Spell

Oh wow what a cliff-hanger! Please add more soon!

I love the conversations between Madelynn and Wes, and I love the hint of mystery behind both of them. Your opening chapter was a very powerful hook - beautifully written - and the story has flowed nicely from there. I look forward to finding out what happens next.

Backed with pleasure
Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

April, This is amazing and has put a "Spell" on me...I can't get enough, what a cliff hanger, I truly hope your are going to upload more...and it is clear that this is your baby, because it is truly magical. Your MC's are delightful, charming, and honest. Your descriptive writing is superb not only visually but your emotional painting is delicate, almost poetic. Your dialogue is extremely natural and pulls us into this family circle with ease.

Though they are young, you can tell that Maddy and Wes know they are soulmates, and can feel they are truly as one, I so hope this has a happy ending, however, I fear whats coming next is a major turning point in the story.

Your pace is wonderful, your writing lyrical, and you build suspense so well. Your subtle lead ins let us know where in for a wonderful adventure.. Please let me know as soon as you upload more. Now I can't wait to read your other book...Backed with no doubt of your success Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

There are lots of books about witches on authonomy but very few with a character like Madelynn. And since that's probably the most important element of a novel, i feel this will do well. Backed. Lynn

Your character development is superb, especially that of Madelynn, and your use of imagery is excellent. A finely crafted and well written fantasy that is both enchanting and compelling. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning.

Hi there
A really compelling story that is well portrayed and beautifully described. You obviously have a great imagination and have been able to draw this into your story. Loads of magic, mystery and suspense.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I have heard that magic is luring others. At the same time, in your novel you have placed magic in a vital position and bring a character as a key player in your novel. A good dilution of character and magic as well as educational life are very attractive for readers. Congratulation for such a combination

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Seagulls
The Wildfire

Hi April,

While I can't say this my kind of story it has a good concept and is well written and I'm sure it find a market.

Ron

I am happy to back your delightful book. Very well written with great characters. Eunice- The Temple Dancer.

Realistic dialogue. Narative is flowing and easy to read. Yes, it will do nicely.

Hi April. I like this. Well crafted dialogue, an interesting domestic situation with the dissimilar twins, a bit of romance and a well realised mise en scene. A soupcon of mystery and a nice place to stop. It is working up a nice head of steam. KA.

Dear April,
Love the line about her heart fluttering for Wesley! This is young adult at it's best, even without the witchcraft. Universal themes that everyone can relate to. Nice job!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe

Please excuse the following message if I’ve already sent it to you. Sometimes I get confused! Thanks.

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Spell
By April Ikner

Hello April, sorry for the slight delay in reading, but its been one of those days. I've really enjoyed reading this. What a lovely story you have going on here. Your first chapter begins with the M.C's thoughts on love and relationships, which is told well through her voice. I've no idea of her age at this point, but I would say she sounds like a teen, around 14-15.
I loved her thoughts and feelings she has about Joey Francis, and how he treated her on their study night. Good descriptions and imagery, it gave me a grin as I could see her in my mind getting the hell out of there.

Chapter 1 - I find this refreshing to read and I like the humour to it to in her thoughts and feelings and in the dialoge. Its believeable and has had me smiling on many occasions throughout.
The scene where Mady's sister is looking for something to wear made me smile too, its a typical woman thing isn't it!
the way she meets Wesley is also goo and I like the scene of the jostling too and the sarcastic remarks her sister makes, just to get her own back on Mady for the remarks she made earlier about her ex.
You leave us with a feeling of something's not right and how come his cut healed so quickly. is there magic in the air? I will find out tomorrow. I have to read the rest of this, but will do it bit by bit each night.
A really lovely story that has a good pace and feel to it. I look forward to reading more.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

I only intended to read a little, but found myself spellbound. I read all that you've posted, and was disappointed there wasn't more. Utterly magical. Backed.

What a terrific intro to a fresh fantasy! Excellent thus far -

Backed!
Justis
Prestidigitations

I read three chapters and loved the camaraderie between Madelyn and Gisele. The coming of age story was lovely and Wesley is so right for a first love. He has a gentle tenderness about him and they are naively sweet together. I haven’t got to any sci-fi bit at the moment so can’t comment on that. You write in nice short punchy pieces, that move the story along nicely. Very enjoyable

Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a minute to take a look

Charmed times ten, the classic elements are here but for some reason, used more effectively than previous attempts which gives this a freshness. You capably build up the atmosphere and layer the story piece at a time, characters seem well defined, with their own distinct voices that stick in the mind and every supernatural image we ever had of witches and magic fly together in our minds to help the story flow. Very good.

Dear April, Thank you so much for backing "Annabella and Other Stories" and for calling my attention to "Spell." Because of time constraints, I've only had a chance to read two chapters, but this is enough to convince me that you are very good at one of the most important tasks of a fiction writer--character drawing. And no one has given a better description of love at first sight. Still, we wonder how it will turn out for Madelynn, and that introduces the essential element of suspense. I have to leave you now, but not without backing your promising novel--and expressing my hope that you'll take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville," my own love story, which takes place in an American country town nearly a century ago. Best of luck, Bill

this is such a terrible cliffhanger! but i can understand why you did it. =D

great voice and strong character.

me

This is so good! I was ready for the next chapter and it ended! You are quite gifted. Your dialogue and descriptive passages are terrific.

Hi April

I quite like the preamble, even though I generally disapprove of prologues. I prefer stories to get right into it. Nonetheless, I think this one sets the reader up nicely to look out for the romance that I think will drive the narrative along quite as much as the magic. Madelynn is a sympathetic believable heroine and the narration flows along nicely. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Excellent =] My friend backed you, and I can see why. Your MC has a nice strong voice, and the writing is top notch.
Backed happily.
~Zero, No Title Needed

I nearly didn't read this because your pitch has a very long sentence right at the start and I thought the book itself may be weighed down in this manner. Fortunately I decided to try the first chapter and I'm glad I did because this is a really different take on the usual witches story. I read on and now I'm left wondering what's going to happen to the lovers.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

HI APRIL 'SPELL'

pitch intriguing as Madelynn is faced with conflict , will magic save them, good entry, keeps the reader gressing.
now i'm under the SPELL already and reading more, thats called a 'GOTCHA'
this is a wonderful and beautiful constructed read and so captivating liked the preface about love and all that sort of thing.
that is until she meet JOEY now more guessing what is going to happen
this is a winner
backed
TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
if you have time look at mine back /comment if you can thanks

Maddy and Wes are likable and well developed. Your descriptions are vivid. For example, your description of Wes. You deepen your narrative with clever metaphors like 'putting myself on a mountaintop' and apt similies such as 'like it had been mauled by a blender.' Your dialogue is fresh, interesting and relevant. Your world-building is effective. Your pacing is spot on for my tastes.

Nits:
1) 'I was sure that there were couple out there that were madly in love.' The second 'that' should be 'who.' There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.
3) "Are you satisfied now Miss Sinclair or would you like me to put that into writing?" Commas before and after 'Miss Sinclair.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem.

This is an engaging paranormal romance. Backed.

Hello
I've added your book to my watch list because of what I have read so far. I enjoy your style and rhythm.
Oldwarrior

Hi - I enjoyed the beginning of this - read the preface and the first chapter. The preface seems quite unconventional to me - a character talking generally about love etc - but I'm not so familiar with this genre, and it certainly pulled me in. There's a definite voice there. I think there is a bit of editing to be done, as it seems a little overwritten in places. For example, in chapter one - second para - well, there's one thing we have in common, etc - you could cut appearances, add looks - simpler - and also cut 'that is' without loss of meaning. If you did that sort of thing all the way through it would become much smoother. Loved the way you sketched in the difference between the two here though. Backed. Tricia

Hi April,
This book is definitely a page turner. Having read your pitch I was drawn to reading further, and I'm so glad I did. I think from your synopsis alone your book would do well in any book store. One would read the first paragraph and want to buy it.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Ooooh, very enticing. Keeps you wanting to read more and more! I wouldn't change anything except the pitch - and my only critique is the first sentence. I think it runs a little long. You might want to change it to something like: 'Madelyn Sinclair, a freshman in college, believes that magic, especially true love, belongs only in the midst of a fairy tale.' and then start with a new sentence. That's it. That's all -otherwise, very well done!

This is a true fairy tale, not just in the premise but in your writing which is modern, sharp, fun but with a sense of magic. I enjoyed the interaction and play of dialogues between Wes and Madelynn and you had me hooked at the end of chapter 2, which is precisely how one should end a chapter - with an exciting line like yours.
I would pick this up in a book store and hope to do so soon.
Backed with pleasure.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

The book ended too soon!
What happened after Wes was screaming...?

It is a page turner, fast paced, magical tale - that keeps one on their toes. Beautifully crafted, pulled me right into the magical world - and oh - I so much want you to go on :)

You are a superb writer - and I can't wait to see this in stores.

Backed backed backed!

Johanna Kern

Hi April,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. You have been on my WL for a while and I have enjoyed my visits to your work. Spellbinding!

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hi April,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. You have been on my WL for a while and I have enjoyed my visits to your work. Spellbinding!

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hi April,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. You have been on my WL for a while and I have enjoyed my visits to your work. Spellbinding!

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

This might be interesting if we could read more of it

Placed Spell on our watchlist. Witches, magic, dark secrets...we love paranormal books.
CC Brown

Poor Joey, all set for a romantic evening ;^) 'This is my own fairy tale', nice intro.

Madelynn's young 'voice' is a delight: 'Ridiculous. Move on!' Judging by her lavish description of Wesley, she fell hard before she got knocked off. I don't know about love at first sight, but she's certainly got the hots for him. 'Shut up, tiny voice in my head, no one asked you'. He's got his own way with words ... that line about the town wrestling with a population problem. Nice rejoinder about his eyesight. 'He wouldn't know where to pick me up tomorrow', I bet he does. And the vanished scar confirms it. Giselle, 'I believe that a 'Thank you' is in order', you bet. 'So, what do you want to be when you grow up?' 'Your husband'. I'm beginning to wonder about these aunts ... the aunts' clubhouse? Well! What a place to leave it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perfect YA supernatural romance, April, done with an unusually light and amusing touch. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but has dark moments, and steamy moments, and lots of mystery thrown in. It's not my type of genre, and I'm not the target audience, but it kept me reading to the end ... backed.

Possible nits: I'd cut back slightly on the end of the first paragraph of the preface to avoid repetition and make it a bit snappier, e.g. '... and sweep me off my feet? What girl doesn't? Did I believe it could happen? Not likely.'

'couples out there that [who] were'. 'someone around that [who] made me laugh'. 'The sun occasionally dove behind clouds', maybe 'vanished' rather than the much more active 'dove'. 'perfectly flawless', a tad redundant. 'let me guess ... I guess he could'. 'saw Giselle ... saw me'.

Hey April,

I'm returning you're read;) I like this, has a young sweet feel in the beginning. I like the sisters interaction. Your MC is a thinker. I like that, except I find that it pulls the reader out of the story. You might try and push her thoughts along through dialogue a little more, and perrsonally, I think you could cut the preface by half. I found myself wanting to skim, but that might just be me!!;) I liked the hook at the end of chapter 1. Great job going on my shelf;) ttyl leah

Woah... first chapter was great! I enjoy a bit of cynicism when it comes to the definition of love in fairytales.. I loved the whole inner voice screaming at her to leave, because that is exactly what I would have done too!! HAHA great so far, I look forward to reading more. This just jumped onto my watchlist.

DJ.Berquist
http://dianajanesworld.weebly.com

This sounds great. I'm looking forward to reading this. I'm currently working through a novel about a witch as well as part three of a series I call the Forbidden Series. It's great to see stories like this. I love all the questions you pose in the briefing, it entrances the readers to want to seek those answers. Well done, and I look forward to checking out your story!

Just wow. Backed immediately of course. I want to read more though...
Best of luck!
- Ani

Witches. Hm.
Being a teenager, I love fantasy novels. And being a Harry Potter fan, I love witches.
Spells did not disappoint me. Your preface is intriguing, with just the right amount of suspense. Not too confusing, but not too revealing either. The Joey part was a nice touch.
And your first chapter is just as beautifully woven! I was so disappointed when "Spells" ended. And my! What a cliff-hanger!
I am happy to say that all your characters are well-defined, even the secondary ones. Giselle. Madelynn's sister. And Madelynn's belief in HEF is especially endearing.
A great read. Shelved happily.

Shriya
Till Death
http://www.thevault.6birds.net/

Very well written. I was engrosed in the story from the begining.
Good luck.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

This is absolutely first class english writing.
i don't put witch stories first on my favourites list but I'm glad i didn't miss this
Excellent credible descriptions of both people and situations
backed
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu

An excellent story with fascinating characters. Great dialogue and description too. Backed.

Carol

What a premise!! Exciting and spellbinding!
Backed with pleasure. Good Luck.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Whoa, this is absolutely amazing! Just my kind of book! Good luck with this!
-Beth Grace
-Deathnight

It's their clubhouse. Isn't that a black cat? What kind of club does your mom belong to? This is very natural and reminds me of my youth. The days of an aspiring shaman with the magic mushrooms that grew in the cattle pastures of my hometown. Witches and wizards indeed! "Every day is an adventure, something to look forward to." Exactly. Please upload more. Backed for now.

Oh wow what a cliff-hanger! Please add more soon!

I love the conversations between Madelynn and Wes, and I love the hint of mystery behind both of them. Your opening chapter was a very powerful hook - beautifully written - and the story has flowed nicely from there. I look forward to finding out what happens next.

Backed with pleasure
Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

Hi April. This will certainly be enjoyed by all witch fans. I think Madelynn's thoughts on love and romance really came across well. Although they're twins, Giselle's character was so different, which was a nice contrast. Backed with a good plot and backed by me! Best of luck with this and your other book too! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

Magickal, spellbinding...I couldn't stop reading until the very last word in chapter 5, and that is only because it was the last chapter posted. Charming character development of the main character..not quite sure of her Adonis yet, but I'm sure its coming. Referring to the women of the household as hens was great! It made me laugh, in fact, a lot of parts made me laugh out loud. Loved the descriptive language as well.
Just a few suggestions...some of your sentences seemed too long-particularly in the beginning. Its like trying to say everything at once, without taking a breath.
And in the conversation between "Maddy" and her man about superstition, I got lost as to whom it was exactly who was superstitious..maybe adding a "he said", or "she said" somewhere would help.
Can't wait to get to know the aunts, find out whats in that outbuilding, and prince charming's connection to witchcraft and magic plus he obvious skill that does not seem realized in Maddy yet.
I'm glad I put it on my bookshelf. I look forward to further reading. Happy to continue to back.
Kathy Segal
Twin Keepers

Your short pitch read well & I loved how you portrayed the trials and tribulations of Madelynn in such a short space. Your main submission, however, I feel suffers because of long sentences. I found these quite difficult & felt myself almost holding my breath from one to the next. Perhaps it would flow better with short sentences? - however, I am only a reader, not a trained writer. Nevertheless though, a good story which I think would also work well as a film. Paula (Cuthbert - How Mean is my Valley?)

April, This is amazing and has put a "Spell" on me...I can't get enough, what a cliff hanger, I truly hope your are going to upload more...and it is clear that this is your baby, because it is truly magical. Your MC's are delightful, charming, and honest. Your descriptive writing is superb not only visually but your emotional painting is delicate, almost poetic. Your dialogue is extremely natural and pulls us into this family circle with ease.

Though they are young, you can tell that Maddy and Wes know they are soulmates, and can feel they are truly as one, I so hope this has a happy ending, however, I fear whats coming next is a major turning point in the story.

Your pace is wonderful, your writing lyrical, and you build suspense so well. Your subtle lead ins let us know where in for a wonderful adventure.. Please let me know as soon as you upload more. Now I can't wait to read your other book...Backed with no doubt of your success Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Just wanted to say thanks for the backing, of both of my books, and I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story so much that you want more chapters. I sent you a message and will let you know when I plan to upload more. Thanks again for the wonderful and inspiring comment and for the backing!

A great commercial read! I can see the YA audience lapping this up. It has a good pace and snappy dialogue - reads very well despite a few minor 'nits' (typos and some choppy sentences etc)that could be fixed with a simple edit! This is thoroughly enjoyable read, a good example of light entertainment! Will need to read on to comment more precisely. Backed!

Yes, I know it needs work, am just gad that I put it on this site so that things that I didn't detect and probably wouldn't have detected on my own, are addressed. Thanks for the backing and comment and I am thrilled that you liked the story and will be back for more!

A great commercial read! I can see the YA audience lapping this up. It has a good pace and snappy dialogue - reads very well despite a few minor 'nits' (typos and some choppy sentences etc)that could be fixed with a simple edit! This is thoroughly enjoyable read, a good example of light entertainment! Will need to read on to comment more precisely. Backed!

April, This is amazing and has put a "Spell" on me...I can't get enough, what a cliff hanger, I truly hope your are going to upload more...and it is clear that this is your baby, because it is truly magical. Your MC's are delightful, charming, and honest. Your descriptive writing is superb not only visually but your emotional painting is delicate, almost poetic. Your dialogue is extremely natural and pulls us into this family circle with ease.

Though they are young, you can tell that Maddy and Wes know they are soulmates, and can feel they are truly as one, I so hope this has a happy ending, however, I fear whats coming next is a major turning point in the story.

Your pace is wonderful, your writing lyrical, and you build suspense so well. Your subtle lead ins let us know where in for a wonderful adventure.. Please let me know as soon as you upload more. Now I can't wait to read your other book...Backed with no doubt of your success Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart