The Reaper's Records: Welcome to Tipa

I'm not sure whether or not youre still bothering with comments and stuff, because of the amount of days you haven't been on line. If you are interested then can you read my book 'Four corners' , and comment on it in return?
Here goes anyway;
I really enjoyed the two chapters I read, and when I have a little spare time I'll read more.
I think you have a brilliant book here, with a good storyline. It's interesting, and it's easy to read, and it had me amused right from the very beginning.
I like your writing style, it flows well; it's natural and confident. You]re a born writer.
This is definitely your genre and it shows. Whatener you write in the future you should keep that humour because its a cedit to you.
You describled your human character extremely well, but the grim reaper I wasn't so sure about until the end. I suppose that's okay because he was a bit of a surprise, and it ended the chapter well. However at one point I wasn't sure if the reaper was an alien and if the human had been abducted and taken on a ship to an alien world. I guess he could also be an alien as well as the grim reaper - why not? I've done something very similar in my book with the angel of death.
I don't think you can improve your story or what you;ve written, I think it works perfectly well as it is. If further on I see anything I think might be improved I'll give my opinion, but to be honest I think you know what youre doing. I wish you good luck and very comfortably give you 6 stars. Youre backed!
Junetee (Four Corners)

I started chuckling with the first few sentences.
Nitpicks
When you describe the figure in the black cloak, you misplace your modifier - unless the computer has bones instead of arms :)

I like the voice and the first section of chapter one, what happens when the human starts to interact is that you are too distant. I suggest you get a closer POV and show what happens from one character's pov only. I'm not sure whether it will be more interesting in Death's or the human's.

I would love to see you submit to PaperBoxBooks.com when you think you have a final version. We publish e-books only, check out our submission page.
Backed

Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Since Pratchett's incarnation of Death, I have always loved to see reaper stories. I dipped in and out of this to get a sense of your premise, and I was very impressed. It's engaging, unique and has my attention.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Pitch problem ---

The Elemental Spheres cannot directly interfere with Tipa except for providing it the elemental energy it needs to survive except through the Reapers, who act as their proxies.

(Repetition of ;except')

Reapers are not immortal, and die off in combat or after a few centuries, but the position of Reaper for each element never goes away, with a new Reaper being choosen by its respective element.

choosen -- typo
Reaper(s) -- three times
unclear meaning

Hope this helps.

Very funny -- pleasure to back.

Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys).

Nice adventure. i was entertained dipping
through it... on my little bookshelf
mikegilli The Free

Good fun in this, and I like the open admission of influence from FRPs and computer games. Has potential, definitely needs another going-over to fix punctuation, typos, etc. You are going to lose readers with the long, long explanations up front. I know the fear that the readers simply won't understand if they don't read the manual before turning the device on, but I'd seriously advise that you cut the worldbuilding explanations to the bone (ha. ha.) and piece the rest out throughout the narrative. As a rule of thumb, don't tell the reader anything until s/he _wants_ to know it. Then keep it to a couple of sentences. Think of the reader as someone noodling around in a game environment, poking at this and that, and when you imagine them looking desperately for a Help Screen, that's when to pop in some explanation. Just my opinion, of course!

Brilliant. Quite brilliant. Hilarious pitch, very funny and well written prose. What's not to love.
Backed with joy
CArl
The Time Hunters

Just the pitch of this made me smile (dropping random objects on passing pedestrians) and it really is inventive and funny. Backing it right now.

K
Nick Keen's Guide to Ghost Cleaning

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

even pie can make death bearable. This is well written, I wasn't sure what to expect but this is fun and a great premise. There are shades of dead like me and I like this. Reaper training- is there a series in this? Excellent.

Hi Ultrapowerpie, It took a few paragraphs but then I could comprehend the place and enjoyed the identification of Cid. His ease in being there and told that he was the new Reaper made me wonder about his background. As long as there was pie, he was OK and ready to adjust. The formal information tone gained atmosphere and it had an upbeat perspective on death and transference. Interesting! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Really good, loved it, good luck. Backed with pleasure, E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I found this quite hard to get into - for someone who doesn't normally read much out the romance or historical genre, this was a little heavy and confusing to begin with. HOWEVER, I can apprecaite good writing when I see it, and this is very well done. It's obvious that you've put your heart and soul into this, it's polished to a high standard.

BACKED with pleasure.
Aimee
His Pride, Her Prejudice.

THE REAPER'S RECORDS:

What a breath of fresh air! Brilliant humour that had me laughing out loud.

Excellent dialogue and characterisation.

Watch out for unnecessary repetition of words. You repeat the word 'room' four times in three lines.
My gut feeling is that you should perhaps shuffle the chapters around a bit, and have the first couple of chapters a little later, as readers of Sci Fi Fantasy like to get to some action first. You have everything here. All the right ingredients. Just a slight re-arrangement is needed, and it's what I do with all my fiction writing. Part of the fun too.

Good luck with this. Backed with pleasure.
Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

I'm not big on sci-fi or straight fantasy, but for what it's worth, this seems to be along the lines of what I've seen from that genre, so must be appropriate for it's target audience. The grammar and punctuation are clean and there is a nice pace. Good luck with this!
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

A very imaginative twist to an old storyline - well done. Your use of imagery is excellent with strong character development all sprinkled with whit and humour. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Heaved a sigh when I saw it was sci-fi, expecting yet more po-faced, weirdly-named characters. Joy when I realised it's comedy. It's not easy to please all readers but you've probably come close to it. Mention the fact that it's funny and satirical. Also 'tongue' is mis-spelt in the pitch. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Like the others who have left comments, I chuckled my way through the first chapter and am definitely coming back for more! To be honest, I was expecting a Discworld rip-off but this was much better than I had anticipated. very tongue in cheek and it promises to be fun. Minor glitches which can be fixed easily with an edit. Loved the line "I'm a wizard? That's awesome!" lol Um, may I suggest single quote marks for terms and doubles for speech ... just keeps it clear for the reader.

Ultra: with the short pitch, rewrite it without labeling it with titles. We already know that subjects from the tagging. With the long pitch, I would expand the exposition and then break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Oh my!! Really funny, tongue in cheek humour. Me thinks you are an old authonomite taking the Michael a little.

Fair play to you,

Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

The human has been in full sanitation when bringing it in. You cracked me up. Your story is very funny. You took me a break from reading the thriller, fiction and others stuffs in this site. I have no suggestion on the first and 2 chapters.
I am very pleased to back your book before I read more,

Bora Matarazzo
Bamboo Promise

Dear Ultrapowerpie, I loved your, "hmmmmmmmmmmm" most of all. :) You did well in preparing me to read your book by your recap before your story began. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "reading"/"commenting"/"backing" your book to help it move up on the charts (sending a message doesn't move your book up, but only "comment"/"backing"). Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment"/"back" my 2 memoir books to help them move up? "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end of the last chapter tells my illness now & my 6th abusive marriage I'm in. Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is a funny story: demons in training. I liked the early chapters that explain the world of Tipa. Too many fantasy writers plunge into their story without explaining where we are and how a strange world works that it's confusing. Here, it's clear. I'm going to go have some pie and root beer and then add this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Very good mix of sci-fi conventions and the reaper genre. Very tonue-in-cheek and pulls the reader along at a swift trot. You do dialogue well and the characters convince. Only crit would be to be more deterministic with your description: eg. something is or is not large, round or not round. Just a thought. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown