The Krybosian Stairpath

This has a lot more about it then the average children’s story. I sense a lot of thought has gone into this.
You have built a very credible character in Maddy and you portray her brilliantly with little touches as practising her tour guide. The geology theme is inspired (right down to character names). Great story – well told.

Hi S R R, This has the feeling of an accomplished children’s book. The rock quarry and the strange happenings there and a special stone like the chalcedony necklace’s brought me right in. And Madison is a strong character that isn’t so thrilled to find another mystery instead of an answer. Also, “that substitute teacher” was an intriguing person. Quirky characters, written well for the age, a fascinating plotline! Easily shelved – Katherine

This a great tale. I like that the premise and setting is underground and that you have coupled it with geology and caves which will make this unique and original and educational. The characters are great and many which will enable kids relate to anyone of them. You set the mystery right from the first chapter and there is a great sense of adventure throughout - a bit mysterioues, a bit spooky, tight situations and the fear of unknown. You write well, very fluid and seem to have a great understanding of what will appeal to this age group - it come across in the dialogue and narration.
Happy to back this earlier and glad to read more to comment.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

This has to be one of the most unique pieces of children's fiction on the site. Brilliantly conceived, it is an absolute treat to read. It's filled with lovely touches, it never patronises its target audience and it is a joy for adults and children alike. As someone who writes and reads alot of children's fiction, I have to salute this book. Well done.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Hi, S R R -

OK, I'm about five decades past reading MG, and what I remember reading at that time was pretty hackneyed and predictable.

The Kybosian Stairpath isn't. Far from it.

This was a very enjoyable read (made even more so by its absence of wizards, trolls, magic swords and prophesies), which I imagine will be exciting and hard for any kid in your target age group to put down.

Happy to back Staircase, and I would love it if you could take a look at my book.

Best of luck here.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

The Krybosian Stairpath has an appealing heroine (I easily identify with a know-it-all big sister!) and an intriguing setting with a geology hook - unusual! I think this has a lot of potential for a middle-grade audience.
What you might want to consider, in revision, is to tighten the prose up by reducing repetition. You do an effective job of showing us how obnoxious Maddie's enemy is, when he torments her in class and steals her pendant. You show us how odd and unusual her grandfather is. So you don't really need to tell the reader that this is Madison's enemy and that he's a bully, or that the kids' relationship with their grandfather is close and special. You've conveyed it very well in their actions.
The opening scenes left me a little uncertain of the timeline (I couldn't tell when Maddie had mentally alerted her grandfather that she was in trouble) but after that I got into the swing of the story.

Hi SRR,
I can't really add to the comments, but I read two chapters and thought it was well written, if not really my thing.
Backed,
Barry

What a fresh read. A very enjoyable book which contains all the best elements of the genre and none of the well trodden and ill thought out ideas of the worst. I thought Madison an excellent protagonist, a believable yet wise 11 year old. Very well written and happy to back - hope you'll return the favour.
David
Bailey of the Saints

What a fresh read. I like your approach to this. It has all the elements of the best examples of the genre and not of the well trodden and ill thought out ideas of the worst. Madison makes for an excellent protagonist and is a believable yet smart 11 year old. very good work. backed- hope you can return the favour.
David
bailey of the saints

Hello SRR. Madison is a great MC and I love the geology aspects to this story. You have a lovely way of portraying the characters and the story holds interest. This is a great read for its genre and I hope you get it published. mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

An excellent children's fantasy, full of mysteries and odd people and magic.
Madison is a strong fiesty young woman full of character and I was drawn to the grandfather, a equally alluring character.
Delightful.

I love this a great story that can perk kids interest in geology--win-win and backed!

Hi S R R, This has the feeling of an accomplished children’s book. The rock quarry and the strange happenings there and a special stone like the chalcedony necklace’s brought me right in. And Madison is a strong character that isn’t so thrilled to find another mystery instead of an answer. Also, “that substitute teacher” was an intriguing person. Quirky characters, written well for the age, a fascinating plotline! Easily shelved – Katherine

This has a lot more about it then the average children’s story. I sense a lot of thought has gone into this.
You have built a very credible character in Maddy and you portray her brilliantly with little touches as practising her tour guide. The geology theme is inspired (right down to character names). Great story – well told.

Hi there
A great piece of work that will entertain the age group. It's entertaining but a little educational as well. You obviously have a great imagination and have put a lot of effort into the research for this.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I think you've got a cracking read here which will be very much enjoyed by its young readers. There's just one thing I'd consider doing differently if this were my work: I'm not a big fan of prologues because I think they give too much away (and often I think they are owed to a writer's excitement at starting on a work they've been dying to get to). I've also heard some literary agents say they don't like prologues because they feel if a writer has done their job properly, they shouldn't be needed.

However, I seem to be in the minority in my preference. I notice the majority of writers on this site seem to favour prologues. For me, the line "Soon Madison would find herself on a collision course with her family's mysterious past" is a spoiler because it gives away something I'd rather find out in the course of reading.

But... of course, this is children's fiction, and different rules may apply. (One reason I'm reluctant to comment on work outside a genre I read myself.) I could understand why children, faced with the project of a whole book ahead of them, may prefer to know earlier on what they've got to look forward to.

I thought it worthwhile mentioned. Good luck with this exciting work. I hope it enjoys the success it deserves.

Hi, S R R -

OK, I'm about five decades past reading MG, and what I remember reading at that time was pretty hackneyed and predictable.

The Kybosian Stairpath isn't. Far from it.

This was a very enjoyable read (made even more so by its absence of wizards, trolls, magic swords and prophesies), which I imagine will be exciting and hard for any kid in your target age group to put down.

Happy to back Staircase, and I would love it if you could take a look at my book.

Best of luck here.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Dear S R R, I love the "pink & purple crystalline castle." :) Your story is almost like Alice in Wonderland" - it's wonderful. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "commenting & backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment & back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "comment" & "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

KRYBOSIAN STAIRPATH
This is a good young adult story. Madison, Mica and Onyx are all good characters. All likable and the kind of character a young reader would want to follow. I’m glad you’ve made your lead character a girl (why should Harry Potter have all the good adventures) as it’s important for girls to have strong role models and Madison – intelligent and question-asking - is just that. I think you’ll find a wide audience for this among schoolagers who want to read more realistic stories than all the magic and vampires and fairies so common in that age group books. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This has to be one of the most unique pieces of children's fiction on the site. Brilliantly conceived, it is an absolute treat to read. It's filled with lovely touches, it never patronises its target audience and it is a joy for adults and children alike. As someone who writes and reads alot of children's fiction, I have to salute this book. Well done.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Great job with this, good luck. El Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Wonderful writing, an absolute pleasure to read this. A great mystery for kids. A Story full of adventures and interesting characters.

Very happy to shelve such a fab book.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

This a great tale. I like that the premise and setting is underground and that you have coupled it with geology and caves which will make this unique and original and educational. The characters are great and many which will enable kids relate to anyone of them. You set the mystery right from the first chapter and there is a great sense of adventure throughout - a bit mysterioues, a bit spooky, tight situations and the fear of unknown. You write well, very fluid and seem to have a great understanding of what will appeal to this age group - it come across in the dialogue and narration.
Happy to back this earlier and glad to read more to comment.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

A highly imaginative and well written children's book. Excellent use of imagery and your use of short paragraphs only adds to the strength of your work. Sure to capture the imaginations of children everywhere. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Great story I like it a lot.
Shelved to read some more later
mikegilli The Free

Thank you for your kind words.

This is so unique and well written with universal appeal. Congrats and thanks for writing this gem. BACKED with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Thanks, but I had the help of some kids ranging in age from 8 - 11 who read my work and told me what they thought. It seems almost impossible to write for someone under the age of 10, and still get an adult (editor, agent, etc.) to like it.

Susan (SRR)

You write well for your audience. You make it easy to get into your story and your characters draw the reader in.

Good read.

Lockjaw

You write well for your audience. You make it easy to get into your story and your characters draw the reader in.

Good read.

Lockjaw

This is so unique and well written with universal appeal. Congrats and thanks for writing this gem. BACKED with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

I think you've got something here that children are going to love. It's exciting and very imaginative. You've created something that kind of sweeps the reader away. I thoroughly enjoyed what I've read of this. You have a great talent.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Thanks so much. I appreciate the support. While I nurse this one, I am busy with the second in the series.

THIS HAS THE MAKING OF A VERY GOOD CHILDREN'S BOOK, on my watchlist...
su dan...read Seasons...

THIS HAS THE MAKING OF A VERY GOOD CHILDREN'S BOOK, on my watchlist...
su dan...read Seasons...

Backed 25APR

Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences

Pia - Thank you very much.

S R R

The Krybosian Stairpath - Very enjoyable, lovely story telling with endearing characters to draw the reader in. A thrilling adventure revealing the fascinating world of crystals beneath layers of rocks. This may well inspire some children to study what's hidden from sight. Backed with pleasure.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

S R R

The Krybosian Stairpath - Very enjoyable, lovely story telling with endearing characters to draw the reader in. A thrilling adventure revealing the fascinating world of crystals beneath layers of rocks. This may well inspire some children to study what's hidden from sight. Backed with pleasure.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Great pitch, a well written story, backed. Eveleen, Turning a new leaf.

Mr. Darcy. Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm a hopeless rock hound. I love rocks, caves, etc. The background of my profile picture is Bryce Canyon, UT. Now that is rock country!

Madison makes for a great Main Character and love the geology - I studied it at school and there are lots of references to rocks and crystals in my own book. Dialogue is very good, compliments the characters perfectly. You have a good premise here and are building it up well. Happy to back. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Welcome aboard, SRR . . . Cheers!

Hey, I love that! "Cheers" is one of my favorite sayings to hear when I'm in South Africa and Namibia. (Obviously, it's also common elsewhere, just not here in the mountains of western Virginia.)

Thanks for the long pitch tip. I appreciate any help!

I'll check out your book when I get a chance to get back on here. (Job hunting must come first.)

Susan (SRR)

Madison makes for a great Main Character and love the geology - I studied it at school and there are lots of references to rocks and crystals in my own book. Dialogue is very good, compliments the characters perfectly. You have a good premise here and are building it up well. Happy to back. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Welcome aboard, SRR This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your first comment. The short pitch works as is. The long pitch works well but would work better if you ended it with a question to compell your casual reader to browse through. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key