from a distance, but from the angle, it must have been close up. Then it all blows up, FBI, CIA, you name it. 'Thank you, Ross', nice one, Colonel. Jamie and Bull had some good moves too. I'm puzzled why Enright didn't mention getting shot, though it makes sense later. Then the detonator under the Colonel's car and the whole kit of bugs and devices. Somebody isn't playing nice.

The writing is extremely authoritative, and the cast of characters are believable, colourful and individual. Best of all is the masterful plot which has me scratching my head about how any of this will ever make sense, though I'm sure it will. Clever and highly entertaining, once somebody has this book in their hands, they're going to keep right on reading ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: 'rouge [rogue]'. Story: The paragraph starting, 'I used to come here', consider the use of the word 'retire' three times here. 'friendly sort that [who] talks'. 'Serges [Serge] grabbed me ... Bosses [Boss]'. 'looked at each other for several long minutes' I'd suggest 'moments' as 'minutes' would be pushing it. 'Please come in, may I see the warrant please', too polite, and should it be 2 sentences? 'The judge that [who] signed'. Paragraph 'By the time I arrived', has a lot of nodding. Paragraphs starting 'Colonel, I didn't give him the slugs', have quite a few slugs.

I picked this one from your collection, Mark, because the pitch appealed to me the most, with a hint of humour amidst, as you say, an alphabet soup of government agencies. It sparks off with two quiet killings in a quiet bar owned by the charismatic MC, Colonel. Straight away the questions start. Were they shot? Yes, it seems, and by the calibre, there must have been quite a noise. Also from the entry wound they were shot from a distance, but from the angle, it must have been close up. Then it all blows up, FBI, CIA, you name it. 'Thank you, Ross', nice one, Colonel. Jamie and Bull had some good moves too. I'm puzzled why Enright didn't mention getting shot, though it makes sense later. Then the detonator under the Colonel's car and the whole kit of bugs and devices. Somebody isn't playing nice.

The writing is extremely authoritative, and the cast of characters are believable, colourful and individual. Best of all is the masterful plot which has me scratching my head about how any of this will ever make sense, though I'm sure it will. Clever and highly entertaining, once somebody has this book in their hands, they're going to keep right on reading ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: 'rouge [rogue]'. Story: The paragraph starting, 'I used to come here', consider the use of the word 'retire' three times here. 'friendly sort that [who] talks'. 'Serges [Serge] grabbed me ... Bosses [Boss]'. 'looked at each other for several long minutes' I'd suggest 'moments' as 'minutes' would be pushing it. 'Please come in, may I see the warrant please', too polite, and should it be 2 sentences? 'The judge that [who] signed'. Paragraph 'By the time I arrived', has a lot of nodding. Paragraphs starting 'Colonel, I didn't give him the slugs', have quite a few slugs.

Dear Mark, This is your 3rd book I'm backing - detective stories, I love - I read all of the Nancy Drew stories in high school. :) I have preciously backed your 1st 2 books 55 & 56 days ago. You have not backed my 2 memoir books - could you take a moment to back them? Thanks. Love, Susie :)

A quick pace, perfect for a thriller, with a quickly developing but indepth storyline. Nothing to gripe about in terms of the writing itself. Excellent use of language and good imagery and character development. Sorry such a bland comment, but I really can't think of anything to critique! I'll take a peek at your other books in the near future.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Halls of Power

First let me apologies for the delay in commenting from my recent backing, time has been a big problem recently, anyway…
I think how you have set the scene by explaining characters and grounding them in time and place is very good, well thought out. The two stiff then take us into the storyline, your structure is very, very good. You have created enough interest to keep me as a reader engaged and wanting more. – Enjoyed this!

Hi, Very nice, compelling read, and I'd really like to find out how two people were blown away without a sound in a relatively small bar. I like your ex-military bar crew and owner, and I can visualize how the casting director will pick them. Great prospects for this novel. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

MM: bloody brilliant short pitch. Problems though with the long pitch. I do not have the name of the MC. There is not a level of detail that is needed, plus we need more exposition. What is the main conflict? Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Such compelling stuff, and I agree with Burgio, the Colonel makes for an excellent narrator. I was tugged into this story, and only a lack of time pulled me free.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

This is an intriguing story: a murder, FBI agents, the mafia - a little both of everything for everyone. You have a bood narrator in the Colonel; he's both gutsy and likable - the kind of character a reader wants to follow to the end to see how this will all play out. Setting this in Washington DC was good plotting; it's easy to believe the Capital can hold any type of secret. Makes this a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).