Zamorna

Lyrical and evocative and seemingly effortless, a charming narrative that slowly builds atmosphere and suspense as Vermilion comes nearer to the heart of the mystery and the mystery of her heart. the remainder of the book is so present in the first 11 chapters that I don't feel I need read the rest of the book, but I want to, nevertheless, to see just how beautifully it is accomplished. In some ways reminiscent of Ursula LeGuin, in the ease with which a milieu is characterised, with pellucid prose that rivals the clarity of Mary Renault, I don't think I'll have to wait too long until it is published.

Zamorna

Thought the title was idiosyncratic until I got into the character names!
This book is a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y fantastic. It’s fun, intelligent, brilliantly structured and a great read – no one should miss this!

This is wonderful stuff. High gothic romance at its best.

Hi Tina

Just had a quick look through the opening chapter
You have done a great job of channeling the period voice. I could just picture Erconwald’s Victorian whiskers.
As a bit of a name dyslexic, I get grumpy when I see an author use two similar character names, but I am going to assume you know what you are doing.
I liked how you set the situation and characters up quickly and without fuss, while also dropping hints as to the sort of world we are in. The apple peel game was a nice touch too, breaking up the sister’s background info discusion which was going on a touch too long for me.
All the best for it.

This is a peach of a book! Wonderful names, amusing characters, great gothic novel set up with a parallel universe spin. I would buy this book for sure. Six stars and I will shelf when I can. Off to peel and apple and throw the skin over my shoulder!

Dammit, I can't get ch 19 - or 4 or 7 either. But still enjoying this hugely and will try again tomorrow.

I just finished Chapter 19. My thoughts at the end were, "No. No. Don't stop! Tell us more, please." You've managed to pack a scene, which happens in only one room, with suspense, intrigue, and the feminine high of flattering garments. I realize you are very humble and have tired of my fawning, but let me say one thing - You are a goddess. Thank you for posting more of Zamorna.

I've come looking for "that dreadful book" and found only humorous writing and clever names. Pah.

Liars.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

I came to read this after seeing your forum post and all I can say is if anyone thought this dreadul he/she must be lacking in a sense of humour. This is a delight. Wonderful character names and clever dialogue. I've only read a couple of chapter so far but intend to read all that's on here.

Hi Tina/Zamorna, I've just started reading your book. Read the first two chapters and I'm hooked. I will be back for more. Great writing style, interesting characters, great descriptions.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Ferret - or Tina - you have just given me two hours of solid delight. The Mysteries of Udolpho, Fingersmith and Northanger Abbey all rose to my thoughts in unconscious tribute to your delicately balanced pastiche.You walk a fine line between the tongue in cheek and the full blooded gothic, and it decidedly works. The forthright Vermilion, the complaisant Fancy, and the ambiguous figures of Conal and Lilias will haunt my dreams until the mystery is solved. I have a particular affection for subtle parody. Yours, Pan.

Brilliant - read up to the end of Chapter 18 and do hope to read more sometime

Hi Tina

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Chapter 12

I woke when I her crying - you've missed out heard.


Really enjoying this

Ignore the comment about capitalisation - it is obviously deliberate.

Anyway Ch 4 'very soon need her arm' change this

Excellent, I really want to know what is going on and I really like the style. A sort of P&P fantasy book. That is something I would never be able to carry off and you've managed it.

I spotted a few minor things need, I would have hyphenated 'twenty fifth' and probably 'under linen'. Also you've put Unsuitable twice with a capital, is that deliberate?

Other than that very entertaining. Off to read Chapter 3.

I must own this book! What the heck is in store for Vermilion? I only stopped reading because it's 4:52 AM here. This HAS to get published! Six stars and I'll be back for the rest.

Tina, I must quit reading and extract myself from the sofa, but I wanted to stop and tell you how much I enjoyed this.
I have little of use to add, I'm afraid. You write unspeakably well, and your characters are delightful. I think the only possible addition I could think of, would be some small reference to Mrs Radcliffe, since you seem to make reference to her plots (or is that coincidence?)
I look forward to seeing this in the shops.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

Really lovely work, Tina. On my shelf. The prose is clean and uncluttered but not lacking in colour or originality. Deftly evoked sense of time and place. The dialogue rings true and adds good energy to the scenes. Real sense of a well-conceived, confident story line developing.

In short, a very accomplished, convincing piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. A

Hi---I'm back and I've still got 'Zamorna;' on my bookshelf. It's just so good, and (I venture to say) better than some of the steampunk/gothic stuff that's currently on the shelves of Waterstones. (No names mentioned, but thinking of a recent US trilogy, set in alterative C19.......)

A resourceful and engaging heroine in the best traditions of the nineteenth century.

well set out and written; dialogue and narrative marry well together, and make this an effective book...
good enough to back...
read SEASONS...

Gothic isn't a word I usually apply to books. Films, yes - books no. But I have to say, this is gothic and a half. First of all, the names. They're so unusual! And just the language, it all seemed so dark and heavy, yet convincing. I had no idea what some of the words meant, but that's my problem not yours, in terms of your writing I have very little to comment on. It's very well written. Just sorry it took so long for me to return the read!

Silva

p.s. - great cover and pitch

Zamorna
Hi Tina. I’ve been wrapped up in your lovely book this afternoon. What can I say – your writing is faultless. I love the world you have created and the charming characters who people it. And those names – inspired! Only stopped reading now because husband’s demanding food. My kind of book - can’t wait to get back. ******
Kat x
Hens from Hell

I'm back on Authonomy after a break, and looking forward to reading some more of this excellent book!

The characters and dialogue really make this and there are some wonderful turns of phrase (esp liked the bite into lemon not honeyconb one.) I'm not a regular reader of period stuff but I found this highly entertaining. I'd cut down on the adverbs, but then I have no experience of this kind of writing so what do I know?

Vermilion proves to be a great character. Your writing is clear and smooth. Great opening. And Zanko's talent for turning a journey into a dramatic performance is the kind of detail that makes your work charming. Highly starred.
Best,
John B Campbell

It's so nice to read a period piece that's not stupid and pretentious. :-) Your language is lovely and fun and your characters are full of personality. I like this one very much.

Hi Ferret. I have read the updated first chapters and think you have planted some excellent but not distracting clues that things magical or supernatural are involved. The historical references flow well, and suit the style of the narrative. I am really enjoying Zamorna. And I know I keep saying this - I want to be able to buy my very own copy one day! Cheers, jhoom

Hi, I finally managed to get time to look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Chapter 1: Good intro paragraph. The sister's husband come across as prissy and annoying right from the start. I can almost feel her irritation growing sentence by sentence. It's like there's ticking clock in the background, getting louder and louder. :)

I've a tiny suggestion, though. I don't think you need to explain so much. eg in" ...he weighed it thoughtfully, peering at..." we can infer the action is thoughtful from the weighing and the peering. "thoughtfully" comes across as unnecessary. I think just " ... he weighed it, peering at..." would work better. I honestly think it's a mistake to explain too much to a reader. I think it's more involving for a reader if they are presented with the evidence, and then left to draw their own conclusions.

Reading on... I'm on tenterhooks by now. I need to know what's in that letter! :) Ah, a job offer. No wonder she was so anxious.

I've 1 tiny suggestion here. I love your character names. I think they're v inventive and colourful, but I think some readers might confuse the women as both their names are colours and both start with V. Is there any chance you could change one of the sister's names?

Reading on... Erconwald really is a pompous arse, isn't he? I do hope he gets his well-deserved comeuppance at some point ;).

I'm enjoying your dialogue. It's lively and full of character, but I've a minor suggestion. I think your dialogue doesn't need to be explained so much. eg in " "I did not, of course, refer to the Lady Sophronia," said Erconwald, majestically..." if the words are majestic, we don't need the after-description. And if the words aren't majestic, the description will jar with the dialogue. Either way, I don't think you need such descriptions. Your dialogue's fun. I'd let it shine on its own merits and generally just use "said." :)

Reading on... I enjoy the back and forth between the sisters. Very gossipy ;). My interest's piqued by the mention of magic workers. Until now, I thought this was going to be a drama of manners and class. Injecting magic really surprised me, and makes me want to read on.

I like the peel game and the disappointing prediction. Zanko, indeed! You paint a v vivid picture of the old horse-master. I almost lauged when i read that part.

Hmmm I'm intrigued by the odd interview at the chapter end. It implies there's something to be frightened of. I can imagine your audience desperately wanting to read on and find out where this goes...

OK I think I need to stop commenting in depth now before this comment becomes far too looonnnngggg.

I enjoyed what I read. I think you have a fun and unusual way with dialogue that's really filled with character. And you've done a v good job of showing just how much of a pillock the sister's husband is in record time. You put me on V's side right from the start. The mystery of the chapter ending's the perfect hook, I think, to draw people on into the rest of your story. And I'm v intrigued by the hints that this story will turn out to involve horror/fantasy elements. It's an interesting and unusual twist on romance.

I've rated this v highly, and will find a space on my shelf for it at the earliest chance I get. :)

I hope you find an agent/publisher soon. Best of luck,

Pete x

Charming idea, very well put-together. The tag-line, if you can bear such vulgarity, would be "Downton Abbey meets Dracula". A terrific start, hits all the right notes for a period piece, with a hint at the strangeness to come through the odd names of the principals. Very entertaining - I'll start a little thread on this, possibly using the tag-line...

P

Utterly delightful.

For me, the pearl in the oyster (apart from the clever dodge with the black pudding) was the Naked, Radiant Child.
Oh, to be haunted by such a delight.....

Backed with pleasure and a request for more chapters, please.

Finally! The purpose of black pudding is revealed! Thanks for the new chapter Ferret. I'm really enjoying Zamorna and cannot wait to read the rest. I know it's a hard slog at the moment, but hang in there! Lots of exclamations!

Okay, you simply MUST post more of this novel, now if at all possible. O.o I want to know what happens.

Well, I just finished chapter four and I must say I'm completely entranced. I love how Fancy acts as a foil to Vermilion. Your style is very easy to read but leaves a feeling of reading something quite old, like a 19th century novel. Definitely keep up with this I'd love to see it published.

I really like this. I've already stared and I'm going to back it. Then continue on with chapter two.

congratulations for consistent writing and a gripping story. I read through all 17 chapters, something I rarely do. I love the names, the dialogue, and the atmosphere. I would recommend a few more descriptions of the setting, just to ground the reader. Also, how old are the various characters? Because age is so important to the aristocracy's structured society, I think you should clarify how old your female characters are.
Love it, Backed it!
~equites

I am in the process of reading your story. It is very comforting to be in a foreign place with characters that make it easy to understand what they are experiencing and feeling. I will get back to you once I've read more. Please let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight". I hope to inspire.
Bandof1 (Craig)

I love this! You have a very strong narrative voice. Starred high and on my watchlist.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

oh, isn’t Erconwald a real stuffed shirt! Heh, I love the tone of this, and the delightful names. The tone seems almost like a send-up (and a very subtly done one!) of the gothic romance genre. The character of Vermilion is very well presented; she certainly is no wishy washy meek heroine! I do like this. Very minor typo in the first chapter; I think it should be lady’s maid and not ladies’ maid … although I could well be wrong. Fell free to ignore me. * smile *
“For Unsuitable conduct, Miss. With the boot-boy.” (and the others!) LOL
This is thoroughly delightful. Lots of stars and later this month i will back it for four or five days.

I enjoyed reading your first chapter. I really like the character of Vermilion a very interesting and original name.
This beginning leads into your vampire story really well. Your main character seems to be very strong and determined just the type to deal with vampires. Well done Jacoba Dorothy

I wish you a Happy New Year.

You are acknowledging a fact that is woman can play a vital role in the society. I think in your view, if a women can govern she must have special abilities. In your novel you are disclosing some facts related with woman and her mind.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

"Governesses never are heroines in a romance..."

Have you never heard of Jane Eyre?

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze MIrror

ZAMORNA

Dear Tina Rath,
You have invented an amazing world. I have just read Chapter One and I will continue.
I just need to give the book full stars.
The writing is seamless, the characters are distinctly different and I know how each thinks in the first chapter.
How did you do that?
A zoomer

Excellent fun and superb storytelling with a heroine who has very appealing mix of the commonsensical and the fantastical. I like the way you play with both Victorian novel and fairy tale tropes in a wonderful swirling mix that has overtones of Heyer, C. Bronte and Gaiman and a voice that is all your own. When I think something is really good, my comments tend to be brief: I thought this very good (hence the backing) and I would like to know the ending. What more can I say?

Great good fun !

Something makes me think of A.Horowitz : that mixture of dry humour, slightly gothic twist(Groosham Grange style)

With a touch of Wilde hovering in the wings when it comes to dialogue


Love the names : Viridian, Vermilion, Erconwald, Sophronia, Massingberd (one of my favourites ! Beeeeeeh!) see how they run !

Some favourite lines: ‘Erconwald was looking like a man who had just bitten into a lemon when he was expecting a honeycomb’

‘ . . .being on the shady side of fifty, . .’

And the poor maid suffering travel sickness in the coach. . .


Good luck, hope it gets picked up soon !

Zamorna, I cannot get over how authentic your writing is, how well it fits with the time period in which the story takes place. Indeed, your prose is extremely polished and well presented, and things flow beautifully between it and the crisp dialogue. I'm every bit drawn into the atmosphere of this book as I was in reading "Jane Austin". I expect to see this lovely work ascend the rankings quickly. Well done! Highly RATED. -cc

I've just read up to the point where Vermilion discovers the Duke sitting motionless in his chair. This is really very good. The characters of Vermilion and Fancy stand out, and the way the mystery gradually unfolds without giving too much away all at once is skilfully done. The imaginary world is particularly well drawn - avoiding all the infodump pitfalls that usually appear in the fantasy genre. I could easily read this to the end.

A lovely mix of the mundane with the weird. I like the way you mix the practicality of becoming a governess and the opening of the morning mail, with a completely different world. Too often 'otherworldly' tales spend all their time telling you about the world. You get straight in and we're there.

I think this hits a lot of buttons for interest by an agent or publisher - i hope you're sending it out.

Some minor observations - there's a lot of capitalisation early on. Fine if that's what you mean: Bad Blood is clearly a title in this world. There are a lot of them though which might reduce the impact - I don't think 'Make Sacrifices' would need capitals?

I was also getting taking along with the flow created by the dialogue but then brought up short by a descriptive paragraph about the Duke's family. If this section is essential here can it come out of the conversation? (could it, in fact wait for later?)

But they are minor and I would read this.

backed and rated

Howard
Heretics of Death

I just read chapter one. The summary of your story drew me in and I was intrigued with your pitch. It's certainly interesting so far, but I suggest that you watch on throwing too much information at the reader all at once. Info dumps are sometimes necessary, unfortunately, but in the case of this chapter, it could have possibly been spread out, maybe creating a little mystery behind the family she'll be working for.

I do like your style, though! It has a nice, easy flow to it and in the first chapter alone, you seem to get a good grasp on Vermilion's personality. I also enjoyed the story about the apple peels. They had a similar tale to that on the Charmed series. My sisters and I, though, grew up twisting the stems off the apple and going through the alphabet and then whichever letter it broke off on was the letter of the person you were going to date next. A little shoddy, but still fun! Lol.

Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing where this goes. I did catch a typo, though! "I fear Lady Lilias my prove to be ..." 'my' should be 'may'?

A very interesting and intriguing start. I love your writing, it flows with ease, and this story promises to be a mysterious and captivating tale. Your characters and dialogue are wonderful and very real. I thoroughly enjoyed what I read.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

What beautifully precise writing! Happily backed, Ceeds