MAXIMUS

Maximus is now under contract for publication. Please enjoy the short excerpt posted on authonomy.

I love a good Roman romance! Nice flow, with natural dialog that's in keeping with the time period - without being stilted! And dang - Max is hot!!! The intrigue and pace of the story keeps readers turning pages. Fits perfectly within the romance drama, but there's more to these characters and plot than just bodice-ripper style romance. I've watchlisted and will have on the bookshelf soon! Please post more so we can get our Maximus fix!

More, please! What a great start to a seemingly superb story. I would really like to read more if you have it because I am hooked on the story already!

Your writing is fluid and the story flows gently along like a calm river on a lazy summer day. The dialogue between the characters is dynamic and works very well to keep interest. The description of the time period makes one feel like they have been picked up and dropped into the very scenery/time period and that they are watching the whole story unfold from a close-in state. And that my friend, is great writing!

So...a few more chapters for us story-starved vultures? Please!

Absolutely backed,
Shelly Palmer

MAXIMUS
Christine Elaine Black

I truly enjoyed the reading of this story. As others have said, it leaves me longing for more. I do hope you post further chapters to this intriguing read.

I really like the way you have handled the feelings of Carissa. She is understandably rather abrasive toward Max in the beginning, but later begins to soften in her estimation of him. I like the description of how she struggles with her emotions. She is not obnoxious over her past resentment of him. I can appreciate the delicacy of portraying this without it becoming too wearisome and I believe you do that with great skill.

Max is just completely loveable. I really am attracted to his character. You have created him with such desirable attributes that it is no wonder Carissa is helpless when it comes to resisting him. Time will tell but it seems she is truly smitten.

All your characters are perfectly rounded out to complement the story thus far. I would give much to read the rest of this novel about a time we have seen from a rather staid perspective. Well . . . except for Cleopatra and the Romans she was involved with. This story has a totally different flavor and I find it fascinating.

Backed with enthusiasm.

Thank you for backing my book, A King in Time. I am very grateful for your encouragement.

Mary Enck

Wild!

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

A very nice reading which could be termed as highly remarkable and deserves 6 stars. Will put it on my book shelf soon.

Hi again Elaine. I thought that chapter 1 was well written and it captured my attention from your first words. The following eight chapter 1's I thought were a touch repetitive!!!
I was looking forward to reading more of your story but there's nothing but chapter 1's???
This could be the literary equivalent of Beethoven's unfinished symphony!
Short but sweet.
Reasonable Force has built up a good following. But I need all the help I can get. If you've read it and enjoyed my piece of work, I would appreciate you slinging it up on your shelf for a moon or two.
Best of luck, Sully.

Excellent. You have really captured the spirit of Rome in this Novel, as well as some of the intricacies of love. I am excited to read the Sequel. I would like to see a little more of the background behind Charissa

Great first chapter. It let me know immediately where the story was going on drew me in. There was no lagging in the story which held my complete attention and kept me reading. It is well written and easy to read. I have put you on my watch list and given you a well deserved high star rating. I will be back to read more and let you know what I think.

I hope you can get a chance to look at Menopause. A dark comedy about a menopausal serial killer who kills all the “bad” people she has known throughout her life in order to make the world a better place.

I am fairly new to authonomy and I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Best of luck - Thanks. Helen

Gripping story. But, I would name the ravine something other than "malfortuna" - sounds too contrived for the story. Perhaps name it bonafortuna instead and play on the contradiction.
Also, why is the first chapter repeated several times on the same page?

I hope you have good luck with publication. I have an unpublished Roman era novel that I might upload soon. Quintus is about a speculator working for the Roman garrison in Jerusalem at the time of Christ.

Best of Luck,
Kent North

This is very good. You give the feel of the era without any specifics but it still feels 'Roman'.
A little more descriptive detail might improve.
There is a fashion for not using greetings like 'Ave.' because it sometimes pulls you out of the read.
In the section beginning Carissa heaved a sigh, three paras start with Carissa. You may want to vary it a bit.
But it's very good.
Backed.

Maximus is now under contract for publication. Please enjoy the short excerpt posted on authonomy.

Wow! Simon Scarrow and Harry Sidebottom have some major competition here! (To be honest I think this is actually better than some of Harry Sidebottom's novels and I don't care what his agent says to the contrary). Your narrative is superb, a very accomplished piece of historical fiction and it deserves top marks.

Best of luck,

Jack

My husband reads quite a lot of historical fiction set in Roman times. I love the twist you have put on your work, combining those type of tales with romance. First time I have come across it and found it very enjoyable.

You narrative and dialogue flow very well and feel natural. The short chapters are snappy and easy to be drawn into.

Max and Carissa are intriguing characters and I would love to know where and how their paths have crossed. Why did she know the scar so well? What mystery is Milo holding in his head?

I particularly liked your description of the Gregorian family tree extending its conniving branches.

I agree with other people here- Max is hot! On my WL. In really liking this already

I agree with other people here- Max is hot! On my WL. In really liking this already

I love this :)

Jess

Really set a nice hook and the story line grabs quickly. The characters are well established and the descriptions are well done. Enjoyed what I read. Highly rated and backed.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

MAXIMUS.
By Christine Elaine Black.

Such a really good opening to this book…enough to engage the reader.
You capture well the time period with wonderful phrases and colorful description.
We begin to question Carissa’s attitude toward Max, the roman soldier.
After all he’s trying to help rescue Caius from a cliff edge but is constantly rebuffed by Carissa.
She alone knows the reason. Caius is utterly captivated by Max and doesn’t understand his mother’s ill feelings toward a perfectly nice soldier…but it’s there alright…something in the past.
I found that Carissa came across with a strong personality…she can certainly look after herself with a bow and arrow nearby.
You describe well her father, Milo Valerious, with a touch of dementia…I like that, it helps the reader to view the scene fully.
There’s trouble brewing as Max decides to settle close by in the vicinity. He already feels the resentment for him by Carissa, at the same time he’s aware of her beauty.
The feeling is getting mutual as she observes the good points about him, however there’s a dark past waiting to surface…great writing!
Pleased to star- rate your book ‘Maximus’ high and to place it on my shelf.
Well done, Christine!!

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.

I don't read romance these days, but what you have here is a tantalizing tale of love, power, and revenge. Way more than a romance--this is epic. Well done. Highly rated. Will be back for more. JKinkade

I love historical fiction and so I was drawn to give this a look. I have not read much Roman historical fiction, and so this book piqued my curiosity.

Your write in an easy and even-handed style that makes the text flow. I read from chapter to chapter without stopping and without any hesitation. I found no typos, no sentences that jarred me or awkward turns of phrase. You use just enough description so I could picture everything you described, but it was sparse so it didn't burden the text with too much heaviness.

I would love to read more! I think you will do very well with this and I can't imagine you will have a hard time finding a publisher or an agent! Good luck. I will give this a turn on my shelf when I can.

My novel also explores historical fiction with a somewhat Roman theme - but in a different country. Come check it out if you get the chance I would love to hear what you think of it.

- Rena (Bunderful)

Hi Christine,

I was assigned 'Maximus' as a reading review on another website just a week or two ago - I loved it then and love it now. Great writing altogether. All the very best with it! ...I've stuck it on my shelf!

Jacqueline Flynn

Dear Christine this is very important. I have just come back from a three day seminar with the RNA - Romanatic Novelist association we had lots of editors and publishers doing one to one reviews but also doing seminar lectures saying what they were looking for. Carloline Hogg is an editor for Sphere ( Little Brown) she went through what they were looking to sign up can you believe it was Roam era with a womans story. I Caught her at the end and said she should look on Authonomy for Maximus and gave her a rough pitch on your book. If I were you I would send her or Harper Collins your first three chapters and a synopsis on what Maximus is about. She was very interested and thanked me for pointing her in your direction. I told her I loved it and it was worth taking forward. Very best of luck with it let me know how you get on. I'll share a bottle of Champange with you when you are published. Good Luck Sue Xx Knowing Liam Riley

RWCG Critique:

Title: Powerful.

Plot & Pacing: It’s a pity so little is uploaded, but I think I got good feel for where you were going with this. The story moves along at a nice pace and I didn’t see any major inconsistencies or holes in the plot. I’m always up for a good, historical romance, so this story works for me.

Characters: Good, multi-dimensional characters. At first, Max seems like the stereotypical soldier, but it isn’t long before you draw out his character and the reader finds out there’s so much more than meets the eye. Just in the small amount uploaded, we’ve already discovered he bears a scar from a past mistake, has a soft-spot for children, and possesses a perceptive nature. His interaction with Old Milo shows the depth of his kindness. Carissa holds a lot of anger, and although we haven’t discovered what Max did to her all those years ago, you’ve dropped enough hints to where I am yearning to find out.

POV, sentence structure, dialogue: What can I say? Flawless.

I really liked what I read of the story. It’s unfortunate there isn’t more posted. This is one of those books I would have finished. Good job and good luck!

RWCG Maximus

Title-fine for the genre. Not enough of the book uploaded for me to say if there could be a better one.

Plot- With what was uploaded I didn’t see any issues. The Pitch could be fine tuned something about the sentence “Remembering him from years ago, and his shocking mistreatment of her, gives Carissa an opportunity to even the score.” Seems forced. I can’t put my finger on it.

Pacing- Could be a little faster. Only issue is with Carissa repeating her hatred of Maximus. I understand not giving away what he did to her, but saying the same thing over and over gets tedious. Instead tell us the visceral effect it has on her system. Does the thought of him make her stomach cramp? Cause a shot of pain through her left eye? Make her fist instantly clench? Does that make sense?

Characters- Are well developed. You give a clear picture of who they are as people. Even the grandfather and son have been explained in a way that lets us understand their personalities. When explaining them it was done in a natural way that evolved from the story being told. It wasn’t forced and you introduce them perfectly.

POV- Probably the most perfect POV I’ve seen on authonomy. You create two different voices and you keep them in their own head. Making assumptions based on the other characters instead of stating it as a fact. Wonderful job. I’m a little jealous.

Style- I love that you use words like “Cubit” and “Ulla”. It’s the little things that remind the reader that they are in ancient Rome. But you write in a contemporary style that makes it easy to read.

Sentence level- Not much to say. You have good sentence structure. There was only one thing I saw one time, when saying God or Gods you have to capitalize God. I know I’m harsh. Grammar and punctuation seem clean to me. Nothing knocked me out of the story.

Dialogue- Would like to see more of it, but with who Carissa is a character I understand that she’s tight lipped. Can’t make them do what they won’t. Max tries but without a crowbar he’ll never get the words out of her. Caius sounds like a 12 year old.

Originality- Formula’s work. They are there for a reason.

Overall I liked the story and would have kept reading if more was available. I’d like to see how Maximus heals wounds he doesn’t remember making.


Star rated

Hi Elaine,

Maximus is a well-written historical romance. I like how you immerse readers in the Roman Empire, keeping the plot and characters genuine and believable to the time period. Carissa is an admirable female protagonist. She is strong, independent, intelligent, and protective of her family. Max is a complex character from the beginning. I'm curious to read more about his background in subsequent chapters. Well done!

Stars and backing for Maximus! :)

Deb

I finally read the extra chapters you gave me to read. :) Love them! Knew I would Elaine! But still unsatisfied without the complete story. Would love to read on! You are a natural storyteller, and I never get to read from this era, but I love it! I've enjoyed the emotion and thought processes of Max and Carissa, their feelings showing. This is just what I like. So....Please...more?? :)
Ellise ;)

Hi Christine,

I love Roman historical fiction so I thought I'd give your book a shot, and I've got to say so far I've not been disappointed as I read. You introduce the characters quite well, and that makes me want to read more. Here's a few comments to consider if you're rewriting/editing at all. Just some things I thought of as I was reading.

Chapter 1

“Each child of the family was part of the Gregorian tree, (which extended) its branches into...” (Perhaps clearer to avoid the “its” referring back to each child.)

“hard(-)working farmers”

When you say “The stranger intended to...” and then outline how he’s going to rescue Casius isn’t that telling instead of showing? Would it be more effective to have him outline the plan either to Casius or Carissa?

I thought the description of how Max climbed out of the ravine “grappling with rocks, dirt and grass” was a little awkward. It’s a great idea, but just the wording didn’t quite capture the moment and movement.

Chapter 2
It seems a strange switch as Max is showing Caius how to tie knots in the rope, then all of a sudden you say he’s frustrated but won’t say why. It doesn’t seem to fit.

I’m picking up a sort of Western novel flavour here with the horse and the dust and the rope on the saddle, are you a fan? I am as well, so it doesn't detract for me.

You describe Carissa's figure a couple times, and describe Max as handsome, but I'd personally like to see them a little more clearly. Hair colour, eye colour, facial shape and features, bone structure, height, all of those little details make the reader picture the characters right from the get-go. If you can weave it in I think it would enrich the read.

I’m out of time for the time being, but this is a story I’ve actually enjoyed reading. The characters and premise are both interesting, and the writing flows smoothly enough that I can read without editing mentally non-stop. I’ve highly starred this, and backed it, and hope I’ll have time to come back and read more. If you get a chance to take a look at my historical fiction novel also set in Rome please do so and let me know what you think!

All best wishes for your success,

Nathan Maki – A War Within

Hi Chrissy, ranking going well. You will have my backing by next week, just tyring to process my watchlist in a more efficient way by giving most a fair chance.

oh and I forgot to add... Backed with pleasure!

Christine....

All I can say is.... I need more!!!

I am completely and utterly hooked. 3 chapters are so teasing, I don't know whether to thank you for a fantastic read or be angry that there isn't more. Obviously, I speak in jest...

Absolutely fascinating, great story and dialogue and very loveable characters. Maximus... my my what a hunk!!

Please do let me know when you have added to it, I've added to the WL but would like to be notified ASAP.

I hope you know jus how good you are and you persist with this (for my own selfish reasons mainly)

Best of luck, 6*, I'd give more if it was possible.

Rebecca

What can I say other than excellent. There was mystery and sexual tension from the get go and I loved every moment. I caught myself thinking ahead at what had transpired to make Carissa so angry with Max. Why did she hate him so.

The only negative thing I can say here is . . . why not more? I need more chapters, I want to know what happens next, how will they come together? Why was Max sent away in house arrest? What did he do that was so wrong to be cast aside?

Wonderful romance. Loved it--you got me hook, line and sinker!

Lisa / Cheyenne - A Timeless Series Novel, Book One

Ch. 4: “It was better to starve than be indebted to a man.” Hahahaha. (:o)

I’m not a big reader of romance, but I think you introduce the budding attraction Carissa has for Max in a convincing way; and the mystery about when and where she knew him (and her curiosity about whether he’ll remember her) is an enticing detail.

Ch. 5: Just a bit into this chapter and I’ve already started to wonder if Caius is Max’s son. That’s a nice touch.

Max’s exile to the backwater made me think of Carlo Levi’s “Christ Stopped at Eboli.” Have read it? There’s a movie, too.

Ch. 6: “[The] all stared for a moment, struck silent by the young man’s looks.”

Ah-hah, I knew it. (I don’t think you telegraphed it, though.) You set it up really well, credibly so.

I don’t think you need to italicize this chapter; the reader will understand that it’s a scene from the past.

Ch. 7: Excellent chapter. I was totally involved in the action of the story. The three of them taking care of Max is a solid strategy to assure reader engagement.

Ch. 8: “I do hope you were not disturbed [last night] by the commotion that went on in here, [last night.]”

This chapter comes to a rather abrupt end, making me wonder if it’s finished.

All in all, though, a superb job. Six stars for now, and I’ll try to get it on my bookshelf soon.

Rob

Christine:

I’ve read three chapters so far, and I’m captivated by your work. First, and foremost, it’s an excellent story. I feel immediately caught up in the lives of Carissa, Caius and Max (and grandpa to a lesser extent, though I believe he has something really important to offer). The language is outstanding; obviously you know your craft. I believe it’s exceedingly important to use prose that doesn’t unnecessarily call attention to itself, and you’ve succeeded in doing that here, allowing the story to shine through without distraction. I intend to read on, and I will comment further in the process. I took a few notes while reading, and I include them here.

Ch. 1: paragraph 14 (I think). “It was likely a native of these parts on [their] (his) way to a nearby homestead.” Or: “It was likely a native of these parts, a man or woman on their way to a nearby homestead.”

I’m not certain why you have the extra spaces between contiguous scenes in the first chapter—a formatting error, perhaps—but I think the whole chapter would read just as well without the spaces.

I very much like this chapter; it’s an excellent way to start. The action is immediate, gripping. The reader is virtually thrown into the lives of Carissa, Caius and Max. Your prose is strong because it’s pared down to the essentials—no wasted words. You focus on the right images, allowing the reader to envision the scenes according to his/her prior understanding.

Ch. 2: “He laughed wildly and Max realized [the] he was babbling about his past life, recalling a past incident from decades ago.”

This is an excellent chapter as well. You are a confident and capable storyteller. I’m really involved in the story already. Good job.

Ch. 3: “As soon as she moved back into the outside world she might be exposed [as to] (for) who she really was.”

I already had a positive opinion regarding your work, but having finished this third chapter I can say with certainty that you are an excellent writer. I especially like the simple prose, which allows the story to shine through without the distraction of difficult language. I don’t know if this is a completed novel or how much you’ve shopped it around if it is, but I definitely feel there should be a spot in the marketplace for this work.

Rob

Elaine - taken on this read with no literary training nor ever published so feel freeto deal with my comments as you wish. I do enjoy HF, albeit the Romans a time I'm less well informed on.

Interesting enough start with a scene setting up someone as a main character, not initially clear who. Carissa's concerns for her son are clear enough and the initial build is good. I'll make these notes in the form I took on the read so you can see my thought processes. I do enjoy this opening but feel you've put some road/read bumps into the readers way that take away the flow of the story.

The use of latin 'misfortuna' left me with mixed feelings but certainly not sufficient to stop reading.

As Carissa ducks down behind the rock you almost lead us away from the story with information about the aged Emperor and roaming gangs. Perhaps keep the gangs and lose the emperor for now. With the appearance of the stranger the use of latin in what is otherwise a neat opening scene becomes confusing. I'm taken away from the read I'm enjoying to ponder what 'Ave' means, why he calls he 'Ulla', is this a typo or does it mean something akin to 'good lady', and then you tell me the ravine is called malfortuna - when you first used that name I understood she was thinking malfortuna because her son was in trouble.

The story is good but just in that first section, there are sufficient unknown words to cause the reader, and agent, to pause. As I said just my thoughts.

The scene otherwise is very much show and not tell. The bringing together of th three characters and their interaction works well. There's a history there too, so we've some intrigue and the dialogue and response suggests a relationship/freindship between Caius and Max may well be in the story line. You've given us sufficient we wish to know more. I was a little surprised at the totality of Carissa's coldness, and feel slightly overdone.

This Chapter has been uploaded in a somewhat long format. Need to break it down. It's this first Chapter that pulls us into the rest of the book. You've marked Chapter 2 so perhaps upload it in that format.

From here I'll move into the story itself and Chapter 2 steps away at a nice pace. The intro to Max works with his background, and when he left it to 'fortuna', with a toss of the coin grinned along with him. Max may be the MC, its still unclear but his character works. Then just when I think I've got the story I start into Chapter 3 and really see Clarissa. This is excellent.

OK Chapter 3 and I'll stay with the story. No typos nor suggestions to improve grammar so far. You've used Latin to set the period and not used overly difficult to remember names. I'd like to see just a little more backdrop in the scenes to set the period. Until now it's been somewhat difficult but here you have an estate, a kitchen, and cooking. Descrive the villa more; are there servants?, where is the water drawn from; we do have a maid but give us more to paint this rich picture of a roman estate that was once grand.

The story still flows and I've nothing to suggest for the characters; I'm enjoying this part of the read.

Chapter 2 on Authonomy and your storyline is clear and I'm enjoying it. The build on the romance is there, neat twists with the apples, and the delight of the boy with everything Max seems to do. And Max keeps returning to her, her in her thoughts, with firewood, there is a steady build that works and is highly believable.

By the end of your Chapter 5, the story is clear enough and that works along with the characters themselves who are particularly good. I'd personally prefer slightly more pace but this is also a romance and I'm not your target audience.

I would suggest you review the historical detail just a little. There was perhaps too much in that opening scene, and, for me at least, a wish to read more later on. But overall a good read. Best. Steve.

Hi Christine I've read the first three chapters of Maximus and have the following comments.

1. Your hook and synopsis are very well written. They are clear and concise and exactly what an editor/agent would want to see in a query.
2. You've said that you are aiming for the historical romance market. I think your work is very suitable for that market and you have a sound grasp of what readers in that market expect.
3. Your grasp of Point of View (POV) is sound and we're clearly in one character at a time. Very well done.
4. Historical detail: again very nice and woven into the story.
5. Conflict: lots of it, and immediately apparent from your synopsis as well as your opening chapters.
6. Characterization: while we know whose POV we're in, I'm not sure that the characters are sufficiently different. We get a clear grasp of the story, but what makes your characters tick? Their language/internal voice should be unique, as should their dialogue.
7. Sense of place: I'd like to feel more of the world you've created. The ravine is referred to rather than us really knowing what it looks like (rock colours/vegetation/layout etc.). You also have the potential for sounds/smells/sunlight etc. etc.

I hope the above makes sense. You are a very talented writer and have obviously spent a lot of time and effort in getting your craft issues right. For this market, that is absolutely essential. For me, it reads as if you're now ready to take it to the next level. Get us deeper into the world, free up your characters.

If your market is Historical Romance, then I recommend Romance Writers of America. Have a look at their website. With membership you can access all sorts of resources including online workshops and contests as well as potential editors and agents. Apologies if you're already aware. The very best of luck with your quest for publication. With your talent and your grasp of the genre, I'm sure it's only a mater of time. Backed and starred. All best, Collyn Gale. (The Canterbury Witnesses.)

Maximus
Fiction, 3rd person multiple.

Very compelling and engaging, well written. This is one of the few books on this site that has kept me reading all the way to the end of what is posted. One of the few that I'd keep reading if more was offered.

Outstanding characters, good, tight plot, the dialog is well done and natural. I like the way that the back story is handled.

There were a few instances where the POV shifted. For example. when Max's wound is doused and Carissa shushes him. The next paragraph switches into the boy's POV. It made sense and I wouldn't mention it, except it pulled me briefly out of the story.

IMO, Carissa shouldn't be refered to as a "girl" as she's a mother. Even later, Max corrects his thinking, but IMO, it doesn't make sense.

I'm quite impressed with this book and the very professional and polished style. Excellent.
Raechel
Echo

Ahhh! Is this all you have?! I love it! You have to finish this wonderful story and tell me when you have, for I will gladly back you and rate your work. Thanks for the terrific read! And please...finish!

Ellise :)

Excellent! I must keep reading! :)

I like your story already, Elaine. These first chapters are intriguing. I want to find out the mystery of their relationship. Of course, I suspect that Max is the boy's father, that he must have taken advantage of her, but I'm merely guessing, which I always do when I'm reading. I enjoy that. I will read the rest and comment. This is great so far!

Ellise

I stumbled across this story while trawling and am glad I did. Very well written. I'm just a reader here and not much for giving technical advice so I'll just say that I enjoyed reading what was offered.

I liked the way the author set up the story at the beginning. Didn't waste any time. I would buy this book if I saw it at the store.

Hi Elaine. I'm reading Maximus and quite enjoying it. There's lots of questions going through my mind. What did Carissa do to cause them to live in poverty? What did Max do to her? And, is Max the father of Caius? I 'm intrigued to find out the answers. Carol

Elaine,
What a great tale you have here. Love and revenge set in a period which holds many of us enthralled. All of your characters are well defined, with believable dialogue and reactions. Max is intriguing, with his bad boy background and whatever current situation has him under house arrest. I like the pace of your writing and the clever integration of backstory. Only wish that you had posted more...plus must be one of the most inviting book covers on here:) Best of luck with this. Happy to back as soon as I can.

Babs

I would like to tell you that I enjoyed what you have put up of your book so far. It's not perfect, but definitely promising and I would enjoy reading more if you have more to put up. :)

Jasmine Qureshi
To Catch A Falling Angel

This is really good so far! I love Milo, so far he is my favorite charcter, maily because he is so believeable. He is so endearing. I lknow a few older people like him. The pace of the story is good, but i must say that i got a little confused on the first memory scene with her and Max. But that could also just be my own ineptitude as a reader.

Maximus by Christine Elaine Black

My Strategy is to comment on single chapter of a work. I nitpick for a living (book doctor) so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t suit you.. I do ask that you take a peek at Whither Thou Goest and, if you think it’s ready for publication, please back it. Thanks!

Chapter 3

Watch for too many passive sentences. “Women crowded” is more immediate than “Woman were crowding.” Passive sentences: Carissa had been told, rumors were whispered, there was tapping,

In the italicized section, you have a mixed point of view. We see Carissa’s impression of the man, and the man’s view of her as younger than he’d expected. Contemporary editors prefer each scene to be in a single point of view – in other words, to be seen through the eyes of a single character. Ideally, this would be the character with the most at stake, who is most passionately invested in the action.

Your narrative is pretty heavy with romance novel clichés – achingly handsome man built like a warrior, large innocent eyes, chiseled jaw, girlish figure. You want to tap into the tradition of romance novels while avoiding sounding like a caricature of them. Your characters should be as unique and full of personality as any person you see around you in a crowded place – even though the setting is historical and the clothing old-fashioned. This is true also of your dialogue – You have to teeter between keeping it in line with the era and still having it sound like real, distinct people. From my read just of chapter 3, your characters seemed to be dressed up for the time and reciting their lines, but with no feel of individuality or authenticity. I would really recommend spending some more time on developing your characters first as people before casting them into the era and the story.

This is just my opinion, so please disregard if you think I’m out of line.

I love a good Roman romance! Nice flow, with natural dialog that's in keeping with the time period - without being stilted! And dang - Max is hot!!! The intrigue and pace of the story keeps readers turning pages. Fits perfectly within the romance drama, but there's more to these characters and plot than just bodice-ripper style romance. I've watchlisted and will have on the bookshelf soon! Please post more so we can get our Maximus fix!

Hi Christine, Maximus is a cracking story, fulfilling everything that a good romance requires, conflict, complications which seem insurmountable, lively characters inclined to do their own thing - especially when that is likely to thwart the way of love. And all of it is beautifully, carefully writen.

The only query I have is that you describe this as historical, after saying that the Roman period you set it against is fictional. Lovers of history might feel short changed, which means you have alienated them as potential readers and buyers, and that could be quite a large number of people. It would not require all that much more research (you obviously have done some) to go the whole hog and find a real historical era, perhaps a less popular one than recent writers have chosen, since the history is not a major part of your story's plot-line. You would immediately establish more authority and lift the book out of romantic fantasy and into historical (and romantic) fiction. Do think about this, as you have a very good story indeed here.

I have starred it well and shall shelve it soon. Good luck. I hope to read more, on paper, and soon!
Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

Entertaining read. I have no real criticism to make. The narration was lively and it jaunted along at a nice quick pace. Characters were believable. The dialogue at the beginning felt a little stilted, but it may have been just me trying to settle into it.

Nice work,
Joe

This is a wonderful story that deserves a publishing contract. Best of luck with it!

I stumbled across this when I noticed it was on another's bookshelf. I am impressed. It has a great storyline. I read it and am hungry for more. My favorite part was the beginning when Carissa considers to leave her boy's rescuer stranded. It is a very unexpected plot twist!

Backed and rated high.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

I wish I could give a fabulously lengthy review like everyone else, but I think it's all been said. Haha, keep up the excellent work and I look forward to the rest!

A joy to read. Beautifully written, with strong, believable characters that leap from the page. The story is engrossing and compelling, the dialogue sings.
Love it and will definitely buy it when it hits the bookshops, where it belongs.
Lots and lots of luck with it and backed, of course.
Anna (A Man Assured of Honour)

Its like a perfect opening to a film. Carissa and Max obviously have a history but what about? Why is she so afraid of him? He comes over as a nice guy is she mistaken? I love your use of dialouge you have not attempted to confuse us with some weird dialect. You write with a modern twist and it works so well. Happily shelved and starred.
Amelia
A Date in the Diary